Labels still I would like to know...

[Anne Bonny]

I have been trying to figure out where I fit. I wear feminine clothing when I am feeling feminine, when I do not feel feminine there is no desire. I do believe I am perhaps bigender because of these two separate genders which seem to be present with in me. one or the other is present, they are just an intense feeling and with that come the desires that fit masculine or feminine roles. I will say I am heterosexual and have never even contemplated or felt an attraction for other men, have never been with one. Jenner says the same thing...I wonder if after his surgery this may change for him...or not. Personally I am a male lesbian hahaha...Seems I am mostly masculine. I know I am not transsexual I am male and have no desire to have SRS, may fantasize about it but I acknowledge it would be the wrong choice for myself. I do not feel female or feminine all of the time. I have been thinking I am transgender at least until I started learning more about it now I am no longer sure. Seems this term can mean anything. Some seem to believe if you want to believe you are transgender then you are. I came across a quiz and learned according to this quiz that I am probably not transgender but may be genderqueer (has nothing to do with sexuality, just a term) and that under that heading are many different terms, this is where I came across bigender which seems to fit?? And that I would be considered nonbinary... Hum...

I do know from all the adds that pop up for payless women's shoes since making some purchases recently that I am part of their target consumer... they have my attention wanting to buy more. Or when I shop for dresses online. I have not been dressing that much of late - I am incredibly sensitive to pressure so even when I do want to dress I hold myself back a lot for various reasons...but I dress when I am comfortable i will not be disturbed. I would probably dress a lot more if everything was equal. I like being able to express the gender that is most prominent when I can, freely. And when I do I am not doing anything but going about my usual daily routine....domestic stuff dishes, meals, TV or online...bills the usual fare of home life. When I feel feminine it's just how I am at a particular time...then eventually I switch back to masculine gender, lose all desire for things feminine don male clothing and go about my business...yardwork, running, sailing, going out for errands (I do not go out as Anne who knows unless I find a very supportive female partner who encourages me I probably never will, perhaps for a drive but no more than that on my own but If I had a strong confident and loving woman who could take me by the hand and encourage me to go out to eat when I am in feminine mode who knows it would be very good for me and I do want that). It has been a hard life I am glad things are changing and I do think that the Jenner interview was very educational for the general public it gives me hope.

Labels do not mean much but would like to know where I fit. I do not believe I will ever live full time as a woman, that is not in me, it does go back and forth.

No...not bigender by this definition! perhaps genderfluid?? Aw hell I am transgender it is an umbrella term anyway!!!

A bigender person is someone who experiences the phenomena of desiring a body with sex traits from two distinct sexes simultaneously. A common misconception is that bigender people always desire male and female sex traits. Bigender people are able to desire sex traits that fall outside of “male” or “female”. The bigender gender orientation is distinct from being genderfluid in that switching between multiple genders is a characteristic exclusive to genderfluid persons, while bigender people share one common characteristic in desiring a body whose sex traits come from two different sexes.

When seeking physical transition, bigender people’s wants and decisions in transitioning can vary greatly from person to person. Bigender people are bigender so long as they desire to have sex traits from two distinct sexes, regardless of the disparity in how many sex traits they desire from each sex.

An important disctinction from genderfluidity is that bigender individuals may exist simultaneously at two distinct gender points (two genders in one body), while genderfluid individuals may shift anywhere on the gender spectrum.

No...I am not a hermaphrodite!!!

[Noeleena]

Hi Anne,

Hemarphrodite, I was not born in that way , yet born intersex a little different yet many of us are quite different from each other some of us have our womb and others of us don't ,- I don't ,

My friend has her womb and I look more female than her in many ways , in how I interact with people how I am mind wise body shape and size in manerisms and a lot more ,

She has never been sexual with any one and never had children nore will now of cause , plus she never has been with a male nore will , we are very different in how we do things how we think about things issues and life , even though we get on so well we are very different from each other , to me and our granddaughter Dejarn she is lovely .

We are still human we have similar body detail yet both of us are females ,

Sexualy im different and Jos and I had our children so we were sexualy together , and with that came our family of 18 of us ,

Now one of your ?s or an ask, sexualy where does that put me if you look at myself I then should be attracted to both men and women and I would never have ruled that out , its there its alive and well , just I made a very definite strongly worded statement I would not ever be with a male ever ,and body wise is impossible and that's the way it is { corrective surgerys , },

Some times we try and put our selfs into a box so others know what we are , my ? for you is why , what does it really matter is this to try and make things easyer for you to be accepted , I sense a mistrust of your self to just be you as a person does it really matter if your a male or a female or like myself a mix of both ,

Im a female and that's the end of the matter theres no court in the land that can prove other wise nore will, its documented I was born female you see what im doing I don't need other people to tell me what I am or who I am , im accepted the way I am and what more needs be said , with in our groups of 1500 people most are women and we have a few men do they ask me what I am , no, they know , its all well and good when you explain matters concerning your self if and when changes are needed or your body goes through change as mine did my own hormones or you have major surgerys as I have ,

What im getting at is are you comfortable in your own body are you at peace with who you are ,
My self I really really am im happy content at peace and have a neat ....FANTASTIC ....LIFE....

