Getting to even...

[Anne Bonny]

The more I dress...the more I get used to this as being just dressed it really begins to feel normal. I do believe we do tend to over react. I mean males are absolutely forbidden to wear any female clothing, our emotions, and even colours are prohibited as being inappropriate because they are restricted to females, neither are we allowed to like feminine things, and do not even mention holding a purse for a brief period in public! Is it any wonder we opt strongly to wear dresses and skirts and to be ultra feminine more than the average woman because we were not allowed to express ourselves and it has been bottled up in us for years.

As time goes by, as we allow ourselves to dress we begin to settle back and wear what the average women around us are wearing. I think what if males were freed of all of these restrictions and there were no taboos no male or female clothing just clothing. The freedom to dress is a major part of crossdressing, but even so gender still plays a role for males like us I think.

It is this intangible intense feeling of femininity which becomes prominent more for some than others and with that I find I have a desire for many of the things women desire, not all but there are common desires that come to me when the feeling is intense.

Anyway, shaved my legs will paint nails later, and am enjoying being dressed for now this afternoon. It's wonderful to be back.

[Carol Ann]

Understand what you are saying Anne as I have had those feelings for years now, you dress everyday all the time and it just becomes the norm.

[Domonique]

Anne, I also have had these thoughts. My realization is that maybe someday gender will not be a part of what we wear and that for now I am comfortable in what wear out in public and not think about who's looking and what they are thinking. I, just as you and a lot of other ladies here do, wear clothing that helps me to blend in. ( Of course going out in my fuzzy purple pajama's would not be on my list of things to wear out like a lot of young women do nowadays ).

[Requal Jo]

I fully agree with what you are saying Anne. Why does gender have to play a role in what we wear!!!

I too vote for the freedom to wear what you would like to wear at any time and any place (with in reason).

As for the purple pj's Dominic, I to would not venture out in them, even though I have seen younger girls dressed in similar apparel.

[Paulette]

The more I dress...the more I get used to this as being just dressed it really begins to feel normal. . . The freedom to dress is a major part of crossdressing, but even so gender still plays a role for males like us I think.

It is this intangible intense feeling of femininity which becomes prominent more for some than others and with that I find I have a desire for many of the things women desire, not all but there are common desires that come to me when the feeling is intense.

Waaael, yes and no. I don't at all deny what you feel, Anne, but I think you're talking about several different things. First, dressing en femme, all by itself is a very sensual activity for many of us. Being seen en femme, at least at first, is also a turn-on. But when we dress as female all the time, dressing becomes ritual and eventually it becomes no more interesting than dressing male - it's what you do every damned day, so no big deal. And being seen also becomes routine - eventually we either pass, or we don't pass and don't care.

Sensuality is, for me, what it's all about. I dress for the way it makes me feel, and for the way it makes my partner feel when she sees me enjoying myself, and for the way it makes us feel together enjoying each other. I don't particularly want to pass or to be accepted as a woman. I am who I am - a guy who occasionally gets off on dressing in sexy clothing and making love to my wife. Even the "guy" part is besides the point. I simply am.

What does gender have to do with it? You say it feels so feminine to be smooth and painted and dressed as a female. For me too. But isn't that a kind of putting on the sensory and emotional feeling we assume that women have? I'm sure some of them actually feel that way. (Maybe that's why it seems to take them so long to get ready - they're getting off on it at least a little bit - well, probably not. But maybe.)

My wife says she thinks I just want to feel pretty - something guys are not permitted to do. I think she has a point. I do want to feel pretty - to be admired - to be desired. To be sexy, for all the reasons a woman might want to be admired, desired, and to be thought sexy. I am terribly lucky to have a partner who sees me that way - and who loves me just as much when I'm all dommy and male.

Of course, that's just me.

But I do think there are several different things going on in your description, not just cross dressing.

[Anthony Simon]

Sensuality is, for me, what it's all about...

What does gender have to do with it? You say it feels so feminine to be smooth and painted and dressed as a female. For me too. But isn't that a kind of putting on the sensory and emotional feeling we assume that women have?

I'd describe that "sensory and emotional feeling" as sensibility rather sensuality. With me it can suddenly take me over (and just as suddenly evaporate). Like I construe her sensibility as the place from which a woman's distinctively female actions and instincts come. I don't put it on, which would imply a lack of authenticity with me, though putting on the clothes does bring it out of me.

Actually, it's kind of scary.

[Robyn]

Although I consider myself to be logical and rational in all my affairs, and I even earn a living by solving problems, defining exactly why I like to present myself as a woman isn’t so easy to explain. Obviously there are a wide range reasons why we dress in woman’s clothing, and varied degrees of those reasons exists between all of us, but for now I’m content simply knowing that I like to feel pretty.

