I would crossdress a lot more at least in my own home if internally I were tougher but I am not. I am quite sensitive and susceptible to perceived pressure not to dress. Some of this pressure is probably real, some of it I am sure is my tendency to make up things out of whole cloth.
Ok My son is gone, he says for the next hour and a half so now I am fully dressed....
My wife has dememtia, so though she used to not mind I always knew she wished I were not like this. One son is away at college, that has been good as far as dressing goes, but the other son lives at home with me, he has seen me dressed but is in and out and has made it clear he does not want his girlfriend or other friends to see me dressed in feminine clothing. He has also hinted at the same. So that is just a downer. He is 22 but has not moved out yet, may be next year. I have disclosed my fluid gender to the sitter I have hired for my wife, and most of the hospice personnel know who come, social worker, chaplain (once a month), Nurse (have never been dressed feminine when she has been her but she knows), The aid has seen me in a dress. This is my home!!
Other pressures include my age...58 will be 59 next march and so though I am quite fit and thin for my age 5'9.5" and 165.3 lbs this morning still, when my wife goes how am I going to find another female companion who will accept who I am? If you read online there are so many articles and blogs where the general public like a school of sharks just have a feeding frenzy on any who are gender fluid or transexual. The attacks are vicious and they are everywhere. I will probably date for this reason until I can broach the topic and find someone who is fully accepting over the long haul.
Few months back I made some posts on a Youtube video posted by a genderfluid "gal" in New Zealand - who posts under the title Seadresa. Gosh the age difference early twenties and asian, to a 58 year old man in the Southeastern US - that is a great gulf but the topic was the common thing, informational and I wanted to be supportive. I made a few posts...how the hell was I to know that GMAIL has a page showing places I have visited!? Though I am now agnostic, one of the ladies in the church I was attending with my wife for as long as she was able (she is a Christian) came across it!! You know that really does not bother me that much...but it was like an invasion of my privacy and the lady stated she would keep it private - well yeah right but I have no plans to return to that very spiritually conservative church. So it effects even my ability to go online in some instances.
I have come a very long way to full acceptance of who I am fully and completely but I still do not go out in public...I do not feel I can "pass"
Don't know why I am sharing this. I am the one who has to stop being such a wimp and toughen up a bit. I am gender fluid and of late have really been living nearly fully much more on the male side of the spectrum. I do not know if that is a kind of denial.
I have thought and second guessed myself sometimes when I know one of the ladies involved in the care of my wife come and the pressure internally there is "you are just doing this as an exhibitionist aren't you?" In a sense that could be quite true when you make it a point to assert hey I have every right to be who I am in my own home or to break the ice for the first time...But then if you never allow yourself to be who you are how are you ever going to get to the point when people come and do not bat an eye knowing you may be dressed one way or the other...
At times of late I have thought ... I am mentally ill... afterall that is the general consensus of society at large, perhaps it is true. We are perverts and or we are mentally ill.... I don't know really.
I only know that I am gender fluid and have been this way since well before the age of 9. I have been dressing my entire life. Though the internal struggle is over... I still struggle with allowing myself to be myself freely and openly for a bunch of different reasons. Perhaps I am being understanding and considerate...but should I not also expect consideration too?
I am a gender fluid person I have the same rights as anyone else, the very same freedom to just be who I am. Except when I don't I suppose - oh well.
I suppose I am a wimp....
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Anne Bonny
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I suppose I am a wimp....
Go with the flow
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Anthony Simon
- Miss Ruby Goddess
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Re: I suppose I am a wimp....
