Crossdressers-Haven.com

I suppose he will add the coding for transvestite?? I told him about all the stress in my life, and then just stated I am wacked. He asked if there is something I have not told him. I stated yes, but asked about documentation being passed along into my record, could this be off the record. He states why don't you tell me about similar people who have this problem (I think this was his way of giving me an out from him coding for it?) That flew by me, I should have done as he suggested but I stated If I am going to do that I might as well just tell you. I'm a transvestite. It is something I have struggled with all of my life since age 9. I have tried abstinence but have never been able to stop. That I know that sexual addictions are amongst the most difficult to overcome. That It comes and goes, that self stimulation is sometimes but not always involved. That I have gone 24/7 with night gowns for a couple weeks at which point the clothing just becomes clothing to me and then I simply feel like this is silly, and go back into male clothing. That I am heterosexual, even told him that I would like to find a woman who would accept me as I am and who would on occasion be interested in reversing roles on occasion then going back. I also stated that I know that I must tell any future prospective partners about this and that it is part of my stress that I may not find another partner when my wife goes because there are probably only .5% of women out there who would be interested in me once they know this and that is stressful. Would prefer not to live alone, but must be completely open at the very beginning. Told him my wife tolerated it, though she was upset and asked what was wrong with me 7 years into our marriage when I told her via a letter. She stated that it is like I am the other woman, that it changed how she thought about me, but we loved each other and had a good marriage until the Alzheimers became more severe (I mean the relationship and the woman I married is now gone - there is a kind of distance and that now I am a caregiver). Sacrificial love is a kind of love I did love her but that is gone. He told me I was very brave. He told me that I am a very conscientious person, that I am very open, and somewhat of an extrovert but not in excess. His view was crossdressing is not a problem, I am not hurting anyone. He asked If I desired to go out in public, I told him I do not know, Society does not accept this, and I could never "pass" that I am in the closet, never told my mother or father who are now gone, nor my sisters who would probably never accept it - though the youngest of the two might as when she discovered my son is or states he is Gay completely accepted it stating her belief that people are born that way, that it's not a big deal. I did tell him I told my son and that I let him see me in a dress once but with no make up or wig. But that I have not told my 16y/o son and will not until he is an adult. He seemed kind of shocked that I was able to keep all of this from my parents. I told him I felt it to be a huge conflict with my faith but I came to realize that I was kind of staring at this one huge tree and missing the forest of other sins. Also told him I come to this site - which he thought was a risk, putting pictures here - but I told him you have to join and have a password to get in. I told him there is something about turning 40 because that is when I came to realize that this is just part of who I am and accepted it. I did have to work this out with my faith but told him it is what is in our heart that is that is important to God, He accepted the Ethiopian eunuch it is unclear if he did this to himself or was made one...Covered alot of ground, cleared the air and told him that now he knows all there is to know about me. He did state that this was a huge disclosure. I told him I do not really dress in front of my wife - at least not much because I know she only tolerated it. And that I would probably dress much more were I completely alone. So I suppose that is it, it is out to another person and is nothing more than a matter of fact, and I suppose if people learn this about me - well it is just one of my quirks. I told him I wondered Why? acknowledging that there are probably multiple reasons, but I wonder if part of my brain is female, or am I just assigning some traits that I have as being female when men have them too, but that I think like a man. Told him that I am not transgendered and that I know for myself that altering my body, even probably piercing my ears would be wrong for me bacause I could not hide pierced ears. There was more but that is the gist of it. Not sure what disclosing this means but. He did ask if it was stress relief I think I did say that it is on occasion? Still not sure I would want to disclose this to the younger of my sisters, the eldest is of the Elvis generation very traditional there is not doubt she would not accept it since I heard her make some kind of remark against transgendered people - can't remember but that is I believe a hint that I should not tell her(Gee - ya think?!). But this is a part of who I am, and there is stress involved holding back and hiding part of who you are and knowing very few in society, let alone women, even I would bet most of the ones on this site would accept it fully and openly but rather with little more than tolerance at best. ??

I'm glad to did that, Anne.

That's got to help some, to have someone to talk about this with.

I think it is some kind of psychological mile post. I feel I am moving along. You carefully choose what to expose with who, and use common sense. It may be more stress relief now than it is sexual arousal. I think that men are particularly repressed by the mores of society there are so many things that we are not allowed to do - or we are ridiculed, harassed, scolded, rejected, told we are not real men, etc. Laughed at, beat up. threatened, hated thrown out of jobs, churches, friends. And all because we have something we cannot control that women are allowed to do with impunity. That same sister who made the kind of sneering remark about trans-gendered people matter of factly states how she purchases men's sweat pants with the elastic band at the ankle because women's sweats don't have that feature, women do purchase clothing from the men's department and can wear the complete outer wear of men and are completely free to do so - perhaps they had to push for this right since the turn of the century, and we have not - but society accepted it better I believe for them.
Crying, wearing pink, items of women's clothing, ear rings, or fully dressed as women. Do things like that and we get hammered to one degree or another crying , ear rings, perhaps wearing a pink polo or something with pink in it is more accepted today but do the others and instantly you are no longer a real man. What Bunk!

Hi Anne. You did good by unburdening yourself to your pschologist. Very, very good. I am glad you did. Should take a bit of stress off you, since you are no longer hiding Anne from the entire world. And he has to take it as a confidence.

Carolynn

Quote; "I told him I felt it to be a huge conflict with my faith but I came to realize that I was kind of staring at this one huge tree and missing the forest of other sins." That is exactly what I came to about three years ago. I realized with the help of my wife that the enemy was bugging me about CD'ing, but never about anger, unkindness, lack of love, etc. Any enemy will try to get you off of the real issues into some tangent that goes nowhere. Character issues are the important issues in life.

