Opening the door PS
Posted: Tue Oct 01, 2013 8:25 am
This is a continuation of coming out to my sister, I post it because I hope it may help others who are seeking to come out to people they believe they can trust. The following is a back channel conversation I am having with a supportive GG female friend who saved my day. It had been so long since I came out to my wife (also used a letter then) and that it took time to work through the initial shock, and further time for her to absorb, understand and get her head around the idea. Here's the thread. Hopefully this may be helpful?
But I am not thinking about venturing out B, we fantasize about this, would love to be able to, just like many of us may fantasize about transitioning - BUT! I definitely know transitioning would be a huge mistake for me. Venturing out? Would I EVER feel relaxed comfortable and confident enough, supported enough to go OUT? Where?? Where could I go DRAG? (Dressed as a girl). I can only confess to driving alone on some long trips dressed female from the waist down but changing back to nearby shorts when needing to stop. Or I have ventured to a secluded unpopulated place at or after midnight just for the chance to be dressed outside - dangerous as that may be. Aside from that ... perhaps woman's jean shorts, and a woman's polo and tennis shoes would not be too obvious but with make up etc...don't think so B, perhaps for a joy ride in the car with company maybe. Later.
G
9/30, 12:52pm
G
oh, I pasted this from the CD blog I visit...down to Cannot believe....
Monday
G
9/30, 4:37pm
G
Ah well...It sounds like having a cross dresser in the family is too close for comfort in the end:
this was my sister's comeback after she had had time for the initial shock to wear off and perhaps discuss with her husband??
One more thought: I believe that you are correct about Mom and Dad ... I'm not sure they would ever have fully understood your situation. I'm not certain that I even do ... but I can accept that this makes you happy. We all have things we would like to keep private, and unless there is a pressing need to know, there is no need to share. I would never share this with anyone other than T and that is because he knows me so well, he can tell when I am preoccupied or have something weighing on my mind. We are not the type of people to belittle another's personal needs ... so I think this will all stay with us. I can't conceive of any good reason anyone else needs to know.
I can understand that there must be relief in sharing this with people, but I would caution you to keep it private. Most would not understand ... and it could greatly impact their perception of you, and therefore your relationships with them. So do yourself a favor and keep it off Facebook ... I'm not a big fan of people knowing other people's personal business anyway. To me Facebook is just one big gossip barn ... and that is why I rarely go there. Mostly just to see pics of our grandchildren. However, I feel certain you would never put this out there for the world to judge. You'd only be asking for ridicule and hurt. I love you and have always only wanted you to be happy. This is something that makes you feel good, so I can accept that. Everyone needs comfort in their lives ... N
G
9/30, 4:41pm
G me responding, very disappointed...
That's fine. the only people who know are You, T I suppose, P did, GIII, the Psychologist - that is strictly confidential, and GIII told me he would keep it quiet. I am not discussing this on the Facebook forum. Would not tell T, so There's an end to it and this is the last you will hear of it from me unless you bring it up or ask a question. My motivation was not exhibition, but to drop the baggage which lessens my burden. None of this has obviously changed the face I show to the world, after all I am male and probably 60% of the time lean that way if not more (I actually suspect less). But I am acting my age hoping my stupid leg heals...Did you see the pictures I took of my sail on Sunday?
Dang it ...I hate rejection. (my telling my bff)
G
9/30, 4:50pm
G
Perhaps it was a mistake ... I suppose I did not think this through. Things done can't be undone Alfred Hitchcock said once....Oh well I was hoping for a more supportive comeback but am instead met with "Go back in the closet turn the lights out and stay there!" Bummer man...
Bff
9/30, 5:29pm
Bff
Hi George! Why are you having second thoughts? I thought your sis took it well
G
9/30, 5:29pm
G
Well...screw it! What did I expect? Hit her with it out of the blue. She was shocked and taken aback while assuring me what ever I love you. Then she had time to think about it and talk to her husband and she started to back off and become uncomfortable once the shock wore off.
Bff
9/30, 5:30pm
Bff
Give it time to settle into her brain. She has an adjustment
G
9/30, 5:32pm
G
Well...It does not change anything, it may be brand spanking new to her but it has been and will continue to be a life time for me sigh...You are right it is a big adjustment. I did not tell her I was talking to you on the Facebook back channel - I was truthful that I am not talking on the forum. You have been a true friend and trooper to put up with me and there has been way too much of this topic so need to move on to something new.
