Crossdressers-Haven.com

If I was a bigtime sports fan, I might play recreational basketball or softball, trying to emulate one of my favorite players. Or if John Wayne was my hero, I might wear a stetson and take up horseback riding.
I've been thinking my dressing is me, emulating what I idolize, { women}. I have always put these mysterious creatures on a pedestal, although the height of that pedestal is diminishing as I age.
Is this to simplistic as to the "why" I dress?
I wonder less about the " why", than I used to, but I still wonder. Giving up on beating the " urge ", has made the " why" less important.

Is the other side of this coin " self loathing " ?

Ok, that will be enough rambling for now

If you played sports, you'd likely want to be the best you can be. At some point you'd find a hero to idolize and/or emulate in your favorite sport, but the playing came first.

Same with the CDing, it came first.

I have been and always will be a crossdresser from age 14 until I die and make my mother proud of her daughter

I think there is some of that, for me anyway. I have posted several times about being generally jealous, envious, of women. My take is that is how I rationalize to my conscious mind the feelings that I have.

But, as you say, Vanessa, with each passing month the why is less important.

Self loathing??? Nawwww. Maybe escapism, but that is about it.

Kelly

Well I certainly had self-loathing. If I were to put my finger on the why of that, it would be to do with having a certain image of what I as a boy and then teenager and then adult should be. And also rather too much touchy pride. Getting into women's clothes and having a seemingly indelible desire to do that simply didn't fit and I don't think I was emotionally strong enough to take the gap between reality and image. So I guess you could say the self-loathing came out of emotional weakness. But it probably would be more accurate to say that I hadn't developed enough as a person to provide the emotional ballast to support the contrast while I worked it out.

My idea of women is something like they're so wonderful, who wouldn't want to be like that. So it's more like I have an idealised view of women in general and then kind of want to merge into it, kind of merge into the wonderfulness. In a way it's like emulate, only more general. I do tend to find myself identifying with women in movies, though in rather unpredictable way.

Hi,

Had i been a real male / man or what they are meant to be then i would have tryed to be the best i could ever have been , i spos in some ways how i was percived... maybe.... i was to some people yet some knew me better than i knew myself,

I doubt i would have idolized any one let alone any male;s background to that, so no way would i have wonted to or emulate a male . you'd be pushing me into a corner and i would lash out in a major way

Females .again i dont need to or wonted to , ( i know you mean women here ) a little different for my self of cause ,It comes down to just being myself i see women of cause and have a lot to do with them ,,yet emulate or be like, no im my own person i dont copy others or wont to be like another female or woman, i cant any way, again i spos you mean in dress and appreance and looks even act like not possible,

i know my self to well to know it would not work and i;d look rather silly to say the least,

yes, i see some guy;s look very lovely dressed and i know i would not , in fact i would be so out of place in how i look so its better i just be myself , i know my limits i know what i ...can ...do ,

You know my issues that wont change so no i dont work on try to be other than myself even if not a very good looking female though born female and male in some aspects sure not ever in a sexual way, as most / many females are, so my lack in that side of being a female and a few others details as well,

its not all that bad and there are other aspects to my makeup that would not be there had i been born a full male or full female, in simple terms im happy as i am and you know my comment, my acceptance comes completly from others who accept my difference and accept this .....is..... who i really am.

...noeleena...

While I understand what you are saying Vanesa, however I am I and no one else. My dressing arose from inherent behaviour from my very early childhood when my sisters dressed and treated me as a sister, not a brother.

I have a very masculine employ and hobbies, however the desire to dress in female apparel is still very strong and is an enjoyment in my mature years. I think it has now also possibly become a release from the stress of work.

However, in reality , I dress to enjoy and have no association with wanting to be female or male for that matter.

As related to crossdressing, my early influences on what I chose to wear was the same sort of clothing that my Junior high and high school (graduated in '77) contemporary girls were wearing. For some reason, the pep club girls fascinated me. For some reason, I really remember the Keds they would wear. Lingerie was simple and generally unadorned, except for panties which were usually nylon with some print. Gingham prints and style. . .Halters were popular, but I don't recall being fascinated with them (for my wear)

Over time not a lot had changed, as I always underdress, although the thought of passing and going some where safe is starting to sound more interesting. I have pushed boundaries with interest a few times.for example, my wife and I went to the mall and I was wearing obvious forms and tight shirt. Wearing shirts where a bra was visible, trying on bra's at Target (in male mode) and always wearing womens athletic Nike, asics or keds. or ballet flats. . . trying on womens shoes as well. . . never a problem. But I digress. . .

Some of my interests have matured, so to speak. But I still notice some of what the younger generation is wearing. I do not however, fixate on any given clothing article or style. . .