[Anne Bonny]

It is very difficult to convey with words. There is more to it than just being "turned on" or sensuality for me at least, setting that aside I want to dress anyway because I feel feminine different desires are there for me I feel female dressing makes the outside consistent with the internal feeling that comes switching me over into feminine mode. I just dress and am doing the usual things I always do every day. Yes sex is part of life but it is not my whole life. I will not go into gratification and all of that it is a part of life and now that my wife is total care and in a hospital bed next to mine we no longer have that anymore though I do hug her and love her and still give her a kiss and tell her I love her of course to the bitter end. I do have a sex life nuff said but once I am up for the day it is not part of the driver for my dressing it is this intense feeling of being feminine that pushes my masculine gender aside. Well that's the best I can explain it I am mostly masculine gender but the two are not both prominent at the same time...one becomes more prominent and is present and desires alter somewhat. Later my masculinity may begin to intensify and tell me ok, let's change and do X. very intangible, incredibly difficult to explain. Best I can do though...I mean I do not get sexual feelings put on something sexy and walk around beating off Apologize for being very crude and disgusting I am just trying to explain once I am up for the day and going about living Ah! I give up. It really is a gender thing for me personally. I give up.

I am in to being with and relating to people and desire a normal life, want to be accepted and have dressed with women present... wife's sitter, social worker and hospice chaplain, even flashed nails at the RN. Yet I know for myself a sex reassignment or breasts would be inappropriate for me because most of the time I am just a regular guy. Nirvana for me is being able to live and be accepted by people - so a very large part of this for me is gender, probably most of it. I mean really!

Oh I want to clarify that I am not Angry or irritated about this since it is hard to get that from what people write - not at all I am just trying to explain - I'm Happy....I'm Happy...I think I'll take a walk....clump! well you would have to watch Monty Python's search for the Holy Grail which I have not watched in years but it is in my memory.

I was just having a text conversation with a female relative...
It's a gender thing
Suppose I have explained that enough.
It pushes into prominence and I just change and go about whatever I'm doing just want to be accepted as I am and carry on a conversation relating and so forth. ..

Seems things flip back and I change and keep going ..nobody has a problem when I'm masculine but not the other way. Oh well.

i know what you mean.
its frustrating
like people don't want you to be yourself completely
they just want the side they like to see

I suppose that is why we are finally standing up and saying "get over it!"

yes

Yep.
The day will come but not yet. It is changing...imagine wearing a casual dress to the family barbecue hanging out helping, talking and nobody noticing or caring....
Well...perhaps in 25 years?

I would love that... it would be awesome. And we can always have get togethers apart from those that don't accept us as is, and have fun anyway. sometime before 25 years pass lol

Well I am trying to build that world for myself. We'll see...
It comes and goes cannot be turned on or off and is outside my control though I can resist dressing when I need to but the feelings remain.

[Paulette]

Okay, Anne, "Putting it on," maybe not so much that, as it is it putting me on, or enveloping me. And I go with it, and become that, and let go of the manly-man, Spock-like, problem-solving, hyper logical, autistic spectrum "strong" self, wearing the long pants and being all in charge and responsible and manure. As a child it's what I was expected to be when I was sick. And I just realized that that attitude toward and expectation of my wife is what so infuriates and annoys her when she's sick! I need to pump up my female, for her.

No wonder my female self just wants to be soft and appreciated and loved and held.
(Well, hell. That's what she wants too!)

Early on in the acceptance of my crossdressing I said I wanted to become kinder, more patient, more understanding, loving.

Got to remember that. It's not just pink fog and sensuality.

And yes, Anthony, it's scary.

Robyn, I move from my most male habitual and strongest primary aspects (cognitive judgement, organizational understanding), to my weakest, most female and least developed aspects (emotional judgement, intuitive understanding), and I don't know how to do it or be it very well. I just know that I want it.

So I'm agreeing with all of you while trying to differentiate and understand what it's about.

[Anne Bonny]

We are all different no problems out of me Paulette! Yeah, we are not really so different. I find when it comes on me, this intense feeling of femininity pushing the masculine part away....my desires kind of switch as well...I like changing, make up, etc...I want to be loved as I am, accepted. I can really enjoy many things women enjoy could sit and talk and discuss things, not all of it but some of it I am no mother not really into children oh how cute etc...that's not me. but other things. I am more receptive, open, do not want to be in charge but could be with a woman who does (not talking about SM sub/DOM at all!) just the normal relationship we always have only reversed where the woman tends to follow but has no problem asserting herself whenever she pleases - THAT kind of loving marital relationship. I think I would really enjoy having an assertive confidant woman as a partner over a submissive wall flower, I want someone with personality, laid back, likes to laugh, intelligent, loving but who can also sense when I want to lean on her and follow her lead. Would be nice to dance with such a woman having her arm around my waste, my arm on her shoulder, the other hand holding hers as I glide backward guided by her. But when my other side intensifies and pushes the feminine part away, I will lead and go from there with no problem.

[Paulette]

Always be careful what you ask for.

My wife of three years is as strong, dominant, and aggressive as I am. There are moments when this is not a good thing. But we work it out, one say at a time.

