Crossdressers-Haven.com

OK, short psychological exercise..I am fully dressed but no eye make up or foundation oh and no wig I just have my hair parted and swept back on both sides...I donned a loose fitting male top got in the car backed out of the garage and initially slipped my clip on's off...then rounding a corner clipped them back on. I could imagine the afternoon sun glinting off of them, and in the rather close quarters...I decided not to make eye contact...just drive. I did see a few women drivers but I don't think they noticed me. I suppose those walking could see driving through a neighborhood...but otherwise I made it back. Then decided to park out front as no one was in sight and the neighbor cannot really see from the angle I was parked at. I got out and walked to the door and am back in the house.

It would be easier if there were no sun in the sky but to be out with no change of clothes in the car should it break down or something ... well nothing happened. No my heart was not racing madly, my respiration rate was normal. In my mind I thought this is who I am..., so what are they going to do if they see me they are just intent on going where ever they are going, what would or could they do anyway? I have passed a male out like myself walking but in shorts and a long blonde wig...either that or a not so good looking chick! Ha! I shouldn't talk HA!

So it was probably something I should do again, and leave the male top off next time... I do not believe wearing opposite sex clothing is a criminal offense so well...I will check on that.

In my state, Massachusetts, it is definitely legal. In fact I know from an acquaintance who is a police officer that most departments train their officers on how to deal with the LGBT community. I don't know what the situation is in the gulf states. It would be worth checking out. I wonder if there are any states where cross dressing is still illegal.

Unfortunately Legal or not there are still policemen who will or can be quite inappropriate and who could go out of their way to make us uncomfortable knowing they would be backed by their superiors so long as they did not do anything technically illegal. But Most would not bother I suppose. But when they are biting down on someone as in giving a speeding ticket or during a stop their testosterone can make them forget their selves and be really tyrannical and overbearing. I have seen a crossdresser perhaps two? in one of our local casinos and they were not molested or hendered in any way by the staff...to my knowledge anyway. Not to say they were not pulled aside in a corner and asked to leave but I didn't see it. Who knows. No I do not believe it is illegal. Tried to look it up on the internet but the sources I came across could not be definitive on my state.

I am in my navy blue with white polka dots dress, court pumps, jewelry but this time with my purse to carry my wallet. Sunglasses suppose they are kind of unisex as one of the nurses thought they were hers which proves it. Here it is a little after 4 pm on a sunny, windy Saturday afternoon. I went down to the garage got in the car and drove but this time very openly, last time I covered the top of my dress with a loose Hawiian shirt. There was nowhere to hide as I passed other cars and pedestrians, came and had to sit through stop lights. But though there was some stress, it was less than the last time. After arriving home, must have made somewhere in the range of a 5 mile circuit? I decided to walk openly up the long driveway to the front door of course I remembered I did not have the door keys in the purse so I had to turn around and walk back and enter via the garage.

My goal is to be able to go out in public fully dressed and to eventually be fully out. So this was a good exercise. If I went to a psychiatrist I would be paying $25 per session as a copay with the same results. Of course the Psychiatrist would bring up things I had never thought of...hey I could go dressed to the Psychiatrist's office! hum....

That is something I could do and my wife's family would never know as opposed to stating I am gender fluid and posting pictures on Facebook which I will do at some point.

These are controlled exercises. No one in town even knows who I am, I have no friends...used to go to church but I do not care if they saw me anyway because I am not going back...unless they were to come up and show full acceptance of who I am but that would not happen...I say that but I am an agnostic and I am sure of that do not believe in being a slave to a mythical god, that is not objective rational reality but fantasy why would I ever give up my freedom. There is no such thing as sin because there is and never will be evidence that god exists which is why I am an agnostic.

Good for you Anne sounds like a productive trip out. I can sympathise about the stress a few years ago my wife was out of town so I went out fully dressed, even to a Starbucks drive through. I agree about the psychiatrist why pay them when you can achieve the same results by yourself and hopefully have fun while doing it.

All the best,(--)
Michelle.

Yeah...the next step is some kind of drive up...at first could be an ATM. I was thinking fast food is so fattening...but Starbucks would be perfect because I do treat myself to coffee when the sitter comes. The Starbucks here is a ways away and the area tends to be more congested...more stop lights...it is up in a parking lot of a strip mall so...hum...
Right now that would be a bit of a mountain for me to climb.

I believe the fear is People will never see me as my male self but permanently as some effeminate cross dresser or sissy. Hum...My personality is fixed, I am only effeminate internally and more in what I am more interested in when I am feeling more feminine. I am not a swishy flamboyant effusively feminine person, I am just not. I do not put on an act when I am feeling feminine inside and things switch for me, I am just my normal self. Now...I know being gender fluid I am fine. It is also wrong for us to worry about what other people think of us, no one even non cross dressers can live like that. So...I suppose the mind set should be...so what if the neighbor or someone sees me walking around in a dress, then next day DRAB...depending on how my gender flows...I know I am the same person, I know that I am fine and they can't define who I am it is just I am sometimes one way, sometimes the other but I am always the same person. They would be the ones in the wrong for thinking I am a certain way when it isn't true. To know me they have to know me and if they do not care to do that they can move on....

So...I am working of it. Thanks for the ideas and the encouragement Michelle. I know who I am, I am secure so I suppose I have to reach that steely nerve to be able to say "you don't like what I'm wearing? Screw you! in so many words." Not that I would actually tell them "Screw you!" Or Go away. Wonder if I need to carry something in my purse to protect myself...pepper spray...a stun gun....? But when you use such things on another person it is an assault until determined otherwise. I am very fit so suppose best thing is to rely on that or just move on. That is another fear about going out in public.

