I just received an E-mail with information that is definitely helping to peal off yet another onion skin (so to speak) of the dysfunctional back ground from which I have being coming out of these last 19 years.
It has been explained to me that it is mans first nature to look for fault in others, not that I needed much help with that. That has always seemed to come quite easily for me. It has always been much harder to find the good.
Well this E-mail stated that it is a defense mechanism created to protect us from the pain of looking at ourselves. The mask we wear to prevent the unreasonable idea that there might be something wrong with me."God forbid."
I have always wondered why it was not a problem to find anyone willing to join in the activity of attempting to change others to our way of thinking. It seemed to me that no matter what level of maturity one was at they were willing to be part of the crowd, jump on the band wagon, a safe place to be. And together change the world.
I don't know where this is going to lead, but I do know that I can't go back. That door is now closed, and a new one has been opened.
And this has made me wonder being as we all seem to believe that as a result of being gender gifted it makes us better people, Is there anyone here that is on this same page, that could share there insights into this part of us?
Are we good finders or are we fault finders?
What do you all think of this?
What are we as Cross-Dressers?
Moderators: KimberlyS, CathyAnn
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Loretta Ann
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What are we as Cross-Dressers?
Last edited by Loretta Ann on Sun Jun 20, 2004 8:32 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Beauty
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Hi Darlene,
I'm not sure I understand, but I'll do my answer one of things I do think I understand.
I think there are those of us who do see the best in people automatically, but I don't know if it has anything to do with being TG'd. There are other boards out there where CD'rs post and you can see that the first thing that happens is they find fault in someone or the negative is seen first.
I believe (I'm pretty sure I've said this at nauseam) we are not any better than anyone else because we are gender gifted. We only understand acceptance better. Unfortunately understanding isn't an action it's just a state of mind. So even that isn't anything I feel someone should hang their hat on.
In my opinion, women and men are fault finders. I don't think it's a femme trait. All parents tend to not find fault with their children.
I do see this behavior of finding fault easier for fathers with sons. Then I see mother's finding fault with daughters easier than a father. I just think it's a mixed bag. Of course I'm sensitive, VERY sensitive to generalizations too.
This is a great thread topic Darlene!!!
Beauty
I'm not sure I understand, but I'll do my answer one of things I do think I understand.
I think there are those of us who do see the best in people automatically, but I don't know if it has anything to do with being TG'd. There are other boards out there where CD'rs post and you can see that the first thing that happens is they find fault in someone or the negative is seen first.
I believe (I'm pretty sure I've said this at nauseam) we are not any better than anyone else because we are gender gifted. We only understand acceptance better. Unfortunately understanding isn't an action it's just a state of mind. So even that isn't anything I feel someone should hang their hat on.
In my opinion, women and men are fault finders. I don't think it's a femme trait. All parents tend to not find fault with their children.
I do see this behavior of finding fault easier for fathers with sons. Then I see mother's finding fault with daughters easier than a father. I just think it's a mixed bag. Of course I'm sensitive, VERY sensitive to generalizations too. This is a great thread topic Darlene!!!
Beauty
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Virginia
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Beauty, there you go again making me think, probably beyond my capabilities. Anyway, you state that no one is better than anyone else. The first thing that came to my mind is a guy I barely know, but he is interesting to watch. He works for a roofer, he's black and he only has one arm. I have never seen this guy with out a smile on his face - Like, "I'm just glad to be here!" then I think about the pro-football player who gave up his career, joined the Army Special Forces and was killed in Afganistan. Yeah, who's the better person? On the other hand, Bill Cosby, once told an audience that he had just gotten back from doing a routine at some Federal prison, his statement was something to the effect,"All I can say is I am certainly glad we have those type of facilities."
Baby killers, TG killers, etc. How do we accept or forgive these people? I think it is only human nature, male or female to form an opinion of those we meet. You know the old adage: "You never get a second chance to make a first impression."
For me, ever since Deborah has made her presence in me, I have definitely learned to be much more tolerant of all folks - she did this for me. On the other hand - as I have said, "I will wear my mini and go forth to do battle with public opinion, and if public don't like it - you better smile when you say it!"
Tolerance, Girls, tolerance
Baby killers, TG killers, etc. How do we accept or forgive these people? I think it is only human nature, male or female to form an opinion of those we meet. You know the old adage: "You never get a second chance to make a first impression."
