Crossdressers-Haven.com

I'm not sure how to explain the question I have. I've read a few posts asking about feeling 'male' one day and 'female' the next. And how some feel it's right and some feel it's wrong blah blah. I've also seen posts debating the use of "when I'm Ariana". And how some feel it's incorrect to phrase it that way or even use it at all. I feel I am one person. Feeling different on different days. To me it's like saying "I'm grumpy today" or "I'm happy today".

My question is... I am one of 'those' that feels different on different days. I also use "when I'm Ariana". But my S.O. finds this confusing as well as feeling like I'm two different people. I can understand and am sympathetic. But I can't help the way I feel. Any help on how to explain this? or input on how to cope with it?

If I'm missing a post explaining this please tell me

Ariana,
Well I am sure that my sisters will have a lot to add but I would recommend that you and your spouse take a look at Carl Jung's article "Jung's Anima Theory and How it Relates to Crossdressing" at
http://ourworld.compuserve.com/homepage ... /anima.htm
I know that this gave me a lot of insight into where I came from, how Deborah began expressing herself through me and what I can expect on my "Magical Mystery Tour." Please keep us up to date as you go with us!
Love,
Deborah

Hi Ariana
Bottom_Line
Ask your Heart
Your Heart *Cannot* Deceive You

Love / Marda

I know I use the "when I'm sophie" thing a lot too. I dunno, maybe a better way would be just to say when I'm dressed up I feel more comfy or whatever. There's nothing wrong or confusing in that? Your still saying your the same person. Actually I use that more, saying "when I'm dressed up I feel ... " Dohhh, I think I've lost the point now lol

Sophie xx

I was never really comfortable with the notion of being two different people. To that end, I have tried, as much as possible, to integrate all of the different parts of my life. I always wear panties or other lingerie, even when dressed in male garb, so in a way, I am always dressed, even if I am the only one who knows. It's true that some days I feel more feminine than others, but who I am does not change.

Jaye
Bravo !!!
Anybody know "What's the ("Green") CD/TG equivalent for ("Red") PMS?"
Q . "Do ("Red") GGs "always feel feminine""?
Kaveat: *There we go again "What are "Feminine Feelings"?*

Love / ("Green") Marda

Hi Adriana--
That's a sticky wicket you brought up there. My take on it is that it doesn't matter whether we feel like one person or feel like two--there has to be some way to refer to "her," and that's especially true if we do any activities at all.

I usually just say, "Anita went to a club last night." I don't like this, but what's my alternative? Saying, "Dressed as Anita, I went to a club?" No, I don't care for that at all. But I can't just start talking about my evening if I don't mention that I was appearing as a woman. It would create confusion somewhere down the line if I don't make that clear.

I've found a little of this goes a long way. Even people who are basically accepting don't want to hear too much about Anita. The only people who seem genuinely interested in this are the other TG girls at my support group.

So anyone else starts rolling their eyes when I say, "When I'm Anita..." They treat it like grandpa telling the same old war stories again. I can't change this, but I get tired of it I do have some friends who are genuinely interested, and I am grateful for them. I can imagine that an unaccepting SO doesn't want to hear that phrase at all

Marda - I am, and always will follow what is in my herat. The issue is not "not knowing" what I feel, cause I do. Or listening to those feelings. Each day I wake I more or less female than the previous one. And each day I make the concious deciesion on how I will portray myself.

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lol.. no problem Sophie. Just wait till you see how far off the point I can get Heck sometimes I don't even know I AM off the point lol

She is very understanding of my doing so. We have had many talks about the what's and whys But it gets her confused by "ok, is he going to be this... or this... today?"

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Jaye

Maybe I'm just new in these feelings but honestly I kind of do feel like two people. Well, maybe not two people. More like two different personalities?

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Anita

I agree, it shouldn't matter. lot's of things "shouldn't" matter I guess. unfortunatly to some they do. These people I usualy say FU.

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Everyone has made good points and given great input. It's much to the same point that Deborah made with the artical she posted. In time we find "both" the female and male parts becoming one person perhaps. I'm still exploring who Ariana is and will continue to do so with the great support like I've found here.

