Crossdressers-Haven.com

As the USA celebrates it's independence today, I, too, am celebrating a feeling of independence. Independence from the need to crossdress. Independence from the need to understand why I crossdress.

As I stated recently in another post, I feel I have reached a plateau where my feelings regarding crossdressing are in balance with my feelings about myself. I feel like I have achieved the internal understanding that Keith is Kathy and Kathy is Keith. It matters not what I am wearing.

For the past three days I have been, by choice, in total "guy" mode. No femme clothing of any kind from the skin out. I feel no different. I am still the same "me" I was four days ago wearing panties, girl jeans, girl socks, girl shoes and girl top.

If I wear femme clothing it will be by my concious choice not because I have to fulfill some need.

Am I still a crossdresser? Yes. Will I choose to crossdress in the future? Probably. For now, I am happy right where I am.

And I have you all to thank for that.

Happy Independence Day!

Great for you Kat:

I wish I could come to the inner peace that you have. I will some day.

It must be a truly inner peace for you to be happy with the inner feelings.

Gelinda

Hi Kathy.

You stated that; If I wear femme clothing it will be by my conscious choice not because I have to fulfill some need.

I am unable to understand why anyone would make a conscious choice to cross-dress if it was not meeting some need that they could not get met any other way?

How ever you sound happy, So I wish you well.

I would like to know how you are meeting the needs that cross-dressing used to meet, or was it not meeting any needs in the first place?

Kathy/Keith from Deborah/Bill: Well I know from whenst you come. I feel that I too have integrated Deborah into me to the point that dressing is secondary to the education that she is giving me. I think that when Kathy or Deborah wants to dress up and look pretty we will gleefully oblige them, but for now we are content just to allow their feminine essence to "help" direct our lives and hopefully to make those we come into contact with feel better about themselves. I don't mean to put words into your feeling but I sense that we are "on the same page."
Love,
Deborah

Congrats. This is how I am most of the time. I wear what makes me feel comfortable at that time. For example, after a day of hard physical work (rebuilding a garage wall. 8-P) I come back to the warehouse and slip into a really soft full length brown dress of Jassmine's. It is the same reason why I have never really had a great urge to go romping through the stores or out to dinner in a dress either. It never really mattered to me all that much.

I forget where I saw this, but I completely agree that the goal of cross dressing really is the ability to find the balance point between being a guy and being a girl. Once you find it, you no longer have the complsions other than a day's whim, just like anyone else.

Kathy, Deborah, Ahzz,

WOW!!!!!!!!



I am no were near there, Dressing definitely makes me feel different. It definitely fulfills a need. Although because I have not really had a chance to explore it, Just what I have done has made me feel terriffic. The door is open, but Elizabeth has not walked out of it yet. She will in her own time. I don't feel safe yet. I am excited/scared. But I do look at intergration as the goal. Congrats ladies.

Love always,
Elizabeth

Elizabeth, small steps honey, small steps. We are all on the Magical Mystery Tour, but our places along the trail are as different as we all are. Some may not make it to the next stage - where ever that is for them. Ain't no big deal, just be happy with your journey and stop to smell the roses and enjoy the views! Ain't it GREAT!!!!!
Love, Deborah

Hi All,

Darlene wrote:I am unable to understand why anyone would make a conscious choice to cross-dress if it was not meeting some need that they could not get met any other way?

What conscious choices do any of us make in our day to day lives that we do not feel would fulfill some need? In that regard, you are correct. Why does anyone choose a particular item of clothing over all of the others in his/her closet? For style? For comfort? To make a statement of some kind? I just happen to have a somewhat larger variety of styles and materials hanging in my closet than most guys do. I have a couple of pairs of ladies slacks in my closet that are, hands down, the most comfortable pants I own. Why should I not choose to wear them just because they have a womens' size label in them?

Deborah, I don't think I have ever answered the question you keep asking all of us here. When I look in the mirror, it is my own eyes I see looking back at me. It matters not what I am wearing at the time.

Elizabeth, you are going through a rough time right now along with Julie M. and others. Keep your mind open to the thoughts of the others in your life. Keep your heart open to their feelings. But, above all, as CJ posted, to thine own self be true.