For me, ever since Deborah has made her presence in me, I have definitely learned to be much more tolerant of all folks - she did this for me. On the other hand - as I have said, "I will wear my mini and go forth to do battle with public opinion, and if public don't like it - you better smile when you say it!"
Tolerance, Girls, tolerance
First star to the right, then straight on 'till mornin!
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Loretta Ann
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Wow! What thoughtful replies makes me glad I started this thread.
One observation that I have made is it appears that the majority (not all) Transgendered people want to educate society.
While it also appears that the majority (not all) of society would like to educate us.
It appears that we may be in a dead lock.](./images/smilies/eusa_wall.gif "Brick wall")
Do we (the majority of society included) have something in common that is painful to look at, and need a defense mechanism to protect us from this?
Interesting CJ, Perhaps it is those of us who do take an earnest look inside of us, who truly benefit from being trans-gender gifted, and thereby come out of it better for the experience. And if Cding makes us do that then I think that is quite healthy.Perhaps we are self-finders
One observation that I have made is it appears that the majority (not all) Transgendered people want to educate society.
While it also appears that the majority (not all) of society would like to educate us.
It appears that we may be in a dead lock.
Do we (the majority of society included) have something in common that is painful to look at, and need a defense mechanism to protect us from this?-
Kathy
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Now that is a very interesting thought.Darlene wrote:Do we (the majority of society included) have something in common that is painful to look at, and need a defense mechanism to protect us from this?
If the majority of society took a long deep look within themselves, how many would actually like what they see? I am probably as guilty as anyone for tending to find fault with others the moment they say or do something that I don't like. But, with the help of people like we have here, I am learning to catch myself. I am trying to turn that around and, rather than condem that person, try to understand their point of view. Just because I don't like what thay say or do doesn't make them wrong. Nor does it make them bad, just different.
That is one aspect of my personality that I don't like. I am trying to change that. If the majority of society would do the same, how many problems in this world would just go away?
I tend to agree with Beauty that I am really no better or worse than anybody else. But, Deborah's quote from Bill Cosby does make a valid point. I wouldn't care to place myself on the same level as murderers, rapists and such.
Whatever you accomplish in life is a manifestation not so much of what you do, as of what you believe deeply within yourself that you deserve. - Les Brown
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Gelinda
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Well on to the thinking pool.
I believe most people when they start peeling th onion, first look at themselves to see the faults in others. Do people with like personality see the same in themselves, yes I believe so. So what we see is the difference in each other. Sometimes it is evil we see and sometimes when we allow our selves to see the good in others. But it starts with our inner self first.
Gelinda
I believe most people when they start peeling th onion, first look at themselves to see the faults in others. Do people with like personality see the same in themselves, yes I believe so. So what we see is the difference in each other. Sometimes it is evil we see and sometimes when we allow our selves to see the good in others. But it starts with our inner self first.
Gelinda
* * Email address not current as of 05-05-2009. Please contact SilverLady(SO) immediately! See http://crossdressers-forum.com/forums/v ... php?t=9237 for further information. Thank You!! * *
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CJ
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Hi all,
Good points you've all raised. I was about twelve or thirteen years old when, tired of loathing myself, I first cracked open a psychiatry tome to see if it held any answers to the dark mystery of who I was. The first layer of onion peel came off the moment I understood that I was certainly not alone in being different from, and yet, in many ways so similar to, other human beings.
Over time, I came to see that all of us, every human being, is different yet similar in this way. Beyond my being a crossdresser, beyond my being a male, even, I saw that I was human, so very human. And that we all are. My hopes, my fears, my joys, my sorrows were but a chapter, a page, a paragraph, a sentence, in an endless book of such stories as was (and is) my own. It then became difficult for me to find fault in others that I couldn't first uncover in myself. And, through the years, many are the ones I've uncovered (and continue to uncover). This "hunt" for myself has also led me to discover my qualities, my strengths, my beauty, and all those other traits that have finally enabled me to say, "I love myself." And you know what? There's nothing so lofty about myself that I can't also see it in others. And see it I have, and do.
"Educating" society (I use quotation marks because I'm no longer sure what the word means in this context) has less to do with bringing others around to our way of thinking or of doing things than it does with fostering a psychological and social environment where every person would be given the opportunity to realize his or her full potential as a human being, flaws and strengths and all. As far as I'm concerned, I can only be ever thankful that I was given that opportunity. As always, I remain a work in progress... as are all of us.
