Crossdressers-Haven.com

I think once a man allows his self to drop the self policing, and chooses to stop listening to the guardians of male power this hyper masculine psychological threat that he is subhuman if he listens to the soft emotional less dominant part inside...he will never want to return to his emotionally starved state that tells him he cannot show or express his true self, that he does not have to always be dominant and strong. He can express and enjoy who he is, he can be and dress as he desires and does not have to hide it.

https://www.racked.com/2018/4/23/172615 ... en-dresses" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

This is an article that stirs consideration. Men are only allowed to be monolithic, they are forced to lock down and even lie to others for fear they will be relegated to subhuman sissy status...men much more than women are extremely insecure and will hide and refuse to admit what they really feel inside otherwise...they would freely admit to liking pink...if they do. They would have no problem allowing their emotions to show openly. They would express flowers are beautiful and would enjoy receiving them. They might like to have a purse and would carry them openly. They might enjoy feminine clothing openly or at times. And they would not have a problem seeking support emotionally or otherwise from a woman and would have no problem with a woman taking the lead anywhere at anytime if they are not wanting to or like it when a woman does so.

It is ok for men to express who they are as much as women do...as we know, who we are and how we feel inside and what we may want can change at any time...allowing his self to be who he is...does not weaken a man, it makes him stronger and authentic, because he can and will fulfill his strong masculine and dominant self as it comes. When needed to defend his partner, or following his career or filling his husband role...only he will be more relaxed, be happier, and be more comfortable once he is supported and allowed to truly be who he is inside as it comes.

Christian faith would strongly condemn all of this, I do not know when or where the idea came from that men must absolutely constrain a part of who they really are inside...but it helps you to understand why men have these insecurities, why they strongly deny certain feelings, desires and emotions and have to lie about them. It is why they are embarrassed at times, it is why they make fun of men who no longer hide this part of who they are and of those who's sexuality differs because it is a threat to male dominance, power, and they think to the male role.

Men as much as women also want to feel secure, protected, supported and loved ...this is not optional because they actually need to feel these things from their partner.

Hi.

I quess as a Scot we see some things very differently, wether male or female the Kilt is the same for men or women our dress code is the same and as you look at us dressed and on Parade in full uniform find one detail that is different , and go back how many 100,ds of years and we have it alltogeather ,

If I,m not in a Kilt I,ll wear a long skirt and that will be the difference for those of us most and not all will , look at what other tribes and nations wore and wear today study them ,

look at when we wore bloomers we were allways told off we wore pants strides we got told off 2nd WW we wore a uniform quess we stayed with it yes got told off after WW 2 women cant wear those 50,s to 60.s I was told that, I lived through it so why the change in western society or was it the change of who designed the clothes for what reason = money. go back as far as you like and look at what was wore and when then the changes and why,

Sorry I,m not a male so what would I know , yet I know enough about history to know that men and women have worn clothes and different garments that were made from the same cloth,

Men need to learn it,s not what you wear its about who you are, go to a nudy camp and get ooops better write this right, get undressed and then theres no issue kids youth and men and women or go to your own nudy beach,s and strip off and who gives a damn, see what I,m saying , no clothes no probs, is that not just being who you are, or did I miss something...……..I don't see any acting going on or is any one better than some one else , I quess I,m just too naive and can see what is natural ,

or is it that I can wear female clothes made for my shape size and look I.ll put this in … look sexy... for men ya right......or am I dressing just for how I see and feel about my self and is right for who I am , I,m not in competition with others not sexy enough for that, I,m not striving for a goal or to be better than other,s .
The cat walk is not for how I see myself , I quess what I,m saying is I,m just who I am and accepted by other,s for who I am , a woman who can join in with other,s and works along side with that comes a loving group of other women who are real up front and we have what it take,s to live life to the fullest we get on with life and enjoy who we are, I don't need to say or expand on we are not perfect and we don't need to go over the what ..IF.s why waste time on that, enjoy what we have and go for it,

...noeleena...

