Crossdressers-Haven.com

I think, at least when I am in the mood to wear feminine clothing, that we have to move away from thinking of men in dresses, skirts, and other feminine attire and all that goes along with that as "cross" dressing. Women certainly never think wearing masculine clothing is gender bending or "cross" dressing. Come to think of it the thought that pops into my head are women who wear baggy men's jeans or pants and long sleeve t or even collared shirts with or without baseball caps on backwards, and heavy men's shoes...no one thinks of that as crossdressing - amazing isn't it? Women at awards shows hosting in men's tuxedo's - do people instantly think OMG! she's CROSSDRESSING!!! OMG!!! Again zippo. So why when men are in a feminine mood and want to look and feel pretty and in the process don a pretty dress and some pumps to complete the look only this time they most definitely are on the receiving end of OMG! he's CROSSDRESSING!!! OMG!!! It's not the first time this double standard has been raised. But I think men like us at home need to stop thinking of what we are doing as some clinical diagnosis or epithet or lable. I mean OMG!! I am in the mood, and for myself the coast is clear and I am completely in feminine attire. Why is it not ok to feel and enjoy some feminine time at home? It is of course! At any time at any place if a man is feeling feminine and is in the mood to dress feminine - it is alright. Our comfort may depend on how out of the closet we are we may not even care when people come home or knock on the door because no one thinks of any of this as unusual - at least for us. We have every right to feel completely accepted by everyone in our life at all times just the same as any woman anywhere! I hope some day seeing a man out and about around town in feminine attire will become completely acceptable as much as it is for any woman to dress male.

I know that there are plenty of girls here who are already way past all of this, they are already there. But I do want to meet the socialworker, and chaplain, and sitter here to assist me in caring for my wife even my sons and their friends in feminine mode if I want to anytime, anywhere.... It should not matter. I know for many on this site it no longer matters. I hope tho get there - oh and these are not "manic thoughts" that melt away or that come during an episode of wearing feminine attire. I think this is something I need to work on to open the door further until all of this feels completely normal and accepted without any reaction at all - that is how it should be all the time. But...I am not there yet. Also I am not always in a feminine mood either but when I am I should be free dress however I please when ever I please to do so.

Anne Bonny wrote: I hope tho get there - oh and these are not "manic thoughts" that melt away or that come during an episode of wearing feminine attire. I think this is something I need to work on to open the door further until all of this feels completely normal and accepted without any reaction at all - that is how it should be all the time. But...I am not there yet. Also I am not always in a feminine mood either but when I am I should be free dress however I please when ever I please to do so.

Well said Anne and I pray you reach that point in your life you are comfortable in front of anyone regardless of how you are dressed if that is what you seek. I as fortunate in that my mother and sisters accepted me at a young age and helped me along. Still there are always doubts I know. Take it as slowly or fast as you feel comfortable. I know many of the girls here go out and probably look down at someone still in the closet but that is your current comfort level and should be respected. Should your comfort level never exceed that of the closet, enjoy it! For that is where Anne is the person she desires to be!

How wonderful to have your mother and sisters support and encouragement. My sister told me if it makes me happy it's fine, but that is different than being here encouraging and supporting me. I think we need people around us like that to bring us out of the dark hiding places into everyday acceptance and nonchalance breathing free air in front of everybody with full acceptance and encouragement to be who we are. This is part of who we are and there is nothing wrong with it! People need to get over it and let us freely be who we are, and we need to be included with all the other girls in their social networks and activities especially when we are in that mode. What a dream of total relief that would be to just be free to be who we are in the moment.

And at the same time when I am in masculine mode that too is alright because I am also that person. Women move freely in and out of different moods, and emotions, and activities. Why are men hide bound and not allowed to be who they are - So I have a feminine side why on earth should that make any difference to anyone!? It is just not fair for men like us, we do exist, we are out there, thousands of us and we are absolutely normal people. We may be a little more sensitive, considerate and loving on occasion that is the tragic thing... why should there even be a need for sites like this? But the need is there and will be until our society evolves.

Anne, sadly you are somewhat right in your lament. You are a victim of the dreaded stereotypes, both of those about transgendered people as well as what a man, or a woman for that matter, should be. People are just that people and everyone f us is an individual and should be respected for just that!

Anne Bonny wrote: Why are men hide bound and not allowed to be who they are

However in a way you reinforce the stereotype of what a man should be by the above statement. I know many men who are not like this although I will grant more are. I think those of the older generations are more so this way as they were raised to be "manly men"! My first husband was more like that but did have a soft side I and those close to him knew of but he tried valiantly not to show it to many. My second husband was less afraid to show his feelings and that he had a softer side. True there was 19 years difference between the two of them and that may have had an influence on that side of them.

