Crossdressers-Haven.com

. That was not a good subject line.

What I am wondering an asking you fellow ladies is. How many of you use false padding in your way of becoming en femme and why.

ok, Let me ramble a minute so you will understand better what I am asking as I am so confused.

Yesterday, I bought a long of ladies clothing as yard sales. I truly started looking at these sales for my wife as she needs some new work pants but in doing so I found some things for my daughter and for my CD side. I did not start out looking for myself as I am not truly happy with that side of me as of yet.

Well I bought some tops I like and two pair of cut off's I truly liked for me. Well, The tops are too short so they will go to my daughter and daughter in law. But to get to the point, the shorts actually fit me better than my man shorts. I can't tell them from my man shorts other than the company that made them and the size says 16 in one and 18 in the other when my man shorts say 38 or 36. I am wearing them all time now as they are more comfortable.

All of this got me to thinking about when I decide I am ready for a truly en femme make over to outing. DO YOU HAVE TO ADD THE PADDED PANTIES SO I WILL HAVE THE GIRLY BUTT OR NOT. I will most likely wear a girdle to hide my stomach but that I have had in my manly days of dating too. I am so confused as to do I have to be a false girl or real. With my work, I can't wear long hair I do not think as it is not professional. I have to be professional at work in dealing with hospital administrators and CFO's everyday. So a wig is in order but is that being false too, Bra's with false boob's, and so when are we truly ladies and when are we false ladies. How real are real ladies.

Hi Gelinda,

I understand the quandry, and have a few questions and comments for you. They may require hard answers.

What is a false woman?
In my opinion I am not false. I exist within this body much as a Genetic Girl has her body. I am real. The package may have some issues.

Can you seperate the ideal from the practical?
My self image is defined in my head not anyone elses. I look out into the world and discover that just like this Man body I inhabit now, Womens bodies come in all sizes and shapes. I accept this shape and make changes were and when we can.

What is the ideal you are striving for?
Are you striving to become so different that in public as a female you cannot be recognized with any hint as the man who works with administrator and CFO's? Are you experiencing that side of yourself that finds real comfort when dressed as a female?

Is the image of self that you now try to wrestle with willing to accept that sometimes womens clothing, shoes, attitudes may be a better fit than you first thought? For me womens shoes fit my arch and foot soooo much better than man sizes. I have running shoes that are more comfortable and wear more evenly, dress flats that do not wear out as quickly, panties that are extremely comfortable allowing for a greater range of movement. Wish I would have tried this sooner , the comfort cannot be beat.

What is a false MAN?
Is it in his head or does it happen on the body as well? Does a strategically placed sock constitue a false hood? Perhaps a toupee or hair plugs could also. How about the "William Shatner" corset, is that false? Grecian (?) for men gets the grey out, is that false? It's different? HOW?

Can a " Real Ladie" wear mens clothing all the time looking more like a truck driver than a beauty queen?

What is a "Real Ladie"?

Aislin is.

Aislin

Gelinda,

When I wear a bra (and I certainly don't always wear one), I sometimes put a little something in it--if I want something in it. That's pretty much it for any kind of padding. And that's about as much as I trouble myself about it. My situation and my desire determine how much--or how little--I dress. Right now I'm completely en drab except for a pair of small, heart-shaped, golden earrings (studs). Quite a few TG's would think this doesn't even count, but it means something to me.

If you feel like having a snack, you don't need to starve yourself and you don't need to consume the fatted calf in one sitting; just have a snack.

Yours,
Celia

and so when are we truly ladies and when are we false ladies.

Hi Gee,

That's really a matter of perspective. You are as much a lady as you feel. Personally I use every advantage out there. I pad my butt and my hips. I cinch my waist, I use tape and forms to enhance my cleavage, I wear a wig, I wear colored contacts, I use polish on my teeth. So you can tell there is not much about my outer appearance that is "real"

What is "real" about me is my heart, how I feel about wanting to be the best lady I can be. I have too much respect for women not to present myself in the best possible way that I can.