It is an invasion of your privacy. But this woman was doing it for a reason - anyway, that's my read. She wanted you to know you could be tracked in this way. Like someone who wanted to do you injury might use this information against you.Anne Bonny wrote:Few months back I made some posts on a Youtube video posted by a genderfluid "gal" in New Zealand - who posts under the title Seadresa. Gosh the age difference early twenties and asian, to a 58 year old man in the Southeastern US - that is a great gulf but the topic was the common thing, informational and I wanted to be supportive. I made a few posts...how the hell was I to know that GMAIL has a page showing places I have visited!? Though I am now agnostic, one of the ladies in the church I was attending with my wife for as long as she was able (she is a Christian) came across it!! You know that really does not bother me that much...but it was like an invasion of my privacy and the lady stated she would keep it private - well yeah right but I have no plans to return to that very spiritually conservative church. So it effects even my ability to go online in some instances. .
I think that this woman is a friend. Perhaps not that great a one, but anyway one that has, to a degree, gone out of her way to help you.
Socrates: The highest wisdom is to know that you know nothing.
Bill and Ted: That's us, dude.
Bill and Ted: That's us, dude.
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Rikki
- Miss Golden Goddess
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- Joined: Thu Mar 24, 2005 11:25 pm
- Location: Northeast USA
Re: I suppose I am a wimp....
I have always felt "the wimp". And I'm sure that it comes from my wiring and what makes Rikki, Rikki. My loves, my likes, my interests and desires. Never have been one for confrontation, even in sports. Only did sports that were one-on-one, me against the clock. Hated football and baseball. Never wanted to hit anyone, ever. And I've attributed it to that high level of "femme" inside me. I love to cook, to make others happy and smile. So must be the level of Fem-sterone in me is high. And being dressed ultra-girlie keeps it from boiling over.
So WIMPS Rule!! We're nice people with a mission to do good and make the world a happy place!
Rikki
So WIMPS Rule!! We're nice people with a mission to do good and make the world a happy place!
Rikki
Be safe, Be frilled
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Anne Bonny
- Miss Diamond Goddess
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Re: I suppose I am a wimp....
As to the Lady from our old Church, I was polite, made contact, explained matter of fact manner, yes, I have been this way all my life. She stated some interest in coming to see us, I was quite polite and told her anytime...but except for the two rather brief email exchanges have heard nothing more. Really I am an agnostic, my wife is indeed christian so as she was waning from the dementia I felt it was important to find and attend the denomination locally we had attended earlier in our marriage. But I suppose it was the last day when she stood and was delusional in the back of the church where we sat, I had to get up and escort her out the door and take her home. I continued to attend for about another year but in the midst of all of my thinking realized I am an agnostic, too much of a science back ground. My DNA contains 3% neanderthal DNA which all religious people scoff at in denial but it is science. All European DNA contains some, primarily our immune systems come from the neanderthals.
As for wimp...Yes. I do believe...well I am gender fluid...my gender sways back and forth never the less I tend not to be confrontational, I can be, but not generally and I believe in the military that was one factor which held me back. I am also not big on sports though I have rekindled my interest in football because being trapped in this house my head is going to explode at times so I do need something different, but Baseball...Basketball...Soccer...golf...tennis...no...I do not hunt or fish either. I have never hung out with the guys and when I do I always feel that I just do not fit in very well. I was beat up a few times when I was a young kid in grade school, ran away...I am not a fighter either. I do like to get along with people always have unless they are not nice in which case I do not hang out with those people. Yesterday I was dressed when the social worker and chaplain phoned...I changed clothing though I have been in a dress when they are here that voice in the back of my head and my trembling over it were telling me "You're just an exhibitionist!" I told the social worker who stated she had noticed a change in my voice on the phone so I told her I had been dressed...At first I thought well...that's fair just stay in your dress....but then I felt some trembling and that voice in my head. But you know? How am I ever going to be myself with that kind of thinking...you have to break the ice but I do not like to feel I am doing it to force a point so I changed. It was a quandary. But these ladies would not have minded, in fact the Social Worker told me directly she would not have minded, that it did not matter to