Hey I,v been through the mill hardship abuse and a lot more , yet I became a strong woman why ,,,,,

because I was not going to let all that bullshit destroy me am I tough yes for sure and had to be ,

Yet being female im soft gentile loving kind forgiving and welcoming .... is there a difference then between male and female for myself no of cause not, because when you take every aspect of who I am .....and get this...... im a whole person im not divided into little box,s scattered all over the place ,
or peaces here and there ,no, its all of myself and who I am and what makes who I am different from others , ....And you are different in who you are as a person , when you accept who you are , then you will have contentment and be able to >>>>LOVE <<<<<< just you ,

...noeleena...

[Paulette]

Anne, surgery will not change who you are attracted to or your sexual affinities. You will be exactly the same person, but with breasts and a vagina but without a dick and balls. Everything else is a matter of learning - if you want to learn.

Do you really want to learn how to enjoy sex with a guy, or do you just fantasize being a girl and being attractive to guys. There's a difference.

Don't make assumptions about what changes surgery makes. It's purely physical, not mental.

[Anne Bonny]

Oh...I am not that hard edged Paulette...I remember seeing a special on a gal who can't remember the genetic condition but she had the change and found she started noticing muscles and men more and was moving in that direction suggesting that perhaps orientation is something that for some can be adapted to when the plumbing is right?? But I certainly do not mean to offend. I do think and fantasize on occasion and was fascinated by watching a surgery on you tube which showed how hardly anything was wasted just rearranged it was amazing. Who knows... All that I know of myself is my orientation is heterosexual, I prefer women even as I like being a woman to the extent that is possible on occasion. My fantasies are all about a woman taking the lead in a strong, confident but loving way and my letting her have her way and enjoying it, I would love to be loved it is more a normal marriage in every way but with roles reversed. Women tend to want to have the guy in the lead. I was reading about gender role reversal and how men out of work wind up at home with the woman making money and working but that these marriages are shaky because the women then leave the man for a more powerful man...they do not really want to be in charge they want their traditional gender role with a powerful man who excites them not a weaker dependent man who wants to be supportive and loving. Our gender roles seem to be ingrained perhaps it is just thousands of years of ... who knows. Anyway I want to make clear that I am not against anyone, hell look at me I am who I am how could I possibly be against anyone being who they are?


Noleena...I find within that my gender slides back and forth from male on one end to female on the other while my sex and orientation stay as they are. I certainly accept who I am, took a while but I have finally been able to put it all to bed and relax. Sometimes I am quite masculine and as I am male and heterosexual I am fully a man, out there doing all men do. Sometimes it shifts, usually it is not a day but in the morning hours of some mornings or at night for sleep (nightgown) but like this morning I know the coast is clear, the desire is there, and I am luxuriating in feminine attire...even my wig in my new heels with make up....

What makes me angry is that even in my own home even at this late age of 58...I have locked the front door, and have stashed male clothing in the office bathroom as I sit here so comfortable I would stay this way much of the day just what I normally do I can't go out in a dress so my preference is that I wear dresses around the house, yes I am way over dressed for home but that is why. My son on leaving told me he was going to school...then on to work and would not be back until 9pm....My wife's mom is coming this week as she could not come last week, true to her inconsiderate passive aggressive borderline personality church lady attitude...she may not send an email in advance could pop up any time but probably will not come till tomorrow or Friday but with a female cousin having to drive her hum...could come on an off day, rained like crazy all last week and this is our first clear day...she lives over 70 miles away. The Hospice nurse and aid come together but that will not be until about 1 pm...still all of these calculations are made before I dress, I do not like having to prevent myself from being who I am inside when Anne is in my mind so to speak...I am taking a risk so will probably change before noon perhaps very rapidly and a lot sooner if forced to do so. I would never tell my wife's knuckle dragging southern fried bible thumping traditional county family know I am transgender (claiming this under the broad umbrella deffiniton for this label).

It is just a huge outrage that I am not fully out to the entire world but there are people I will never tell. I have moved back to my baseline agnosticism and cut ties with the church I last attended in December of 2012/13...So these idiots are not showing up with food as if I am homeless and actually want the leftover slop they bring, and the bozo prudish, prig men no longer ruin my thursday nights. I am ridding myself of people who would never accept me. I also unfriended my wife's brother and wife (he is a minister) because he kept up with anti lgbt posts and other conservative politically biased posts supporting religion he is not aware of all of who I am either. Oh well I have told others and have been accepted, and will do more of that in time to build people who like or accept all of who I am. Hell even my sons though they know do not like seeing me dressed that is passive aggressive and mean spirited of my own children but such is my life.