My personal opinion is that you are truly a lady with your actions, not how well you fill a dress.

Hugs,
Stef

Stef Quote:
My personal opinion is that you are truly a lady with your actions, not how well you fill a dress

Is that is the part that bothers me the most I think Stef, In your first Paragraph you tell me about all the things you do to look like a lady but then you make the statement about. I am very confused about them both.

When I do get brave enough to go total en femme and be out, am I doing to please me or the rest of the world. I have a hang up on this point I know. I think it may be one of the reason's my wife hardly ever wears war paint. I do want to look like a lady but do I have to have all the pads and tape etc to do it and if that is what it is going to take then am I really doing it for me or the world so I do not get caught.

I know I am spliting hairs here but I am very concerned over this one. I am a very hetero one woman man so if I am putting all those pads on am I doing it to be looked at by men. Then I ain't going to do it. What would I be doing it for?????? I will never be able to look as you do with a billion dollars worth of false stuff on this old body. I have my doubts whether or not I would be able to pass at all with any of the padding and all. An when I open my mouth to talk the game is over, too deep a voice.

Aistin: I am working on the answers to the questions you sposed. I love the questions as it is making me think about all the sides of this issue but boy is it hard to look at the maybe's of it all.

Celia: I truly see your point also. I think that is the root to my problem with my internal self and CD at this point. I want to understand and do but what is right for me???????????????



Thanks Ladies

Is that is the part that bothers me the most I think Stef, In your first Paragraph you tell me about all the things you do to look like a lady but then you make the statement about. I am very confused about them both.

Gee, the reason I do what I do is a part of my personality. I'm a tinkerer and as such I kept tinkering with my dressing to see how I would look if I did this or if I did that and I liked the results. I will never be satisfied with my looks and will continue to try new things to change it. Some work, some fail miserably, but that's just how I am. I don't think it would make me any less a lady if I didn't add all the "options" I just like my looks better this way. It boils down to what you are comfortable doing.

am I doing to please me or the rest of the world

I think it's a mixture of both, wouldn't it please you if you pleased the rest of the world?

I honestly wouldn't worry about the voice as much as you do. A good friend once told me people hear what they see. If they see a lady then they will hear a lady. She was right. My voice used to be my biggest worry and the funny thing is that now people compliment me about my voice and I haven't deliberately tried changing it for some time.

Hugs,
Stef

Stef you are amazing. Thanks for the insights.

Aislin

Thanks Aislin!!

It's my pleasure! I just hope I can help.

Hugs,
Stef

Thanks Stef and Ashlin, You are both God sent to help me and I am sure others.

I am just so confused as to what i want or wear this is leading and not being able to talk in person with anyone about it is the hardest part. I am going to tell the wife in the near future but I have to wait until she is on her medicine for the change of life first.

Some times I just want to run over a mack truck with my truck too end the confusion. I have not slept for 2 nights at all thinking about this and where it will lead me.

It was a blessing to find out I was not crazy or gay or anything else that it is some what normal. In the oldest child in a family, etc etc. But not to understand it and being perfectionist, some times I do not know. At least if I made one of these Coal truck run me over the wife would be RICH and would never have to go thru the confusion of understanding.

Gelinda Going to pray about this for a while. What does God think about CDing another question. Answer one question to think of 10 more, where is the end. I think I need sleep getting crazy. )))))) ~~~~~ looks good right now.

Gee,

I understand your pain. It was not that long ago that I felt the same way you do. It took time for me to sort through all the thoughts in my mind. I so wish that there was something that someone could say or do to just erase your pain.

This is not an easy life if it was everyone would do it!

Hugs,
Stef

Gelinda wrote; When I do get brave enough to go total en femme and be out, am I doing to please me or the rest of the world. I have a hang up on this point I know. I think it may be one of the reason's my wife hardly ever wears war paint. I do want to look like a lady but do I have to have all the pads and tape etc to do it and if that is what it is going to take then am I really doing it for me or the world so I do not get caught.