Now, I'm tired. I'm going to bed. I wish you all a good night. I'll cradle the whole lot of you in the arms of my dreams.
Love,
CJ
Good points you've all raised. I was about twelve or thirteen years old when, tired of loathing myself, I first cracked open a psychiatry tome to see if it held any answers to the dark mystery of who I was. The first layer of onion peel came off the moment I understood that I was certainly not alone in being different from, and yet, in many ways so similar to, other human beings.
Over time, I came to see that all of us, every human being, is different yet similar in this way. Beyond my being a crossdresser, beyond my being a male, even, I saw that I was human, so very human. And that we all are. My hopes, my fears, my joys, my sorrows were but a chapter, a page, a paragraph, a sentence, in an endless book of such stories as was (and is) my own. It then became difficult for me to find fault in others that I couldn't first uncover in myself. And, through the years, many are the ones I've uncovered (and continue to uncover). This "hunt" for myself has also led me to discover my qualities, my strengths, my beauty, and all those other traits that have finally enabled me to say, "I love myself." And you know what? There's nothing so lofty about myself that I can't also see it in others. And see it I have, and do.
"Educating" society (I use quotation marks because I'm no longer sure what the word means in this context) has less to do with bringing others around to our way of thinking or of doing things than it does with fostering a psychological and social environment where every person would be given the opportunity to realize his or her full potential as a human being, flaws and strengths and all. As far as I'm concerned, I can only be ever thankful that I was given that opportunity. As always, I remain a work in progress... as are all of us.
Now, I'm tired. I'm going to bed. I wish you all a good night. I'll cradle the whole lot of you in the arms of my dreams.
Love,
CJ
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Tea Cake
- Miss Emerald Goddess
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peace
I wonder if experiencing great loss or grappling with emotional challenges---disorders and the like ---can create empathy with regards to not first pinpointing on faults in others.
----I wonder if burdens like chronic pain or handicaps--or even constant economic-tension---can sometimes create a conciousness of the human thread we all share---and make virtues like compassion and acceptence a real part of a life in this world. I wonder often if a kind of accepting sad-joy drives the best virtues.
I wonder this because I think that it might be easy to spend a lot of time arranging and rearranging the puzzle-pieces of our lives seeking that feeling of potential-that all deserve to feel--and to lightly regard our judgements of others( and ourselves)--but when this is interupted by tragedy or excessive self-doubt, coping mechanisms-behaviors began to really manifest..sometimes negative ones-- I think that when this happens one might try to hide and cope by focusing first on faults with others (and society in general)---and verbalizing cynically to whatever ear is around-
----but to be humbled by difficulties--and face them alone---as all must--it seems at some point...well
There's an old saying: " Never piss off a hermit, because they have all the time in the world to think about their grudge "
--which I think alludes to a bitter and redundant thought process we've all experienced when not at our best.---
---but to really look at our selves and admit our own faults( big-faults) ---not bitterly---but with heads held way too low ---can leave us stuck in a vulnerable space. Staying there too long is draining and hard. I mean mid-life sorts of reckonings---not just little dissapointments.
I think compassion and acceptence are like ladder rungs leading out of the dark.
----To have these virtues in the front of hearts and minds any kind of soul must be centered.Or steering earnestly towards that.
and for gender-agile souls:
I think being true to the wonderful female energies that swirl inside us leads to a center. It has taught me the power of self-honesty.
You all have helped me feel so good about my femme-side. It amazes me that I lived so long without trying to understand the wonderful complexities of it all.
Peace to you all and Happy Solstice!!!
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Tea-Cake
----I wonder if burdens like chronic pain or handicaps--or even constant economic-tension---can sometimes create a conciousness of the human thread we all share---and make virtues like compassion and acceptence a real part of a life in this world. I wonder often if a kind of accepting sad-joy drives the best virtues.
