Reality

[CarlaWestin]

When you are fem dressed, do you get into a comfortable mode that, this is how it should be? And then, do you ever think that fem is the norm and not fem is the long practiced portrayal and performance that you've presented in your mainstream life. In my occupation, I'm at the top of my game. Extreme conditions and decisions are so 'matter of fact' to me now, it's not really challenging anymore. Don't get me wrong, I love this position of authority. I conduct my interests with a definite male dominance posture and deportment but, the whole time I'd rather be soft and sexy and alluring and smart and click around on high heels in a tight skirt with my tits poking out. You know, Vegas style. You should see some of the managers where I work.

So, the question is, would you go full time fem if you could? And then, would you portray male for the effect benefit when necessary?

[Ralitsa]

well I will say that I'm full time me. I do not have one part of me that goes to work and a different part of me that enjoys pretty clothes. It's true that I don't wear pretty clothes to work, but that's because A) they would get ruined, and B) rugged industrial type clothing is required by the conditions. It takes too many mental resources to segregate all the parts of me, and when that would only serve to comply with certain societal expectations, it's an expenditure of energy I do not wish to make.
So I wear jeans and boots to work, I wear skirts and dresses when I'm hanging out in the library (like now), sometimes I like to get fancied up and go out to dinner. I don't try to be one particular thing or another except for a good parent, responsible employee, and decent citizen of the world.
In a way I could be called full time femme, as there is always at least something in my outfit (or beneath it) which is feminine, but I don't think of myself that way.

[Kelly]

Well Carla, you ask profound questions.

Would I live full time if I could? No. But that is just me. There are plenty here that have done exactly that, and I am happy for them.

Walking around Vegas style? Maybe, 25 years ago; on occasion. The attention and power those girls have is really easy to covet. But after some age, it just doesn't work anymore; it just isn't appropriate.

I have said it before. I'm definitely from Mars and am fine with that. I don't want to move to Venus; but it is my go to vacation destination

Kelly.

[Davita]

Got your PM Carla. Hi.

Would I go ful time but pause it to present male when I want to be "commanding"? If it was physically easy to go full time, then I would beause it does feel right and it is comfortable. Would I switch now and then to be "commanding"? Oh heck no! Has the term "matriarch" escaped everyone's vocabulary? I can command authority easily enough as a woman why would I want to undo my womanhood? Gain respect of a man? If they are that pissy about sexes, then they are not going to learn much by me pretending to be a man for them; that will just make it worse.

[Anne Bonny]

Hum...interesting question. When I wear women's clothing and adornments my personality does not really change at all, I mean I am who I am. Never been into fake, I am a realist. I suppose I am more of a guy in a dress who looks like a woman or is trying to to some extent but I know there are limitations there too. I really do not understand why men are barred from women's fashions, make-up, and hair styles because many men are incredibly beautiful all made up, and sometimes it is difficult to tell that they are men.

Back on topic. when this desire comes over me, I may not be in the mood to be very aggressive but more laid back. Never the less I think our natural (testosterone) tendency is toward more dominance and aggressiveness - it is in us through millions of years of evolution.

How many of us WANT, actually want to sit quietly and intently for hours on end do something like needlework? How many little boys are sent off now a days so that medications can be prescribed for them so that the do sit quietly in their seats when all that is needed is an am and pm recess so that the boys can work out this natural need to be active? Our minds just naturally work like that.

I am sure if we are in the mood we can enjoy relaxing for a while in a dress, and talking but eventually we are going to want to get up that is when we should do the dishes I suppose...

[OliviaM]

Thanks Kelly for saying it in such a creative way! I enjoy being a man and I enjoy becoming a woman sometimes!! Being a woman 24/7 would I think diminish the enjoyment and I would be denying a part of my life!

[DonnaT]

So, the question is, would you go full time fem if you could? And then, would you portray male for the effect benefit when necessary?

No. I like being a man.

I just happen to have a need to crossdress. Not a 24/7 need.

[Noeleena]

Hi.

Whats real and whats play acting, ill go along on this for the ride and see where it leads.

This to me comes out as an attitude of who welds the power here, the man or the woman,or maybe a bit of both of cause this depends on the person and how they / we have been brought up.
so this ? of Authoirty how far does it need to go. as a direct ? does this refer to a man or a woman, yet where does this authoirty come from or who has given it , or has it been one has taken apone them selfs to use it .

Heres another way to look at it, power can be used in two different ways, one as a hard taskmaster. and demand others to do as one has said, or you get along side others and help them along as a kindly leader,

So youd like to rather be dressed sexy alluring smart and click around in high heels a tight skirt with your ?? breasts showing, And show definite male dominance, posture and deportment,and then show your male side to great effect,

How do i answer this, ill take it that is a photo of you on here, and id say youd look more the part to do than i could ...ever... I dought id be dressed as like youv said just not me,though you may be surprised what i do wear, , i would struggle with this male side, yes i can be tough very strong minded and body strength aswell. im in charge of large complex with some 40 people and another group of men who will be under my charge, yes some 15 or so. plus others on call when needed,

If in the event of a major detail i take full responciabilty and have that authorty to have the finale say, as to what to do. ( Health and safety ) .Now clothes, does not enter into it, what i wear makes little difference, wont be high heels for sure,

What puzzels me is your last part, portraying your male side,I thought the idear was to show how to be like a woman okay maybe this is meant to be taken in fun, and iv sort of missed that bit,

So how do i show myself to others, soft yet can be tough when needed being on building sites take's care of that for me, being feminine still struggle a bit with that, oh this sexy part, no way,

ich bin eine Frau die servent Ladung erfolgen = i am an servent woman who can take charge.

