Acute Stress Disorder

Elizabeth · Post by **Elizabeth** » Sat Jul 31, 2004 8:16 pm

Hi girls,

I have been gone for a few days. Wednesday night I found out that my wife has been having an affair for over 3 years, and recently took my two younger boys to her boyfriends house for the weekend, and had them lie for her.

It sent me over the edge. I became dispondent, and suicidal. It was very ugly, but I ended up checking myself into the hospital. I was fine the next day, but they kept me to evaluate me.

The psychiatrist said that what happened was I have had a lot of bad things happen to me, and I became overwhelmed. As the stress of the new news subcided, I returned to my normal thinking. He said this was a pretty normal reaction to this kind of news. He called it "Acute Stress Disorder".

Anyway, I am feeling much better, and I am glad to see all of you here.

Love always,
Elizabeth

Loretta Ann · Post by **Loretta Ann** » Sat Jul 31, 2004 8:38 pm

Well Elisabeth,

If there is one thing I can say it is that your posting has been anything but boring. I have learned to be prepared for anything. (I don't mean that in a negative way).

It would appear that you don't have a marriage left, other than the legal implications, or do you think there is anything worth salvaging? Where do you think you will go from here?

How are you going to live through this?

Jassmine(SO) · Post by **Jassmine(SO)** » Sat Jul 31, 2004 9:12 pm

Hi Elizabeth,

OUCH!!

I am glad you got the help you needed and that you are feeling better

I honestly feel that it is time for you to move on. You really need to start doing what is best for you, now. I know ending a relationship is difficult, been there-HATED it (I ended my 15 year relationship), but in your case I strongly feel that it has become as neccessary for you as it was for me. You are the most important person to you. You cannot be good to anyone else if you don't take care of yourself first. Sounds selfish, I know, but it is so. Sigh....Something I had to learn the hard way. You know, I REALLY hate learning things that way

We all are here for you

Stay strong and know you are loved.

*Hugs & Love*

Marda · Post by **Marda** » Sat Jul 31, 2004 10:53 pm

Hi Elizabeth

Glad to hear from you finally

"Good" for you ... I mean that the *Nice* way ... terrible trip but *positive* in the overall scheme ... you *DID* get medical attention when *NEEDED*

You're *Not* Crazy ... you *Are* having a bad time ... and you *Have* Made it through a really *Tough*series of *Events* !!

Now you *KNOW* you're *ALIVE* & *LOVED* *HERE*

Don't Stop Now !!

Love / Marda

Elizabeth · Post by **Elizabeth** » Sun Aug 01, 2004 12:47 am

Hi girls,

I have overcome worse than this in my life, this is just another hurdle. Sometimes you fall, but you have to keep jumping. I am not as strong as used to be, so it takes me a little longer to get back up. But I will always get back up and try again. Every fall just seems to make me more determined.

Love always,
Elizabeth

CJ · Post by CJ » Sun Aug 01, 2004 12:58 am

Hi all,

Elizabeth,

I was wondering what had become of you. I'm glad to see, though, that you've pulled through. I agree with the others; it seems that yours is now a marriage in nothing but name. Do what is right for you, girl. We'll be here.

Love,
CJ

Loretta Ann · Post by **Loretta Ann** » Sun Aug 01, 2004 1:13 am

Elisabeth,

You stated; Every fall just seems to make me more determined.

To do what? Stick around for another fall?

Elizabeth · Post by **Elizabeth** » Sun Aug 01, 2004 1:20 am

Darlene,

I know it must look like I am a retard. I feel things very deeply. I have always felt stronger about every relationship i was ever in than the other person, whether male or female, relative or nonrelative. It is not that it is hard to let go, it is that I do still love her very much, even though it is very apparent she does not love me.

I don't have a switch to turn it off, I wish I did. I thought love was forever, and that is how I have always felt about her. I have to learn how to live a life without loving her. I don't know how because I never thought it would be necessary.

As for getting back up, that is to jump the hurdle until I get over it, and I will. I will survive this, and come out better for it. I just have to learn how. It really hurts.

Love always,
Elizabeth

SophieLawson · Post by **SophieLawson** » Sun Aug 01, 2004 1:21 am

Awww Elizabeth

I honestly think everything happens for a reason, I think, like you said, every negative can be turned into a positive to make us stronger!

