One of the hardest things I've ever had to do...
Posted: Mon Jul 26, 2004 11:06 am
I never thought it could be so hard just to say a few words. When I was over my mums her boyfriend was in so I needed to get her on her own. I said I needed to go up the shop and she came up with me but we walked up the shop and back again and I just couldn't get the words out 
I tried and tried and so nearly said it but couldn't then later on I said I'm gonna go now, and she walked up to the bus stop with me. She said she was going to come over Thursday or Friday to see me, so I thought maybe I'll leave it and tell her at my place.
I walked to the bus stop and waited and some women was there so I said to mum, mum can we walk up to the next stop. Mum looked a bit puzzled but said yeah ok.
I said, mum, I've got to tell you something. There was no going back now, I just forced those words out... I felt happy that I hadn't backed out of it. Mum said what? what is it? You've gotta tell me, I said mum firstly I'm not gay and I want to get married one day and have kids etc
Then she said lets go to the park and we went into the park and sat on a bench, the wind was blowing slightly and it just seemed like the right time, the right place and everything.
I just couldn't get any words out, then I had a tear roll down my face and I just said "Mum, I... " I couldn't speak she said, it doesn't matter no matter what it is it wont shock me.
Finally after what seemed like ages of silence, I just said since about the age of 5 I've liked dressing up as a girl and I dont know why. I've tried to stop it, I've pretended it wasn't there but I can’t stop it.
She just said, owww, well thats all right. I thought it was going to be something bad. I just kept asking “you'll still speak to me?” and she said yes of course silly, why wouldn't I?
Then I told her about my sister dressing me up and I asked her what she thought of it. She just said, it's nothing bad, you’re not hurting anyone, I thought you were going to say you were ill or something.
I then asked her if my sister had ever told her that she caught me in her bedroom and she said no, she never knew. Then I asked her if dad ever did it, and she said not that she knew of. I said but he used to go out at Christmas and stuff what did you think of that. She said she was just a taken aback at how different he looked but it didn’t bother her.
We just talked for a while and she said about how she was never as close to my sister as she was to me growing up, and then she said something amazing. She said, “maybe when I come over later in the week you can show me!” I was scared but really excited... I didn't know what to say, I just said I'm embarrassed and she said don’t be silly.
I said I have some photos on me and she said "oww let me see". Finally after a few minutes I handed her 2 photos of me dressed up and she was shocked. She said “oh my goodness, you look so different. Aren't you pretty...” and then she started going that's the sort of dresses I would wear, I’ve got a dress like that lol
I smiled and she just said, “if you had said this was your new girlfriend, I would never have known.” Aren't you pretty she kept saying lol
She then said, I bet you've been beating yourself up over this haven't you, I said yes for years, and she just said you are what you are, if it makes you happy your not hurting anyone.
Then she asked if I had thought about going to any clubs or anything that have loads of cross dressers in and I just said no. I was slightly speechless really because she just wasn't bothered and even wants to see Sophie later this week.
The amazing thing that made me feel so proud was she kept hold of the photos and then said "Can I keep these"... I was so happy, I said yes and she said I'll put it in my special box with all my special photos and I won't tell a sole! She also said she was so happy that I felt like I was able to tell her before anyone else.
I can’t sum up how I feel, but I love my mum more then ever and I am just so relieved that, I not only told her but that, she is totally cool with it. I want to thank all of you; you have all helped to change my life for the better. I am not scared anymore, I am getting set free more and more with everyday and I just feel on top of the world.
Thank you so much!
Sophie xx
I tried and tried and so nearly said it but couldn't then later on I said I'm gonna go now, and she walked up to the bus stop with me. She said she was going to come over Thursday or Friday to see me, so I thought maybe I'll leave it and tell her at my place.
I walked to the bus stop and waited and some women was there so I said to mum, mum can we walk up to the next stop. Mum looked a bit puzzled but said yeah ok.
I said, mum, I've got to tell you something. There was no going back now, I just forced those words out... I felt happy that I hadn't backed out of it. Mum said what? what is it? You've gotta tell me, I said mum firstly I'm not gay and I want to get married one day and have kids etc
Then she said lets go to the park and we went into the park and sat on a bench, the wind was blowing slightly and it just seemed like the right time, the right place and everything.
I just couldn't get any words out, then I had a tear roll down my face and I just said "Mum, I... " I couldn't speak she said, it doesn't matter no matter what it is it wont shock me.
Finally after what seemed like ages of silence, I just said since about the age of 5 I've liked dressing up as a girl and I dont know why. I've tried to stop it, I've pretended it wasn't there but I can’t stop it.
She just said, owww, well thats all right. I thought it was going to be something bad. I just kept asking “you'll still speak to me?” and she said yes of course silly, why wouldn't I?
Then I told her about my sister dressing me up and I asked her what she thought of it. She just said, it's nothing bad, you’re not hurting anyone, I thought you were going to say you were ill or something.
I then asked her if my sister had ever told her that she caught me in her bedroom and she said no, she never knew. Then I asked her if dad ever did it, and she said not that she knew of. I said but he used to go out at Christmas and stuff what did you think of that. She said she was just a taken aback at how different he looked but it didn’t bother her.
We just talked for a while and she said about how she was never as close to my sister as she was to me growing up, and then she said something amazing. She said, “maybe when I come over later in the week you can show me!” I was scared but really excited... I didn't know what to say, I just said I'm embarrassed and she said don’t be silly.
I said I have some photos on me and she said "oww let me see". Finally after a few minutes I handed her 2 photos of me dressed up and she was shocked. She said “oh my goodness, you look so different. Aren't you pretty...” and then she started going that's the sort of dresses I would wear, I’ve got a dress like that lol
I smiled and she just said, “if you had said this was your new girlfriend, I would never have known.” Aren't you pretty she kept saying lol
She then said, I bet you've been beating yourself up over this haven't you, I said yes for years, and she just said you are what you are, if it makes you happy your not hurting anyone.
Then she asked if I had thought about going to any clubs or anything that have loads of cross dressers in and I just said no. I was slightly speechless really because she just wasn't bothered and even wants to see Sophie later this week.
The amazing thing that made me feel so proud was she kept hold of the photos and then said "Can I keep these"... I was so happy, I said yes and she said I'll put it in my special box with all my special photos and I won't tell a sole! She also said she was so happy that I felt like I was able to tell her before anyone else.
I can’t sum up how I feel, but I love my mum more then ever and I am just so relieved that, I not only told her but that, she is totally cool with it. I want to thank all of you; you have all helped to change my life for the better. I am not scared anymore, I am getting set free more and more with everyday and I just feel on top of the world.
Thank you so much! Sophie xx
Now that's too exciting lol I'm gonna withdraw all my saved up money and go crazyyyy lol