Bff
9/30, 5:35pm
Bff
Woah....this topic is not over for you or your sister. I do recall her saying she felt put in awkward situation. Remind her nothing about you as the person she has always known is different.
She knew of you liking the feel of stockings on mom and grandma. you have a heightened tactile sense.
G
9/30, 5:36pm
G
I am about half way through feeding p...did walk today need to start doing that , I think the leg is not as swollen my shoe fits a little better. I basically run out of antibiotics early tomorrow, hopefully the wound will continue to look alright... Well I am glad you are there. You are going above and beyond the call B, I will tell her.
Bff
9/30, 5:38pm
Bff
Make her more comfortable by saying, yes it is off my chest, and really, sis, there is nothing more to it than that. It changes nothing in your relationship except if you were to be hospitalized or die, and she had to go through your stuff, she would understand, as you do seem to understand she apparently doesn't hope to see you en femme
Bff
9/30, 5:39pm
Bff
Tell her what?
G
9/30, 5:42pm
G
I will tell her exactly that, may cut and paste it...Let me go finish Tell her Nothing about me has changed, I am the same person you have always known. I am glad it is off my chest, that's all I wanted to say, but if anything happens to me if I were ever to be hospitalized or worse and you had to go through things you will at least not be blind sided by it and I thought that might be something else that might be useful someday but hopefully not. - how's that?
Bff
9/30, 5:44pm
Bff
Go finish, and calm down. Your story to her is out. How she deals with it is now in her capacity to deal with things. I think your job is over, and simple continue to be the same G she knows.
She clearly does love you
G
9/30, 5:46pm
G
I forgot it takes a long time for people to get their arms around this, perhaps things will relax a little in time? - So I should just leave it alone or throw those few lines her way?
Bff
9/30, 5:51pm
Bff
Yes, it does take some time for family members to "wrap their heads" around things....it took a friend of mine quite some time to come to grips that her adult son was gay. She fought and fought the idea. Finally seeing his AIDS meds, and him telling her that "mom, I wanted to wait for Grandma to pass before I told anyone" . Now they are fine, and all is well. I know that is not your story, but I'm relying the "delay of acceptance" by the person you told. Things do take time to sink in. Don't beleaguer the message to her. Sure, go ahead and say if anything happened to me and you saw my stuff, you won't be blindsided, then kind of drop it. Don't expect her to come over and want to see you dressed or to see your closet....and be prepared for some aloofness from her hubby T.
G
9/30, 5:57pm
G
Oh popped back in, yeah, I will cut and paste anything I send just FYI. I was feeling down and hurt but after you started talking I remembered how long it took after I told P for her to - "get her head around it". I feel assured I did the right thing, and feel better now. Will drop a brief note so it does not end so abruptly and that would kind of get the message to her that it does not phase me - it is what it is. But again I have been focusing on all of this way too much, got to finish with p already warmed it up so catch you later B - Thank you George.
Bff
9/30, 6:02pm
Bff
Bye for now!
G
9/30, 6:37pm
G
Those are some pretty iconic sights (they are leaving on a trip to europe), some day I would like to see some of europe, perhaps Norway, Britten and the isles, maybe France.
You know...I know that I blindsided you with this and it has to be quite a shock but it is off my chest now and that was important to me nothing more to it than that. I am the same person you have always known. I mean otherwise you would never have known and now in the event anything ever happens to me and if anyone came across these extra things in the closet somebody will understand. I am not planning on going anywhere though. Oh and I want a viking funeral with a long-ship, on a fjord with fog, Wagner in the back ground and a flaming arrow arcs from the shore setting the deck ablaze as I lay holding my long sword on the pyre while the ride of the Valkyries is playing....with mourners lining the shore crying come back....come back.... Later, enjoy Europe, George.
Ok on with my life now...
G
9/30, 7:03pm
G
You know...I really don't look that bad (I forwarded the two best pictures of myself in the gallery I was looking of the full length from which my profile picture was made), but then I was weighing about 178#. Perhaps that is my motivation. Remember to go Americans! I hate Americans! hawk patuwe! I spit on Americans!....May get you by in France remember to speak with a British Accent there.
Monday
G
9/30, 10:06pm
G
She responded: You are too funny! Will bring along my French accent. Ha ha!
