Crossdressers-Haven.com

Are sexuality and clothing preferences as different as gender and orientation? What do you think? I think it is really really cool to be able to wear a dress if I want to without having to worry about anything. I mean I would not in public...at least not yet but perhaps with encouragement of a future GG friend with whom I am in a relationship with...just a dream at this time but it's possible and why shouldn't transgender people be free to go out into public? They should!

Anyway dresses I wear because I have been deprived of them my entire life, I know they are a bit dressy for around the house but so what If I want to because I like wearing them. They are in my mind too, I mean the cool comfort of them in some ways even better than shorts and a t shirt that I also wear most days because I am retired. I have the option though. And I do want to buy more dresses to wear, I like them. It is just so cool that I have progressed to the point that hey...it's a nice option why not? They are so comfortable and I do enjoy feeling a little more feminine. Even if I am not feeling overtly feminine as today I basically thought - why not. It is hard to convey the high of feeling completely and absolutely normal about it wanting to and doing it.


I am kind of hoping the social worker calls because this would be a good day to meet her casually dressed in feminine attire - I am just who I am that's all. And she is a cool lady who would not mind at all so it would be ok. It is not exhibitionism just who I am you do have to just allow yourself to be who you are with other people and you have to break the ice and start being out sometime, I mean my sitter has seen me several times.

So I am in my beautiful knit fine floral print dress that falls just above the knee, gel inserts, lingerie, my new low heeled pumps...court shoes and I just ran to do my eye make up, a liner above the top lash line, mascara on lashes and brows, and some eye shadow brown with shadow or dark to provide the lift on the outer part of the lid, lipstick, hoops and necklace and that's it...why wear a wig? I am just being who I am. It's great wonderful to be so content relaxed and happy...glorious!

You know a few years back I had to make the decision, a practical one due to my wife's dementia and total care status ... with the pull ups came the need to have her wear dresses from then on knowing she would never every wear pants ever again.... Back then I felt kind of funny about it. But you know I have come to realize as I myself have grown that it really is no big deal at all. I think gee if I get to the point in life where I have to wear pull ups and people have to help me I can switch to dresses too it does make everything so much easier, is very practical, they are comfortable and just make sense.

It does take time for us to begin to separate sexuality from clothing preferences they are as different as gender and orientation. When I was younger I think there was a lot to work through, confusion hard to put it all into words but now I understand sex and sexual feelings are as they have always been for me I like women exclusively, I have discovered In some ways I share somethings in common with women, and I really like being able to have feminine clothing options for myself especially when I am feeling more feminine.

Some boys should be allowed to wear dresses if they like and if they prefer growing somewhat into feminine gender roles it is alright. Why can't little boys who want to play with the girls as one of the girls, do the suzie homemaker oven, play house, play with dolls, hopscotch, Jax, and grow up as or be raised according to how they are. Some may be boy sometimes, at other times out playing with girls. Gender nutrality I think is something that is important because some boys share some feminine desires in common with girls why are they punished and forced to repress who they are all of their life it is just an outrageous wrong it is an abusive atrocity that society flat out refuses or denies reality in this way - I know because I have been hurt by it and it is not right that it be allowed to go on anymore as it is. Most boys are "normal" but some are just what would have been called "sissies" and there is absolutely nothing wrong with it, is it wrong for girls to be girls? wrong for them to be tomboys? Some grow out of it all, some do not - so what!?

And finally...WOOHOO!!!!!! THE CHAPLAIN AND SOCIALWORKER CALLED - just luck of the draw no prediction other than they have not come yet this month. So I told her well..."I'm dressed" if that doesn't bother you come on...and they did. It was like a dream with me just being who I am normally but dressed as I have described going on and venting and talking probably for 45 minutes to an hour as they were about to leave my son drove up they told me to just go - to change - I had explained how were he to drive up I would change because though he knows he told me he does not wish to see me dressed in feminine clothing. so they shooshed me away and I will see them next month - they thought I was doing just fine - it was just an outstanding visit.

Congratulations, Anne.

