Crossdressers-Haven.com

The naysayers are winning mentally because I have let them bother me. Browsing Youtube there seem to be video after video basically screaming at us...saying there is a transgender agenda... ridiculous. Or they are insisting it is a mental illness and therefore we have no right to make any claims because we are ill and not a minority being descriminated against. It is as if these few naysayers will suddenly cause every transgender person who exists to stand up and say "oh! You're right we are mentally ill and we are an affront to God so we are going to turn and repent enmass and turn back to God and be men!"

Well NO! Most of this comes from the religious right who will scream moan and complain until the day they dye so go ahead, scream and complain you will never have any effect at all. I suppose they fear the whole male female dicotomy in the world is going to fall? NO! it won't, Western Civilization is not going to fall because we exist as we always have in the same percentages so their finally realizing we are indeed and have always been out here and stopping all the descrimination and objections and allowing us to live our lives is not going to do anything but make our civilization a better place to live. They need to take their effort to problems that do not relate to who people are but to what will make like better for all people...like health and wellness, poverty, and hunger, housing and energy efficiency and how to produce food and clean water in abundance.

Yeah, guess I have to just give them a mental finger in my mind and stop thinking about them.

No we are not insane, this is who we happen to be and there are more out there willing to realize that and begin to take us in welcoming us for our unique contributions as we all work together in this life to make life better for everyone.

It's all about control. If it wasn't for religion, who'd care what we do?

Anne Bonny wrote:The naysayers are winning mentally because I have let them bother me. Browsing Youtube there seem to be video after video basically screaming at us...

Anne, then maybe it is time for you to quit letting them win and quit going to look at YouTube for information. If the information on YouTube is bothering than quit looking at it. Maybe it is time for you to find healthier places to go look for information. While YouTube and the internet in general is full of great and good information, along with it comes a vast amount of poor and bad information. There is a lot of poor sources of information on the internet as it is quite the dumping ground for some people with few to no controls over what is out there. You need to either learn to disconnect from the bad and poor information or just leave it alone. Step away can come out into the light where it is a brighter and happier out in the light instead of under the oppression.

kimberlys cd
joe in a skirt

You're correct Kimberly...It is good to have a different perspective than my own that is objective...that helps. Thanks.

I am having a difficult time. I believe though I have moved along since losing my wife I am finding it very hard to break back into life again. Having been surrounded by people I became even more lazy socially. Well truthfully I have never been very active socially...didn't even attend my high school prom...that is a long time ago but nothing has changed. I know some of the feelings interests and desires are returning...I am waiting for a break in temperatures, and...seem to have chronic aches and pains that I work on every day, being 61 ...being beyond my 50's... really does a number on your head, some of that is reality...went skim boarding and my left upper calf is still bothering me after a couple weeks! It is difficult to figure out what to do with myself as I sit here in this huge house, I have everything to be happy about I have everything I need, I am comfortable, free, and independent... But I lost the most important thing in life, it is not money, or things, or comfort ...I lost my companion and through her connections to many other people, I lost the spontaneity of her desires to go places and to do things, as well as the enjoyment of sharing those experiences with her...like let's drive down the Peninsula to Ft Morgan and "daydream" about having a beach home (which she always dreamed about) and we both enjoyed looking at the homes amidst the beauty of the sand dunes on the way out to the historic fort 20 miles through the dunes. Sure I can drive those miles but the heart that was at the center of the activity is gone now and so are her dreams...best I was able to provide was inheriting my parent's bay house with a pier and my sailboat and some pretty sunsets and the water for her in the waning months of what remained of her mind, she never got her beach home, never got to visit her father's town in Massachusetts in a trip to New England for her. Well I have to let go of those dreams, but I still enjoy the beauty to be found along the gulf with it's beaches and sea oats, the gulls and breezes it's sunrises and sets....

I have to reconnect many of the things we enjoyed were shared so...that's ok. But there is no longer a heart for me to love sharing in giving her joy because of my love, I found pleasure in sharing the things she found pleasure in so it was with a sense of a thrill that I was along with her enjoying the fact that she was finding it pleasurable in giving I was receiving but I also enjoyed the experiences and all of that is gone. That is what I have lost.

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Oh well long way round to explain who I am sitting here browsing Youtube and Face Book, google, Penzu and being very tiresome on here...sorry.

No these naysayers can bother me but the naysayers will always be there and all that we can do is to kind of give them a mental finger in our brain..."go to hell!" Of course at times we have to fight them as they will never cease to try to make our lives miserable and to try to turn all of society against us but I do believe their extremism shows and I believe most in our society are coming to be more open and fair even those who feel they personally can only live and let live...but there are others who welcome us. I suppose we have to fear a revival of conservative close minded strict interpretations of whatever faith will make it worse for us on and off over the years revivals wane.

Yes I know and I do filter much of what I see on the internet and skip over a lot of it rolling my mental eyes but what other sources of information are there for us because it seems all the information even the serious solid sources are there.

I apologize for using the internet as an outlet as I sit here in a self imposed isolation because I am discouraged and need to start getting out much more...I really do!