I wonder this because I think that it might be easy to spend a lot of time arranging and rearranging the puzzle-pieces of our lives seeking that feeling of potential-that all deserve to feel--and to lightly regard our judgements of others( and ourselves)--but when this is interupted by tragedy or excessive self-doubt, coping mechanisms-behaviors began to really manifest..sometimes negative ones-- I think that when this happens one might try to hide and cope by focusing first on faults with others (and society in general)---and verbalizing cynically to whatever ear is around-
----but to be humbled by difficulties--and face them alone---as all must--it seems at some point...well
There's an old saying: " Never piss off a hermit, because they have all the time in the world to think about their grudge "
--which I think alludes to a bitter and redundant thought process we've all experienced when not at our best.---
---but to really look at our selves and admit our own faults( big-faults) ---not bitterly---but with heads held way too low ---can leave us stuck in a vulnerable space. Staying there too long is draining and hard. I mean mid-life sorts of reckonings---not just little dissapointments.
I think compassion and acceptence are like ladder rungs leading out of the dark.
----To have these virtues in the front of hearts and minds any kind of soul must be centered.Or steering earnestly towards that.
and for gender-agile souls:
I think being true to the wonderful female energies that swirl inside us leads to a center. It has taught me the power of self-honesty.
You all have helped me feel so good about my femme-side. It amazes me that I lived so long without trying to understand the wonderful complexities of it all.
Peace to you all and Happy Solstice!!!
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Tea-Cake-
Loretta Ann
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CJ your view of "Educating" society is quite interesting and healthy, in my opinion. I am not sure how one would go about such a task.
However that is not the kind of educating that I have seen people talk about on the forums that I have visited. That is also not the kind educating that I have heard from those who wish to change us, and is not what I was referring to.
If cross-dressing was accepted by society then I am not so sure that I would have have benefited from it as much as I have. It is the very fact that it isn't that has served as a tool and/or a vehicle that has caused me to look at myself, discover some very unpleasant things about myself, which has enabled me to make some changes and/or adjustments.
How is it possible for us to say that there is nothing wrong with cross-dressing, when we see just how it hurts some of our SOs who are trying desperately to cope with the reality that there husbands are not the person they thought they married? Even some who knew before marriage are still hurt by it.
I can only draw one of two conclusions from this. There is something not right about cross-dressing or there is something not right with our SOs.
Now before you begin to think that I have lost it. let me share with you what one of my mentors told me. He said marriage is not about finding the perfect mate. (the perfect mate dose not exist, we all have our warts) That is to say we all have something that is wrong with us. Finding the right mate involves finding the person with the faults that we can live with. The only way that can happen is with honesty about who and what we are, and the only way that can happen is if we know who and what we are.
So I am not so sure that I would want society to accept me any more than they already do, because that is what has helped me to find out who and what I am. I think that is healthy.
However that is not the kind of educating that I have seen people talk about on the forums that I have visited. That is also not the kind educating that I have heard from those who wish to change us, and is not what I was referring to.
If cross-dressing was accepted by society then I am not so sure that I would have have benefited from it as much as I have. It is the very fact that it isn't that has served as a tool and/or a vehicle that has caused me to look at myself, discover some very unpleasant things about myself, which has enabled me to make some changes and/or adjustments.
How is it possible for us to say that there is nothing wrong with cross-dressing, when we see just how it hurts some of our SOs who are trying desperately to cope with the reality that there husbands are not the person they thought they married? Even some who knew before marriage are still hurt by it.
I can only draw one of two conclusions from this. There is something not right about cross-dressing or there is something not right with our SOs.
Now before you begin to think that I have lost it. let me share with you what one of my mentors told me. He said marriage is not about finding the perfect mate. (the perfect mate dose not exist, we all have our warts) That is to say we all have something that is wrong with us. Finding the right mate involves finding the person with the faults that we can live with. The only way that can happen is with honesty about who and what we are, and the only way that can happen is if we know who and what we are.
So I am not so sure that I would want society to accept me any more than they already do, because that is what has helped me to find out who and what I am. I think that is healthy.
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Virginia
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ALL RIGHT, SIS!!!!
I had not thought about it that way before, that the fact that society does not accept us, forces us to garner insight of ourselves which under acceptance we might not have to do!! Well put and so true!