This has nothing to do with clothing. Clothing or not...everything about me stems from this inner sense of who I am. I FEEL FEMALE INSIDE MY HEAD! My entire life has been lived with all of this going on inside my brain and I cannot do anything about it! Is this a consistent feeling? If you consider I have been like this my entire life ...it is consistent in that sense, but if you consider sometimes I drift back and settle into male garb...and sometimes do not feel particularly interested in the other side of who I am then no it is not consistent. I am a man! I am not able to explain why I feel female at times is it something in the structure of my brain? Is it a sexual obsession or compulsion (well sex is part of life but it is not the primary driver of why I dress)...I dress in women's clothing because at times my internal who I am sense says "I am a woman!" I would never desire to wear lingerie or dresses or feminine clothing made for men because my brain is telling me I am a woman even though physically I am not...but my brain must in some way be female. I have accepted that I will most likely never ever have this sorted out for me... Of course medical science and brain scans, MRI's, PET scans and the like are advancing all the time along with the science of genetics...I really do hope someday they could test me for a genetic marker that will state absolutely that I am a woman mentally at times because this genetic marker is displayed to this degree. I think if there were some sort of absolute test that the entire world would have to face the fact that this is not some sexual perversion, or some obsessive compulsive sexual fetish but really and truly verifies yes His brain is partly female to this degree. Therefore having a full female wardrobe with make up, jewelry, and how she chooses to groom herself and how she is is entirely as she is supposed to be...and is also why at times she also tends to be a man on occasion too!

I like wearing female clothing and being who I am because this is who my brain tells me that I am at times even though my body is male! This is not a fetish! It is not a sexual compulsion or drive it is a gender that is a little of both and sloshes back and forth. This is why I am not a candidate for surgery it would only make me incapable of functioning as either a man or as a woman.

Annie, have these questions been something you have been working with your therapist to answer?

Anne you are 100% correct being transgendered, transitioning, even having Gender Affirmation Surgery has nothing to with clothes. If anything it is quite far removed. Yes there is an inner sense of being and that is what delineates the TG from the CD and the rest of society. However and this is a big however that sense of being female is not the constant thought process of a woman or trans woman. Yes it is a part of her but not the only thing. IMO in a way you are allowing stereotypes, preconceived ideas, even social pressure to cloud your thought process.

Little about me here. I was 15 when I told my mother I was a girl. Needless to say it was not what she expected to hear and it took her some time to come to grips with it same as it had me to work up the courage to tell her. I remember how many things went through my transition and life beyond and yes I am thankful for everything but I can honestly say that my every waking moment was not consumed with "I am a woman."

IMHO the fact you feel the need to present as a man at times is caused by a couple of different factors or perhaps all of them at one time or another or more than one of them. First there are stereotypes. Regardless of where one falls on the TG scale we are taught that there are certain gender roles and that includes how they dress. Yes this is changing slowly but it is still there. Not saying it is right or wrong but rather it is. Men don't wear dresses, they don't use make up, they aren't pretty or think they are, all drummed into little boys from early on. Add to that your military background only reinforces those beliefs. You can see the thought process that comes from this.

The other two IMO are somewhat interrelated. How will people react? What will they think if one day I am there in a pair of slacks and looking like a man and the next day in a dress and other feminine finery? Will they shun me? Will they be able to see with their hearts and not their eyes? Every girl who has come out whether they are CD or TG have gone through this. Yes there are people able to continue to see the person inside and there are some who can't. Until you get past the thought all are going to reject you as though you are a leper you will continue to have this inner turmoil.

The third issue is you talk about those in your life who can't accept you for what ever reason. Yes I was blessed my mother and sister as well as my maternal grandmother could accept me. My father on the other hand outright rejected me and said some things that no child should ever hear from a parent. That was almost 13 years ago and I have seen him exactly once since that day and to say it was tense is being polite. Only you can decide how important these people are to you and is appeasing them more important than yourself. They may surprise or they may react exactly as you imagine they will. To some other's happiness is more important than their own and to others the exact opposite is true. How Anne feels is for her to figure out.

I am not trying to get you to come out nor am I telling you to. That has to be Anne's choice and in her time. Rather I am trying to tell you what I see from this thread as well as some of your other posts. Hopefully I have given you something to think about and talk with your therapist about.

Thank you Amanda...and all...