*hugs*

Sophie xx

Elizabeth · Post by **Elizabeth** » Sun Aug 01, 2004 1:25 am

Hi Sophie,

To quote a Star Trek TNG episode, I "have to find a way to turn disadvantage, into advantage." It does work. I just have to take it one day at a time, and calm down.

Love always,
Elizabeth

Loretta Ann · Post by **Loretta Ann** » Sun Aug 01, 2004 1:47 am

Hey Elisabeth,

You stated; I know it must look like I am a retard.

No it doesn't Hon, I could be wrong, but it looks like you might be a willing floor mat.

Gelinda · Post by **Gelinda** » Sun Aug 01, 2004 6:14 am

Liz: Good to hear you looked out for yourself and checked yourself into the hospital. We need you around here to help us in so many ways. So take care and know that we are thinking about you. If there is anything I can do just tell me. Gee

Elizabeth · Post by **Elizabeth** » Sun Aug 01, 2004 10:17 pm

Hi girls,

Darlene wrote:

I could be wrong, but it looks like you might be a willing floor mat.

Darlene,

Yes, I have been continually used and subsequently cast aside by every person I ever thought loved me. But I just don't want to be any other way. I would rather give than get, and if in the end I always get used, I can live with that. To me, to become cynical and become fearful to give of myself would be a worse proposition than accept that I am a sucker.

I refuse to beleive that the world is this terrible place the 11:00 news would have us beleive. It is my experience that most people are good, honest, and decent. I hope I never stop beleiving that.

Love always,
Elizabeth

Loretta Ann · Post by **Loretta Ann** » Mon Aug 02, 2004 12:00 am

Elisabeth honey,

Thank you for your honesty, Check out what I am about to say with your psychologist and/or your therapist.

There are two kinds of people in this world. "Givers and takers" Willing Floor mats attract takers. In fact a healthy giver will have nothing to do with a willing floor mat, Because they have a need to be used in order to feel good about them selves. That is the role they assumed in the abusive child hood in which they were raised in, and they know of no other way to live.

While that role may have served them well in child hood (because it met the needs of there unhealthy parents) It brings them a life of hell in the adult life.

You stated; To me, to become cynical and become fearful to give of myself would be a worse proposition than accept that I am a sucker.

Excuse me I digress, I am not suggesting you to do that, I am suggesting that you choose who you give yourself to, so that you will not be used. after first freeing yourself from your need to be used in order to feel good about yourself. It is all part of being able to love yourself.

I think you have come along way since you have come here. You can always come here and find those who will console you, but as you have noticed I am not so much one of those, though there are times when that is necessary.

In a sense by assuming the role of a willing floor mat one is creating their own crises so that they can find people who will console them, and I am not so sure just how much we who do that plays into the role of an enabler.

Elizabeth · Post by **Elizabeth** » Mon Aug 02, 2004 6:08 am

Darlene,

I guess sometimes I am looking to be consoled and sometimes I am looking for perspective. You are correct about it feeling good to be used. I truely do enjoy helping people. I have truely helped some people. Not just by giving them monotary support, or emotional support, sometimes by giving opportunity to prove oneself.

Sure it is selfish, I mean I can't feel this way, unless people are willing to be helped. So, it is a form of codependency. But I have to tell you it is not just about feeling good, it is about not feeling bad. If I know I could have helped someone, genuinely, and did not? That is upsetting to me. It is like not giving my best effort, which really lowers my self esteem.

I think because I am so keenly aware of what it is like to not have anyone to help me, it makes me want to help those who just need some help. Someone to show them the way. Much like you are doing to me. It has to make you feel good when you see me or someone else finally understand things you are telling us. Things you know to be true from hard earned experience.

I know you understand this. or you would not be you. You are a gem, and I know you will never sugar coat it for me, even when I think feeling sorry for myself is the thing to do. But? you also know when to show kind compassion. I don't know how you know when what is needed, but is has become apparent to me that I am an infant in this regard and like you, I have become accustomed to expecting "anything" from you. Just when I think I have it all figured out, I find out I don't know anything. You are keen at pointing this out, and when I need it the most.

I do have a kind affection for you. I can see we have traveled the same road, you are just farther down it than me. To my good fortune. Not to discount my other sisters here. I mean, it seems everyone has some valuable peice to the puzzle, and everyone has given me a differnt peice. I think it may be time to step back and take a look at the whole picture, instead of the individual peices.

Love always,
Elizabeth

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