her. I appreciate the acceptance. It is wonderful to have support, I do need that. Anyway they were full of praise for how I am caring for my wife, told me many places they go the family do not care for their family member at all and that it is not uncommon, that sometimes the aid has to scrape waste off the neglected patients. They do not care for their own family between visits relying solely on the hospice staff. I told them it is like being in prison, when a person is sent to prison they lose years of their life and it is the same way for sole caregivers. I told her I had thought of suicide but would not do it because I do not like pain...kind of like that movie "The End" with Burt Reynolds and Dom Delouise...I don't like pain. Besides I had seen a man linger two days on a telemetry unit, head in bandages, drooling with wife at bedside who had shot himself...death is not guaranteed to be instantaneous without suffering so I would never shoot myself. I could run the car in the garage but told her the fumes would be nauseating. If I could just go to sleep and never wake up again that would be fine. But no no plans to kill myself. I do not want the MIL or anyone to receive the remains of our money but my sons then if they fritter it away...at least I left something to my children to their benefit. So No no plans, no actual plan to do that. I do not know how much longer my wife will live, I am 58 and have lost 6 years off of my life...am I going to be in my 60's before she goes? I might as well be dead at that point. Though I do my hundred sit ups, push ups, run my daily 5k am thin and fit, still you cannot halt the advance of age and time. I am trapped here providing care 24/7x365 people may know in some fleeting thought about us but I live this every single hour of every day. Every day death is in my thoughts...Is she still breathing, is she still alive, I check immediately on my return from my daily run, or from the weekly grocery resupply trip. I am waiting for a bomb to go off at any moment. Usually there is a shout and or noise and I find her in a seizure, thought they are coming about a month apart still she is on a plateau, has declined definitely over the past couple months but never the less she is on a plateau ... total care for which I am completely responsible and they all tell me how well I care for my wife, they have remarked how rare it is for male care givers to do what I am doing. I told them I am stupid, I feel I am a fool...I lay down my life, cannot even sleep well at night because I wake to ensure she is comfortable. Does this make me feminine. The poor chaplain stated she wished her husband was that attentive to her....Yes I do believe how I am is more in common with how women are than men. I do prefer the company of women, and especially the company of one very special one. Oh well. I type so much because I have no other outlet.
As for wimp...Yes. I do believe...well I am gender fluid...my gender sways back and forth never the less I tend not to be confrontational, I can be, but not generally and I believe in the military that was one factor which held me back. I am also not big on sports though I have rekindled my interest in football because being trapped in this house my head is going to explode at times so I do need something different, but Baseball...Basketball...Soccer...golf...tennis...no...I do not hunt or fish either. I have never hung out with the guys and when I do I always feel that I just do not fit in very well. I was beat up a few times when I was a young kid in grade school, ran away...I am not a fighter either. I do like to get along with people always have unless they are not nice in which case I do not hang out with those people. Yesterday I was dressed when the social worker and chaplain phoned...I changed clothing though I have been in a dress when they are here that voice in the back of my head and my trembling over it were telling me "You're just an exhibitionist!" I told the social worker who stated she had noticed a change in my voice on the phone so I told her I had been dressed...At first I thought well...that's fair just stay in your dress....but then I felt some trembling and that voice in my head. But you know? How am I ever going to be myself with that kind of thinking...you have to break the ice but I do not like to feel I am doing it to force a point so I changed. It was a quandary. But these ladies would not have minded, in fact the Social Worker told me directly she would not have minded, that it did not matter to her. I appreciate the acceptance. It is wonderful to have support, I do need that. Anyway they were full of praise for how I am caring for my wife, told me many places they go the family do not care for their family member at all and that it is not uncommon, that sometimes the aid has to scrape waste off the neglected patients. They do not care for their own family between visits relying solely on the hospice staff. I told them it is like being in prison, when a person is sent to prison they lose years of their life and it is the same way for sole caregivers. I told her I had thought of suicide but would not do it because I do not like pain...kind of like that movie "The