You ask why should there even be a need for sites like this and yet I think you answer your own question with your feelings and fears of exposure. Yes you have a feminine side as well as a masculine one, we all do. It is stronger one way or the other in all of us and we must deal with that and accept it. As I have said in other posts I knew early on in life I was different and took the time and path to find out what that was and why. I then made my decision to pursue the path I did which I know is not for everyone. Still that doesn't mean that my male side suddenly vanished. I may have been female on the inside from birth I was born with some athletic ability. That doesn't make me any less a female. Who do you think won the "MVP" trophy at the coed softball game at the church picnic this year? Give you 3 guesses and the first two don't count! Let me tell you there was more than one guy there a bit surprised that the 60 year old blonde shortstop could out field and out hit them!

I was born in 1957, raised pretty much through the early 70's probably the most formative years. I believe people were ignorant of males who have a feminine side - they were just labeled as "sissies" or queers and homosexuals - all of it being lumped together because they had no knowledge or experience. Yes I suppose It is true using that thinking I am a sissy sometimes, as a tomboy is tomboy sometimes. But we know today this does not make us homosexual as well - that is something that is different.

Being raised this way it does make it very difficult for us to accept ourselves, and probably more difficult in our dress to step out of the closet in front of everyone we know and say yes, this is who I am. I think we tend to know what they are thinking because we were raised thinking that way ourselves and it holds us back. I have had to wait until I am financially independent, and retired to have the guts to open up that door and begin to add people to my list of those who know. It hurts to realize that just because they know and have a degree of acceptance by no means does it mean they fully accept our dressing in their presence and going on as if everything is fine and normal. These are the kinds of thoughts that hold me back. In being feminine sometimes, I wonder do people expect and need me to be a husband, and especially a father, or (guy) friend? I mean does my sharing this and then being fully femm in their presence mean that they will no longer be able to see me or accept me as a man, or accept my male masculine self, do they no longer see me as being fully a man? That can be fearful because I am fully in male mode at times too. These are some really paralyzing and fearful thoughts there are also thoughts about being derided or openly verbally and physically attacked by potentially the general public if and when we choose to go out an about, even if we decide to be openly feminine in our own home! I did answer the door in femm, one of my son's old friends, then seeing him weeks later and with his father also present I felt intimidated as I was in male father mode, does his father know now as well? Would he raise this openly in public? I spoke to him when he said hi or acknowledged me but I did not feel entirely comfortable..these kinds of thoughts, the consequences of being open can never be hauled back inside the safety of that very private closet where no one knows our deep dark secret. There is work to be done - I need to work through this. These issues hold us or me at least in my current place.

I was born in 53 Anne so I know of what you speak. After all wasn't every family back then like the ones we saw on "Father Knows Best" or "Ozzie and Harriet" or "Leave it to Beaver"? Well that was what everyone wanted everyone to believe and if theirs wasn't, heaven forbid anyone find out! I began my transition on January 1, 1980. Back then there was no Internet, few support groups, and homosexuality was just stating to peek its head out from under the covers. I doubt half of the people in the US had a clue as to what a transsexual was back then. Yes I spent many a lonely night and had a lot of doubts and second thoughts but I stuck to my guns because that was where my comfort level was.

Right now you have your hands full, and your mind and emotions, with being a caregiver. God love you because know I would never have the patience to do that. Just take it a step at a time and talk to people about your dressing when you are comfortable doing so. I am sure your time will come. But remember as I said in my last post if you decide your comfort level, remember I am saying comfort level and not desires, never takes you out of he closet so be it! Just be happy with who you are on your terms.

Thank you. I think GRS would not be the correct path for me so no plans to go there, having my ears pierced I think may be ok some day. I am comfortable sharing that I dress, no regrets there. It is just a fact. Dressing freely requires my sensing that someone is truly accepting and I do believe we can sense that in someone. So far my senses have been very accurate. Acceptance is such a wonderful thing. I am not sure when I will grow my list of people who know. I do need to find the comfort level to dress openly with those who do accept it. I have work to do.

At the risk of stating the obvious, Anne, the only way to get comfortable doing it is to do it.
Sure, people will talk, some people will make rude comments, but that's life.
So I would say, don't sweat it so much and just do it. You are suffering more worrying about what might happen than you will by dealing with what does happen.

Ralista is 100% correct! If you need to break in a new pair of heels the only way to do it is to wear them! It need not be a public setting either, the comfort and privacy of your own home is fine. I think you would be more comfortable that way. Think of al the people who of Anne and decide which is the most comfortable with it and invite them over but let them know it will be Anne they are visiting. Consider your first step, or maybe just half-step, out of the closet!

I will dress infront of my wife's sitter again, she is accepting but not in front of the son's just yet...but I think you are right - breaking the ice is needed....I need to just do it. I painted my toenails, and shaved my legs am wearing panties, camisole .... perhaps I can kick my shoes off and if the boys see my pretty nails that would break the ice some what with them as I have already told them both. Thanks - I like nike's slogan "Just do it!"

Will keep you posted either on my diary, or on this thread depending on the time frame, or in other posts.