Crossdressers-Haven.com

Hi girls,

I have been thinking a lot lately about how my male personna reflects the real me, and have come to the conclusion because of having fibromyalgia, I no longer possess the things I like most about being a man. I have lost my strength, my stamina, my ability to use that strength to make a living. I am afraid that I might get beat up if I express myself in a forceful manner like I used to.

Basically, most of the things that I valued about being a man, I no longer possess, so most of the reasons I used to have to want to stay male have also diminished. I still possess logical thinking, sometimes. I can occasionally make love to my wife. That is about it.

So here is the question. How important is your male personna to you?
Mine is not that important, I think about being female all the time

Love to all,
Elizabeth

I'm in the same boat. Everything that I enjoyed as my male self had been ripped away from me. I was just laid off from a job that I only had for 2 weeks.

No job, no lady in my life... back to the same old cycle I have returned.

Because of having fibromyalgia, I too have lost my strength, my stamina, my ability to use that strength to make a living. However my logical thinking has improved the more I am able to incorporate both sides of my persona. My male persona is important to me, but it is just another part of me.

Hi Darlene,

I am probably the only person who thinks about that when I read your posts. I must say you are an inspiration to me. Just seeing your personal strength is awesome. I just wonder? Did you used to be a basket case like me? I would really like to beleive I can get to where you are.
Love Always,
Elizabeth

Elizabeth,

In some ways I was worse than you, I would have gotten into arguments very quickly in a place like this, and Beauty would have had a nightmare with me. I would not have lasted long in a place like this.

I appreciate your compliments, if you are not be able to attain the same gifts that have been bestowed on me, you will be able to obtain your own unique gifts that will have an equal value, probably in an area where I am lacking.

In my opinion it needs to be that way. We need each other, we need to be able to work together as a teem as many of us do on this board, and therefore we need to be gifted differently. If we were all the same there would be no such thing as teem work. and if that were not true boy would I have a big head.

I chose the middle option. I often consider transitioning but, as I've said elsewhere, mostly as a pipe dream. I often find that, the more seriously I consider completey discarding my masculine persona and replacing it entirely with a feminine one, the more some core aspect of my being surfaces some obnoxiously masculine attitudes and behavior, perhaps on the premise that the squeaky wheel gets the grease. At a certain level, I guess, my masculine persona is still important to me, and I don't really expect that to change any time soon.

-Celia

Well, I quess I am strange. My whole being and whole is based on my work and family. My work I have to be a man and Gelinda can't be known about. She can be in my mind and help my thinking and stress levels and mainly my temper. But I have to be the Man that made the position possible so no thinking of changing for me.

My worst fear now is work finding out. Gee.

I had to go with the second option as I am very happy with my self as a whole. There is not one thing about me personality wise that I would change.

Elizabeth, Thanks, Honey for the compliment. They say we are all products of our environment. My mother who I never really knew, died when I was seven of alcoholism. My grandparents put me in Military school at age 5 1/2 and there I stayed until I graduated. Kinda of a "kill or be killed" atmosphere during my "formative years!?" I played Linebacker in high school and college and flew F-8"s in the Navy, so yeah you kind of develop an independent sense. I don't know or care how I developed or was born with my CD, but I love it!!! Once I read Carl Jung's Anima Theory for me it made sense. All I have to do is "control" Deborah, but also sit at her feet and learn, then take what I have learned and share it with those I come into contact with. Between Jung, Deborah and all my sisters here! I am just skipping down the garden path with a smile on my face.
You Elizabeth are beautiful! AS we powerlifters say, "STAND and DELIVER!" You can do it!!! AND you know your sisters are her for help and support and to also share in your successes! WE all love you and want only the best for you. You have come a long way and together, we can do it!!
Love ya,
Deborah

Wow Deborah,

That was awesome and powerful post.

Sorry I had to put that before I put this!



Beauty

Hi all,

Interesting topic, Elizabeth. Thanks for bringing it up.

I'm fairly comfortable in either modes. I prefer to speak of modes rather than personas because I only have one persona, really, and that's quixotic "me." The person I am presents, now as female, now as male (or, is that, "now as feminine, now as masculine"?). I noticed there was no option in the poll for someone whose comfort level includes a psychological blend of both modes--just as Daniel is made a better person (and, yes, a better man) because of his "Christinaness," so it is that Christina would find it impossible to truly be in the world without her "Danielness." And if any of this makes sense to any of you, please e-mail me and explain it to me.

Love,
CJ

I don't think I could have said it any better, CJ.

And, yes, it does make sense but I'm not sure I could explain exactly why.

Hi all,

I don't plan on giving up my male persona. I definitely think Jadeanne is a good influence on my male side, but among other things, my male persona is what my wife loved and was the reason for our 26 1/2 year marriage. She accepts and supports Jadeanne, but jadeanne really emerged only 2 years ago.

When I still played guitar and occasionally performed in the late 60's/early 70's, I had 2 performer personas (both totally male) that each really appeared only when I was playing - one when I was doing a solo acoustic coffee house folkie performance, and another when playing electric guitar with a group - the electric rocker could play faster, louder, etc. then I normally could just by myself.

I wonder if Anita will read this thread and post if she has a distinct persona when performing on stage?

Enough rambling

Jadeanne

I thought I'd add a few thoughts on this subject as an SO. This is something that I struggled with in the beginning, I was worried Ed had a whole separate persona that I knew nothing about, and suddenly my husband felt like a stranger. As the months have gone on since him telling me about his CDing, I have realised that really he has only one persona, a blend of all parts of him, that the CDing is an integral part of who he is.
If I thought my husband had two separate personas I would find that harder to deal with, my way of dealing with and accepting Ed's crossdressing is tell myself, he is still the same person, whatever side of him he is presenting, and a big part of this is that he doesn't have a femme name. I don't know how other SO's feel about femme names, but I would find it hard to deal with my hubby having one, as, to me it signifies a separate persona, and don't want my husband to be 'another person' when he is dressed.
I hope I haven't offended anyone by my thoughts on femme names, this is just something I personally would have trouble with, and was curious to find out if other SOs have similar feelings on this. I can understand a CDers desire for one, but this might be an issue for other SO's so I thought I would raise it here, being relevant to this thread.
Curly(SO).

I chose the second option. While I would enjoy being en femme for a vacation (say a week), I don't feel a sense of being a woman in a man's body. I'm very happy with my masculine qualities and present as a man most of the time. Dressing is just a means of expressing other facets of my personality.

To Curly's point, I understand completely how the selection of a femme name might be construed as adopting a second personality. Perhaps for some this is indeed the case. Might be a good question for a poll to see how others view their femme presentation. Personally, using a femme name make sense if I'm dressing (nothing like being Bob in a dress). I am still the same person, with the same likes, dislikes, values, etc. Granted, I will likely adopt social customs of women when dressed, but this is a matter of conforming, not a personality shift. Using a name just makes the whole experience more fun and is no different for me than choosing to wear jeans or a skirt.

Your comments are honest and appreciated. Thanks!!!

Angie