End" with Burt Reynolds and Dom Delouise...I don't like pain. Besides I had seen a man linger two days on a telemetry unit, head in bandages, drooling with wife at bedside who had shot himself...death is not guaranteed to be instantaneous without suffering so I would never shoot myself. I could run the car in the garage but told her the fumes would be nauseating. If I could just go to sleep and never wake up again that would be fine. But no no plans to kill myself. I do not want the MIL or anyone to receive the remains of our money but my sons then if they fritter it away...at least I left something to my children to their benefit. So No no plans, no actual plan to do that. I do not know how much longer my wife will live, I am 58 and have lost 6 years off of my life...am I going to be in my 60's before she goes? I might as well be dead at that point. Though I do my hundred sit ups, push ups, run my daily 5k am thin and fit, still you cannot halt the advance of age and time. I am trapped here providing care 24/7x365 people may know in some fleeting thought about us but I live this every single hour of every day. Every day death is in my thoughts...Is she still breathing, is she still alive, I check immediately on my return from my daily run, or from the weekly grocery resupply trip. I am waiting for a bomb to go off at any moment. Usually there is a shout and or noise and I find her in a seizure, thought they are coming about a month apart still she is on a plateau, has declined definitely over the past couple months but never the less she is on a plateau ... total care for which I am completely responsible and they all tell me how well I care for my wife, they have remarked how rare it is for male care givers to do what I am doing. I told them I am stupid, I feel I am a fool...I lay down my life, cannot even sleep well at night because I wake to ensure she is comfortable. Does this make me feminine. The poor chaplain stated she wished her husband was that attentive to her....Yes I do believe how I am is more in common with how women are than men. I do prefer the company of women, and especially the company of one very special one. Oh well. I type so much because I have no other outlet.
Go with the flow
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Kelly
- Miss Golden Goddess
- Posts: 638
- Joined: Mon Sep 16, 2013 1:26 am
- Location: West Coast
Re: I suppose I am a wimp....
You have no privacy on the internet. Nothing is free, you may not pay any money when you use those 'free' search engines or video services; you pay with information about yourself. It is spelled out in their terms and conditions in small fonts and in leaglezz.
They all do it, google, aol, msn; just in different degrees. It was a lot worse a few years ago when Eric Schmidt (then ceo of google) defended their policy of saving a record of every search you have done. There was enough of an outcry that their policy was amended the others followed suit.
If you dig around in your gmail settings or profile or whatever they call it you can clear out your history or perhaps find a setting where it isn't so public.
The internet is just plain weird. People, under the guise of perceived anonymity say and do things that wouldn't be done anywhere else. Many folk say things they don't really mean just to incite - or fan - a reaction.
So, getting out of the technology weeds, about the wimp stuff. I think you worry just a bit too much, Anne.
Yes, there will be people that look askance at us. But the basic fabric of this country is founded on liberty, which is basically let people do what they want so long as it isn't hurting anyone else; live and let live. Even the most conservative areas have that as their ethical foundation - though they may not say it every day.
Yes, there would be awkward social situations. Your son wants to avoid them. Ok, but they are just situations. Yes some folk will avoid you, so what they aren't really your friends anyway. Will a business turn you away? Not if they want to keep a customer.
All this doesn't mean you should take out an add in the local paper announcing that you are gender fluid. If someone should find out, no big deal. Just chill on this particular front; use your emotional energy elsewhere.
Finally, the future is pretty good at working its self out. 60 is the new 40; keep taking care of yourself and things will be what they will be, which is probably just fine.
Kelly.
They all do it, google, aol, msn; just in different degrees. It was a lot worse a few years ago when Eric Schmidt (then ceo of google) defended their policy of saving a record of every search you have done. There was enough of an outcry that their policy was amended the others followed suit.
If you dig around in your gmail settings or profile or whatever they call it you can clear out your history or perhaps find a setting where it isn't so public.
The internet is just plain weird. People, under the guise of perceived anonymity say and do things that wouldn't be done anywhere else. Many folk say things they don't really mean just to incite - or fan - a reaction.
So, getting out of the technology weeds, about the wimp stuff. I think you worry just a bit too much, Anne.