As for your comment about about whether there is something wrong with crossdressing or something wrong with our SO for the hurt it causes, I will have to think about that one, but my initial reaction is "sorry, its who I am, deal with it!" Not that bluntly, because assuming we love our SO and that (like my wife) are some what accepting of it then it becomes an individual relationship issue and how two adults deal with it (see Elizabeth's saga). I have read many of the SO's posts, like you have, and even beentaken to the wood shed by both Love and Kay, but they all seem to fall into different categories, from total rejection to total acceptence! We know that crossdressing is us and it ain't gonna go away and some of us have knowledge that it is a gift and we can share it with people to up lift them. I have NOT seen a single post EVER by any of my sisters that her "feminine side" brought out a negative retribution against someone, neutral maybe but mostly positive! We all know that women can be, like the old adage: "Hell hath not fury- like a woman scorned!" but that does not seem to be within our nature - at least I have not seen it.
Personally I thing I may have transitioned too fast - not a bad thing, but now I have to go back and put in some of the missing pieces that you girls keep bringing up. Like, is Deborah parallelling me or is she merging with me? Am I or should I or can I allow Deborah to "use" my male ego if necessary and who decides when and if its necessary? She definitely has input when I am "en drab" and that's beautiful, but is "turn about - fair play?"
Please - more Starbucks!! Its early Saturday morning - Love you girls!!!
Deborah
I had not thought about it that way before, that the fact that society does not accept us, forces us to garner insight of ourselves which under acceptance we might not have to do!! Well put and so true!
As for your comment about about whether there is something wrong with crossdressing or something wrong with our SO for the hurt it causes, I will have to think about that one, but my initial reaction is "sorry, its who I am, deal with it!" Not that bluntly, because assuming we love our SO and that (like my wife) are some what accepting of it then it becomes an individual relationship issue and how two adults deal with it (see Elizabeth's saga). I have read many of the SO's posts, like you have, and even beentaken to the wood shed by both Love and Kay, but they all seem to fall into different categories, from total rejection to total acceptence! We know that crossdressing is us and it ain't gonna go away and some of us have knowledge that it is a gift and we can share it with people to up lift them. I have NOT seen a single post EVER by any of my sisters that her "feminine side" brought out a negative retribution against someone, neutral maybe but mostly positive! We all know that women can be, like the old adage: "Hell hath not fury- like a woman scorned!" but that does not seem to be within our nature - at least I have not seen it.
Personally I thing I may have transitioned too fast - not a bad thing, but now I have to go back and put in some of the missing pieces that you girls keep bringing up. Like, is Deborah parallelling me or is she merging with me? Am I or should I or can I allow Deborah to "use" my male ego if necessary and who decides when and if its necessary? She definitely has input when I am "en drab" and that's beautiful, but is "turn about - fair play?"
Please - more Starbucks!! Its early Saturday morning - Love you girls!!!
Deborah
First star to the right, then straight on 'till mornin!
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CJ
- Miss Diamond Goddess
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- Location: Montreal, Quebec, Canada
Hi all,
To the two Dees (sisters you are, indeed!),
You've both hit some bullseyes, here!
Yes, ostracism (even if it only occurs in our own mind) gets the ball rolling, I think. It forces us to first look within. A question that's haunted me my whole life (but that's become less pressing these past few years): Given that I know myself to be a good person, why am I considered a bad one by the world around me? Because of how I'm compelled to express my gender identity? Well, tough! I don't let that bother me anymore. But I've been fortunate enough to grow up in circumstances where my soul wasn't irremediably damaged by those around me, so it might be easier for me to say this than it is for some of my sisters here. Still, I think it's true that suffering can be a great teacher; usually, we find ourselves in the bizarre position of being both student and master simultaneously. (Kyra's signature is very apropos, here: Leonardo Da Vinci's "There can be no greater mastery than the mastery of oneself.")
As to whether or not there's something wrong with either crossdressing or our SOs' reaction to it, there's much there to mull over. Intuitively, I'm not sure this is a true "either-or" situation; a further, hidden, inference could be--I know that I keep coming back to this but, for me, it's just there--that there's something wrong with our culture. Our behaviour is, after all, abnormal (meant strictly in the statistical sense that it's not common); by extension, then, our SOs' range of reaction to our crossdressing is completely understandable. The catch is this (and this seems to be a classic case of Catch-22, if there ever was one): if society easily accepted gender variance, our SOs might likely be more comfortable with who we are, as we are, but, on the other hand, if society easily accepted gender variance, we wouldn't, in fact, be who we are.
The person I am today is largely the result of my trials and tribulations in the court of a closed-minded king, so to speak. And this jester is thankful for who she is.
Love,
CJ
To the two Dees (sisters you are, indeed!),
You've both hit some bullseyes, here!
