Crossdressers-Haven.com

Hi Ladies,

I have a sincere dilemma and I would appreciate any feedback I can receive. My life as Kira goes back more than 35+ years to age 12 when I decided one Friday night my mother’s beautiful pink 34DD bra and pink silk briefs were too much for me to resist. I have been hooked ever since and, foolishly, have purged more than I can ever care to remember from the heartache it brings. Not until late last year did I accept this lady within me was not going to die and would pulverize my psyche in any attempt to bury her. I cannot suppress her any mentally and definitely not physically, as I am 6’5” and 280 lbs. so I am a bigger woman and very happy to be. So, after ditching 3 sets of breast forms at $500 a pop, I go with the ebb and flow of Kira’s desire to be present. After sharing this part of myself with my wife and her realizing I need to have this other part of me alive, while she chooses not to see it but does encourage me to dress, as needed, there is still one hurdle.

My issue is having no place to go in our city or friends to share this beautiful gift we have as crossdressers. I have never met another crossdresser in-person, nor have I experienced anything beyond a quick jaunt to the local post office or walking around a parking lot. My efforts to reach out to other ladies in my city (St. Louis, MO) have gone without response and I have reached the point where I am feeling alone and without a logical person to share their experience as a two-spirited being (the Native American culture refers to us as such). I try to convince myself to go out to drag shows, but never get the nerve to actually do it. I really do not know what to do and am asking for help and opinions.

I crossdress without the need for sexual experiences, but for the desire to express who Kira is and the enjoyment of being her. That noted, I do not want sexual companionship, as I am very fulfilled in my marriage. I, merely, want to know what you all do to express yourselves beyond the walls of your homes and hotels to express your femininity and not lose your minds.

Please know I look forward to your responses and input.

Thanks,
Kira Dias

Kira Dias wrote: I try to convince myself to go out to drag shows, but never get the nerve to actually do it. I really do not know what to do and am asking for help and opinions.

Kira only you can help yourself out the door and get out and about enfemme. Out here on the plains of the Dakota's I learned fast that there are CDers out here but most are too scared to get out and do much. So if I was going to get out and about and do it I knew I just had to do it my self. Yea it was scary at first, but so worth it for me. I learned quickly most other people did not see me as they were too busy doing what they were doing and going to to, or they did not care. Also if some is trying to confront you, I learned to just ignore them and continue what I was doing. They quickly give up or question what they are doing.

Kira Dias wrote: I, merely, want to know what you all do to express yourselves beyond the walls of your homes and hotels to express your femininity and not lose your minds.

There are a lot of things you can do depending on what you want to do with your CDing. Also a lot will depend on what you need and if you are will to try things that may not be what you want but may be starting points.

For starter try under dressing. Panties under your male attire can be a lot of fun. I have a mix of femme and male undies I wear on a daily basis. You can start with some pretty plain jane undies and work up as you feel you can to something more frilly.

Femme socks I have found are a lot more comfortable than bulky male socks and still can look unisex depending on what you get.

There are femme trousers and jeans that look unisex and easy to wear. Plain pocket jeans are very unisex looking and I wear them a lot in casual guy mode.

I personally wear femme tank tops with a shelf bra as my daily undershirt for my male dress shirts. I have also worn a bra with minimal showing hardware with tank top that matches the bra straps and then a bulky shirt. This is easier to do in the cooler winter temps with the bulky shirt.

Maybe start with some of this to build your nerve. Go to the mall or other stores and scope out GG's your build and size and see what they are wearing. For those wanting to get out and about but not sure how to do it, I say go out and see what the GG's are wearing and dress to blend in. For starting out dressing to blend in makes it much easier to do, IMHO. There are GG's out there your height and weight. Spending a few hours at the mall and watching others should give you an idea on what to wear and not wear. Maybe your wife will give you some pointers on what to wear also. I know she does not want to see you but may be worth asking if she will help you pick out an outfit to wear.

As for starting making, go simple and less is more. Go with a good close shave and good foundation. I use concealer and then the Estee Lauder Camo makeup foundation and it works well. The sales associate at the Estee Lauder counter will match the foundation to you so you get the correct one. And yes they will do it if you want in male mode, and not a big deal. Buying a foundation brush makes applying it easier and looks more natural. I set with a cheaper pressed powder. You can put on a bit of eye liner to start but for the first time maybe just a bit of mascara. It is easier and to start is really all you need. Most GG's do not wear a lot of makeup on a daily basis. So if you put too much on you will look out of place. Just enough to cover up you beard shadow.

Things I enjoy doing is, going out to eat, wandering the mall and window shopping, actually shopping, doing the monthly home shopping or grocery shopping, going to a movie, museums, plays, concerts, and may other things. I find it easier to do things in a busy place versus a quiet place with few people. Quiet places people are there to relax and look around a lot. In busy places, yes they can be scary, but you will quickly realize most are in a hurry and only see you as an object to avoid as they hurry past. If you are dressing to blend most may not give you a second look unless you are dressing to stick out.

Mostly, relax and have fun.

kimberly cd
joe in a skirt

Hi Kira,

What you need is a support group of other CD's. I'm sure there are several groups in a city as large as St Louis. Try Tri-Ess as a start. Other groups may pop up.
My husband attends monthly meetings for mutual support and sharing feelings. The meetings are quite fun, with entertainment or guest speakers. Also, my husband's forum, based in Chicago area, has members in your area.

Thankfully, you have a wife that is at least partially accepting. She may never want to share you feminine side, hopefully she will in time, at least you won't have to lie to her when going to a meeting.



Eileen

Kira Dias wrote:I try to convince myself to go out to drag shows, but never get the nerve to actually do it. I really do not know what to do and am asking for help and opinions.

Hi, Kira and welcome!



You should definitely try to get out to the drag shows. They are so much fun! Here in my town, we have a monthly show where the organizers make sure to create a safe, positive space for everyone to enjoy. I'm sure it must be the same thing for where you are too. There may be other CD'ers in attendance too, so who knows... you might make some new friends!

Hi, Kira! Kimberly has shared some wonderful thoughts and advice...it's absolutely true (at least in my experience) that we're WAY more convinced that someone will "read" us - than the number of people who actually do! I wish you all the best!


One more thing - this thread made me realize that I've never gone to a drag show...I think I'll find one and see what it's all about!