Feeling Almost Human
Posted: Mon Jul 05, 2004 3:47 am
Hi Ladies,
I am sitting here in my living room, in my favorite night gown. I have my toenails painted the prettiest pale pink and my long natural nails that I have clear polish on. And for the first time, I am not worried I am going to "get caught" Everyone knows. It feels just great. There was a time whenI had just accepted that I would never get to do this. I would always hate my life. It seems every day brings some new little delight.
I have started setting some bounderies. My room is private, knock before entering, or risk seeing something you may not want to. After bedtime, the living room is my domain. Enter it without warning me, at your own risk. Granted my wife is away for a few days. But I am not far from having total freedom. I have explained to my kids that I will respect their right to not be embarrassed. But they have to stay out of my space during certain hours when they should be sleeping anyway.
Everyone seems ok with arrangement. Except my wife of course, she is no where near the point where she could make a reasonable deal. I have told her it is about choices now. Not if I am going to make myself happy, just when and where. And that I would try not to embarass her, but she would also have to give me some space to "be me".
She handed me some nail polish remover yesterday and said "the boys said you are taking them swimming tomorrow" I said "yeah, I have my own" She said that my younger son had told her that I would not take him swimming because I had polish on my toes did not want to take them until I took my nail polish off my toes, so they would not become the subject of ridicule. However, I was really hurting at the time, and was not going to be able to stay bent over for the time it would take to get my toenails cleaned of nail polish. So I told him I would take him the next day. She then said "you knew there would be repercussions from this" However, it is not unusual for me to tell them I am not feeling well, and that I would take them the next day. So it was not an unusual repercussion. But I guess to her, it is.
I have found all my kids to be accepting. My oldest daughter actually said "I approve of his life style, I have crossdressing friends" when asked by my brother how she felt about it. So in the end, of all the people that now know I am a crossdresser, there is only one who does not accept it. So things have turned out better than I thought they would, so far.
I have started taking better care of myself, I have lost 35 lbs over the last three months. I am eatting better foods, and got rid of all the junk food in my house, except for a little bit for my kids. Now they eat fruit when they want a snack, instead of Debbie cakes. My pain is improving, my depression is lessening. My fatigue is less. My happiness is way up, my energy is up. But most of all, my optomism is up. I am not sure because it has never happened before, but I think i am beginning to feel almost human,
Love always,
Elizabeth
I am sitting here in my living room, in my favorite night gown. I have my toenails painted the prettiest pale pink and my long natural nails that I have clear polish on. And for the first time, I am not worried I am going to "get caught" Everyone knows. It feels just great. There was a time whenI had just accepted that I would never get to do this. I would always hate my life. It seems every day brings some new little delight.
I have started setting some bounderies. My room is private, knock before entering, or risk seeing something you may not want to. After bedtime, the living room is my domain. Enter it without warning me, at your own risk. Granted my wife is away for a few days. But I am not far from having total freedom. I have explained to my kids that I will respect their right to not be embarrassed. But they have to stay out of my space during certain hours when they should be sleeping anyway.
Everyone seems ok with arrangement. Except my wife of course, she is no where near the point where she could make a reasonable deal. I have told her it is about choices now. Not if I am going to make myself happy, just when and where. And that I would try not to embarass her, but she would also have to give me some space to "be me".
She handed me some nail polish remover yesterday and said "the boys said you are taking them swimming tomorrow" I said "yeah, I have my own" She said that my younger son had told her that I would not take him swimming because I had polish on my toes did not want to take them until I took my nail polish off my toes, so they would not become the subject of ridicule. However, I was really hurting at the time, and was not going to be able to stay bent over for the time it would take to get my toenails cleaned of nail polish. So I told him I would take him the next day. She then said "you knew there would be repercussions from this" However, it is not unusual for me to tell them I am not feeling well, and that I would take them the next day. So it was not an unusual repercussion. But I guess to her, it is.
I have found all my kids to be accepting. My oldest daughter actually said "I approve of his life style, I have crossdressing friends" when asked by my brother how she felt about it. So in the end, of all the people that now know I am a crossdresser, there is only one who does not accept it. So things have turned out better than I thought they would, so far.
I have started taking better care of myself, I have lost 35 lbs over the last three months. I am eatting better foods, and got rid of all the junk food in my house, except for a little bit for my kids. Now they eat fruit when they want a snack, instead of Debbie cakes. My pain is improving, my depression is lessening. My fatigue is less. My happiness is way up, my energy is up. But most of all, my optomism is up. I am not sure because it has never happened before, but I think i am beginning to feel almost human,
Love always,
Elizabeth