Yes, ostracism (even if it only occurs in our own mind) gets the ball rolling, I think. It forces us to first look within. A question that's haunted me my whole life (but that's become less pressing these past few years): Given that I know myself to be a good person, why am I considered a bad one by the world around me? Because of how I'm compelled to express my gender identity? Well, tough! I don't let that bother me anymore. But I've been fortunate enough to grow up in circumstances where my soul wasn't irremediably damaged by those around me, so it might be easier for me to say this than it is for some of my sisters here. Still, I think it's true that suffering can be a great teacher; usually, we find ourselves in the bizarre position of being both student and master simultaneously. (Kyra's signature is very apropos, here: Leonardo Da Vinci's "There can be no greater mastery than the mastery of oneself.")
As to whether or not there's something wrong with either crossdressing or our SOs' reaction to it, there's much there to mull over. Intuitively, I'm not sure this is a true "either-or" situation; a further, hidden, inference could be--I know that I keep coming back to this but, for me, it's just there--that there's something wrong with our culture. Our behaviour is, after all, abnormal (meant strictly in the statistical sense that it's not common); by extension, then, our SOs' range of reaction to our crossdressing is completely understandable. The catch is this (and this seems to be a classic case of Catch-22, if there ever was one): if society easily accepted gender variance, our SOs might likely be more comfortable with who we are, as we are, but, on the other hand, if society easily accepted gender variance, we wouldn't, in fact, be who we are.
The person I am today is largely the result of my trials and tribulations in the court of a closed-minded king, so to speak. And this jester is thankful for who she is.
Love,
CJ
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Lorna
- Miss Diamond Goddess
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- Location: NY
What a wonderful topic! I have most certainly enjoyed reading all of your intelligent and insightful posts thus far.
I honestly believe that it is human nature to see the fault in others before seeing the good. I am not saying that that is a good character trait to have though, after all we are only human. And let us not forget that as humans we are not perfect creatures. And sadly, on more occasions than I care to remember, I have caught myself in the act of focusing on a person’s faults as opposed to their strong points, but I am working to change that.
Beauty, I feel the same way as you - I don’t feel as if anyone on this earth is better than I am. And by that same token I don’t feel that I am better than anyone else. I was raised in a household with two very narcissistic parents who possessed very elitist attitudes. They always had to be the best at everything, and put the same pressure on my siblings and I. Not just doing your best, but literally we had to be THE BEST. Failing to be the BEST resulted in swift punishment. It sickened me.
They were actually convinced that someone was automatically a lowlife, simply because he or she did not have a PhD, or did not dress conservatively, or was a smoker, or didn’t go to church, or any other way a person did not fit into their “Huxtable” fantasy. It took me years of self-struggle to unlearn what they taught me.
Darlene, you posed an excellent question. I know that taking a good long look within myself has helped me to become more tolerant and understanding as a person in general. As I mentioned above, none of us on this earth are perfect. I have screwed up my share of relationships, and gotten into my share of trouble in my 32 years on this earth. In the case of someone who may have made a mistake but admits to it, makes amends and reforms later on, they’re okay in my book. In my eyes they are no worse than the Nobel Prize winner or heart surgeon.
Girls, in the case of us, I have seen on too many message boards where faithful husbands, loving fathers, and excellent providers have been ostracized from their families simply for being CDs. They simply would not give their own provider the benefit of the doubt, and refused to educate themselves. Even if their families had chosen to remain completely uneducated and closed-minded about CDing in general, how could they suddenly forget that this was also the same husband who remained loving and faithful to his wife for 20+ years? The same father who hugged his children every day and provided for them so they would grow up happy and healthy?
Ready for this? I had also read a post somewhere on the web a couple of years back where a woman left her loving, caring CD husband for a non-CDing physically abusive alcoholic. The last message that the CD received from his wife was that she wanted to borrow money to post bail for her new boyfriend. Can you believe the nerve???
It really boggles the mind the way the majority of this society thinks. It just seems to me that many people in this world are more afraid to look within themselves than they would be of skydiving. Some people never look within, and as a result, will never change. They will never grow.
Refusing to look within and call upon your personal gifts for growth is a crime to me. I consider it a grave transgression.