Yes I have spent time conversing with my psychiatrist...it is frustrating she and others I have seen in mental health seem so noncommittal about it all...they seem to say it is alright to be whoever I am...but when I bring this up that they do not believe it to be wrong or that it is all up to me as neither being right or wrong...she will deny it. She is an analyst not a cognitive behavioral therapist. I was seeing a female psychologist and she was I believe encouraging me to come dressed stating she had other clients who did and that it is helpful because they are accepted by others in the waiting area...or that one of them had been and it was a positive experience. A male Psychologist told me he was prepared to help me progress where ever I wanted but did tell me it is not likely I would ever be able to overcome being who I am. I also realize you can pick your poison ... because there are two schools of thought and those in mental health can be positive, in the middle, or negative on this issue. It is really maddening. I think I come down on the positive side because I believe this really is who I happen to be inside...they would have to mash my head in a vice to bring all of this to an end...I am going to die as I am because it is who I am.

What is right for me. I am full of fear, I am a coward I can not blame anyone else for my being in the closet...even if I do have a network of a few people who know. I am still not living openly. I dream of finding the right woman...after losing my wife 1.5 years ago to Alzheimer's Dementia. Someone who is attracted to who I happen to be who I am as a person...sharing values, and interests and outlook on life not just this part of who I am but that too, fully and completely and enthusiastically. I really do need some one who can hold my hand, tell me it is alright and who will encourage me, to come out to everyone and to live my life.

Anne Bonny wrote:What is right for me. I am full of fear, I am a coward I can not blame anyone else for my being in the closet...even if I do have a network of a few people who know. I am still not living openly. I dream of finding the right woman...after losing my wife 1.5 years ago to Alzheimer's Dementia. Someone who is attracted to who I happen to be who I am as a person...sharing values, and interests and outlook on life not just this part of who I am but that too, fully and completely and enthusiastically. I really do need some one who can hold my hand, tell me it is alright and who will encourage me, to come out to everyone and to live my life.

Anne, my experience is others acceptance of you starts with yourself. If you want others to accept you, you must first accept yourself. Once you accept yourself, you do not need to tell others you accept who you are, it will come out in your confidence, actions, and interactions with others.

kimberlys cd
joe in a skirt

Truer words have never been spoken Kim! Acceptance begins with accepting ourselves. How can we possibly expect anyone to accept us if we do not have enough respect for ourselves to say "Yes this is who I am!"

Now with that said just because one comes to accept this is who they are means they have to show the world or anyone for that matter. Many do but some do not and are perfectly happy to live in the closet. No right or wrong here just what the individual is comfortable with. Anne the one thing I and others have told you is do not, let me repeat that DO NOT let anyone talk you into going out into the world until you are ready. Not me or Kim or your psychiatrist or the guy on the corner, NO ONE! As a friend likes to say everyone has their time. When will it be if ever Anne's time? No one knows but Anne and it is up to her and only her when she walks through that door if ever

I have no idea as to all your issues but I am sure part of them are you are still grieving the loss of your wife. There is no timetable for grief. No magical date that says today you are still suffering from that loss but tomorrow you will be fine. I am fully aware of the Kubler Ross 5 Stages of Grief and while they exist IMO they are not as cut and dried as some believe and it is quite possible to be going through more than one of them at the same time as well as not go through them in a particular order. The one thing I do see is you have definitely yet to arrive at Acceptance and in some ways have yet to move past .Denial and Isolation.

Anne I would like to make one little suggestion here. Rather than trying to analyze your psychiatrist and the reasons behind their diagnosis either accept it based on their training and slant on the subject or reject it and seek other assistance from another professional. There is nothing wrong with saying to your therapist I am not comfortable with you and seeking a second opinion. I am not suggesting go therapist shopping to find one that will tell you what you want to hear but perhaps someone who may have a different slant on your situation.

An observation here, IMO many of your issues with acceptance is you are clinging to stereotypes. Men don't wear dresses, men are strong and "tough", etc. I know you were a lifer in the military and perhaps that may have something to do with this. The reason(s) are immaterial at the moment. What is germane is as long as you continue to hold these beliefs you will never to be able to say "This is who I am and I am proud of it!"