Crossdressers-Haven.com

When we can get up in the morning and wear what we want without worrying about it we will have become normal.

All this stopping myself, or choosing to under dress, or not to dress or oh now I can dress, or being angry because someone is here I do not dress in front of for whatever reason...etc. This is one hell of a way to live every waking moment!!!! I suppose...sure people are going to freak, not like it or like it or whatever. I suppose most of the general public are going to notice us, some won't, some will want to assault us verbally or otherwise but most probably after noticing will just walk on or not even care. Unfortunately we are the pioneers on the front line of social change pushing for our right to be who we are so that one day no one will care or notice unless they are interested in us or are our friends.

We are trying to get to normal it will not be without pain or work to get there.

Baby steps, dear. Look how many generations women took to achieve the level of equality they currently have - and that's not complete yet. This is a comparable issue - about the deep seated ideas of where the genders are and what's specific to one or the other - or neither.

Anne, there is no 'normal' until there is acceptance. Accept yourself first. There will be friends and relationships lost and few gained. When the price of inner peace and sanity is greater, you'll know what to do.

Eileen

Normal a small town in Montana...I think...I left there a long time ago. I moved just outside Hope BC, and that caused me to be beyond hope... I agree with Eileen, there is no normal until you start to accept yourself. I know that once I accepted myself, quirks and all, life became much easier for me. Maybe I am getting old, but I could care less what others think, their opinions mean nothing to me!

Hi Anne,

I think 'normal' is a lot closer than you think. Yes we are on the forefront in some ways but there won't be a magical day where all of a sudden its 'normal' for everyone everywhere at the same time?

Every generation brings change to social attitudes...and where I'm at, the battle is already won! The kids round here don't even blink about gender stuff. Just before my public transition my son said to me..'just get on with it - by next week it'll be old news'. He was right.

Even the adults don't care. No ostracism at all, quite the opposite and now I talk to many more people than I used to, they all know and I wear whatever I like - even at work. You get the picture.

My point is this. We can build a fear in our heads and in reality for many people around us - they just don't care one way or the other. Some may, but I've not met them.The world has seriously changed and still is.

That fear slowed me down and if I knew then what I know now? I'd have done it years ago

Hi.

Oh i love this ....normal what the hell does that mean to me. Im not normal i dont wont to be normal ....And how the hell could i be normal any way even if i wont to be,

I prefer not being normal you know why, i dont have to prove that i am. hey its that simple,

Once you get to know me you may change your mind or see me and say Hi noeleena.......

I wonder what they 55 years ago had taken me to the nut house, would have said then. could have been interesting,

Nobody belives me any way. so does it really matter, you know im playing this up to the hilt,

So if i go down the list of whats not normal about myself could be a long list, ...he ..he ....

I'd have to start at age 1.okay just a few and set the backdrop. born intersex was in Hospital a lot no memory for most of my first 10 years, abused because no idear, no father, you know what a lot of other kids had issues as well. 1950's on,

Now, i look different sure not a feminine looking female wear my womens clothes dress nicely makes no difference though, get looked at a lot ... by males i bet they think what the hell,

Okay fun over ,

You know what my difference or not normal has opened doors for myself in ways that would not have happened had i been a full male or full female , so because of my difference it really has been fantastic this has given to me so much in ways youll never understand, so being different or not normal has been in so many ways you know i dont have words to explain whats in my heart and to express that i dont know how to.

I'v been given more than i could ever have wished for. a fantastic blessing that money could or can never buy.

...noeleena...

Dang it!!!! I hate it when I click around and wind up accidentally deleting a well thought out response - geeze....

Normal is just a word the Idea is getting up and not even being aware but just being without thinking about it. That is what I am driving at. We get up in the morning and get dressed or do whatever and we do not even give it much thought, I tend to put on whatever I was wearing yesterday until it gets dirty, unless I have a desire to wear something different.

I tend to dress all one way or all the other, and do not really consider under dressing with painted toenails in my shoes and shaved legs to be a blend.... I think I will always be this way and see no transition to full time all the time I only know I cannot bear to be fully male masculine mode all the time because sooner or later I come around to wanting to feel like a girl, wear a dress, put on make up and jewelry and savor being in female mode which for now and the foreseeable future will continue to be at home and around the house. If I find the right woman for me who knows with her encouragement what heights I could attain which could (I would hope) include going out in full female mode. I could see her driving and I am in a dress at first, perhaps eventually getting out fully dressed to enter a store or a restaurant and at that point my transition will be complete though that complete would still consist of me wearing whatever I desire sometimes fully male, sometimes fully female - this is the endpoint that I see for me. I can see and yes I would desire and really enjoy submitting and being a part time wife (in the context of a normal loving relationship) and things going back and forth like that - a truly equal relationship. (I mean there is no humiliation, punishment, force, no dominatrix, no SM, no whips or restraint. None. I mean a normal husband and wife loving relationship in which one would acquiesse or allow the other to make a decision and go along with it. If my wife desired or wanted me to dress for her I would because sometimes she will wear a pretty dress for me too when we go out).

