Spending time in drab

[Andrea F.]

Over the past couple of days, I had to stay in drab the whole time while my friends were staying with me. They have a 3 year old as well. So while they were here, it was very hard to stay in drab mode. Even sleeping drab was extremely hard to do. I really hated it so much. I do sleep much better when I can wear one of my many long silky nightgowns to bed. They make me feel very feminine when I sleep. The night they stayed with me, I just couldn't risk it with their 3 year old running around the house. I also had to wear socks to cover up my cute painted toenails. I just couldn't wait till they left so Andrea could come back out of the closet and dress as she wanted to. My feelings to dress again became very intense for me. Right after my friends pulled away, I pampered myself with a shower and a shave. I was starting to get back into my feminine role. After my shower routine, I put on my dress with panties, my satin and lace bra with forms in, my garter belt, my stockings, and walked in my heels as well. As I dressed, I really felt so much better about myself. I can tell you the anticipation to dress while my friends were here was really on my mind. On the last day of their visit, it was all I could think about. Do you girls have that same kind of emotional need to dress and feel girly while company is staying with you? Please help me to understand why the feelings to dress became very intense. After being here for 5 months, my path into femininity has grown much stronger. I do feel that I want more of the pink fog. It is something I think about daily.

[Noeleena]

Hi,

When you have a fixation about something in this case clothes and how you see the issue can affect you in life and living ,

Its like any thing and how much time you spend doing something or giving time for that so what about other detail in your life do you give that time as well or your over come by this one thing you just have to dress and with out that you go spare ,,,

Why is it so importaint why is it ruling your life to the point of nothing else matters ,

As you said just cant wait to see their backs going out the door you see the more you dress the more you wont its like an obsession , my ? then is it and really nothing else matters,

As i,v said im a female and find it hard to understand men in what i see is an obsession with clothes = womens makeup shoes and adorments wigs - hair and what ever else ,

Yes i can wear any thing any time and how ....yet im just as happy in overalls slogging it out on the job looking like dirt and gruby or in unifrorm or my skirts or dress ihave my work skirt was good when i first got it now its a patch work paint on it raggared around the edges and and im allways sewing new bit on it some tiimes im on the job in it or where ever ,

You see clothes are just that clothes i could be in shorts and boots on workboots .

yea maybe as a woman i see it all quite differently ,

lets go back 25 years , i had some lovely dress,s got for nothing tryed them on now and again and the odd top now and then yet i was not wearing womens clothes because it was not time for my body changes yet they were lovely clothes i did not obsesse over them as in i had to wear them as much as i could , as like a dresser,

Look i wont say it was not lovely being in them or they feel right or they sent a tingle up my spine it did just i knew my time would come to live as i was born even that did not bother me

you know i hated male clothes with a all out ...HATE...thats beside the point of issue ,

What if i did not wear my clothes would that stop me from being who i am a female , well ..no ..would others care some may yet thats been tested when im on the buiding sites its still wheres noeleena so from that point no change so clothes are not an issue to me .

As im writing this im trying to understand how you feel and why , I cant because im not a male and have no comrihension sorry cant spell that
I gave time to my work sports animales pets and time with family the Fire Service friends and detail around our home I tryed not to make any detail more importaint than others things ,

Though i will say when we moved to an other place and i did get a bit carried away on one or two hobbys just a bit to focused so i never got it quite right then so i understand in some way what your saying and that was for a few years so i was a prat ,

ask me another time whats it like being a husband or father, well how do you when your a female , any way .......

Did i answer your ? nope i just beat the bush some ..

...noeleena...

[Anthony Simon]

It's hard to know, at a distance, really what this is about. It does feel kind of hermetic - like you're cutting yourself off from the world. It's kind of worrying when it interferes with personal friendships etc. The trouble is I experienced something like this is when I was young - like not being able to get the dressing up feelings out of my head. They also had a great deal of guilt with them, so the whole thing was a bit of a horrible stew - and they got worse when my life got worse.

[Davita]

Ages ago a couple of my GG buds asked I go see a therapist because they noticed I was getting a bit openly crazy about my dressing. At that time, my head was just running wild with my needs to dress and anything associated with it. I was having a hard time sleeping, all kinds of issues. So what else could I do; I found a psychologist with adequate transgender experience.