I honestly believe that it is human nature to see the fault in others before seeing the good. I am not saying that that is a good character trait to have though, after all we are only human. And let us not forget that as humans we are not perfect creatures. And sadly, on more occasions than I care to remember, I have caught myself in the act of focusing on a person’s faults as opposed to their strong points, but I am working to change that.
Beauty, I feel the same way as you - I don’t feel as if anyone on this earth is better than I am. And by that same token I don’t feel that I am better than anyone else. I was raised in a household with two very narcissistic parents who possessed very elitist attitudes. They always had to be the best at everything, and put the same pressure on my siblings and I. Not just doing your best, but literally we had to be THE BEST. Failing to be the BEST resulted in swift punishment. It sickened me.
They were actually convinced that someone was automatically a lowlife, simply because he or she did not have a PhD, or did not dress conservatively, or was a smoker, or didn’t go to church, or any other way a person did not fit into their “Huxtable” fantasy. It took me years of self-struggle to unlearn what they taught me.
Darlene, you posed an excellent question. I know that taking a good long look within myself has helped me to become more tolerant and understanding as a person in general. As I mentioned above, none of us on this earth are perfect. I have screwed up my share of relationships, and gotten into my share of trouble in my 32 years on this earth. In the case of someone who may have made a mistake but admits to it, makes amends and reforms later on, they’re okay in my book. In my eyes they are no worse than the Nobel Prize winner or heart surgeon.
Girls, in the case of us, I have seen on too many message boards where faithful husbands, loving fathers, and excellent providers have been ostracized from their families simply for being CDs. They simply would not give their own provider the benefit of the doubt, and refused to educate themselves. Even if their families had chosen to remain completely uneducated and closed-minded about CDing in general, how could they suddenly forget that this was also the same husband who remained loving and faithful to his wife for 20+ years? The same father who hugged his children every day and provided for them so they would grow up happy and healthy?
Ready for this? I had also read a post somewhere on the web a couple of years back where a woman left her loving, caring CD husband for a non-CDing physically abusive alcoholic. The last message that the CD received from his wife was that she wanted to borrow money to post bail for her new boyfriend. Can you believe the nerve???
It really boggles the mind the way the majority of this society thinks. It just seems to me that many people in this world are more afraid to look within themselves than they would be of skydiving. Some people never look within, and as a result, will never change. They will never grow.
Refusing to look within and call upon your personal gifts for growth is a crime to me. I consider it a grave transgression.
Live it. Love it. OWN IT.
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Virginia
- Goddess of the Universe
- Posts: 5543
- Joined: Tue Feb 24, 2004 4:06 pm
- Location: Strange Magic Hill
What a great group of ladies - very intelligent responses, thoughtful and it sure helps me!
CJ, you said that if society accepted variences, we would not be who we are? That's interesting too. Well can I expand on that? I hope what you are saying is that we would not have been "forced" to look inside ourselves to determine who we are and why we are crossdressers. Well some of us would have anyway I am sure, but a lot of our sisters would not have or even want a clue as to what is going on with them in that scenerio, but we would still be here!
I additionally have a concern over the upcoming "Real TV" or whatever its called dealing with crossdressing and how it will be protrayed. The only upside I can see right now is that it will make "the public" more aware that we are out here. Whether or not it portrays us as some kind of socio-pathic whacko or not is yet to be seen.
What if, and since I never have watched the show about aliens living on earth with us, I don't know the name of the show, what if that actually happened, how would society accept aliens. We are not aliens, but some would treat us as such!
Great thread, hope I did not detract from it!
Love ya.
Deborah
CJ, you said that if society accepted variences, we would not be who we are? That's interesting too. Well can I expand on that? I hope what you are saying is that we would not have been "forced" to look inside ourselves to determine who we are and why we are crossdressers. Well some of us would have anyway I am sure, but a lot of our sisters would not have or even want a clue as to what is going on with them in that scenerio, but we would still be here!
I additionally have a concern over the upcoming "Real TV" or whatever its called dealing with crossdressing and how it will be protrayed. The only upside I can see right now is that it will make "the public" more aware that we are out here. Whether or not it portrays us as some kind of socio-pathic whacko or not is yet to be seen.
What if, and since I never have watched the show about aliens living on earth with us, I don't know the name of the show, what if that actually happened, how would society accept aliens. We are not aliens, but some would treat us as such!
Great thread, hope I did not detract from it!
Love ya.
Deborah
First star to the right, then straight on 'till mornin!