...noeleena...

[Paulette]

When you are fem dressed, do you get into a comfortable mode that, this is how it should be? And then, do you ever think that fem is the norm and not fem is the long practiced portrayal and performance that you've presented in your mainstream life. . . .
So, the question is, would you go full time fem if you could? And then, would you portray male for the effect benefit when necessary?

Yes. No. Maybe.

I dress to be and feel pretty, but now only with my wife. I have no gender dysphoria at all, now, though I did as a child.

Showing power while in a dress would, for me, require the mindset of an Elaine Stritch or a "Maude," or maybe one of the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence. I could "do" those, but I have no need or urge in that direction. I do "masculine" without effort while in male mode and when I'm performing (street or stage) which I did successfully for about ten years. Same with community organizing or running a classroom or school, which I've also done. (I have been told that I'm really blind to power plays in business or socially, and I believe it. I simply don't feel any need to acquire or exercise power, just a need to see things done well and for the benefit of as many as possible.)

When very young, yes, I wanted to be someone's little girl, to be sheltered and cherished. But that was more than half century ago. Too old and crusty now to make that work without looking (and feeling) like a "Baby Jane."

These things have their own developmental progression and maturity. Whatever I do or however I present myself I want to appear appropriate to my age (73). The child who dressed in mommy's underwear and stole from the neighbor's clotheslines is long gone, thank ghu.

Power in the Reichian or Adlerian sense is related, but a separate matter. In bed with my wife, dressed in a nightgown or not, I can be dominant or submissive and enjoy both. Of course it's easier to be sub when wearing silky things, but not essential. And best of all, neither of us have to think about it: we just naturally respond to the needs of the moment and to each other's whims. We can each be power bottoms or compliant tops, as well as simple bottom or top. (Yay, sex!)

What is essential for me is to be social. To be known and seen and accepted by friends or family while en femme or (if you are a genetic female CD) en homme, and to feel comfortable while doing so, is essential to one's sanity. At least it is essential to my sanity. When we lived near San Francisco we had a group of friends who accepted us in any way we presented ourselves, as we did them, and that was lovely. (We did not go looking for kinky friends. We just found that our most intelligent, funniest, and most worldly friends were also the most accepting of our and their own kinks. And among them these friends, we found each other.)

Now we're in rural Louisiana (not explored the New Orleans scene yet) and have only ourselves for company. And that's sufficient for us. I don't need to pass or show my feathers to others - just so long as I can be myself with my wife.

[April Rose]

Anne Bonney Said;

How many of us WANT, actually want to sit quietly and intently for hours on end do something like needlework?

Anne, some of us certainly do. you can see an example of my needlework in the photo gallery.

As for Carla's post, I don't know, I don't think my masculine and feminine sides are so very different. I'm known as a hardworking but not particularly assertive person at my job, and thus have never risen to any position of real authority. And, to be honest, I don't regret it. I've managed to support myself and my family, and beyond that I don't give a tinker's damn about success. I enjoy my dresses, my feminine activities and my outdoor sports. And I'm happy to keep a low profile with all of them.

[Martina Hall]

I had an epiphany just yesterday...it occurs to me that this may just be a form of escape. Some people use alcohol and or drugs to forget about problems. Dressing up also kind of makes me forget, and it is not as hard on the liver. And it is a lot of fun.

[April Rose]

Martina, I very much agree with that, and have intentionally used it in times of stress. It works great when the stress is outside the home, work related, or something like that. It may be a little tougher when the stress is caused by the home relationships. Depending on the circumstances,because the situation causing the stress might also be preventing dressing, right at the time you most need it, causing further stress.

Sometimes, relationships are as hard on cross dressing as cross dressing is on relationships.

[CarlaWestin]

I had an epiphany just yesterday...it occurs to me that this may just be a form of escape. Some people use alcohol and or drugs to forget about problems. Dressing up also kind of makes me forget, and it is not as hard on the liver. And it is a lot of fun.

I certainly agree with you. When I'm dressed, and I'm Carla, I've escaped back into MY world. I walk elegant and I'm sexy. And that vibrates through me when I'm in the zone. Escape is a wonderful word but, I think of it as renormalizing. If it weren't for the strangling constraints of marriage and employment, I would live Carla. And, public presentation is just not an issue.

[Rikki]

These thoughts hit me right on this morning! You nailed it. No real GD or TG thing going on, not much of a sexual turn on at my age, just a soft and silky escape in "my other world" for a short time. Very comforting.

Rikki

[Anita]

Carla Westin wrote:

So, the question is, would you go full time fem if you could? And then, would you portray male for the effect benefit when necessary?

Almost every gal I know who goes full time would never portray male, for any kind of effect. That's a strong statement, but their feelings about it are strong, too. They do not want to go back, for any reason. One woman did dress male for her son's high school graduation--she felt she had to put her feelings aside, and do that for him.

When I'm dressed as a woman, I don't feel that I can call upon male defense moves. They may be easy to access in day-to-day male life, but I do not want to 'go there' when presenting as a woman. I'm sure if the situation got extreme enough, I would, but I can sense it would be very painful for me to do that. And I'm not fulltime!