Crossdressers-Haven.com

Hiya,

I'm sorry I'm always asking questions Just like smarties you girls always seem to have the answers!

I've got the Dr's tomorrow and I am due to go back to work tomorrow night, but I am scared stiff. I can't even describe the way I feel about going back to work. I don't feel I'm ready yet but I will talk with the Dr.

I'm just wondering, anyone who has had counseling, does it work? I can sense that I'll be telling my sister soon, but I'm thinking about asking my Dr tomorrow if I can see a counceler and then just sitting down and spitting my whole life story out and stuff.

Does it stay 100% within those four walls? I don't want it being wrote down that I cross dress and stored on my medical records or anything. I'm hoping this will take away some of the fear I have of going back to work.

I'm going over my sisters now to watch Sherk 2 so I'll have a word with her about it.

Sorry about the questions, I promise I won't ask anymore stuff. *hugs* This is how bad it is, I'm getting all hot and uncomfy just thinking about going back to work!

Sophie xx

Hi Sophie

1) You should never feel you have to stop asking questions here of all places

2) Counseling *can be* good ... quite a lot depends on whether or not you & your counselor *develop* a "trust" ... as well as whether or not the counselor is "qualified" ... many have "diplomas", but not all are "qualified"

3) Going back to work after a time off *can be troubling* ... on one hand you don't want to become "softened to work" and "remote from the outside world" ... and on the other, you don't want to "stress yourself out rushing back to work too early" ... some people go back gradually over a 2 or 3 week period until they're back to fulltime

4) Personally, I wouldn't recommend "spilling everything" to a new counselor ... I was pretty keen a few weeks ago to share my new enthusiasm with my support people and *BANGO* ... I got the message *REal QUick* to *EASE OFF* and *Feed Them* *Little Bites* to see how they *digest* things ...

the *Fact* is, most of the world sees CD/TGs as *SICKOS* ... and you know what "Professionals" do with "sickos" ... they want to *CURE* them ... *YIKES* ... "One Flew Over The Cuckoos Nest" ... once *they get hold of you they don't want to let go* ... that's how they earn their money ...

IMHO ... Imagine you are looking *To Hire* a "Professional Consultant" who will help you Reshape Your Image ... in many ways this is actually what's happening ... it just so happens to be your "Self-Image" you'll be working on first ... Heaven knows as we know here ... you are actually quite Gorgeous ... that's not your problem ... it seems to me, your biggest hangup is about "Not truly believing Deep Inside How Beautiful, Sweet & Worthwhile You Really Are"

That's More than I should say ... there are probably more qualified opinions than mine

Love / Marda

Hi Sophie,

I started my training for a diploma in counselling a few years ago and I was definitely taught that whatever a client says in a counselling session is going to stay within those four walls! Counsellers are bound by confidentiality rules (with certain exceptions, i.e harm to others).

I remember being told an analogy about counselling, it's like unpacking a load of cases that are all in a jumble, in a counselling session you unpack it all, take a look at it, then pack it back again neatly, discarding the stuff you no longer need.

I have not had any counselling sessions myself so can't give you any personal experience as to whether it works I'm afraid, but I think that anything that helps you to take a look at yourself and becoming more self aware can only be a good thing!

I can empathise with you getting anxious about going back to work. I have just been signed off sick from my job, suffering from stress also, so I'm feeling pretty rubbish at the mo. I think maybe Shrek 2 will be in order for me also!

Make sure you see a counsellor that has a properly accredited diploma. There are plenty of people who set themselves up as counsellors with no professional training unfortunately. I'm sure if you asked your Doctor to refer you to one, that would be OK. Counsellors are meant to be non-judgemental, so if you get even the slightest hint that the counsellor is going to try to 'cure' you or sees CDing as a 'problem', then run a mile!

Good luck Sophie!

Curly(SO)

Hi all,

Sophie,

I just want to emphasize a couple of points Marda brought up. Don't ever feel you're asking too many questions here; this desire for information is one of the main reasons the forum was set up in the first place. Also, try to see if there's a possibility for you to return to work gradually. There's always a period where people are a little more fragile when they return to their jobs after a prolonged absence. Ease into it, if you can.

By the way, I agree with Curly; run a mile if you sense intolerance on the part of your eventual counsellor. Hell! Run two miles! See if you can get a referral to a therapist with experience in gender issues.