G
9/30, 10:11pm
G
Evidently adding a little humor to it, kind of fits right in with Monty Python, lots of guys in dresses there along with silly humor
Thank you so much you saved my day!
Bff
9/30, 11:02pm
Bff
Who, me?
Today
G
7:24am
G
Yes, you! You are a wonderful person thank you so much!
This morning I woke up have been sleeping femm in my silky chemise and panties and was so happy...I thought about sharing all of this. There are men stuck in the rigid male role who want to wear dresses, they feel female and enjoy wearing make up, would love a strong female partner to lean on yet still remain their female SO at least I would and would be willing to cede leadership to her for the chance to be who I am who wants to yield and be supported emotionally, and loved for who I am, encouraged and freed to live female especially when my gender is squarely seated atop my female side it should be no problem - WHY IS THIS A PROBLEM!? Men like us have every right to live our lives openly and to be women (and women out there - no that's right we are not full women but part of us is and should not be forced into a dark closet with the door shut and locked - people need to get over this!!) As even my sister out of the blue stated and readily realized and WITHOUT any prompting by me freely stated there are men who want to wear women's clothing. women wear pants...let me cut and paste that I cannot improve on it... back in a minute.
Here are my sister's words:
I do not believe that this is an unusual fetish ... I think that through the times there have been men who preferred female clothing ... just as there are women who prefer to dress as men. Just think about it ... women wear jeans and t-shirts all the time and no one gives it a second thought. But in fact, we are dressing as boys when we do ... and no one cares. However, the other way around ... men dressing as females ... has always been seen as strange behavior, and I'm not sure why. It's an interesting juxtaposition.
Me again. It is an interesting juxtaposition and THAT is what men like us have every right to fight for.
think about this... Just think about it... men wear skirts and dresses all the time and no one gives it a second thought. But in fact, we are dressing as girls when we do...and no one cares. That is what we have every right to expect from society, as young boys we have every right to be allowed to wear dresses to play in, we have every right to wear dresses to school, to go to the prom in a beautiful gown, to attend college, be married in a wedding gown, and to be hired an allowed to wear skirts and dresses and women's suits to work when we desire and at our leisure running around town, shopping, enjoying ourselves, relaxed at home. Why because we ARE partly FEMALE! Would we dress this way all the time? I wouldn't but I do have two separate wardrobes depending on where my internal gender meter is pointing any particular time or day....
That day has not come but I am as happy as I can be today - Anne
But I am not thinking about venturing out B, we fantasize about this, would love to be able to, just like many of us may fantasize about transitioning - BUT! I definitely know transitioning would be a huge mistake for me. Venturing out? Would I EVER feel relaxed comfortable and confident enough, supported enough to go OUT? Where?? Where could I go DRAG? (Dressed as a girl). I can only confess to driving alone on some long trips dressed female from the waist down but changing back to nearby shorts when needing to stop. Or I have ventured to a secluded unpopulated place at or after midnight just for the chance to be dressed outside - dangerous as that may be. Aside from that ... perhaps woman's jean shorts, and a woman's polo and tennis shoes would not be too obvious but with make up etc...don't think so B, perhaps for a joy ride in the car with company maybe. Later.
G
9/30, 12:52pm
G
oh, I pasted this from the CD blog I visit...down to Cannot believe....
Monday
G
9/30, 4:37pm
G
Ah well...It sounds like having a cross dresser in the family is too close for comfort in the end:
this was my sister's comeback after she had had time for the initial shock to wear off and perhaps discuss with her husband??
One more thought: I believe that you are correct about Mom and Dad ... I'm not sure they would ever have fully understood your situation. I'm not certain that I even do ... but I can accept that this makes you happy. We all have things we would like to keep private, and unless there is a pressing need to know, there is no need to share. I would never share this with anyone other than T and that is because he knows me so well, he can tell when I am preoccupied or have something weighing on my mind. We are not the type of people to belittle another's personal needs ... so I think this will all stay with us. I can't conceive of any good reason anyone else needs to know.
I can understand that there must be relief in sharing this with people, but I would caution you to keep it private. Most would not understand ... and it could greatly impact their perception of you, and therefore your relationships with them. So do yourself a favor and keep it off Facebook ... I'm not a big fan of people knowing other people's personal business anyway. To me Facebook is just one big gossip barn ... and that is why I rarely go there. Mostly just to see pics of our grandchildren. However, I feel certain you would never put this out there for the world to judge. You'd only be asking for ridicule and hurt. I love you and have always only wanted you to be happy. This is something that makes you feel good, so I can accept that. Everyone needs comfort in their lives ... N
G
9/30, 4:41pm
G me responding, very disappointed...
