Crossdressers-Haven.com

Hiya,

This is a bit of a hard subject for me to talk about, but I really want to know some things so I'll ask I've always been shy as long as I can remember but since about the age of 13 I started to to have really bad anxiety and panic attacks when I was in groups of people.

It got so bad that I couldn't leave the house, get on buses, eat in front of people and I was a nervous reck at School and I would just shut myself off from everyone. It got so bad I told my dad and he helped me and I ended up going to an young peoples art therapy hospital. Once a week I would just draw things and talk with this lady.

I dunno why but after a year it helped a lot and I was able to go on buses, go out, eat in front of people etc... I still had anxiety but I was able to control it and I managed to go to Uni and everything and it all seemed good.

I would still avoid certain situations like large groups of people as I would get panic attacks still. Anyways, I started work 2 years ago and it was all fine but about a year ago it all came back again, slowly.

I looked on the web for help and it seems like I suffer a lot of anxiety types, but the main one being Social Anxiety. I also was getting really bad panic attacks.

So this time I went to the Dr about 5 weeks ago and she gave me some medication to try and control it and about 4 weeks ago it was like I accepted myself a whole lot more. I found this place about a week later and it just all seemed like fate.

I have been off work for about 4 weeks as the Dr said it's best I don't rush back until the drugs start taking effect. I certainly feel a lot better, but I won't know how I feel around large groups of people until I get back to work in 2 weeks time.

Anyways, I'm sorry for going on but my main reason for this post is, has anyone else suffered from this, does anyone else suffer from this? Do you think it could be to do with my cross dressing that is making me have these panic attacks and this anxiety? I've never understood why it happens. If others here have suffered from this or something similar I would maybe have a better understanding of why

Thanks.

Sophie xx

Hi Sophie

My Heart goes out to you

Only a suggestion since there are many causes ... depression and other varieties of mental illness are often treated successfully by medication ... that is to say the medication balances out an imbalance in body (brain) chemistry caused by many factors ???

CJ is probably the one to give you more on this

The only reason I know something is because I burnt out overworking myself and smoking too much dope ... then I started having severe anxiety attacks ... then I got psychotic and tried to kill myself

Hospitalization and medication got me back into the world but I couldn't cope with it ... that's when I was put on sedatives and anti-depressants ... then I went into cognitive based group therapy

Thinking that a Big part of my overall condition was anxiety over CDing, I purged right after getting out of the hospital

A year later ... no more psychosis ... still depression ... still mild anxiety, especially going to a mall ... made my first bra and panties purchases since purging and started to feel better

Six months later my Dad (CD) died ... I went into a deep "funk" ...

Found this place 2 1/2 weeks ago ... came out of the funk ... felt Great about myself ... getting ready to go off anti-Ds soon

***

Your not alone ... keep on the medication if it helps ... you may be dealing with deep guilt and shame that is *Not* your fault ...

If you can get into a group therapy session it could help you really get comfortable with your emotions and feelings

You made a *Great* move with your Mum recently ... keep going on that

Remember "It's always darkest before the dawn"

***

Love / Marda

Hi Sophie,

Panic attacks and social anxiety are, indeed, difficult to bear. While I don't think anyone has definitive answers as to its etiology (its origins), social phobia remains a well-known ailment. There are many who suffer from it (and I'd be very curious to know how many crossdressers or transgendered people, especially, suffer from it). On the plus side, it's a "disorder" (in quotation marks, because there's also a question of it being a personality style) that responds extremely well to treatment and therapy, with very successful outcomes. Medication is useful (as is often the case) and so is CBT (Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy--a fancy way of describing a process whereby we're made to re-examine our perceptions of those around us regarding who we are, while simultaneously learning relaxation techniques).

Here's a very helpful site (check out their Fact Sheet): http://www.socialphobia.org/

You know, Sophie, I think that, as you come to know and accept and love yourself even more, you may come to fear less and less the reaction of others to who you are (case in point: the way you came out to your mum, earlier this week, is a show of courage the likes of which we, here, probably fail to truly understand, despite the fact that we're also CDs). In this, I'll tell you that you have a lot more cojones than I do, seeing as I don't suffer from this kind of anxiety.