Gelinda, over the last few years, I have had the luxury of a lot of time to myself. I have made use of this time in reading books, researching crossdressing on the internet, meditating on what it means to me and, having finally come upon this forum, discussing what it means to myself as well as others. If not for that, I would not be where I am now.

Ahzz, in the short time you have been here, I get the feeling that there are very few people in this world as well balanced as you are. While I may have come to terms with this particular aspect of my being, there are other areas that still need some work. You and Jassmine are an inspiration and I can but hope to achieve your level one day.

To all the rest of you, while I may have reached this point eventually on my own, you have all provided the lens through which my thoughts and feelings have come into focus. There are no words sufficient to express my gratitude,

Now, before someone gets the idea that this is some kind of farewell message, know this... you ain't gitten rid o' me that easy!

No, I'll still be here. And if my posts help to focus someone else's feelings then it will all have been worth it.

CDKathy wrote:Hi All,
Ahzz, in the short time you have been here, I get the feeling that there are very few people in this world as well balanced as you are. While I may have come to terms with this particular aspect of my being, there are other areas that still need some work. You and Jassmine are an inspiration and I can but hope to achieve your level one day.

Awww... I just don't know what to say....

One of these days when I can afford it, i'll get some forms to wear. That and I've always just used my normal voice. Most people that know me just don't care that it's a guy wearing a dress. I spose I'm lucky in that reguard.

Course, I think a part of it is being forced to "go it alone" most of my life. I've always been a rebel. Forget college, I don't need no stinkin paper to make good money. Credit? Caused me more harm than good. Friends? Sure, i'll hang out some, but if the person starts to use me as a crutch, buh bye.

Key? Build confidince. how? One small step at a time *squawk* Oops, feel like a parrot with how often that is said. *grin*

CDKathy wrote: To all the rest of you, while I may have reached this point eventually on my own, you have all provided the lens through which my thoughts and feelings have come into focus. There are no words sufficient to express my gratitude,

A good sign that you recognise everyone else's help. Shows good confince in yourself and your friends.

Me, the last chunks of balance fell into place just from having Jassmine around in my life. It's amazing how another person (whether it's an SO or just friends) can help youi find that last bit of balancing of your life.

CDKathy wrote: Now, before someone gets the idea that this is some kind of farewell message, know this... you ain't gitten rid o' me that easy!

No, I'll still be here. And if my posts help to focus someone else's feelings then it will all have been worth it.

blah, any gains that others make from my own experiences is worth it too. I figure, as long as I learn, and others learn, it's worth it. ##oo##

Hi Kathy,

Upon reflection and reading your last post here, I take it, that where you now find yourself is that you are not a different person when cross-dressed. but yet womans clothing still meets some needs, that are important to you.

If that is the situation I want to welcome you home (so to speak). I do not feel like I am any different when cross-dressed, just a whole lot more comfortable and relaxed, as most of the womans clothes that I choose to wear are less restrictive than my male clothes. But there are some outfits that when worn I feel like a pretty special person.

Darlene wrote:Hi Kathy,

Upon reflection and reading your last post here, I take it, that where you now find yourself is that you are not a different person when cross-dressed. but yet womans clothing still meets some needs, that are important to you.

If that is the situation I want to welcome you home (so to speak). I do not feel like I am any different when cross-dressed, just a whole lot more comfortable and relaxed, as most of the womans clothes that I choose to wear are less restrictive than my male clothes. But there are some outfits that when worn I feel like a pretty special person.

I could not have said it better.

CDKathy wrote:Hi All,

What conscious choices do any of us make in our day to day lives that we do not feel would fulfill some need? In that regard, you are correct. Why does anyone choose a particular item of clothing over all of the others in his/her closet? For style? For comfort? To make a statement of some kind? I just happen to have a somewhat larger variety of styles and materials hanging in my closet than most guys do. I have a couple of pairs of ladies slacks in my closet that are, hands down, the most comfortable pants I own. Why should I not choose to wear them just because they have a womens' size label in them?

Ah, such a great point. I too, have a wide variety of clothing to chose from. I have a tendancy to dress mostly for comfort and what suits my mood I just happen to enjoy the look and feel of men's clothes sometimes. Especially when I am feeling particullarly Tom boyish When friends ask me "What should I wear", I tell them to dress for comfort first. No matter the situation, if you are comfortable in what you are wearing it will show

Deborah, I don't think I have ever answered the question you keep asking all of us here. When I look in the mirror, it is my own eyes I see looking back at me. It matters not what I am wearing at the time.

