Crossdressers-Haven.com

Requal is feeling really frustrated. She is making one of her rare appearances at this time.

There has not been a lot of time for her to make an appearance over recent months. My son has been around the house on holidays, the grand kids have been around and had unexpected sleep overs and now my wife is becoming more uncomfortable with her appearance. My wife has always remained apprehensive about Requal and although Requal has tried the softly, softly approach and small steps, my wife's attitude has not changed.

Requal would like to appear more times than permitted but as she is upsetting my wife, (whom I deeply love) her time is currently limited. She has restricted her appearances to Thursday evening and Sunday evenings at present however this remains in convenient to my wife.

Requal understand that others who reside in this friendly and supportive Haven experience the same predicament as Requal and she is sharing her feelings and thoughts with you as she knows that she is not alone in this situation.

Requal thanks you all for being there and allowing her to express her feelings in a safe and confidential Haven.

I, and I am sure many others, know exactly how you feel. It is very frustrating! Circumstances change over time and one can hope that they will be for the better.

A family is a complicated thing. Sometimes there is nothing to be done but bide your time.

Requal's wife needs to understand that dressing femme is not a choice. The more acceptance by her the better you'll both feel. Certainly there are limits and boundaries to appease family and friends.
Having a part time girlfriend around the house is kinda fun.

Eileen

A great reply by a GG like Eileen is perfect. It helps to show it's ok for a man and one in an marriage or LTR to be able to express a feminine mood and look and still be a man.

Yes, to confirm it's not a choice. I mean we yes CDers choose when and what to dress but I will say this, when I have been at times in my life where my cding had to be buried away I was MISERABLE. I say this I contemplated suicide a number of times as a result.

I don't know what exactly caused me to be a crossdresser other than I feel I was born with it. I have said here before I began to be infatuated at girls, their clothes and being girly by age 5-6. I began secretly dressing starting in my mom's clothes by age 11-12. I don't know why, but I feel a need to be a cder, to be girly and to dress fully en femme as Lacey at times in my daily life. But I did not ask to be one nor do I choose to as hobby or such.

Being a cder and more so dressing as Lacey, shopping for stuff Lacey likes/loves and feeling like a lady once dressed full en femme is a much a part of me as any of my male attitude and stuff, cars, sports, action movies, military aviation, plastic model building, hifi/home theatre/man cave stuff, drinking beer at times with my buds and so on.

If I were to be denied being a cder and especially dressing as Lacey I would again be miserable and likely be dead today.

LTR's and marriages are not about white picket fences, 2 perfect kids a dog and/or a cat along with yearly Hawaiian vacations. It's about being with a person that you love, enjoy, respect and yes endure the good and the bad as long as neither are mentally or physically abusive to each other.

There are a lot more troubling and worse things and types of persons one can be in an LTR or marriage with than being with a cder.

As Eileen says you get a man, a husband or SO and a lover as well as a girlfriend. I say most cders see women and women's things different at times than most regular guys and that can be good thing.

We will not usually moan and groan while out shopping with a wife or SO over clothes, shoes and girly stuff. We in drab may to the public at times hide our desire to shop such things.

A wife, GF or SO who is running short of time say to dress for an event can ask a cder hubby, BF or SO to run out and buy her a pair of pantyhose and she will know we will get the right brand, style, colour and size for her.

But we too will also be looking at things for ourselves as cders too. Also shopping for birthday, Christmas, anniversary gifts for us is much more easy. We do not just have to get guy things but will love a wife, GF, SO who gets us girly stuff. Mmmmm When I dated a lady who was all in with my CDing (sadly we did move on ) I LOVED getting girly gifts from her.

Lacey Hadley wrote:A great reply by a GG like Eileen is perfect. It helps to show it's ok for a man and one in an marriage or LTR to be able to express a feminine mood and look and still be a man.

Yes, to confirm it's not a choice. I mean we yes CDers choose when and what to dress but I will say this, when I have been at times in my life where my cding had to be buried away I was MISERABLE. I say this I contemplated suicide a number of times as a result.

I don't know what exactly caused me to be a crossdresser other than I feel I was born with it. I have said here before I began to be infatuated at girls, their clothes and being girly by age 5-6. I began secretly dressing starting in my mom's clothes by age 11-12. I don't know why, but I feel a need to be a cder, to be girly and to dress fully en femme as Lacey at times in my daily life. But I did not ask to be one nor do I choose to as hobby or such.

Being a cder and more so dressing as Lacey, shopping for stuff Lacey likes/loves and feeling like a lady once dressed full en femme is a much a part of me as any of my male attitude and stuff, cars, sports, action movies, military aviation, plastic model building, hifi/home theatre/man cave stuff, drinking beer at times with my buds and so on.

If I were to be denied being a cder and especially dressing as Lacey I would again be miserable and likely be dead today.

LTR's and marriages are not about white picket fences, 2 perfect kids a dog and/or a cat along with yearly Hawaiian vacations. It's about being with a person that you love, enjoy, respect and yes endure the good and the bad as long as neither are mentally or physically abusive to each other.

There are a lot more troubling and worse things and types of persons one can be in an LTR or marriage with than being with a cder.

As Eileen says you get a man, a husband or SO and a lover as well as a girlfriend. I say most cders see women and women's things different at times than most regular guys and that can be good thing.

We will not usually moan and groan while out shopping with a wife or SO over clothes, shoes and girly stuff. We in drab may to the public at times hide our desire to shop such things.