** Edited to combine successive posts, as per: http://crossdressers-haven.com/forums/v ... 65&t=10059" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false; - SL

[Noeleena]

Hi Anne,

Okay I have a very good view and understanding now of whats going on , and how would I answer you . right , I know you wont do this yet .... at least think about it , and please take it the way I would say it ,
and I,ll try to explain it ,

.............WHO the HELL are you ....where ARE you , you are being controlled by others .
People , I ran into this myself some years ago and took a stand and said I will not be controlled by this group of men a group I was part of , this was the best move I made in wont allow these men to rule me , I also said at a meeting of 13 men concerning an issue that came up there were two camps so I listened to both sides and weighed up very carefully what was said , then gave my answer ,

I will not give my support to either side as both were wrong , in their attiude how they were handling the issue and both were at loggerheads with each other some 25 men , okay how was I looking at this from a males perspective or a womans this was in 1964 close as ,

What I saw was yet again men were at the head of all this and could not see past their own ego,s blindness and not backing down and allowing another the benefit of the doubt that they could be wrong , nope so I pulled away , and it was control of others all the way through , I was not man enough any way because I was as allways have been a female , so what im saying I was being taught to be part of them I had to be a male and I was not ever ,

Some times we need to stand on our own two feet and make a ....STAND.... I did then and after I had to concerning myself more so when my time to tell others in simple terms my clothes are not representitive of who you think I am some already knew I was female and others would have long before then ,

Are you going to go through life like this hiding who you are or like I did just say , oh... bugger all this and using my clothes story and just say this is who I am if you don't like it then leave if you don't care you wont say a word , because youll not need to know who your friends are they will be there for you , and this is what happened to me I have more friends wont me to be to them over the last 16 years and new than at any other time in my life , why , this does not include my friends going back 57 years and others who still are, some 30 people just those new alone .
How many have I lost real friends none ,

Okay im not saying you should do what I have done no way , just I sense you are loosing something of your self and you need to take ....CONTROL ....real soon .

I wont use ....are you man enough as this is not what its about , this is about you the person ,the whole person not what your showing to others ,

...noeleena...

[Anne Bonny]

I hear you...it is about being out and those who do not accept who you are leave automatically on their own because they were never true friends anyway. Those who want to stay and tell you you are wrong that you must not be who you are must also be sent away.

I know I am kind of spineless. My gender goes back and forth the desires that go with each too, emotions and moods, my strength to make a stand also tends to vary on this.

There are 3 women in my life, no longer count my wife because she has severe dementia and has drastically declined. what is heartening is they know, they are there and seem supportive. My sons do not want to see it. Like the sister that knows said basically fine but also does not want to talk about it. My wife's acceptance was really grudging, she understood and tolerated it but I believe wished I were not as I am. Others I know would never accept it and it is easier not to even fight that or ... open an unending argument thinking it is something that can be made to just go away. Church and everyone in it a no go, non starter.... And while these accepting and understanding women friends know....at times I feel it is all too much for them and I also know none of them would want a partner like myself (I am not asking really) it is just discouraging, though the sitter tells me there are women out there it is kind of a pat answer...."There are women out there...perhaps on Mars....yeah right!"

I suppose it is the hard reality that has me just waiting for the coast to clear before I allow myself when feminine feelings come - the freedom to dress inside my own home! Little has changed except that more people know and are there as friends but I am not someone they would choose.

while my wife lives, no matter her current condition...I can only think about finding someone but cannot start looking and when I eventually do seems it will be a steady stream of rejection with women leaving or choosing to say "we can still be friends...See YA!!!!" Right.

We are perfectly free to be who we are, and others are perfectly free not to like or want it. Is what it is...Reality. Women do indeed want their strong rock of a man there to lean on, they look for one who is powerful, intelligent, and for a man who provides and will be able to care for them when they go to pieces, or buckle under the weight of circumstances. I am a man born, raised, and I am able to fill that role I think even when I am feeling feminine, circumstance can snap me out of it when this part of myself is needed. I am not a weak dependent submissive male who wants to be taken care of, but sometimes being allowed to be so would be nice ... would be very nice to have a strong, confident and loving woman put her arm around me in an encouraging way allowing me to lean on her strength and love could be for just a few hours occasionally, or for a few days, or perhaps all the time for some things I may lack confidence about to buck me up and bolster my confidence - what is wrong with not wanting to always pay any cost, bear all of the burdens all of the time. I am strong but I do have weakness in some areas. Oh well.

I do hear you though...I need to make a stand for my feminine side because that part of who I am has every right to be who she is.