And, yes, the records are always confidential, unless there's a great and immediate risk of the patient/client harming himself or another (I, myself, have had to sign such a court order--it's not a pleasant thing and the courts don't ever do this lightly). Even then, information is only given out on a need to know basis to selected health professionals. By and large, therapists, like clerics, will always respect your privacy. You shouldn't worry about this too much.

Good luck on your quest for yourself, Sophie!

Love,
CJ

SophieLawson wrote:I'm sorry I'm always asking questions Just like smarties you girls always seem to have the answers!

Pshaw! One of the trite little phases my Daddy use to say was "the only dumb question is the one not asked". It actually inspired a lifetime of curiosity and questioning. Ask away, girl!

SophieLawson wrote:I'm just wondering, anyone who has had counseling, does it work? I can sense that I'll be telling my sister soon, but I'm thinking about asking my Dr tomorrow if I can see a counceler and then just sitting down and spitting my whole life story out and stuff.

I will categorically answer with a "YES", but only if you let the process work and you have the right person working with you.

Critical for success in counseling is establishing a trusting relationship with the person who is helping you. Typically, you will have an "in take" meeting, where you basically talk to the counselor about the issuses you are dealing with and the objectives you want to achieve. You can generally get some indication (intuition perhaps?) of whether or not you are going to find this person to be helpful or not.

Counselor's come in many different flavors -- Freudian, Gestalt, Behaviorist, et al. Feel free to ask what their approach is? Ask them about the process they use. Ask them if they have any experience in gender issues -- if that's your primary concern. Ask them what their personal feelings are about the issues you are facing. (I went to one counselor when I was in need of help and she immediately labeled me as transexual and was mapping out the steps in the process -- I never saw her again, because while she might have been correct, she was too "directive" by injecting her opinion into my situation very prematurely.)

After "shopping" around, I settled on a counselor who was very "non-directive", allowing me to come to my own conclusions, but at the same time she pushed me to explore issues and ideas about myself. She specialized in gender idenity issues and frankly, was a godsend.

I'm not in therapy any more, having accomplished my primary goal of coming to a certain degree of acceptance of my self. The process took almost 2 years and included some group therapy as well.......... Never the less, I am much more at peace with myself and while not all the issues are resolved, I am definitely on a more even keel, so to speak.

SophieLawson wrote:Does it stay 100% within those four walls? I don't want it being wrote down that I cross dress and stored on my medical records or anything. I'm hoping this will take away some of the fear I have of going back to work.

Yes...... the code of ethics dictates it. And even is he or she does take notes, they are yours and yours alone, in her files, which are sacrosanct. Do not let this be a concern to you.

However, if you are using medical insurance to pay for the session, make sure that you talk to him/her about how it will be listed. Most medical plans do not pay for "gender identity disorders", but they will pay for "anxiety management" or "stress management". When I went into counseling, the company that I worked for had a self-administered insurance plan. This was a great plan, but people in the HR department adminstrated it. Today, access to medical records is, in theory, regulated by HIPPA, but people do talk regardless of regulations.... So, if you can afford it, you may want to consider paying directly......

Best of luck.....

Joanna

Hi Sophie

Joanna wrote:

Pshaw! One of the trite little phases my Daddy use to say was "the only dumb question is the one not asked". It actually inspired a lifetime of curiosity and questioning. Ask away, girl!

My dad used to say the same thing

Joanna wrote:

I will categorically answer with a "YES", but only if you let the process work and you have the right person working with you.

Working with the right counselor for you is very important. One should feel at ease and comfortable when talking with their counselor. And I totally agree with Curly and CJ:

By the way, I agree with Curly; run a mile if you sense intolerance on the part of your eventual counsellor. Hell! Run two miles! See if you can get a referral to a therapist with experience in gender issues.

*Hugs & Love*

I have had many different couselers in my life the worst is the one I knew outside the office. It made really hard to open up because the person was so well known to me. YET know I found a cosuar who I can talk with about vertialy anything I feel comftrable talking about. From all my knowedege (which is limited) what is said in a session is classifed as confident without a warreant from the court or as some one else has said emddite harm to ones self or to anouther.

Jessie

Hiya again girls

Thanks for the answers Marda, Curly, CJ, Joanna, Jassmine & Jessie The doctors rang me up about 30 mins after I was online and said that my Dr is off sick till next Wednesday so I have to have another week off work as it turns out until she gets back.