I am sorry I married my poor wife believing who I am would evaporate in marriage...she well she stuck by me but I wound up hurting her by not being the man she thought she had married and she told me in anguish that I was changing how she thought about me.... What are those who are as we are supposed to do? I can never fix that. I may have never had her as a wife had I told her at the beginning. But I loved her and she continued to remain with me and to love me but with a wounded heart I suppose which I will always regret until I am gone too...we shall be buried together.

I will never find anyone if I fail to be out there among people in social settings. Oh well I am stuck with a rubik's cube trying to figure it all out now as I exit the black cloud trying to break back into life which will see my long repetitive tiresome posts begin to change.

So I will be looking for a good woman who is intelligent open, understanding loving and laid back who has no problem with my being as she is from time to time enjoying love as two women together, and at other times as a woman and a man I may never find that so I have to find a way to go on and to enjoy what remains of my life rather than sitting here in a self imposed isolation at home...I will have to be able to find pleasure strolling the French Quarter alone...and everything else. Play the right music on my drives through the dunes.

Anne, a couple of things stuck out for me. It sounds like you have a good start of a to do list. It is ok to sit at home and morn, but at some point you need to pick yourself up and get out there and do some of the things on your list or even add to the list of things to do. If you do not feel ready start with small things like maybe a walk on the beach when it is not as busy or similar things.

You talk of wanting a new companion. I will tell you the same thing that was told to me. The chance of you finding some staying home is very little and limited to those that may show up at your door. You do not need to go looking for a companion but you just need to get out in the world, the world where people are at. Often we find things when we are not looking for them, but just doing what we like to do. Get out and do the things you enjoy doing where there are people. Say hi to people as you pass them and just be friendly. And enjoy yourself. If you are having fun you are more likely to attract others that see you having fun and want to join the fun.

kimberlys

Yes...I know I need to relax, change up my clothing which has become like a uniform so I went out and added a few items and plan on taking a glass of wine prior to leaving the house to attend future social events. I am too serious, stiff, and need to smile, laugh, and be relaxed. I believe I have let go of this belief I am desperate to find someone because that cannot be forced. I also realize I have to be exposed to social situations and get out every day even if I just happen to be where there are people. I am pondering some volunteer situation that is not too taxing...once or twice a week I need purpose. I do feel desire returning to me for the things I have always enjoyed doing so that is probably a healthy sign. Anne

KimberlyS wrote: If the information on YouTube is bothering than quit looking at it.

kimberlys cd
joe in a skirt

Perfectly put Kim! Reminds me of the old joke about the guy who goes to t
he doctor and says "Doctor it hurts when I do this" so the doctor tells him "Then don't do it."

IMO there is nothing wrong with seeking as much information as we can on any subject whether we agree with what we are reading or not. Where many and in this case Anne in particular is some tend to dwell too much on the negative. You only lose the fight when you say to someone "you win." I am not ready for that and to paraphrase a dear friend I doubt I will be until I am 6 feet down in the ground amd willing to allow some guy to shovel dirt in my face.

Yeah...I hear you both...Put the naysayers on ignore and forget them...But I am not giving up following my Mentor...Charlie Martin the Trans sexual Race care driver from the UK ...she is just an amazingly positive and phenomenal person who gee...If I were in her league and knew her I might be tempted to take her out if she would have me...but she wouldn't!

Yes Negative!!! Well I am working on that...My wife died April 7 but I am making progress on it...I am going to keep my head up...realize ok...so I am single but the future is an open book anything can happen...I am trying to set out to reenter life and to enjoy it...I am committed to getting out for at least an hour every day...am considering volunteering? Am thinking about the things I want to do.

Anne Bonny wrote:...I am committed to getting out for at least an hour every day...

Anne I challenge you to get out for at least 3 hours a day. If you can not find anything to do, then go to the mall and sit in one of the chairs. At least that way you will be around people.

Last night I was at the appropriately named "Shipwreck" beach bar socializing with our facebook social group with 190 members from up and down the coast...largely women from 6pm until about 9:40.... I am also messaging some of these ladies.... And will see if there is any event available this afternoon. then I will need a break on Sundays the workers usually want some space prior to going back into their work week...but we'll see.

I did take my Kayak out and rowed a few miles for an hour... With the fall weather pattern shifting It is time to address my sailboat it does need some clean up and bottom painting on the yard some of these ladies have stated they would like to go sailing but...I believe that's just talk in the midst of conversation so grain of salt but I like sailing and with the better weather It is time to get the boat to the yard! Just DO IT!!!!

So...this strategy is indeed working...I am full of caffiene here in my sundress and loving my look this morning so the positive vibe is carrying me along... I am beginning to bond with the social group, learning names...It is all going in the right direction and I believe I am going to be fine! Thanks!

Doing good Anne, keep it up.

kimberlys cd
joe in a skirt

I second that one Kim!

Anne remember what I have told you before, it is not as much what you do but rather that you do. The journey through this mystery we call life is a series of steps and the second one never comes until after we take the first one. Keep up the good work on getting out Anne and Kim and I are still waiting for our invitation for that sail, right Kim?

Oh yea Kim needs a sailing party to wear one of her swim suits to.



kimberlys