Yes, there will be people that look askance at us. But the basic fabric of this country is founded on liberty, which is basically let people do what they want so long as it isn't hurting anyone else; live and let live. Even the most conservative areas have that as their ethical foundation - though they may not say it every day.
Yes, there would be awkward social situations. Your son wants to avoid them. Ok, but they are just situations. Yes some folk will avoid you, so what they aren't really your friends anyway. Will a business turn you away? Not if they want to keep a customer.
All this doesn't mean you should take out an add in the local paper announcing that you are gender fluid. If someone should find out, no big deal. Just chill on this particular front; use your emotional energy elsewhere.
Finally, the future is pretty good at working its self out. 60 is the new 40; keep taking care of yourself and things will be what they will be, which is probably just fine.
Kelly.
I thought a CD was something you stuck in a computer
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Anne Bonny
- Miss Diamond Goddess
- Posts: 2577
- Joined: Sat May 09, 2009 9:22 am
- Location: The Gulf Coast
Re: I suppose I am a wimp....
Hey! Thanks Kelly...
This morning I had a bit of a quadary over dressing, dressed my usual shorts t shirt deck shoes...then...I changed into what I have wanted to wear a dress, my flats and usual jewelry. It's great to be able to just dress as I desire just as any girl does. Dresses are clothes just as any other clothes are, perhaps a bit more comfortable and pretty but I am most comfortable and on the inside I am more in common with women. Another thing is people know I am like this, if the Nurses aid came right now...she has seen me feminine before and knows I wear dresses so there is no reason for me to feel at all ill at ease about it. It's great! I am just like any other girl and that is exactly what I am wanting right now. I like and prefer hanging out with women too, I do not fit in with men because I am different from them in some ways and not in to the guy attitude thing. The social worker told me "I don't mind" meaning I suppose as you say stop thinking and worrying so much about it.
There is a huge adjustment for us so it takes a long time for us to figure everything out then for me once I did that I still am having to settle down into the fact that I am as I am...a "girl" or as a girl is I just happen not to be in many ways but that should never stop me from being Anne. It is just indescribably fine to find my stride a comfort level of just relaxing and being who I am. A routine...no ruffled feathers or anxieties... this is who I am. It's a good place to be.
Now on the internet and people finding out about me...I am very lucky to be living in the world today with the advances being made for us on the public scene. There is viciousness driven largely by the christian religion and internal fear and resistance because people do not want to let go in their stubbornness they are clinging tightly to their denial. I was talking yesterday to the MIL and one of my wife's friends who has stayed to drive her elderly mother over every other week for several years. They were talking about Gays...So I stated you know it is something that has always been you go back to the greeks, 2000 years back in the bible and all through history. It has always been and I believe it is genetic...I got agreement. and I stated they are people and they have the same rights as anybody else. Transgenders, have the same rights, and genetic or not we have always been present in society too.
I have been on the verge of being fully out this year it seems ... for a long time. I am partly out I mean gee can't find my little piece of paper ... about 20 people who know and of those about 11 have seen me dressed. I am still nervous about ... well I have not come out to my only neighbors...an elderly couple who I do not have day to day...hum month to month? contact with so I am not comfortable going out in the rather exposed place where I live...traffic behind the house, no fence. And I am not comfortable at all going out dressed in public gee 58 and that is still a huge mountain for me to climb. But I am not so uncomfortable being out on the internet there are several women there I talk to and have forwarded pictures of myself to on multiple occasions and shared my thoughts with on all of this, they are all accepting.
So...wimpiness is there and the nature of being gender fluid means I am not as comfortable when I am feeling more masculine as a man, I am a man and when that is there I have different feelings about things but there is no denial and I matter of factly would state to anyone I am gender fluid, wear dresses and feel more feminine at times as being just part of who I am. I never deny anymore I have been this way since sometime around the age of 9...perhaps earlier?
Perhaps all of my life.
