We should stop hiding and just be who we are.

[Anne Bonny]

People are usually surprised when they learn someone is transgender or gender fluid. They are sincere, you can here them stating I would never have guessed or known. Look at Bruce Jenner...they can't get this image of a very fit Jenner caught in mid throw of his javelin in a famous photo and remember his performance in the Olympics way back in the 70's. People fail to understand how we can be so manly but they have no clue to how we feel inside, or our private struggle over years of our lifetime.

Yes, we are men...and though we share many things in common with men we also carry within definite aspects of ourselves which we share in common with women though we are not and never will be women. Men like myself lay in a region between genders. bleeding over the gender line on both sides. We are like masculine women ..."heavy women" like those who work in tough jobs on road crews or in heavy equipment who are rather stocky, strong, and tough, confident and assertive yet retaining aspects that are feminine because they are after all women. Or we are men that just fail to fit in with other men completely. I do not really hang out much with "the guys" because I do not have that guy attitude, I am not a sports nut, do not hunt or fish or like all the blood and slimy guts involved in all of that smelly stuff though I do enjoy a steak or a nice grilled amberjack. I just fail to fit in. I seem to be missing areas like auto mechanics...though I have taught myself more about that. These are not of major interest for me. I have always gravitated toward groups of women in the large family get together's I can recall.

I suppose my thought this morning was ... I was interrupted so I lost my spark on this but it was something like...
Why hide who we are? Do not hide who you are...be yourself. It is OK to leave your make up out on the bathroom vanity, or a dress draped over a chair...we may not be wearing it or much wanting to at the moment but we should not hide who we are. It is important to widen our circle of support, and it is important that those people become comfortable with our being who we are, and for us to be comfortable with who we are so that If we open the door and we are fully in feminine attire we can go sit and enjoy a cup of coffee with a friend without either of us making much more than a passing recognition of any of it. Why should who we are not all become completely natural because this is naturally who we are!

Anyway ... yeah we should stop hiding and just be who we are.

[Pam T.]

I think its really easier said than done for some. I mean I have always been very feminine acting my entire life so it was no big issue when I came out to friends and family and most were like yup I knew that and could have told her that she was that way before she came out to me. I know that some struggle to just come out and be themselves and that is why I am happy that we have places like this where we can get the confidence to be who we really are inside and the support here is amazing.

[Diana Michelle]

In a perfect world Anne your dream would be a reality but sadly we live in a very imperfect world. While there is a lot more acceptance of TGs in the world today, stereotypes still run rampant. People still talk about transgendered in the same tone as they see gays. Of the LGBT community we are still the minority, a minority within a minority if you wish, and thus get probably the least respect of all. In spite of the mostly positive press Caitlyn Jenner has received we are an enigma to most and that ignorance leads to fear and hate.

Anne I applaud your dream and pray the world will come to that and perhaps it will someday but I highly doubt will be in either of our lifetimes. The best we can hope for is the acceptance of those who love us and a few more. That few more for each of us will add up and maybe as the ball gets rolling we will move a step closer to that acceptance we all seek.

[Anne Bonny]

Yes, all that you have said is true. Our society and it does come primarily from Christian Religion primarily because we live in a christian country by history, and by it's influence on our society. You do see it in vicious and extremely hostile blogs where attacks on the transgender community serve as a feeding frenzy of hatred. It is fear, fear of the unknown, a lack of understanding and a stubbornness to reject and hate blindly and for some permanently...well not all are that way, many are open minded and those are the people we should reach out to. But we have the same rights as anyone else. We have the right to be who we are...we cannot help if we were born this way. We have the right to safety, to work, to have a place to live, and to move unmolested through society. We do not represent a threat to anyone.

The reality is that we have to use our head if we are going to enjoy the best life possible for us. I have been using my senses to carefully select people I can open the door to. I have shared who I am with around twenty people, and about 11 have seen me dressed in person or in pictures and I have found full acceptance from most. I lost my little scrap of paper where I sat down and listed everyone who knows. Just today I was fully dressed and sitting here with my wife's sitter. She is even more accepting and open than my wife was she does not care, she is my friend she told me. You pay me but I am your friend she told me. My wife accepted my crossdressing but it was more tolerance she would allow me to dress from time to time but it is heart breaking to realize in your heart she would have preferred I were not like this, but she loved me and accepted me, I am still caring for the love of my life.