That's fine. the only people who know are You, T I suppose, P did, GIII, the Psychologist - that is strictly confidential, and GIII told me he would keep it quiet. I am not discussing this on the Facebook forum. Would not tell T, so There's an end to it and this is the last you will hear of it from me unless you bring it up or ask a question. My motivation was not exhibition, but to drop the baggage which lessens my burden. None of this has obviously changed the face I show to the world, after all I am male and probably 60% of the time lean that way if not more (I actually suspect less). But I am acting my age hoping my stupid leg heals...Did you see the pictures I took of my sail on Sunday?
Dang it ...I hate rejection. (my telling my bff)
G
9/30, 4:50pm
G
Perhaps it was a mistake ... I suppose I did not think this through. Things done can't be undone Alfred Hitchcock said once....Oh well I was hoping for a more supportive comeback but am instead met with "Go back in the closet turn the lights out and stay there!" Bummer man...
Bff
9/30, 5:29pm
Bff
Hi George! Why are you having second thoughts? I thought your sis took it well
G
9/30, 5:29pm
G
Well...screw it! What did I expect? Hit her with it out of the blue. She was shocked and taken aback while assuring me what ever I love you. Then she had time to think about it and talk to her husband and she started to back off and become uncomfortable once the shock wore off.
Bff
9/30, 5:30pm
Bff
Give it time to settle into her brain. She has an adjustment
G
9/30, 5:32pm
G
Well...It does not change anything, it may be brand spanking new to her but it has been and will continue to be a life time for me sigh...You are right it is a big adjustment. I did not tell her I was talking to you on the Facebook back channel - I was truthful that I am not talking on the forum. You have been a true friend and trooper to put up with me and there has been way too much of this topic so need to move on to something new.
Bff
9/30, 5:35pm
Bff
Woah....this topic is not over for you or your sister. I do recall her saying she felt put in awkward situation. Remind her nothing about you as the person she has always known is different.
She knew of you liking the feel of stockings on mom and grandma. you have a heightened tactile sense.
G
9/30, 5:36pm
G
I am about half way through feeding p...did walk today need to start doing that , I think the leg is not as swollen my shoe fits a little better. I basically run out of antibiotics early tomorrow, hopefully the wound will continue to look alright... Well I am glad you are there. You are going above and beyond the call B, I will tell her.
Bff
9/30, 5:38pm
Bff
Make her more comfortable by saying, yes it is off my chest, and really, sis, there is nothing more to it than that. It changes nothing in your relationship except if you were to be hospitalized or die, and she had to go through your stuff, she would understand, as you do seem to understand she apparently doesn't hope to see you en femme
Bff
9/30, 5:39pm
Bff
Tell her what?
G
9/30, 5:42pm
G
I will tell her exactly that, may cut and paste it...Let me go finish Tell her Nothing about me has changed, I am the same person you have always known. I am glad it is off my chest, that's all I wanted to say, but if anything happens to me if I were ever to be hospitalized or worse and you had to go through things you will at least not be blind sided by it and I thought that might be something else that might be useful someday but hopefully not. - how's that?
Bff
9/30, 5:44pm
Bff
Go finish, and calm down. Your story to her is out. How she deals with it is now in her capacity to deal with things. I think your job is over, and simple continue to be the same G she knows.
She clearly does love you
G
9/30, 5:46pm
G
I forgot it takes a long time for people to get their arms around this, perhaps things will relax a little in time? - So I should just leave it alone or throw those few lines her way?
Bff
9/30, 5:51pm
Bff
Yes, it does take some time for family members to "wrap their heads" around things....it took a friend of mine quite some time to come to grips that her adult son was gay. She fought and fought the idea. Finally seeing his AIDS meds, and him telling her that "mom, I wanted to wait for Grandma to pass before I told anyone" . Now they are fine, and all is well. I know that is not your story, but I'm relying the "delay of acceptance" by the person you told. Things do take time to sink in. Don't beleaguer the message to her. Sure, go ahead and say if anything happened to me and you saw my stuff, you won't be blindsided, then kind of drop it. Don't expect her to come over and want to see you dressed or to see your closet....and be prepared for some aloofness from her hubby T.
