Exhibitionism?

[Phil]

Hello all
I'm not sure of the best place to post this, so I hope that here is ok.

I have noticed that over the last few months I have become dramatically more daring (everything is relative of course)!

Where I used to wear a bra under male clothes when guaranteed not to meet anyone I knew, and wear a thick checked shirt with front pockets to hide it ... I find myself more and more selecting shirts that are increasingly revealing, thin and make the straps etc obvious. I think I am craving attention and wish to flirt with the risk of discovery.

There are a number of examples I could give where I have recently put myself in a more noticeable/discoverable position.

Why would I do this??

Am I about to move on in my CDing? Previously and currently no interest in female outer clothes, or make up etc. Is this likely to change? Did anyone else notice themselves being more gung ho at particular points in their lives?

Thanks for your thoughts.

[Martina H.]

Phil I feel that you are attention seeking and testing for a reaction from others around you I don't know quite how to answer your question, have you considered asking your wife or making an appointment to see your Doctor in that they may be able to find out your reasoning behind some of your questions.

[Ginny Jones]

Hey Phil! Um ... I guess you are describing the experience of most Cders. You start doing one thing and then gradually you add in more behaviours until all of a sudden you are mincing down the high street in heels thinking how did I get here?

I think you may have something in that thought that you are toying with being discovered. That is very common and we do that both at a concious and unconcious level.

One route by which Cders expand their repertoire is through the reinforcement they get. So for example, someone who underdresses might feel ashamed, isolated and deeply secretive about what they are doing. Then they discover an outlet for it - this forum for example. All of a sudden they are getting acceptance, interest and validation for their thoughts and feelings. Its great! Unsurprisingly they do that some more. Who wouldn't! Within this regeme however, staying the same is very difficult! You quickly habituate to anxiety and move onto the next step. I can remember being scared of going out en femme. Once here, loads of people encouraged me, gave me tips, reality tested my anxieties and helped me develop the courage to have a go! Thanks girls! And that's great! But now that's not a problem, the next step crops up - how do I get to meet people who will accept me (and now I attend support groups) - and the next step crops up... and so on! I think this is part of what MtF Cders refer to as "Pink Fog".

Anyhoo hope this helps

Hugs Ginny xx

[Phil]

Thanks Ginny that makes alot of sense.

Martina I don't feel it is my Doctor's business! I don't think I could go there. Am I asking too many questions? Posting too much? It's just great to be able to!

Thank you both for your replies.

[Latanya]

phil there is also thrill aspect of pulling it off
the thrill of seeing how far u can push the envelope!
i know for me i get away with a lot cause i am tall and very masculine looking
i have my nails painted pale pink always now and no one has noticed!
started ou with one coat got away with that so now its two coats

[Martina H.]

Phil I hope that I did't offend you, it just got me a bit off balance with one of your other posts about feminine hygiene products.
We all have to start to see how comfortable we are with wearing differant items and like you say you have the urge to be a little more daring that you may be discovered.
I sometimes am underdressed with the outline of bra and forms showing if you look closely, only yesterday I was out with my wife wearing my 34E bra and forms under my male outer wear with open coat and know one noticed, not even my wife.

[Phil]

Hi Martina
I accept that my other post got some people a little hot under the collar. I am trying to balance having the freedom to write/say what I want with delving deep into my psyche and learning more. I am sorry if I offended you (hugs).

Well I am super jealous of your chest size! Having a 34 band means you can buy anything! Luxury I have to really shop around for my 38's - well pretty ones that I like anyway. "Freya" OMG, to die for Not sure if you have that brand in the US but it is my absolute favourite. Look them up!

Take care

[DonnaT]

I agree with Latanya. I am, or was, an adrenaline junkie, and did a number of things as a thrill.

As to whether you are about to move on in your CDing, it's possible. For example, the thrill, if that is what it is, may fade and you'll need something else to revamp it. For some, it's wearing nail polish, for others it might be pierced ears or shaved legs. Where it leads you is anybody's guess.

[Phil]

Donna, an adrenaline junkie is a really good way of putting it. I am a bit like this in other areas of my life too. Perhaps reckless at times.
The anticipation of whatever I am about to do, the thrill and heart pounding excitement of doing it, and the elation of achievement are what I am looking for

(and not the foot long scratch on my leg from trying to hurdle barbed wire late last night having just been "spotted")

Well described Donna and Anya

You girls are great

[EmilyAnn]

I, too, have had periods of becoming more daring; moving from dressing only when alone at home, to wearing a bra and breast forms out, say to visit a museum downtown (walking past groups of school children). Those periods are then followed by periods of becoming less daring. I have periods when I feel a need to dress at every opportunity. For me, that means when my wife goes out shopping. She'll be gone for half an hour? Quick, put on a bra, blouse, and skirt. Then I'll have periods where it seems like too much work.

If my experience is relevant (and while we are all somewhat alike, we are all somewhat different), a period of becoming more daring need not mean you are moving into more intense cross dressing. Suggestion: relax; don't feel pressured, even by yourself. That you went out dressed yesterday does not mean you must go again today. Do what is comfortable for you and enjoy.

That seems to be my mantra: Enjoy it, else why do it.

EmilyAnn

[Davita]

As comfortable as I am with myself, I have a bit of the junkie in me. I do it because it's fun, but I am doing it to become more out to more people. If you go to my web site, I talk about the getting groups of friends together and a "new victim." For me, there is the worry of how it will go and the thrill of it too. Then, once the party is over, there is yet another person let into my circle of knowing.

Early on, my thrill was knowing I got away with it and that meant I could wear more if I wanted and when I wanted. Sneaking out of the house, going for a drive, all the other things we girls have done.... We do have a pattern for whatever reason we do it.

[EmilyAnn]

Phil, I never know how much the feelings and reactions of one of us, apply to another. Yes, we all have common feelings, else we would not have joined this forum, but each of us has differences, too.

I have four different, and sometimes conflicting, sets of feelings about my cross dressing. When at home, safely en fem, I feel more comfortable, more interested, and more interesting than when in gender-correct clothing. When I go out (not very far, I'm still rather timid about this), I feel the excitement. I'm doing something daring. I feel the adrenaline rush several members have mentioned. When I am caught, I feel a flush of overwhelming shame and a sense of repentance. I swear to myself that I will never do this again. (Fortunately, I can get past that by putting on a pretty dress or a nice skirt and blouse.) The fourth feeling arises most often when I buy myself something feminine. It's a feeling of independence. A feeling of: "Yes. I am buying a skirt. It's for me, not a gift to some woman. I intend to wear it and enjoy wearing it. I hope you can accept that, but if not, it's not my problem. I don't plan to change to meet your expectations."

In direct answer to your question, I have had periods of becoming bolder, followed by periods of less daring, not because I was more timid, but because I didn't feel a need need to be bold.

I hope this is relevant. Please let me know how you feel and how you progress - or don't progress.

And a last thought: If you face impending discovery, perhaps you should brazen it out. A foot-long gash from barbed wire seems something to be avoided.