Gelinda,

I too thought that padding would be an obvious requirement for me, but found out that especially on the hips and buttocks it took away from the sensuous feelings the clothes give me. So no padding there for this Gal.

It would not please me if I could please the rest of the world. Just like perfection it is an impossibility. I have enough of my own problems with out taking on such a heavy burden. I don't need that extra baggage, though I once thought that it too was a necessity requirement.

I don't know if this helps any, but it sounds like you are one the right path.

I wish you well.

Again, I can only speak for myself. I posted some info that I found in the May issue of "First" magazine. It describes various clothing that can be worn to show off your good points and other ways to hide things.
Related to the "confusion" I got passed that when I discovered the mirror.
When you dress and look in the mirror, you have to ask yourself - "Who do I see?" Do you simply see a guy in a dress, or do you see a woman, expressing herself through you? If you see a guy in a dress, well all I can say is "you just ain't there yet!" If you see a woman expressing herself through you then you now have a responsibility to her to meet her expectations. As Stef said that is when you begin experimenting with different appearances through dress, make-up, wigs, whatever, until you find something that "she" is comfortable with. Whether or not you choose to "introduce her to the public" is immaterial, the bottom line is "is she happy being her?"
Just one girl's opinion.
Love,
Deborah

Gee,

I really have to thank you for posting the opening question. I have come face to face with some answers hidden inside. Hang in there Girl friend. Wrestle with the answwers first before foisting them on the wife.

Is there anyone else you can talk to?

Deborah: "Whether or not you choose to "introduce her to the public" is immaterial, the bottom line is "is she happy being her?" "

Gelinda will decide what is right and what is not. There is nothing you are supposed to do. The flow will decide what is appropriate when. Currently I find my self wearing androginous tops (T-Shirts and shirts anyone could wear) No Bra, Panties, Low rise woman within size 20 pants, short socks and womens running shoes, or trouser socks and 1.5 inch heel lace up shoes, every day in public while on vacation. Yes that vacation is happening at home this year due to the gas prices. I wear dresses and skirt outfits in the evening for dinner and entertainment at home. This way I don't need to shave.

Aislin got me here. I started with dresses and multiple purges. Wore my first pair of jeans out by my self to a dart tournament. Carefully ignoring the fact that they were womens jeans. Some folks noticed and some did not.

There is pain involved in any new venture, this one included. However the rewards are greatest when the amount of indecesion and pain is greatest.

There is not a bottom line. There are Gee and Aislin and Deborah and Darlene and all the sisters on this board.

The coal truck idea is bogus and should not be contemplated in any sense. It is not a viable option. (Way too much pain.)

You must remember that to fully expose Gee will take risk. She will determine what is right in a series of steps unique to her and you. Only you will know what you need to wear.

I hope I have not offended.

This is Memorial day, let us remember those who gave their life for this nation . Find a time to remember our sons and daughters who still serve this day, in the far flung corners of this earth.

Lord keep my son safe.

Aislin

Aislin wrote; There is pain involved in any new venture, this one included. However the rewards are greatest when the amount of indecision and pain is greatest.

I do not understand? Could you please enlighten this dumb blond?

Not offended, and no offense intended.

It has been my experience that great suffering, real or percieved has led to the greatest rewards. While this may be a masochistic tendency of ours, It appears to be based on fact. Examples:

WWII: We acrificed 600,000 lives to gain a foothold on the beaches leading to freedom from hitlers tieranny(?).

My life: going into a relationship without sharing my crossdressing. Trying to hide it and coming out with the truth in a relationship discussion. Only to have everything purged in the name of cure. This happened on multiple occasions with multiple women, resulting in extreme discomfort, mental anguish, feelings of unworthness and questions of sanity. Solution: Tell her I do this from the beginning. Result: Great rewards, clothes that fit, birthday presents that come from the heart and fit. More than a little fun. An SO who knew going in and went in anyway. (finally a leather mini I can wear!)

does that help?

Aislin