That you joined this forum--a sign that you're at least that comfortable in a group setting--is a very good thing. I know that the "remoteness" of online communities can act as a buffer between yourself and a world that is, physically speaking, too often "too much with us." Still, this is an awesome step forward. Allied to treatment and therapy (these are only "tools," remember), your increasing knowledge of, and love for, yourself can lead you to a place where you'll become almost infinitely patient with, and compassionate toward, your own soul. The more this comes to the fore, the more the import of others' judgements recedes. This is a long road, and not an easy one to travel, but, ultimately, it's the one that matters most. Happy trails, girl!

Love,
CJ

Woww, CJ.

I wanna hug ya! It is indeed that I am scared of what people think of me, I think I will ask the Dr for therapy but that's scary as well. Anyways, Thanks for the info CJ and I am going to that link right now. Like someone else said elsewhere, one step at a time I guess

Sophie xx

Marda wrote:If you can get into a group therapy session it could help you really get comfortable with your emotions and feelings

Hiya Marda,

Thanks also for the advice My Mum told me today that she once went out with a man who cross dressed and also, that she is friends with a cross dresser. So I could even ask my Mum if I could meet up with this Cross Dresser, but that's a long long way away yet other things to sort out lol

Sophie xx

Hi All,

Sophie, you are not alone at all in these feelings. While not as strong as you described, I too am very uncomfortable in large crowds. In social gatherings, I am the ultimate wallflower if I show up at all.

As usual, CJ has provided the best information and I will also check out the link she provided. But, I can say that, in my case, it is most certainly linked to self acceptance and self confidence. As I have gotten older and gained confidence in myself, these feelings have subsided to a large degree.

This was a large factor in moving back to rural Vermont after nearly 17 years living and working in and around the city of Chicago. Now my nearest neighbor is over 100 yards away and five people on a street corner constitutes a crowd.

But I have become comfortable enough with myself that I recently attended a meeting in Dallas, Texas where there were nearly 3,000 people in the hall and I was sitting almost in the middle of the crowd. I actually enjoyed meeting new people and got a lot out of the event.

By comming out to your mother and talking to your doctor about this, you are making great strides in the right direction.

CJ, that link is amazing!

Reading about the "what is social phobia" I am noddin my head at everything, woww. Thanks so much, what a great link!

Sophie xx

Hi Sophie,

I get the same way at large family gatherings, or any social get-togethers where conversation is generally witty and slightly "jabbing". Being a New Yorker, if you're not able to follow up with a quick response, it can spell the kiss of death.

Fortunately, I rely on humor to lighten any tension I may be feeling. I have also learned to stop caring if people don't understand my humor. Dressed or drab, I try to be myself and maintain my quirkiness!

You have a lot going for you though, you're friendly, you're cute as Sophie, and you have a wonderful open-minded Mom who loves and supports you. I hope you're able to beat these feelings of anxiety. They can & do occur for no reason, but it is beatable.

And remeber - no one out there can take away the wonderful person that you are!

*hugs*

~ Lorna

Excellent link, CJ! Thanks so much!

Hi all,

Uh, you're all very welcome! Ya know, way back when, this whole "Information Superhighway" was a perfect tool for just such issues (as where to find help, support, and information); that's almost gone by the wayside now, seeing as little 9-year old Timmy's blog and gran-mam Agatha's Fifi-photo-placeholding-website are crowding the wires (of course, and to use a Seinfeldism, not that there's anything wrong with that!).

About anxiety, you should try as best you can not to stress yourself out too much with the idea that you shouldn't be anxious. Hmm, okay, read that sentence again and come back here. Hans Selye didn't invent anything, you know; stress will always be a part of our lives, whether you live in a town of 239 souls or in a megalopolis of 11,000,000 inhabitants. It's when we haven't yet learned how best to handle and manage our stress that anxiety levels rise. And that can lead to anything, from a major depression to an uncontrollable desire to look like Hedy Lamarr. Seriously, though, relaxation techniques (such as deep-breathing exercises where we focus on the release of muscle-tension buildup) can help us get over anxiety and panic attacks. Meditation and yoga can work wonders, too.