As My sons still live at home and because I am not their mother, I feel the need internally to be their Father and being consistent about it in male mode for them. God knows their mother is horribly impaired and on the decline and at some point in the relatively near future her body will not be able to go on anymore. They need me to be the Father they are used to I believe. I have told both that I crossdress, and both seemed to just accept it in stride with no problem whatsoever. One was like fine, can I have a few bucks for...and the other told me he was "proud" of me for sharing it whatever that means.... Things are hard enough for them at 19 and 21 and for the past 8 years our life as a family has been far from what it would have been for them were their mother actively involved in their lives, instead I am so busy providing care for their mother that they have had to pretty much fend for theirselves - tragic but it is what it is, I am sorry for it but there is no remedy that would restore all that has been lost of what was or could have been, it is just kind of sad.

I do believe my crossdressing has become more prominent than it would have been because I am so cooped up and cannot do anything but the daily grinding care of my wife, so it is one coping mechanism. Were I out racing here and there in a normal life I do not know but that I would probably be more in male mode than female but once the boys leave the nest and short of a new and very accepting wife what degree I will be dressing left to my own devices. I do think if the house were empty and I was alone I would be dressing more at home at least...

I have made contact with the psychologist again and will in the course of things also discuss my crossdressing and issues surrounding this part of who I am, but he already knows and told me already he saw no problem with it at all. It has not interfered with my ability to function normally as a person and that I should do whatever makes me happy.

Can't remember what I had written previously but these were the main thoughts. Anne

My 11y.o. daughter likes to say that normal is boring and only boring people are normal. And of course I encourage her in that opinion. Some people want to be normal, and to blend in, and never do anything unusual or think any original thoughts. But I'm not that way, I don't want my kids to be that way, and I have no interest in people who are that way.
So if you're going to break the rules, just break them and don't look back.

But I do really need to point out one thing, now that I've determined to wear what I want whenever I want, I worry about what I'm wearing a whole lot more than I ever did before. The idea that one can wear whatever, and not worry about it, really only applies to jeans and t-shirts. So I don't follow everyone else's rules, but I now have 1000 new ones of my own for every old one I broke. Now I'm paranoid about stains (never cared before); colors have to coordinate for everything, shoes, tights, bag, nail polish, jewelry; can't wear the same outfit 2 times in the same week; style has to go with the weather and the season; degree of formality must be appropriate, which sometimes means changing 3 or 4 times in one day; will straps show, and do I want them to?; do I look fat in this?; are there bulges and lines visible, do I need a slip or shaper?; it's endless................ If you don't want any worry, dress like a guy in jeans and a t-shirt where it's normal to have a beer gut handing out and be hairy and grubby and nobody cares. But trying to look pretty is one huge pile of worries, and I don't mind the worries, I only wish the results were better.

When I move into female gear for me it is no bother because like most women I know or have been around they are quite casual, easy make up, comfortable clothing, not much mus or fuss unless they have a special occasion then they do put in extra effort like when we dress up in a coat and tie, shine our shoes, shave, make sure our hair cut is fresh we have our male jewelry on, a nice watch and college ring. Sometimes dressing up is a lot of work but not for every day. Also women I am around while they may wear a dress or a skirt on occasion, frequently they are in shorts and a top with tennis shoes in the summer, long jeans or slacks with a top when it is cold.

I am very low maintenance. I have no desire to be fat, grizzled, or grubby even as a guy. So I find I can go whichever way the wind is blowing on any particular day and except for the application of make up and some extra jewelry dressing as a girl does not call for much extra work even for the women I see around me.

Hi,

Oh heck, Ralitsa you don't know me then.

Okay .youll know im a female a weird one never mind still female.

you said about clothes and no doubt for many males they are grubby and a beer gut, and not inclined to dress nicely or as we'd say Military talk , look after your self, health and hygiene and be tidy and be respectable and take pride in your self this has applyed to myself for 56 years.

Both as a Military and civilian. from a kid through. now this is were it changes ,

many of my jobs have been so grubby you would not have reconised who the heck i was and i still do jobs and get dirty even at home i wear my jean type skirt just for work and tops or what ever is work clothes my friends know me and they dont care as i do jobs for them as well.

i cant be dressed up all the time and i dont, no makeup i dont any way no need. and they dont expect me to .so my life really is quite normal,so maybe being different is normal for this kid.

...noeleena...

You were in the military? I was a "military brat" in High School I was in Army JROTC, and then I spent 5 years Navy and the last 15 Air Force I was an RN. My Father was not a drill sergeant personality, he was a wonderful father would not trade him for anyone - still I suppose the influence is there to cut the hair neatly, shower every day, and shave. I think it's true it becomes ingrained no matter which way the wind is blowing.

Hi,

Yes ...SIR....Navy , Sir.....We would have been first class Drum core ...Sir.....

Yeap i was going to carry on with the Navy just a few issues for family had i gone, i was needed at home so we Mom wrote a letter giving the reason so yes i missed that boat. pity i would have loved it, still not to be.

Years later i was going to wok for the Army as a chippy rank would have been then 2nd corporal.
Our 3 kids did training as well Cliff , Nathan ,and Kaylyn so yes we have been through the Military

...noeleena...