My previous wife of 40 years was intellectually powerful and could talk me in circles, but would not take charge of her life. That was much more difficult.

[Anne Bonny]

Now my current wife was perfect but refused to ever really be in charge - the traditional role. Hum...I am not saying she never spoke up and demanded we are going to do something, spend the weekend at a family get together, things like that.

I hear you...it must be a balanced relationship founded on love for each other and equality what I had was close to that but my wife was too traditional to EVER fully accept Anne, she tolerated it by accepting it was something I could not help but needed to be free to do when it was convenient and she was comfortable which is a lot different than enjoying who I am as a person not concerned at all bout it, accepting, understanding, encouraging, even desiring on occasion or giving tips and pointers on clothing and make up.... I just always wished this equality, I really really wanted her to take charge half the time in the bedroom but she laid there like a placid fish!!!!! Sometimes I want to be on the receiving end with someone loving ME. Out of the bedroom why can't a woman allow us to lean on them sometimes why do we ALWAYS have to be the one out in front carrying the spear? So I do not want to be a placid fish I just want someone who will be a cooperative and loving equal someone to agree with. In those cases where there is disagreement sometimes one of us must get our way, flip a coin I suppose.

[Paulette]

In another thread

. . . I was making a lot of headway when my oldest son told me he preferred if I did not dress around him. That was a real wet blanket for me.

Just occurred to me on reading this that you might tell your oldest that you'd prefer that he went about naked, or at least wear a diaper all the time. That's the way you saw him for several years and it's how you think of him, always.

If he says something like "That was then," or "I've grown since then," your response might be "So have I,"
or "Well, I'll try to grow if you will."

Just a (wicked little) thought.

[Anne Bonny]

Hum...I have received several suggestions. That ball is in my court I just have to figure out what I want. This is my home, MY home! I support him. I know I have the right to come completely out of the closet, or to dress how ever I want when ever I want in MY home, after all I only have about 30 years left of life left to me realistically plus or minus.

I have shaved my legs and painted my toenails once I do this I keep them like this no matter where my gender is. I like doing this because it reminds me part of me is feminine. Now If I really move hard to masculine the drive will be there to stop shaving and clean my toe nails off and to start biting my nails off but for as far as I can see right now I will have the little bit of joy in seeing my pretty toenails and smooth legs. Oh! I meant biting my fingernails off not my toenails that would be impossible, no I clip those. I also let may fingernails grow at least a little past the tips but unpolished usually and nobody in the public notices this at all, just me.

[Ralitsa]

yes, you are exactly right Anne. It's your house, your life, your everything. So if he prefers not to be around you when you are living as you please, then I guess he should go elsewhere. I have a brother like that, who doesn't like how I dress and makes his opinions known. Well I can appreciate that, but I'm not asking him to like what I do and I'm not very much concerned about his opinion.

I say all that, but in real life I do actually stick to more androgynous styles when I'm around my family, just to avoid arguments. So I guess I shouldn't be giving advice.

Anyway, I'm glad that you're feeling more comfortable about this. I sense less angst than there was a few years ago. Of course a lot of the issues you raise: wanting a spouse or companion who is an equal and not just another dependent; wanting to be accepted as you are; the need to lean on someone else occasionally; and even the desire to use clothing as an expression of your personality, your mood, feelings, or occasional fancy; these are not gender issues, they are basic human qualities. I think the inclination of western society to deny that males can or should have feelings, exhibit weakness, or display any non-conforming personality traits is nothing but a denial of their humanity. It is, in a sense, reducing "the man of the house" to a simple money grubbing animal valued only for how much stuff he can bestow on his dependents. Fortunately for us, the women's liberation movement which told women that they can do anything and do not need a man to take care of them, also carried the less obvious message that women are now expected to take care of themselves and can't go on blaming their husband for all their problems. Ironically, I believe that the equal rights movement did more to free the average male from the stresses endemic in the traditional roles, than it did to free the average woman from her bondage of male domination. And this is reflected in the recent studies which have shown that women report much lower levels of happiness now than they did 40 years ago, whereas men report much higher levels. So people are more equal now, men are getting more of the happiness and women are getting more of the stress than they did traditionally.

And part of that equalizing, is that now men are free to express feelings, desires, attitudes, and opinions which have always existed, have always been fundamentally human, and were not peculiar to women, but had been labeled "feminine." There are still a few hold-outs, those die hards that pine for the good old days. But they are ignorant fools, the old days weren't all that good and anyone who thinks they were has a poor memory.

So Anne, you are free at last! You can no longer be jammed into a stereotype and told to "be a man". Instead you should be a full and complete person, not limited by anatomy to possess just a fraction of all the human qualities. In the 21st century we only care that people are human, we've given up pigeon holing people according to outward appearances. (Ok, maybe that part is wishful thinking.) But anyway, I think you should go buy a new dress and celebrate your freedom from stereotyping.