Still, having said all this, I always try to keep in mind that being a "loner," or having no great urge to be gregarious, can also be seen as more of a personality issue. This, I know; I am such a person... I don't "do" crowds all that much. I often call it "being shy," but that's not it, really. I'm not so much shy as I am ill at ease in groups. As I said in my post above, I don't suffer from this type of social anxiety, but, just as a matter of who I am, I sort of feel "disconnected" in a crowd. That doesn't bother me, though (although it's apt to annoy the hell out of my friends).

And this is the secret: psychiatrists will consider a behaviour (or a personality disorder) a mental illness if, and only if, the person exhibiting the behaviour is profoundly distressed by said behaviour (usually, in the books, for a period of at least six months and where there's no physical reason for it).

So, if being who you want to be, who you need to be (for that is who you are), causes you no big distress (though the world around you may be clamoring for you to try on the most fashionable straight-jacket), then do just that, dammit! Be! Be! BE!

Wisdom from Eleanor Roosevelt: Remember always that you have not only the right to be an individual; you have the obligation to be one. You cannot make any useful contribution in life unless you do this.

Love,
CJ

Sophie,
Sorry I can't contribute, other than to say" "Aren't these girls - GREAT!!!"
Love,
Deborah

Yes Deborah, these girls are great

Lorna, I use humour too but like you I have the strangest humour going lol so you ever get me or you just don't, very dry sense of humour and it takes a while to get to know me and my humour. My sister loves my sense of humour lol so we have a right blast...

Anyways, I am a happy person, never been depressed or anything, but at times I could easily get depressed. In large groups I feel more alone then when I am totally on my own That's the strangest feeling ever, and sometimes when we have all been sat round at work at the end of shift and I've kinda felt really lonely I will walk home and cry beating myself up as to why I am so shy, but it's good to cry now and again lol

Soon as I get home and see my lil Cat it's all good again

Thanks for the advice CJ, really is amazing. When I next see the Dr in a few weeks I might say I want to speak to someone and take it from there, but I would have to tell them about my cross dressing I think

Arghhhhhhhhh lmao

*hugs*

Sophie xx

Hi All,

Sophie,

I am in said group too. Things have improved over the years, though. When I go for my fortnightly night on the town I gear myself up in advance. In fact people often completely misunderstand me, they see me as totally off my head, and my humour goes sailing past them. Quite regularly, ~D~ explains to people who ask her, that normally I am very quiet and calm, and that I am just letting off steam.
I often skim across thoughts very quickly, unless I am verbally challenged and then my mind shuts down and I can't speak at all.

Other than this, if I walk through the town centre on my own I suffer quite badly, at times I become so self-concious that I can't walk properly. At other times when in conversation with people I will clam up when they become forcefull.

What I am finding is that when I post here on this forum, I take my time, am constantly re-writing what I say and don't feel threatened. I am learning how to get my point across and when it is appreciated I am on such a high. Away from the computer and away from the house I am often ignored, even thouogh I might say something very relevant. Slowly by slowly I am using what I am learning here to take with me outdoors. A good example of that is my 'old friends and deep stuff' post last week.

Unlike you, I have had a lot of severe depression in my life (which I am starting to sort out).

I think that for some of us crossdressrs, we have always felt a need to watch how we behave, what we say, etc for fear of being rejected. This can have a tendancy to make us question everything, to 'act' rather than 'be'. Maybe we are not slow-witted, just busy anylising, sorting things out etc, while other people are simply blurting out comments.

If you are anything like me, you will probably find this forum and everybody here such a revelation and that could help a lot

I would like to hear how this progresses for you, as I know your'e not alone with this.

Love
Rebecca xxx

Rebecca wrote:if I walk through the town centre on my own I suffer quite badly, at times I become so self-concious that I can't walk properly. >->-

I have that too, but I've always put that down to walking in heels too much at home lol

Rebecca wrote:This can have a tendancy to make us question everything, to 'act' rather than 'be'. .

I think you've hit the nail right on the head... maybe hypnotherapy will work

Sophie xx

Deborah wrote:Sophie,
Sorry I can't contribute, other than to say" "Aren't these girls - GREAT!!!"
Love,
Deborah