Another fear would be being approached by an SA or a waitress or waiter or manager, or casino rep and being told I am sorry but you have to leave. That would be embarrassing and very difficult to take. From a car it is easy right now. It is a personal space, I am protected and there is little notice or interaction by others. But like leaving the safety and the privacy of the closet, for the rest of our home, to leaving the safe refuge of our home, driving in the car is still just another protected and quasi private and relatively safe place for us. Getting out of the car perhaps for a walk outside the car in public probably comes next...followed by buying something, entering a place of business with the rest of the general public where there is no place to hide, no place to run and not having any clothes to change into no escape...those are a lot of fearful things to work toward overcoming.

Another step is to tell everybody I am transgender (under the huge umbrella sense of that word), more specifically that I am gender fluid (though most of the public have no idea what that even is). I am building a network of friends who know and fully accept me, unfortunately those people are professionals here because of my wife, once she is gone they will be gone too. Hum....Oh well these are all things to work on.

Yeah...the next step is some kind of drive up...at first could be an ATM. I was thinking fast food is so fattening...but Starbucks would be perfect because I do treat myself to coffee when the sitter comes. The Starbucks here is a ways away and the area tends to be more congested...more stop lights...it is up in a parking lot of a strip mall so...hum...
Right now that would be a bit of a mountain for me to climb.

I believe the fear is People will never see me as my male self but permanently as some effeminate cross dresser or sissy. Hum...My personality is fixed, I am only effeminate internally and more in what I am more interested in when I am feeling more feminine. I am not a swishy flamboyant effusively feminine person, I am just not. I do not put on an act when I am feeling feminine inside and things switch for me, I am just my normal self. Now...I know being gender fluid I am fine. It is also wrong for us to worry about what other people think of us, no one even non cross dressers can live like that. So...I suppose the mind set should be...so what if the neighbor or someone sees me walking around in a dress, then next day DRAB...depending on how my gender flows...I know I am the same person, I know that I am fine and they can't define who I am it is just I am sometimes one way, sometimes the other but I am always the same person. They would be the ones in the wrong for thinking I am a certain way when it isn't true. To know me they have to know me and if they do not care to do that they can move on....

So...I am working of it. Thanks for the ideas and the encouragement Michelle. I know who I am, I am secure so I suppose I have to reach that steely nerve to be able to say "you don't like what I'm wearing? Screw you! in so many words." Not that I would actually tell them "Screw you!" Or Go away. Wonder if I need to carry something in my purse to protect myself...pepper spray...a stun gun....? But when you use such things on another person it is an assault until determined otherwise. I am very fit so suppose best thing is to rely on that or just move on. That is another fear about going out in public.

Another fear would be being approached by an SA or a waitress or waiter or manager, or casino rep and being told I am sorry but you have to leave. That would be embarrassing and very difficult to take. From a car it is easy right now. It is a personal space, I am protected and there is little notice or interaction by others. But like leaving the safety and the privacy of the closet, for the rest of our home, to leaving the safe refuge of our home, driving in the car is still just another protected and quasi private and relatively safe place for us. Getting out of the car perhaps for a walk outside the car in public probably comes next...followed by buying something, entering a place of business with the rest of the general public where there is no place to hide, no place to run and not having any clothes to change into no escape...those are a lot of fearful things to work toward overcoming.

Another step is to tell everybody I am transgender (under the huge umbrella sense of that word), more specifically that I am gender fluid (though most of the public have no idea what that even is). I am building a network of friends who know and fully accept me, unfortunately those people are professionals here because of my wife, once she is gone they will be gone too. Hum....Oh well these are all things to work on.

Ok drove to the ATM to get the money to pay our sitter. This time wow was I ever dressed up! Bra gel pads panties slip panty hose, navy with white polka dot dress, court shoes, wig "Jackie-O" type sunglasses, full make up, spits of perfume, purse.... this time with the wig and sunglasses I felt much more relaxed. Really in a car they would have to be very close and studying you. Still at 5'9.5" 161.6 lbs medium framed man with large hands I was still a little worried but there are larger women so...
Any way there I was driving in traffic at stop lights and it was easy. I had no change of clothes...hell it would take 15 minutes to change. The risks were low but possible...accident, breakdown, or ticket....none of that

Oh the nurse saw me in all but the wig and sunglasses for the first time and she carried on as usual just as it should be...nurses aid...same...and sitter. The nurse suggested the wig and sunglasses....the aid told me I would be ok, that I looked fine and that no one would notice and no one did. Next time I'm going through the drive through at starbucks! Wish I had someone to go with me.

I even picked up the paper in the yard and got the mail. Oh and when I got home I parked out front and walked in!

So that's progress!

Some one to go with you? Take the nurse etc. If you need to chat with them, just take that short ride to do the chatting and to have your company. If they have time, just ask them.. they can always say no....

And congrats for your efforts to get out and get comfy.

Yeah, I am dressing more...out of preference...and my little fit and flair dresses are great for around the house. I guess being deprived all of my life I just prefer dresses right now that may all subside in time but they are so comfortable.

Right I had thought having someone with me would make it easier too. Perhaps they would be able to get me to stop and get out somewhere? that's too far for now but someone to talk to would certainly make driving around nice.