G
9/30, 5:57pm
G
Oh popped back in, yeah, I will cut and paste anything I send just FYI. I was feeling down and hurt but after you started talking I remembered how long it took after I told P for her to - "get her head around it". I feel assured I did the right thing, and feel better now. Will drop a brief note so it does not end so abruptly and that would kind of get the message to her that it does not phase me - it is what it is. But again I have been focusing on all of this way too much, got to finish with p already warmed it up so catch you later B - Thank you George.
Bff
9/30, 6:02pm
Bff
Bye for now!
G
9/30, 6:37pm
G
Those are some pretty iconic sights (they are leaving on a trip to europe), some day I would like to see some of europe, perhaps Norway, Britten and the isles, maybe France.
You know...I know that I blindsided you with this and it has to be quite a shock but it is off my chest now and that was important to me nothing more to it than that. I am the same person you have always known. I mean otherwise you would never have known and now in the event anything ever happens to me and if anyone came across these extra things in the closet somebody will understand. I am not planning on going anywhere though. Oh and I want a viking funeral with a long-ship, on a fjord with fog, Wagner in the back ground and a flaming arrow arcs from the shore setting the deck ablaze as I lay holding my long sword on the pyre while the ride of the Valkyries is playing....with mourners lining the shore crying come back....come back.... Later, enjoy Europe, George.
Ok on with my life now...
G
9/30, 7:03pm
G
You know...I really don't look that bad (I forwarded the two best pictures of myself in the gallery I was looking of the full length from which my profile picture was made), but then I was weighing about 178#. Perhaps that is my motivation. Remember to go Americans! I hate Americans! hawk patuwe! I spit on Americans!....May get you by in France remember to speak with a British Accent there.
Monday
G
9/30, 10:06pm
G
She responded: You are too funny! Will bring along my French accent. Ha ha!
G
9/30, 10:11pm
G
Evidently adding a little humor to it, kind of fits right in with Monty Python, lots of guys in dresses there along with silly humor
Thank you so much you saved my day!
Bff
9/30, 11:02pm
Bff
Who, me?
Today
G
7:24am
G
Yes, you! You are a wonderful person thank you so much!
This morning I woke up have been sleeping femm in my silky chemise and panties and was so happy...I thought about sharing all of this. There are men stuck in the rigid male role who want to wear dresses, they feel female and enjoy wearing make up, would love a strong female partner to lean on yet still remain their female SO at least I would and would be willing to cede leadership to her for the chance to be who I am who wants to yield and be supported emotionally, and loved for who I am, encouraged and freed to live female especially when my gender is squarely seated atop my female side it should be no problem - WHY IS THIS A PROBLEM!? Men like us have every right to live our lives openly and to be women (and women out there - no that's right we are not full women but part of us is and should not be forced into a dark closet with the door shut and locked - people need to get over this!!) As even my sister out of the blue stated and readily realized and WITHOUT any prompting by me freely stated there are men who want to wear women's clothing. women wear pants...let me cut and paste that I cannot improve on it... back in a minute.
Here are my sister's words:
I do not believe that this is an unusual fetish ... I think that through the times there have been men who preferred female clothing ... just as there are women who prefer to dress as men. Just think about it ... women wear jeans and t-shirts all the time and no one gives it a second thought. But in fact, we are dressing as boys when we do ... and no one cares. However, the other way around ... men dressing as females ... has always been seen as strange behavior, and I'm not sure why. It's an interesting juxtaposition.
Me again. It is an interesting juxtaposition and THAT is what men like us have every right to fight for.
think about this... Just think about it... men wear skirts and dresses all the time and no one gives it a second thought. But in fact, we are dressing as girls when we do...and no one cares. That is what we have every right to expect from society, as young boys we have every right to be allowed to wear dresses to play in, we have every right to wear dresses to school, to go to the prom in a beautiful gown, to attend college, be married in a wedding gown, and to be hired an allowed to wear skirts and dresses and women's suits to work when we desire and at our leisure running around town, shopping, enjoying ourselves, relaxed at home. Why because we ARE partly FEMALE! Would we dress this way all the time? I wouldn't but I do have two separate wardrobes depending on where my internal gender meter is pointing any particular time or day....
That day has not come but I am as happy as I can be today - Anne