I think what is so great about being gender fluid is I have no guy attitude toward or around women because sometimes I kind of am one or fit very closely with women, share so many things with who they are. Oh well gotta go do the grocery and bill thing...
This morning I had a bit of a quadary over dressing, dressed my usual shorts t shirt deck shoes...then...I changed into what I have wanted to wear a dress, my flats and usual jewelry. It's great to be able to just dress as I desire just as any girl does. Dresses are clothes just as any other clothes are, perhaps a bit more comfortable and pretty but I am most comfortable and on the inside I am more in common with women. Another thing is people know I am like this, if the Nurses aid came right now...she has seen me feminine before and knows I wear dresses so there is no reason for me to feel at all ill at ease about it. It's great! I am just like any other girl and that is exactly what I am wanting right now. I like and prefer hanging out with women too, I do not fit in with men because I am different from them in some ways and not in to the guy attitude thing. The social worker told me "I don't mind" meaning I suppose as you say stop thinking and worrying so much about it.
There is a huge adjustment for us so it takes a long time for us to figure everything out then for me once I did that I still am having to settle down into the fact that I am as I am...a "girl" or as a girl is I just happen not to be in many ways but that should never stop me from being Anne. It is just indescribably fine to find my stride a comfort level of just relaxing and being who I am. A routine...no ruffled feathers or anxieties... this is who I am. It's a good place to be.
Now on the internet and people finding out about me...I am very lucky to be living in the world today with the advances being made for us on the public scene. There is viciousness driven largely by the christian religion and internal fear and resistance because people do not want to let go in their stubbornness they are clinging tightly to their denial. I was talking yesterday to the MIL and one of my wife's friends who has stayed to drive her elderly mother over every other week for several years. They were talking about Gays...So I stated you know it is something that has always been you go back to the greeks, 2000 years back in the bible and all through history. It has always been and I believe it is genetic...I got agreement. and I stated they are people and they have the same rights as anybody else. Transgenders, have the same rights, and genetic or not we have always been present in society too.
I have been on the verge of being fully out this year it seems ... for a long time. I am partly out I mean gee can't find my little piece of paper ... about 20 people who know and of those about 11 have seen me dressed. I am still nervous about ... well I have not come out to my only neighbors...an elderly couple who I do not have day to day...hum month to month? contact with so I am not comfortable going out in the rather exposed place where I live...traffic behind the house, no fence. And I am not comfortable at all going out dressed in public gee 58 and that is still a huge mountain for me to climb. But I am not so uncomfortable being out on the internet there are several women there I talk to and have forwarded pictures of myself to on multiple occasions and shared my thoughts with on all of this, they are all accepting.
So...wimpiness is there and the nature of being gender fluid means I am not as comfortable when I am feeling more masculine as a man, I am a man and when that is there I have different feelings about things but there is no denial and I matter of factly would state to anyone I am gender fluid, wear dresses and feel more feminine at times as being just part of who I am. I never deny anymore I have been this way since sometime around the age of 9...perhaps earlier?
Perhaps all of my life.
I think what is so great about being gender fluid is I have no guy attitude toward or around women because sometimes I kind of am one or fit very closely with women, share so many things with who they are. Oh well gotta go do the grocery and bill thing...
Go with the flow
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Anne Bonny
- Miss Diamond Goddess
- Posts: 2577
- Joined: Sat May 09, 2009 9:22 am
- Location: The Gulf Coast
Re: I suppose I am a wimp....
This has been a very very good day...slept in a chemise and panties... got up, son off to work changed to a pretty dress, make up, shoes, jewelry and have been dressed all day. Purchased two new dresses you can see them on the fashion thread...Then son came home for lunch...I didn't change, he didn't comment we talked about his new job as I was finishing feeding my wife. Then the Nurses aid arrived, she has seen me dressed...no comments again we just did the usual thing we always do. Get her into the shower then after I transfer her back to the wheel chair, and we talked a little. What I had on may well have been male clothing it made no difference to her or to me. Son has now left for work and I am waiting for our sitter to come, she has seen me in female clothing lots of times.