So her job wasn't to make me stop or make me move forward; her job was to figure out the why I was dressing. Was I dressing as a means to relieve stress; was I dressing as an act of defiance (yeah I am a rebel; a limits pusher); was I dressing because I'm transsexual. All of the questions had some interesting homework and self thought to go with them. We looked at my social history, how I grew up, how I deal with various situations, and so on.

So all this discussion is simply to have you, Andrea (and others), to think about what all this dressing might be about, why one circumstance is harder on you than another. We all have a reason to dress; it's good to know what it is. None of the reasons are poor excuses or wrong or good; they are simply why. Knowing the why without any social or self judgement is a good thing; it should help you get a little more control over it. Think about it like knowing your triggers for migraines so you know how to manage your life to reduce the pain.

[Toni_Lynn_P]

One thing to remember is that you are on a journey of acceptance. Your crossdressing will evolve over the years. That is why, as I grew to love "the girl within", and accept here as being me and all me, and discard the duality of being, it became easy to be in drab when that need presented itself. Certainly wearing kilts, panties that resemble men's no-fly bikini briefs, sweaters, jean, and PJs that could pass as men's helped in those situations.

If it is, as so many say, girls can wear anything and not get a second look, then by embracing yourself as a girl, you will realise that you too can wear anything and it doesn't detract from who you are.

Hugs

Toni-Lynn

[Marissa Mae]

Hi,

I too have that feeling: even more intensely than usual, wanting to dress while guests are here. Could it be that:

Possibiity #1. Their presence feels like a barrier, like they're subliminally preventing you: No, you can't dress while we're here—and it triggers your overreaction because it feels like duress?

Possibility #2. In their presence your suppressed desire to be seen, or almost seen, en femme is breaking out? If, that is, you share that crazy urge I have, as a closeted CDer, to lurk near where I'm almost caught en femme. Being caught would be awful, but my unconscious throws up a mighty desire to risk it that I don't completely understand. Guests just trigger it.

Of the two I am guessing that, while #1 may be a small part of it, #2 is the big part, at least for me. I don't know to what extent these might apply for you as well. Just a thought.

Love, Marissa Mae

[AlanaMead]

I think it's also about not having the option to dress as you feel. Having company stay with you automatically limits your freedom, regardless of whether you crossdress or not. It creates pressures that you don't have to deal with on a daily basis and is particularly uncomfortable in the "safe haven" that is your home.

This lack of flexibility is the primary reason that both my wife and I don't invite people to stay with us more than two nights. When we've had people stay longer, we spent too much time trying to figure out how to feign illness, death, whatever to get them to leave.

[Ralitsa]

well luckily I've never needed to feign death to get visitors to leave
Actually I don't have many visitors, and anyone who would visit me already knows what to expect. So this situation doesn't really apply to me, but it does bring up some questions.
Do you really have nothing to wear in which you can feel comfortable around others? This would be the first problem I would solve. There are plenty of women's fashions which imitate men's, so you ought to be able to find something that works for you. For me the whole point of dressing is to wear clothes that express who I am, how I'm feeling, and my relationship with the world around me, whether that is the weather, or what I'm doing that day. So if your wardrobe is such that you can only wear it in secret, then I would revisit that issue.

[April Rose]

We've never had to fake death to get a visitor to leave, but we did have a roommate once who we had to sit down and say, "look, um, ... GET OUT!"

But Ralitsa has a point. If your two sides are so walled off from each other, that you can't allow any back and forth at all you are probably causing yourself unnecessary stress. And you might be making the dressing more obsessively monolithic than it has to be. A little androgeny could be very helpful.

If you are already there, and these people still require extreme measures to preserve the relationship, maybe you need to revisit the relationship.

[Davita]

thank you, April. I concur

[Requal Jo]

When younger the desire to dress was at times extreme, do to the fact that I could not at the time dress.

However, over time I have learnt to control my dressing, so if I cannot dress for some reason then I know how much more I will enjoy being Requal when I am able to be her.