Same goes for Ahzz and myself. I feel that what one wears is a direct reflection of who one is. I do not agree with that old statement "The clothes make the person". I believe it is the person that "makes" the clothes.

Elizabeth, you are going through a rough time right now along with Julie M. and others. Keep your mind open to the thoughts of the others in your life. Keep your heart open to their feelings. But, above all, as CJ posted, to thine own self be true.

You are so wise, dahhhrlings! And the key to being true to one's self is getting to know one's self, and accepting who you are. There will always be things that one may wish to improve about one's self, the key to success lies in knowing what one can change and accepting what one cannot. Hence one finds true self acceptance.

Gelinda, over the last few years, I have had the luxury of a lot of time to myself. I have made use of this time in reading books, researching crossdressing on the internet, meditating on what it means to me and, having finally come upon this forum, discussing what it means to myself as well as others. If not for that, I would not be where I am now.

Now, I know from my own personal self exploration that this was not easy. But as you can see the pay off is well worth the work. Yes, it is work and it needs to be done on a daily basis. It is and will always be an ongoing adventure I found that the biggest hurdle I ever had to jump, was fear. Getting to truely know one's self can be painful and ugly at times. But one must push past that fear and look at the things about themself that they may not like. UGH!!, I KNOW. Been there, done it, and I will be here for anyone who needs support

Ahzz, in the short time you have been here, I get the feeling that there are very few people in this world as well balanced as you are. While I may have come to terms with this particular aspect of my being, there are other areas that still need some work. You and Jassmine are an inspiration and I can but hope to achieve your level one day.

*BLUSH* Thank you. You and evreyone here CAN achieve our level of balance, too. Ahzz and I will be here to help. Just wanting to reach that goal is the first step, and CD Kathy, you are well on your way You too, are an inspiration to myself, Ahzz, and the awesome folks here

To all the rest of you, while I may have reached this point eventually on my own, you have all provided the lens through which my thoughts and feelings have come into focus. There are no words sufficient to express my gratitude,

Beautifully said! I feel the one best ways to learn about yourself, is through the sharing of thoughts and ideas with others. I joined this wonderful group, to do just that I also, wish to thank all y'all!

Now, before someone gets the idea that this is some kind of farewell message, know this... you ain't gitten rid o' me that easy!

LOL!!! I had a feeling that you are the tenacious type##oo##

No, I'll still be here. And if my posts help to focus someone else's feelings then it will all have been worth it.

Right on I would like to thank you in advance, for I am sure that you will have more valuable insights for me to learn from.

*Hugs*

Yes, much the same as a non-CDing man can feel pretty special when dressed up in a tux or the ladies in their ball gowns. In that regard, we get the best of both worlds.

And thank you, Darlene, it's good to be home (so to speak).

It is Good to see more people here that are on the same page. You all.

Hi again Ladies,

Before I found this place, I was an island. In a huge ocean of sharks. I was trapped, no where to go, no way to go, no one to go with. I just can not say how it has changed my life, finding all of you. Just knowing you are out there. Just knowing that each of you have known or are knowing my pain. To know that it can and does get better if you make an effort to make it better.

That is the key. Making an effort. I have had to face up to a lot of things that I thought I was going to avoid. I still see more of that in the future. But what has really changed is that I am falling for myself. I love it when I treat myself good. Just taking the time to shave my body, and moisturize, is more time than I spent on myself in a month before. Going out and buying some earrings not because they are the least offensive, but because I like them.
Explaining to my kids these important lessons I am learning, so they won't repeat my mistakes.

Yes, to thine own self be true. I am really starting to love myself for the first time ever. Taking the time to make me happy. Part of that happiness being my children. And having bounderies, and some basic rules so we can all live with this. I have told them already that the rules are flexable, and will probably undergo more change as we go along. I stressed to them that they need to tell me what makes them uncomfortable, so we can make it better. And I ask them about thier comfort level a lot too. I am certain we will find out way through this, in a open and honest way.

Thanks for your insights, wisdom, inspiration, but mostly thanks for your friendship. The debt I owe to all of you can only be repaid by being happy, and I am getting happier everyday now.

Love to all,
Elizabeth