Need Dressing Adivce

[KTSimmons]

Greetings All,
First of all want to apologies to Silver Lady(SO) for making some posts that did not meet all of the rules. I hope we are all OK.

I really need the groups support more than ever. My urge to fully dress (at home) is getting stronger by the day. I am 48 and my wife is 50 (looks 35 and great) My wife is fine with me wearing pantyhose (which is my main love) in public and at home (we live in the country) with my shaved legs usually with Silk Reflection Little Color.
However she knows (not in front of her) that I fully crossdress, with a dress or skirt, wig, blouse, and make up (all mine, not hers)I am (6'0" 260), she is 5'2" 105 lbs. so I do not borrow her clothes, which is very sad since she has some nice sexy clothes.
Any advice on how I proceed. I really feel so much more relaxed dressed, and the urge is getting stronger by the day.
Thanks, KT

[Leeza]

KT,

It is probably a good thing that you can't wear your wife's clothes. A number of women who do accept their husbands dressing do not want them using their clothes.

Proceed very slowly. We often use the "term baby steps". Remember that what may seem to you as "baby Steps" may seem to her life a sprint.

The biggest thing is communication. Discuss it with her carefully and figure out where the bounds are that she can be comfortable with. Later she may be more willing to more the bounds.

Although my wife was accepting, she wasn't supportive. At first at first it was "I know you do it but I don't want to see it." As the years went by she did allow me to dress more and more till by the time she died I was dressing most of the time.

[Eileen (SO)]

Unless you harbor deeper feelings, your wife needs assurance that clothes do not make the man. Do you intend to dress femme sometimes or most of the time at home? Your urge to dress is important to you, her needs are to married to a man. There's lots of room for compromise. There is plenty of information to be found on cross dressing to educate the both of you. No matter how strong your urges are, very few wives will accept her guy lounging around the house in a dress.
Since she knows now what you do privately, you might want to explain how good it makes you feel. Yes, baby steps, always. With any luck, her being more accepting will only take several years. And when you have any discussions, wear pants.

Eileen

[SilverLady(SO)]

Hi, KT -

I don't know what happened to my post I made here yesterday, must have been a cyber hiccup.

Yes, we're 'all OK' because I'm more concerned that 'rules broken' equate to 'lessons learned' and they don't get repeated.

I agree with the advice given by both Leeza and Eileen(SO). If and when your wife is ready for you to be dressed in front of her, try to enlist her assistance with shopping especially as you say she has some nice clothes - that means she has a great eye and that will be valuable for you.

Do get your own wardrobe and accessories, do not use any of your wife's accessories without her express permission to do so. I know I'm very particular about my jewelry and there are some pieces I just do not want to share with Virginia as they can have a variety of special meanings for me; getting that through to Virginia without her taking offense is another story (I call it convenient memory loss on her part).

As always, "Baby steps, honey; baby steps." Compromise is a 2-way street with give and take on both sides; keep the lines of communication open; and most importantly do NOT issue nor give in to any demands or threats, that's a death spiral that only gets worse as time goes by.

Good luck!


- SL

[DonnaT]

Talk it over with your wife. She knows a bit, but needs more input.

For example, try and determine if she can accept you wearing a skirt, while presenting otherwise as a man. Would that work for you, if she can accept that step?

My wife is ok with how I dress at home, except I don't wear makeup or a wig. I'm just me, albeit dressed in fem clothes.

[Eileen (SO)]

This is what has evolved for us as a happy compromise. He goes out as she (sorry when I mix up pronouns, I promised not to use her first name) at least once a month, meetings or GNO's. Some of the GNO's I also go, it's a fun night out with friends. He dresses at home when the need arises, but dressed fully. It's easier to be accepting to see 'her' than my guy in a dress. Makeup is not needed, a clean shaven face is. We enjoy going through clothing catalogs together, as two women. Sometimes I'm not in the mood to see 'her', then we just do our own thing in separate rooms. That sounded harsh, I mean that I watch tv and she's on the computer, or visa versa. We don't ignore each other, just not actually together.
All that is leisure time though, in maintaining a home and most other chores, we are a one woman, one man couple. We respect each others emotional needs. He gets enough femme time to satisfy his needs, and I keep the man I married plus a cool girlfriend.

I believe that unaccepting spouses are missing out on the higher level of closeness we now share. But it takes lots of time to get there. A Cd lives with dressing desires all his life, a spouse has no clue until discovery. There doesn't seem to be any gender straight female cross dressers, so the concept is very foreign to us. Some will never accept, so be prepared to either stay in the closet or create a new life.

Eileen