What I am saying is that we may not be completely free but there are times and places where we can fully enjoy what I was talking about. The social worker and chaplain from hospice do not care what I am wearing when they come and we sit and talk about how things are going. So these relationships can be found, we only have to make the effort and the chance, using our sense about people who care about us, and that dream will come alive for us. I am not going to live the rest of my life hiding, that determination will help each of us to optimize our situation, and help us to be able to be who we are openly and more frequently. We can find success if we have the determination to open the door and refuse to go back. I will never return to that deep dark closet, In fact I believe the more open we become the wider our network of friends grows the more impossible it becomes for us to every find ourselves shivering in the dark.

I cannot stress how indescribably wonderful and positive and correct this path is for anyone who is like we are. And some day our day will come. There are cities and regions that make it easier for us but we can find a normal life no matter where we live if we use good judgement and are careful. So what if everyone in town knows that I am gender fluid? It does not hurt me because I am gender fluid. It is like having brown hair and brown eyes....

[Anne Bonny]

If you advance confidently in a life you had imagined you will meet with a success unimagined in common dreams...Henry David Thoreau...at least what I can pull of the quote from my mind.

Here I am again this morning after changing, putting on my make up, arranging my hair, putting on my jewelry and lingerie a top a skirt and some flats.

What is it about men not wearing dresses and skirts, many men do I have all of my life in hiding before but more open these past years. Most men have no desire but that is because, well speaking for myself...I am gender fluid so the tide ebbs and flows. I believe my gender is in between. a good part I share with other men, and another part I share with women. I do not fit in fully with men or women really I lay somewhere in between. Gee I am 58 it has taken me so long it is sad, and can bee depressing if I dwell on it but you cannot live in or fix the past. Point is I am now here.

I am living more openly, I am more truly myself. I am so glad there are ladies in my life who accept me as I am. This week I have had ample opportunity to just allow myself to be who I am.



Why is there a huge objection to men wearing dresses? do our brains stop functioning? No. I believe there is sexism at play in some of this. Some of it is driven by those of religious faith who cannot and will never accept that there are men who are just born this way...it is not a sin, it is genetic, and we have existed throughout human history like this. They just stubbornly are determined to resist and to persecute people who do not fit their simplistic beliefs. But we have the same rights they do so I suppose I have a right not to listen to them anymore and go about my life. I am not going to worry about it and they can have a stroke if they desire. It is bad for their mental and physical health but that is not my problem, there Is nothing we can do for people who are mentally deranged.

Oh well got to move on to the bills.....

[Paulette]

Anne, it's much more than expectation or even sexism. It's "how should I relate to this person?" Do I open doors for them, ask what's under that, call a cop, cop a feel, hit or kill them, laugh, smirk, ignore, ridicule, point and loudly exclaim "that's a man!" or what?

So you have to be prepared to guide them to an acceptable response. Your attitude and expectation, if you present it with sureness and dignity, and sometimes a little humor, will probably shape theirs. I found this to be true and the key to being accepted as a performer, comedian, juggler, children's entertainer, teacher trainer, college professor, or as a woman.

If you wait for them to respond to you, you're too late.

In tennis, golf, and ping-pong, be the ball. Same here. Be the woman you know you are.

[Anne Bonny]

Hi Paulette! When I come to the site I think about you. Are you settled in California? Glad to see you back on the site. Find anyone new?

I am here all decked out in the afternoon...just a favorite dress, and flats, etc...

My wife is resting in bed. Gosh, I don't know how long before I will be on my own again. One son off at school, the other wants to take his own path and is off at work so I am free the thought just occurred to me...Marie Osmond flashed on the screen in a pretty red dress for another nutra system or whatever commercial...board...all the work done the identification with the feminine was tripped so suddenly I thought - hey! why not change so I did and I feel a little happier.

I suppose one day when my wife is gone, then I can find others. But it is wonderful that I am surrounded by women who know. I do not need to hide myself.

My struggle now is to open that door more and more, to be able to progress so that Anne can go out in public - a very tough thing as you know here...New Orleans hum... Attitude...I do think my attitude and confidence are pretty strong, I know who I am inside and I am not insecure about it.

I suppose like a hang glider standing on the brink of a cliff for the very first time...you have to make that jump and once you do you know there is no turning back you either soar or come in for a fairly hard landing. It takes more courage because you cannot test the waters, like you can when you tell someone who has passed your screening and they are fine with it all then next time you are with them dressed and they are supportive...In public it is cold turkey, I suppose the reactions and the risks can vary from being chased down and assaulted to staring, to being ignored, to no one noticing, to people being nice and accepting you as you. Being fully out is the next step.
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