Told the wife last night.

[Johanna May]

Well as i talked to my wife yesterday, and we talked how she liked me is the satin nighty that she picked out for me while on vacation. It was fun for both of us. As we talked about that night she asked how far i wanted to go as crossdressing goes. So i say whatever you ok with, but she wanted me to tell her how far I wanted to go, so i said yes i am a crossdresser and i go all the way wig and all. Boy was she shocked, but boy did that feel good to come out to her after all these years. Now to she what happen next. I hope she will ask questions and hopefully be suportave. I could not sleep because i was excited, unsure, and nervous what may come out of this. I want to bring the topic up and talk about it but i think I sould wait till she brings it up. so im looking to you all to help me calm my emotions. also any other inputs will be grate cant wait to hear from you all.

[Anna]

Hi Johanna May. Firstly welcome to the forum., Its good to have you with us.

I shouldn't really comment on this because my wife doesn't know, but all the girls here advise a slowly, slowly approach. So its probably a good idea to let your wife make the next move.

Good luck!

[Johanna May]

I beleive your right, but i feel she will just blow it off like its nothing but maybe not

[Anthony Simon]

I'm not married, but still...

If you're wife's shocked, that means she's really got more than she can process at the moment. So I think it would be a mistake to bring the issue up. You've got to let her have the space to come to her own conclusions.

I do understand that you want to know where you stand - just so as to relieve the tension and to be able to get on with your life. But that isn't going to be possible just as the moment.

In your previous posts, you talked about how you had led up to this slowly with your wife. But she has clearly decided to take matters into her own hands and decide just how far the CDing goes with you. I think it's unlikely that she'll just "blow it off" - I mean clearly this has made an impression on her.

I suppose she thought your CDing was something of the order of an amusing kink you had - like a bit of fun with wearing nighties and panties. Actually dressing up with a wig and everything means that you want to look like a woman, which is a whole different thing.

[Anita]

Hi Johanna--
From what you're saying about her being shocked, you may have to wait a while until she brings it up again. It could be weeks for that.

There's also the very real possibility that she will not want to talk about it at all, hoping that it will go away. It's more than she bargained for, from the sound of it. Then you're going to have to decide how long you want to wait before you bring it up again. You're right about needing to hold off, but there is a limit.

I speak from the experience of dealing with other emotional topics with partners. Crossdressing wasn't one of them, but the same rules apply. It's much easier if it's a crisis situation, since that forces both partners to deal with it. If it's highly emotional, but can be shoved under the rug, then it's tempting for one of the partners to do so. I've probably done it myself, but my former and present girlfriends aren't on here to present evidence. All I can say for sure is that I've been in your situation, and I've had to do some 'nudging' to get the subject to come up again. Only you know what your threshold is for how long is long enough.

That said, I hope she brings the subject up again tomorrow night, and the two of you can start working it out.

[Davita]

I'm with everyone else about the waiting, but not forever. What you can do while you're waiting is to watch her reactions from your dressing now that you have let the whole cat out. She may look at you slightly differently when you are dressed in front of her, now. She may be weighing it all as she "inspects you". If she gives you a puzzled kind of look, then you may want to ask her what's she thinking, but don't press it if she doesn't want to answer.

When you do get talking, stay honest and don't make promises you aren't going to keep if she asks for some level of compromises. Even if she says she's going to be okay with it all, that still should not be a license to go crazy. If she says you can only dress an hour a day, don't be saying okay; we know you won't be able to hold to that.

Good Luck

[Latanya]

i agree taking it slow is the correct way to go let her filter and take this all in
my SO would not tolerate any of this and basically threw me out so looking at ur situation i do see some positive in her response. she seemed shocked but was not turned off. after all she did by u the nightie. so let her take it all in, process it and let her set the parameters that you can both live with.

[DonnaT]

Yeah, let her process the information a while.

She may have more questions, so I suggest not answering with "what ever you want". Let her know exactly what you would like, and, if one of your wishes, let her know you want her there to experience it too.

[Johanna May]

Ok a little up date. Well the wife brought it up last night and we talked about it. First she asked do I want to fully convert to a women full time. I said no I just like wearing women's close and dressing up. I am a crossdresser. Then she asked if I was gay or found men attractive. My answer absolutely not. I love women especially you. Then asked if I have any type of bi tenseness, I said like what , she said if you were dressed would you do anything women would men. I said well the only thing that would think about if I would would be to give a blow job but I said I don't think that would happen. So we kept talking and she said not to worrie she is not going anywhere and that she is just in shock and need to take this slow. She said she not yet comfortable me fully dressed as a women but I totally understand. She said if she got comfortable with me fully dressed would I go out in public with her I said I would only if she was ok with it but I said that will take time to get to that point she agreed. Then I asked her if it was ok to bring up my crossdressing at any time and if I can discuss stuff with her, she said she was ok with that and not to be scared to talk to her. So right now were we stand is panties are ok, and she is fine if I go as a 24/7 panty wearer, and the nighty she bought will be ok. So that is a good start. So after our conversation I sat and thought hard about all this and think my wife is very understanding. I know she's not comfortable with the all the way dressing up I want to ask her if I can experiment by my self dressing the whole way. I want her to know and not to do it behind her back any more. What do you all think about this post anymore help is greatly appreciated

[DonnaT]

Sounds like all is on a good track, Johanna.

Although she's said you can talk about it anytime, don't overwhelm her.

[Leeza]

Adding to Donna's comments.

Move SLOW. I have seen it so often that the CD thinks they are moving slow and they are moving at a faster pace than the SO can handle.

We often say "baby steps". Sometimes what you think of as a baby step is more like running the the SO's mind.

Sounds like you have a SO that is willing to make the trip with you, which makes you one of the lucky ones. Don't mess it up by trying to move to fast or to far.

Leeza

[Anthony Simon]

... She said she not yet comfortable me fully dressed as a women but I totally understand. She said if she got comfortable with me fully dressed would I go out in public with her I said I would only if she was ok with it but I said that will take time to get to that point she agreed. ... I know she's not comfortable with the all the way dressing up I want to ask her if I can experiment by my self dressing the whole way.

The thing about that is that it would give her the sense, because you're experimenting, that you're going into new areas with the CDing while she still hasn't fully processed where you are with it now. I think you should just leave it for a while.

I want her to know and not to do it behind her back any more. What do you all think about this post anymore help is greatly appreciated

You've got the bit between your teeth and want to move forward with this - which is kind of what the CDing drive is like. It can be very gung-ho and demanding. Your wife, on the other hand wants time to reflect and work out where she is. So there's a conflict.

She's really trying to see it from your side, like do as much as she can to put you at your ease while she herself remains uncomfortable about it. I would be inclined to try and reciprocate - like not move forward with the CDing in order not to increase her burden while she works out where she is. I don't suppose it'll be that easy, but your wife sounds like she deserves it.

[Latanya]

i agree go very slow! take the inch she gave you and leave at that for a while. it could be tough for and to slow you but letting her get accustomed to you wearing panties and a nightie could be a good first start!. then after doing that for a while maybe she would let you take a next step like adding a bra. one step at a time.let her see u appreciate her openness and at the same time let her slowly see that you enjoy those fem items. but its just my opinion

[Johanna May]

Thank you all for your ideas, and inputs it is greatly apreceated I am going to give her space and let her think about this whole thing. Yes she is wonderful and I owe her time. So I will wear panties 24/7 and the nighty to bed and hopefully it will bring new out comes. I understand it will take some time but it will be hard

Please continue to share your thoughts and ideas

[Kittie]

YES ...the girls are all right..SOFTLY, SOFTLY