The nirvana I am seeking is not really thinking anything about what I am wearing. When a woman is in the mood to wear whatever she chooses does she repeatedly ponder that through the day, with each and every encounter with another person? NO! I just want to enjoy wearing a dress because I am in the mood to and enjoy wearing something pretty and comfortable, there should be nothing more to it than that! DON'T THINK OF ELEPHANTS!!!! Well I am close to that today. even if a substitute Nurses Aid had come I would not have changed - that means I am there...I am just dressed. It is like going out in public and not caring, I like what I have on and that should be all there is to it!
The nirvana I am seeking is not really thinking anything about what I am wearing. When a woman is in the mood to wear whatever she chooses does she repeatedly ponder that through the day, with each and every encounter with another person? NO! I just want to enjoy wearing a dress because I am in the mood to and enjoy wearing something pretty and comfortable, there should be nothing more to it than that! DON'T THINK OF ELEPHANTS!!!! Well I am close to that today. even if a substitute Nurses Aid had come I would not have changed - that means I am there...I am just dressed. It is like going out in public and not caring, I like what I have on and that should be all there is to it!
Go with the flow
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April Rose
- Miss Golden Goddess
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- Joined: Sat Dec 06, 2008 10:18 pm
- Location: Massachusetts
Re: I suppose I am a wimp....
Elephants....elephants....elephants....
I am a vessel of the Goddess. Let me express my calling to a feminine life through nurturing love and relatedness.
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Anne Bonny
- Miss Diamond Goddess
- Posts: 2577
- Joined: Sat May 09, 2009 9:22 am
- Location: The Gulf Coast
Re: I suppose I am a wimp....
I got back from my Saturday outing, had been dressed when our sitter arrived, she liked my dress and told me my legs are better looking than hers... this morning then after a while I changed got my run in and then went out. back now, changed into my Navy blue polka dot dress and it is just really great to be able to wear a dress whenever I want to pretty much, and to have people who know and who are accepting.
Anyway while I was out driving on my way home thought occurred to me that the correct attitude would be one who would say "You don't like what I'm wearing...screw you!" There is a brazen confidence which comes from being completely secure in who you are as a person and that you have every right to be out in the world. As Robyn said one time "You have every right to be who you are and they have every right not to like it" ... but they do not have any right to interfere with your personal freedom to be who you are and to go where ever you want to unmolested. It is a state of mind. I suppose I have to shake off the wimpy wall flower and assume this much stronger and more powerful sense of who I am which is indignant and demands my freedom to be who I am. I think part of the problem is that we cower and shrink from the world rather than grabbing our absolute right to be. No one has the right to get in our face and tell us to go crawl into a cave so it can cave in on top of you and bury you. That is what the world wants to happen to us. We have to be strong enough, confident enough, secure enough, and brazen enough to tell them "Hey! you don't like what I am wearing? Well, go screw yourself!" I am tired of people trying to tell me I have no right to exist because they do not like who I am and do not want me to be around. No one has the right to tell us that because we have every right to be and to be who we are as people. Don't like who I am...move on. Try to physically attack me, I am going to prosecute you! I demand my right to exist!
Suppose in my little Crossdresser's Manifesto - ha! I should state that My boys or our children are young adults practically out of the nest. I am retired with a solid retirement income...I like to say I am independently solvent not rich or wealthy...solvent and comfortable. My wife poor thing is completely incapacitated by severe dementia with probably not much further to go... who knows... So...I am ensconced in a very secure position. No one can move against me to harm me. The worst that can happen to me now is rejection and scorn...I have one neighbor they are elderly and keep to their selves pretty much. My parents are gone, my only family lives hundreds of miles away except my sons but they both know and or are on the verge of no longer needing my home as a back up to live in. So aside from being punched out in the street. No one can take my property or my income. No family around to object so my decision should I choose to be totally out is mine to take. What am I going to do lose friends on facebook? Once my wife is gone I do not care if her family happens to find out because there will be no more relations with them anyway... they were my wife's blood relations not mine. What the boys choose to do is up to them. I will be starting a new life and those in my life are going to know and accept fully all of who I am or they can move on. That is pretty much it. I am also free to be partially out to some not to others but If I ever go out and about then there is no partially about it. Take me or leave me. One thing is for certain I am not going to spend the rest of my life in a hole!
