Crossdressers-Haven.com

Sometimes I feel I could edge away towards being who women would want me to be...but this other side of who I am ... well ... drift male or not my other side will always be a part of who I am. I suppose this is just another of those long phases but I have far too many dresses, shoes, clothes, jewelry, make up, lingerie, sleepwear and longer hair, nails, shaved legs, polished toenails, etc...No, she is never going anywhere. Fact Is that I am a girl in part at least I just am... I have been here over my entire life and I feel I do fit in or have some connection with women more so than I do with men. I could with encouragement find myself right in there with other women not as fantasy but as a reality because this is a reality for me. This is who I am inside. People experience emotions, moods, stresses, and live through phases all the time. We are not monolithic obelisks we are alive, we are dynamic living breathing human beings. We do often feel the press of opposition to who we are as people and that is due to Christianity and other religions which are simplistic and when they were written did not understand the nature of people as people or that you cannot prescribe that people of one sex are a certain way with certain roles hence those who hold these beliefs fail to recognize these simplistic prescriptions for men and women are wrong.

Well, we cannot change how things are but there are people out there who are finally beginning to see we cannot peg people into prescribed boxes because many of us do not fit in them...as more recognize this and as society changes the hopeful thing will be that little boys and girls will be allowed to wear what they feel they should be wearing, they will be able to be treated as they feel they should be treated or considered and to be with those who they feel they should be with and they will be allowed to fit in wherever they fit in. Some boys and girls will be as groups of girls used to be and some boys and girls will be as boys used to be because it is wrong to force everyone to have to live and be in ways they do not fit in with. You cannot peg people into a slot based on their genitalia alone.

Yes, I believe I will always have some drift within myself like a tree swaying in a breeze but this just happens to be who I am...Others are not as I am and they have to go where they fit in best and do whatever it takes to be there depending on what they feel is right for their selves. We are all individual and unique.

I really wish I had lived in a world which allowed for all of this. How would my life have been different had I been raised and encouraged in a way which would have allowed me to be who I really am on the inside...instead of feeling my round peg was being forced into a square hole ...sad isn't it that this is how we are forced to be because no one is willing to recognize it is hurtful and wrong to do so.

Hi.

I,LL play with this the round peg in a sq hole or a sg peg in a round hole , you know some thing with that type thinking no one will fit any where, so look at it this way, does the peg have to fit tight on all sides does it have to be sq,,,

a round peg can fit a sq hole and only touch on 4 points it will go in and turn round and round , look at a Wankel engine and how that fits and works why do we have to accept bullshit all the time I don't and wont .I fit a sq hole and I,m not sq, when your taught bullshit all your life from those who wont to control you and you hear it long enough you belive it ….right....what happens when you wake up and find most of what they said was a lie what you going to do about it carry on so as not to upset …..who .

I cant be bothered with them so i,ll fit where I,,,,, WONT,,,,TO. and those who dont agree can bugger off.

my course was set at age 10 where i was going or what i was going to do or places i was going to and people i was going to meet i knew total nothing about yet when i saw things starting to happen i knew i was going to have a ride of my.....LIFE.....and trust me i did , have, and still doing it,

I did not let any one stand in my way if they said no i walked around them and passed them by.

The word ...NO.... had no meaning to me you say no to me i,ll go and do it any way, youll never stop me unless you kill me and that allso was tried / so i know what can happen 71 years after my life was so close to death and only a moment was left i would have been dead.

I have a fantastic life lots going on many many lovely neat friends and some are so close to me ,
I dont talk in what if or could have or maybe or ....some other lie of cant do......

I go and do, it in 20 years time i wont be here no more and in the mean time i,m going live the rest of my life to the fullest and i,ll only stop when i drop dead no regrets never never never ,


Bluntly put let your mind be controled by other,s you,ll do bugger all so lose a friend or two are they ....REALLY.... a friend that they cant accept ,

Oh hey there this is how your going to see me for the rest of my life and this is why,and this is what you,ll see as my changes take place and then watch and see who will be there in 12 months time ,,,,

You know this is what i did, even though i,m a female i still did it this way, because i knew this was how it was going to happen. i allso knew there was another way that sounded okay i just knew it would never have worked and i would not be where i am now , so sometimes its not how we think things will happen its how things will happen and..... Are we ready to just go with it,

....................................... step out and live it,.....................................

...noeleena...

Anne Bonny wrote:How would my life have been different had I been raised and encouraged in a way which would have allowed me to be who I really am on the inside...instead of feeling my round peg was being forced into a square hole ...sad isn't it that this is how we are forced to be because no one is willing to recognize it is hurtful and wrong to do so.

Well if that had truly been the case you wouldn't be everything that makes you you, you'd be someone else. We are all shaped by our own experiences good or bad. If wishes had the power to bring about change then consider if you had been encouraged in the way you desire you should have been now, you may not even have recognised what is hurtful and wrong to your very being, because you likely would have avoided that intolerance, opposition and pain.

Having said I'd like nothing more than a time machine to whisk me back to key points in my life so I could reeducate a few folks regarding what I feel would be in my best interests. In fact a lot of my old anger used to stem directly from wanting to change that which cannot be changed. I feel now the best we can do is make damn sure that the things we had to endure aren't repeated in the future, no one should have to face that and suffer.

Anne Bonny wrote:Yes, I believe I will always have some drift within myself like a tree swaying in a breeze but this just happens to be who I am...Others are not as I am and they have to go where they fit in best and do whatever it takes to be there depending on what they feel is right for their selves. We are all individual and unique.

I think this is a good analogy since I drift often, my tree has many branches that twist one way and then the other, and sometimes I can be so easily affected by a slight breeze. My tree has a history and in places is battered by the elements but my roots run deep and I endure.

Lastly I will say that I came across something completely unrelated today which you wrote last year. You said "no one can see femininity that exists inside our head that is always there even if it is not foremost in our mind at any particular moment" That actually answered something I've asked myself far too often over the last year and when I read it it made me smile and brought me a lot of comfort. So thank you for that!

"Sometimes I feel I could edge away towards being who women would want me to be...but this other side of who I am ... well ... drift male or not my other side will always be a part of who I am. "

Anne, just a casual observation, you seem anything but at peace with yourself. I wish I had magic words that would assuage the pain in your soul, but sadly I don't.

It pleases me no end if others have found something in my rambling thoughts that touches them and assists them along the way. It is wonderful to feel I have helped others in some way...don't we all wish to? If so in some small way we have made a difference in this world. That's a very good and satisfying thing. Even a blind squirrel occasionally comes upon an acorn sometimes - HA!

Oh! Hey Noleena! I hear you...I like Niki's slogan..."Just do it!" appreciate your advice we do not have your strength but I can think about your ...no one can stop me...I'll just go around them and keep going! Now there is a great piece of advice!