Hi Gang,

Marda wrote:Jaye
Bravo !!!
Anybody know "What's the ("Green") CD/TG equivalent for ("Red") PMS?"
Q . "Do ("Red") GGs "always feel feminine""?
Kaveat: *There we go again "What are "Feminine Feelings"?*

Love / ("Green") Marda

I am inclined to wonder just what feeling feminine is, too. I honestly don't know. I just feel like me Sometimes happy or sad, grubby feeling or feeling quite sexy, dominant or submissive, introverted (my hermit mode) or very extroverted. Just depends on the day and what happens as to which type of mood I am in. I honestly think that this applies to all humans. It's just that society has put gender tags on emotions and character traits. Why? *Shrug* I am not sure. I honestly can't see any good reason for it. It will probably remain one of life's biggest mysteries.

*Hugs*

Hi Ariana,

I completely agree. It can get confusing, especially when individuals choose to follow their own rules of terminology. For example I like to say "girl mode" vs "boy mode". LOL!!!

Personally I really don't put a lot of emphasis on labels. I tell my friends to call me whatever they are most comfortable with. Some of my older friends (who knew me before Lorna was public) will still call me Rick even when I'm dressed, but I tend to let it slide. And then you have those who call me up & ask for Lorna! And then with CDing friends face to face, we will still refer to each other by our femme names even when in drab, female pronouns and all! Going out in public en drab with strangers within earshot can be quite a hoot!

I personally don't choose to stress over it...

Lorna,

LOL I don't stress over that either (especialy since I've never been out in public enfemme lol). I don't like labels either. Hate to sound like popeye, but I am what and who I am. Just me, only me.

Ariana wrote:Lorna,

LOL I don't stress over that either (especialy since I've never been out in public enfemme lol). I don't like labels either. Hate to sound like popeye, but I am what and who I am. Just me, only me.

Ugugugugugugug! How right you are!!

Ariana wrote:Lorna,

LOL I don't stress over that either (especialy since I've never been out in public enfemme lol). I don't like labels either. Hate to sound like popeye, but I am what and who I am. Just me, only me.

That's what I like to hear. As long as you know who you are, what the rest of us think isn't important.

What difference does it make what feeling feminine is? If you feel it's right then it's right. We are all individuals.

But that's another topic...

My question still is.... How can I help ease the confusion my SO has with me "changing" from day to day?

perhaps being in the vast minority (bisexual inexperienced CD) only compounds the issue? As well as makes it difficult for even people within the CD'ing community to perhaps understand how "I" as a person feel?

Hello Ariana,

My belief is that how we behave, think feel etc as we do is all just part of our individual personality. As we grow up our environmental, social and verbal learning shapes part of our personality, but there is a part of our personality which comes from within, in other words it may be described as ' self '. It dictates how we feel, think and behave about some things without having to make a conscious decision to the effect where it may make us behave, think and feel opposite to how our environmental, social and verbal learning taught us.

As human beings we are all individuals and as such we differ from each other in varying ways, but we must all maintain the integrity and continuity of our differentation to others, this simply means we must maintain our ' self '. Social reality is constructed by our culture, through our parents, teachers, peers etc and although our social realities are similar to the extent we share common cultural traditions, each individuals social reality is somewhat different. Social realities are really just fictions which have evolved over generations because they help society to run more smoothly. Some people look at our differences as psychological faults and others as special virtues, personally I prefer the latter. Each of us have a different genetic inheritance, different upbringing, unique individual experiences etc etc, to me there is no right or wrong, we are what we are.

Thinking more about your question, perhaps it may be some people's social and environmental learning which tells them they should behave, feel and think one way, but their ' self ' tells them they need to behave think and feel another way.

Perhaps the fact some people feel different on different days is natures way of satisfying the unconscious needs of one's ' self '. We do unconsciously learn to differentiate one thing from another on the basis of consequences, so perhaps the two different ways of feeling, ( male or female ) is just a normal part of a persons personality which provides two separate safe havens to retreat into, as and when the need arises.

Perhaps part of it is also the fact each individual has both testosterone and estrogen in their system, each at varying ratios to each individual and as we know, hormones do have a strong influence over how we feel.

I can't say I can ever remember feeling male or female on different days, so from a personal experience I can't offer anything on a personal level. Biologically I know that I'm classed as a male although my mind and ' self ' says otherwise, but I really don't dwell on it as there is nothing I can ever do to change the reality. Cosmetically, yes, but in reality, no.

I wish you well.

Kind Regards......Sally.