Thanks Anthony, why don't you have a feminine name? I guess it all just depends...hum. I know I drove everybody here nuts...but I had work to do....also had to figure out I really am an agnostic and shoosh the church and all of those people out of my life because I do not want to be around glassy eyed people with an agenda always in their head. The work is done and I have arrived in all my glory - Ha! Today was just one of those amazing days...isn't it all incredible!? Wonderful. I am just so happy to just be who I am as the cards fall on any particular day. It's great!

Anne Bonny wrote:Thanks Anthony, why don't you have a feminine name?

It's Eleanor. One of my pics has it in the title. I don't use it very much (and it only came in my head after I'd been here for a while) because I kind of feel I'm not ready to place that much of me in "her".

Quite often, here, you see women in supermarkets walking around with an armful of stuff. You ask them why they don't put it in a basket and they say, if they did that, they would just be tempted to buy more stuff. So it's like that, a way of restricting how much I go into the side of me that is female.

Anne,

Sounds like a pretty great day to me. I don't have an answer to your question because honestly I don't know.

I would love to be able to just put on a dress and not worry about doing it. Not worry about someone stopping by or other distractions. To just dress in a way that makes me feel comfortable and content while I go about my business would be really wonderful.

As for wearing something is "a bi dressy" around the house I do that too, because like you I don't go out dressed, but I have them and I like to wear them so why not. Several years ago on an impulse I bought this really nice dress and I thought someday that is the one I will wear out someplace special. The last summer I decided I was never going to out to that someplace special and I had that dress I had never worn other than to try it on, so one afternoon I got all dressed up spent a lot of time on my makeup and every thing and just spent the rest of the day in that dress.

Anne, I'm so pleased for you. And proud of you!

You've done a lot of work, and it shows. You seem calmer, more relaxed, and quite at peace with the changes - much to your own surprise. Atheist that I am, I'm also pleased that you have discovered and accepted your agnosticism.

Not that I encourage or advocate godlessness. As a social activity church is just fine, and much good work is done there. I just find it an unnecessary mental complication - the world/is much easier to understand or accept if you don't have to look for a "first cause, un-caused" in everything. Moral and ethical decisions are more difficult when you don't have an official user's manual, but we do seem to eventually distinguish the right and wrong of things, and the million shades between.

I also see that you accept distinctions between preferences in dress, sexual orientation and sexual identity. It would be nice to have a scientific explanation for it all, it's not really necessary. Like Popeye, I accept that "I yam what I yam, and that's what I yam!" So I'm pleased that you feel somewhat the same.

Congratulations are in order for what you have achieved.

So, congratulations!

Thanks Paulette. Like you I am not against people believing whatever they want to believe as long as they leave me alone. Don't like people with agendas who want to re shape or re make who I am I am fine just the way that I am. I really only want to be around people who are willing to accept me and are not offended by everything in sight that conflicts with how they think everything should be. I do not like hanging out with rude or obnoxious people, and I do not want to be around lewd people using fowl language and I am not into crude jokes really either. No I am a decent and moral person a rational objective realist. Enough of that.

Dressing...hum the social worker and the chaplain (both women) already knew about me but I had never worn a dress and pumps in their presence. I happened to be dressed when they happened to call so I told her ...well I'm dressed if that doesn't bother you come on...she told me she had to think about the term "dressed" (but she really knew what I was saying) ... she said and was glad I had clothes on (just kind of joking about it).