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My question is why should we not expect optimistically and positively ... For others, especially family to fully understand and to accept who we are completely and without reservation.... that is a tall order. But why? Further people should accept that I am gender fluid sometimes presenting masculine, and sometimes feminine but in the end they should just accept US just as we are! Can't do that? Then move on... Most of the time on balance I am fully masculine, but not all the time by any measure.. and it might seem to some to be half the time but it's not really and probably is somewhere +/- 40% by about 5 points either way. I have seen dry periods when I am masculine for weeks...perhaps months on occasion so who knows.
Anyway while I was out driving on my way home thought occurred to me that the correct attitude would be one who would say "You don't like what I'm wearing...screw you!" There is a brazen confidence which comes from being completely secure in who you are as a person and that you have every right to be out in the world. As Robyn said one time "You have every right to be who you are and they have every right not to like it" ... but they do not have any right to interfere with your personal freedom to be who you are and to go where ever you want to unmolested. It is a state of mind. I suppose I have to shake off the wimpy wall flower and assume this much stronger and more powerful sense of who I am which is indignant and demands my freedom to be who I am. I think part of the problem is that we cower and shrink from the world rather than grabbing our absolute right to be. No one has the right to get in our face and tell us to go crawl into a cave so it can cave in on top of you and bury you. That is what the world wants to happen to us. We have to be strong enough, confident enough, secure enough, and brazen enough to tell them "Hey! you don't like what I am wearing? Well, go screw yourself!" I am tired of people trying to tell me I have no right to exist because they do not like who I am and do not want me to be around. No one has the right to tell us that because we have every right to be and to be who we are as people. Don't like who I am...move on. Try to physically attack me, I am going to prosecute you! I demand my right to exist!
Suppose in my little Crossdresser's Manifesto - ha! I should state that My boys or our children are young adults practically out of the nest. I am retired with a solid retirement income...I like to say I am independently solvent not rich or wealthy...solvent and comfortable. My wife poor thing is completely incapacitated by severe dementia with probably not much further to go... who knows... So...I am ensconced in a very secure position. No one can move against me to harm me. The worst that can happen to me now is rejection and scorn...I have one neighbor they are elderly and keep to their selves pretty much. My parents are gone, my only family lives hundreds of miles away except my sons but they both know and or are on the verge of no longer needing my home as a back up to live in. So aside from being punched out in the street. No one can take my property or my income. No family around to object so my decision should I choose to be totally out is mine to take. What am I going to do lose friends on facebook? Once my wife is gone I do not care if her family happens to find out because there will be no more relations with them anyway... they were my wife's blood relations not mine. What the boys choose to do is up to them. I will be starting a new life and those in my life are going to know and accept fully all of who I am or they can move on. That is pretty much it. I am also free to be partially out to some not to others but If I ever go out and about then there is no partially about it. Take me or leave me. One thing is for certain I am not going to spend the rest of my life in a hole!
----
My question is why should we not expect optimistically and positively ... For others, especially family to fully understand and to accept who we are completely and without reservation.... that is a tall order. But why? Further people should accept that I am gender fluid sometimes presenting masculine, and sometimes feminine but in the end they should just accept US just as we are! Can't do that? Then move on... Most of the time on balance I am fully masculine, but not all the time by any measure.. and it might seem to some to be half the time but it's not really and probably is somewhere +/- 40% by about 5 points either way. I have seen dry periods when I am masculine for weeks...perhaps months on occasion so who knows.
Go with the flow