Quote; "I did have to work this out with my faith but told him it is what is in our heart that is that is important to God, He accepted the Ethiopian eunuch it is unclear if he did this to himself or was made one." The heart, being the inner part of you, is what God looks at. He is always looking at our thoughts, intents, motives, because that is who we really are. Your taste and preferance in clothes will disappear on the other side of the "pearly gates", but your heart and soul will remain. New bodies will require new clothes, but our thoughts and motives are at the very core of who we are.

Remember, man looks at the outward appearance, but God looks at the heart. That is what He told Samuel before David was picked by God to be the next king. Even David was not without his shortcomings!

I am considering telling the younger of my sisters, rarely see her but wonder if she would keep my confidence? No one can really answer that. On the other hand she may just burst out, that I already knew that and so did mom and dad. Wouldn't that be kind of tragic really? I would think if people know they should find a way of speaking with you to tell you they know but it doesn't matter. On the other hand she may be flabbergasted. Well, will mull this one over for a long time.

Back on God - God changes what needs changing, perhaps indeed this is something that does not need changing as you I believe told me a while back, 45 years and it certainly has not been taken away. God's way of telling us you are fine as you are.

and Thanks Carolann and the rest of you. Anne

Anne,
I'm finding that the more people I tell, the more of them already knew or suspected. It's getting harder to surprise anyone. I know that family members have told other members. Wives tell husbands. Close friends tell other close friends.

I decided early on that people were going to talk. I simply asked they didn't but never let them know I had no expectation the secret would be kept. When I would set up a lunch date or an after hours; some friends would ask if they could be other friends. My community grows just about any time I get out in public and meet up with friends.

So when you tell your little sister, you can ask her to keep the secret, but don't be mad if it leaks out a little. One way to think about the secret leaking is that it's less for you to have to tell. The hardest part is over and then you just have to explain. For me, explaining who I am is easier than telling people that I am what I am. yeah, it's subtle...

Oh and on a slight tangent, I never asked any of my friends to ever lie for me. I told them if they ever felt uncomfortable when asked about me, they can simply tell the one asking to see me.

Well...I'm the baby of the family both sisters are older and the younger one is actually my sister, the older is my half sister but we are close so would not want to ruin that relationship. I had a half brother but he had problems, and when my mother died the trail ran cold so the estate was divided 3 ways.

It is really sad that I allow how others feel or rather my perceptions of how they feel influence my desire to dress - but who wants to dress knowing that the other person is not accepting, just tolerating.

I have driven my car several hundred miles dressed from the waist down but put shorts and guy shoes on when I stopped to gas up. I went through a toll booth fortunately there was a lady taking the change - don't know why but I do feel less threatened by women when dressed. I have also driven fully dressed to a secluded place in our development and walked about a hundred feet from the car at midnight. One time I wore women's jeans to Pizza Little Caesar's but felt like people knew. I did have a few shopping experiences but purchasing the Wig in St Louis sitting in the chair with a lady styling it with others shopping and able to see was hanging as far out there as I ever have but I did enjoy it and excited to finally have a pretty wig to wear and I still have it the one in my profile picture. Now a days I just shop online because I avoid all the confrontations.

I know It is really sad that I am 55 and still basically in the closet when I could grow some breasts so to speak and get out there. For me that might mean driving to New Orleans about 90 minutes away, It is probably best to choose your territory. Not much problem under-dressing unless I have a thin polo on in which case I don't wear a bra, perhaps a sports bra?

Seeing a psycologist was the best thing I ever did. It's great to have some one to talk to. In my case get out dressed. It has given me the comfidence to get out and shop. I still haven't told any of my kids or relatives. Don't think they could handle it. Wife is handling it well.

I agree it is usually good when we tell others about it, I bet each time it becomes easier because there are more positive outcomes than negative - just a guess?

Anne,
have you read any of Hope Alexander's Hub posts about crossdressing? They are very amusing, but also insightful. Not to diminish the value of talking to a psychologist, but a really good laugh is pretty good therapy too

No, on this site? I suppose I can search for her posts?

when I told mine. She added GID to my history.

Oh Anne...

I've read most of what you've written here and, along with the others agree talking to a psychologist was one of the best forms of therapy for all of us! I know when I was going through my separation and eventual divorce, I met with a councilor for weeks! Although not a certified shrink, just talking with someone who wasn't judgemental was....wonderful! Like your experience, mine didn't see the big deal!

There are some on the forum who are blessed with not giving a %&*$ it seems, what anyone else thinks. I'm afraid I'm like you...concerned about others views of who I am. True, we aren't hurting anyone...but us! I don't have the answer to that, I only know that on two occassions I have been seen by someone I never met and afterword, felt like....well it's brown and nasty? I suspect we won't likely get over that if we're concerned about others.

Like you, I'm often frustrated that women have the liberty to wear whatever strikes their fancy (well...as long as the designers are pushing it anyway?) and men who happen to have the affinity for femine finery are looked down upon by general society at best, and hated at worst. Doesn't seem fair, but that's life I guess.

I'm blessed with a wonderful wife who support me and loves me unconditionally. She doesn't understand why in the world I want to wear a bra and dress and hose....but that's a whole different dilema! LOL.

I'm not sure about your guess of 0.5% of women who would tolerate our 'hobby.' With that percentage, I'm sure I never would have met one! Her opinion is more liberal by quite a lot. Most women may not understand why we want to dress and look and maybe even act like them....but I think perhaps there are a large percentage that are more concerned with what kind of person we are outside our closets.

Just my opinion....but it's worth having hope!

Take care....buck up....cry if you need to, and look forward. I've had no luck whatsoever looking back.