I guess the thought I was driving at is that our sexuality and our sexual life is a separate thing. Sex is part of any healthy life. Clothing or what we choose to wear is based on many factors. Perhaps I feel comfortable, I like the coolness and the comfort of a dress now that I am used to wearing them as part of my wardrobe. They are beautiful and comfortable and If I am feeling a desire to be pretty and feminine dresses or skirts and tops are a good choice for me on any particular day and the choice is not driven from some craven sexual perversion but simply because I like dresses and want to wear one. Gender I may be male but my gender varies sometimes feminine desires predominate, sometimes male so femininity and masculinity comes and goes for me. Sexual Orientation...well again as we on this site know we are as we are in spite of our gender. I am heterosexual I only want to be with women. When I am feeling feminine I find I want the woman to take the lead and be more of a husband allowing me to be more of a wife...but when my gender changes I really want the reverse. This just is how things are with me. I love my partner at all times I guess I can convey the idea as...if we were dancing I would want to woman to take the lead and start to guide me..her arm around my waste, mine on her shoulder as I start to move backwards in the direction she guides me...dancing is very intimate and love is of course present of course...she has her eyes on me as we enjoy each other. She is leading and guiding...I am following willingly. It is a completely normal loving husband wife relationship but with the roles reversed and when I begin to feel masculine probably after several hours I would take the lead and fulfill the role of a loving and strong husband again. That is I believe what I need because of how I am but I do realize I am not likely to ever find a woman willing to lead then follow or if not follow to be my equal (well...women are indeed willing to be our equal always and they are absolutely but many just have absolutely no desire to ever really be in the lead it is ingrained in them so deeply as if it is by nature). I have always felt my wife to be equal to me in every way perhaps that is because I am transgender. And I do follow or have followed her desires why is it such a difficult thing for women to grasp our needs when we feel feminine they are so small but they are so very important to us I guess sometimes I need to feel security too, to feel supported by someone who has mental strength and confidence because I do not always feel strong and confident perhaps that is the difference between myself and other men and is what marks me as a transgender MTF transvestite?

I like the coolness and the comfort of a dress now that I am used to wearing them as part of my wardrobe. They are beautiful and comfortable and If I am feeling a desire to be pretty and feminine dresses or skirts and tops are a good choice for me on any particular day and the choice is not driven from some craven sexual perversion but simply because I like dresses and want to wear one.

Anne, I'm good with all but the "craven sexual perversion" bit.

I like Woody Allen's answer to the question of whether or not sex is dirty. "It is if you're doing it right." My primary criterion is that whatever one does, it shouldn't hurt anyone without their permission and that all participants consent and are of legal age. Of course sex needn't be dirty or transgressive. But sometimes it helps.

When making love, some people really like a measured amount of pain. Some people like to dress as french maids or nurses. Some like to watch, others like to be watched. Some to dress as anime characters or fuzzy critters. The list of turn-ons goes on and on. And on.

My personal list will seem tame to some and outrageous to others, as theirs is to me. This is only to be expected; and whatever your personal preference is, it's a feature, not a bug. The definition of a fetish is an object used to represent a power or deity. In sex, it's something that makes sexual satisfaction possible, or at least more enjoyable than ordinary vanilla sex (whatever that is). At some point in time, standing upright and not dragging your knuckles on the ground was probably a fetish.

The first cross dresser I ever knew besides myself was a Ringling Brothers clown. He told me he was the fourth generation of clowns in his family, and all were heterosexual male cross dressers - wearing fright wigs, balloon breasts, hoop skirts, and pantaloons - playing the same female clown character and doing the same comic bits. He thought I was incredibly brave to not wear a sponge-rubber red nose when I was dressed. I thought he was incredibly brave to be dressed in public, even if it was only in the ring.

Way to go Anne,

It is nice to hear your journey

Hugs,

Erica

Thanks. Sex is part of life it should be part of our life on a regular basis the frequency varies from person to person and I certainly do not view it as abnormal. We should feel satisfied with our sex life. All I am saying is being able to just put on and enjoy the option of wearing female clothing when I am feeling feminine is wonderful in and of itself. Sex and sexual feeling about it all is a separate thing. Were a woman to find me attractive and take the lead while I am feeling feminine I would enjoy that very much. But when I am feeling masculine I enjoy being with a woman with her being all feminine. I am able to enjoy dressing without having to have a sexual experience and just enjoy being able to feel feminine and wear pretty clothes and Ideally If I have a very accepting life partner some day and later in the day we head for the bedroom where she takes the lead that would be truly wonderful. Or we both could be in pretty feminine clothing...I have already experienced both of us being in relatively just regular clothes she was not in a dress or skirt all the time it was a long marriage. Gee who knows If I might begin to live more as a woman if that was all a reality realistically though my gender fluctuates and just is as it is - mostly masculine but goes back and forth. I really enjoy the freedom to dress because I want to and there is no worry - oh someone may come over. I would really like all of our friends to know so I could indeed be out then I could welcome them right in for a visit, who knows they may talk me into going over to their place or going for a ride or just going somewhere along with my dream lady partner. I dream about all of this being normal and no problem...that would be my goal in this life.