A wife, GF or SO who is running short of time say to dress for an event can ask a cder hubby, BF or SO to run out and buy her a pair of pantyhose and she will know we will get the right brand, style, colour and size for her.

But we too will also be looking at things for ourselves as cders too. Also shopping for birthday, Christmas, anniversary gifts for us is much more easy. We do not just have to get guy things but will love a wife, GF, SO who gets us girly stuff. Mmmmm When I dated a lady who was all in with my CDing (sadly we did move on ) I LOVED getting girly gifts from her.

What a great response.

Thank you all for your encouraging, friendly and supportive comments.

To assist me in understanding myself and to find means in which I can explain my CDing to my wife I did some searching on the Web and found some very interesting articles. I printed them off, read them and having this additional knowledge, sat down and spoke with my wife.

She was willing to listen and took the articles to read. It was a very sober and constructive talk and sharing of our thoughts and feelings. From the discussion and articles and my own realisation of why I choose to be in touch with my feminine side, my wife has found a clearer understanding, albeit, still having some apprehension.

My next step is to ask my wife to meet all you wonderful persons at this address, and demonstrate to her how this Haven has been helpful and supportive me and can also be to her.

It would be delightful if she was to join our conversations through this forum. It may be the additional support she did not know she has.

Thank you again.

One of the biggest fears a wife my have is 'how far will this go?' Accepting that her husband wears woman's clothing and the next thing she knows is panty hose and bras drying on the shower rod, lipstick stains on all the glassware, and frilly lingerie in bed.

If Requal Jo is a part time dresser and willing to live within boundaries (seems like you have been doing so) your wife should be more accepting over time.

That you both had a long and honest discussion and she is willing to learn more is wonderful.
Hopefully, she will take a look at where Requal finds friendship. I'm always available to write privately from a spouse's point of view if needed.

Eileen

Thank you very much Eileen. I hope one day soon she will accept your offer.

Yes I am a part time dresser; just a male who enjoys the beauty of female apparel.

Mmm, much like my husband. Enjoys time as a woman but prefers life as a man. Remind your wife that are much worse things a guy could do in his spare time than wearing woman's clothing. Also that you do so not by choice. Keeping hidden was a choice, living in denial.

That's the part I find so distressing, that my loving partner and soul mate had this inner turmoil most of his life. Being a good father and raising a family together, he always had this other distraction. As kids grew up and moved away, he had more and more moody times.
Accepting and loving his woman side has made us much closer. Despite the fact that I'll never truly understand why this need, I can't see any down side either.

Eileen

Hi everyone,
I have been going thru some very mentally challenging times with my dressing. I am so tired of hiding Connie. I have come out to my wife years ago but that didn't go to well. I again tried to talk to her about a year ago, but she wanted nothing to do with it. The past 5 - 6 months have been very hard. I don't get many opportunities to dress with wife being home all the time. The past 2 weeks I had a couple opportunities to dress and take selfies in backyard. I decided to put them as background pictures on my laptop. Today I made sure I left pc on and where she would see my picture(She said before she never wanted to see me dressed). When she saw picture, she started to get angry about who was the strange woman standing in our backyard. At first I thought she was just being cruel, but then realized she had no idea it was me. When I told her, the look on her face was priceless. I then asked her if she thought I was pretty dressed as a woman(I am not conceited), but she wouldn't answer, just stared at picture. I asked again, she half nodded yes and said a very short yes. She then proceeded to say she wanted nothing to do with my dressing. Not sure if I made any progress, but time will tell. I do feel better that she has finally seen Connie. Sorry to be so winded, but had to tell someone. This is an extremely difficult journey to be on alone.

Connie

You will hear from many of us that you are far from alone.

You are correct when say there are a lot of other things that we could be doing, Eileen. While I have thought about these things, going to the club with other men, (which I do very infrequently), chasing other hobbies etc. I have not really had that conversation with my wife.

It may be an idea to see what she says. However, the other day she did ask me how she would look in a new dress she was going to buy. Now that has not happened for a long time, and she seemed to value my opinion.

As we have said before, slow and steady wins the race.

That is progress, Requal. I'm guessing this was a catalog order? Only a try on can tell a good fit. The style and colors are something you two can discuss. Help her decide what looks good to your eye and be comfortable to wear for her.

We did this until I blurted out something like, 'this would good on you'. It suddenly sunk in that I wanted my CD husband to look as good as she can be.

Eileen

To join in about the frustration about dressing. I went out with my ex to a fondu restaurant. I'd just come off work, and couldn't do my subtle man makeup look which she approves of, and is very acceptable about( she doesn't know I'm a CD, but accepts my desire to look good using subtle hints of makeup). Well, I was frustrated about nothing really to wear except guys very draby fashions like designer jeans, boots and nice sweater( how boring!) when she's wearing this amazing outfit with designer boots, jewelry, and georgeous hair! I was pissed and envious, but much appreciative of her glamour at the same time. Sometimes you just wish you had a girlfriend that you could dress out with, giggle with, and fully dress to the max! Not that I didn't enjoy our date, and the food and decor was amazing, but she would never let me me dress out , and have girl to girl talk. I should be grateful that she accepts and supports the metro side of me, and I am. She's helping me paint my toe nails Vikings purple and gold for the upcoming game. LOL. So , I mirror allot of the frustrations posted, but very thankful for Haven Heaven.