Also, I talked with my Sister and she said that counceling would maybe be a good idea so I'll ask about it next week. Only one thing I'm gonna request is that the counselor be a female, dunno why but I would only be able to open up to a female.

And if I did sense any intolerance I would be right out the door lol Prolly clicking my heels on the way lol

Thanks once again everyone *big hugs*

Sophie xx

Sophie, Honey, you are well on your way!!! You are gonna do great! I know it may not be your approach, but I ask as many questions of the counselor as they ask me. As your sisters have said, if you do not feel comfortable - walk away. It probably won't hurt her feelings as counselors understand that not all personalities mesh! Good luck and keep us posted,
Love,
Deborah

Hia Sophie

I have only seen one which was recomended by the doc i had at the time... and what a waste of time that was, the counseler was younger than me ok still no judgement there as she was supposed to b the trained one... think i have mentioned this in my beginings.lol anyways.. it was me teaching her.. she must have been a studant... there was long silences while i waited for questions after answering the few for which was asked...

After reading other posts i now realise that she was unprofesional and haddn't a clue on gender issues, she must have classed me as a transsexual as she kept asking some of the q's over like "do you feel that YOU WILL be HAVING any operations to come to terms with yourself?" (something like that but you get the point with the emphasis on paticular words). At the time i thought that all councellers were all the same but now i see differentley, i didnt have access to the internet and i didn't know where to turn or as so many of us wonder if we were alone.

I have also only felt that i could only open up to women (doctor's ect.) and as most of my friends on my msn messenger are gg's.. ive never been one for footie or other sports and have had more in common with gg's (and feel closer to rather than to my male friends which is few and far between) in the sense of talking about relationships. children, cooking ect.. Does this rinig any bells with you or any of our other ladies here??....cont.

... I know that i have always felt more at ease around gg's than "the lads", perhaps its just my femininty reaching out which i have felt since as far back as i can remember...

Pauline

Hi Sophie,

The counsellors I have seen have always been women, I also can't imagine being able to open up to a man in the same way.

One counsellor had the job of stopping me from being suicidal, and after 12 sessions I walked in and said that I had decided not to kill myself. This worked as at the time I was on my own, very isolated and I gave 100% dedication to it. The counsellor said she was over the moon with me as I had worked so hard.

Later on I saw a counsellor with the view of trying to come to terms with my depression, and this didn't work. I was with ~D~ by now, life had become much more complicated and I couldn't focus myself on the job in hand.

Recently I finished seeing a psycho-therapist after 16 sessions, this took a long time to get the hang of, as she hardly ever said anything. It was up to me to ask the questions and find the answers, eventually I began to open up. This was about the time I joined this forum and bit by bit have learned to start showing emotions once more. I am far more aware of my problems, though have a long way to go to sort them out.

I think all in all, what you get out of it depends on what you put into it. What you put into it will depend on how secure you feel about it.

I hope it goes well for you, there should be no need to worry about it.

Next question ?

Love
Rebecca xxx

Hi Sophie,

I too, asked for a woman. I have posted a lot of pro therapy statements here. I was very lucky that I got that great person that is so similar in ideals to most of us here. Mine has been kind, caring, non judgemental, and I believe has only my best interest at heart. She has helped me to wade through and put adult perspective to my child issues that I have carried in me. Children can be taught so easily to see themselves negatively. Examining my negative beliefs and to believe they were false has been very difficult.

I found Joanna's post similar to my experience and all the posts were excellent. You seem well enough to me to trust yourself and your intuition about the therapist. If it feels wrong, it is wrong. For it to be productive for you, you must feel comfortable discussing difficult issues with her the same as we all do here. Trusting her with bits and pieces of yourself is a good approach as others have stated. You will know if the person is right for you. You should know what your goal or goals in therapy will be. What do you need out of it? This has been stated already too, but felt it was worth repeating. I don't feel the therapist has the right to set the agenda for you. Trust yourself and you won't go wrong. Only you know what you need and want.

Hope I helped a little,
Kersten

I have a male counsear/theropist and I like talking with him (that is after getting threw the first few month) in the last session I mentioned something to him that I have nevcer told a single peson ever that is how much I trust him. I believe a male or female it all has to do with trust and I trust this theropist with somethings that I have been holding on to for a very very long time.

Jessie

Thanks for all the replies... I am at the Doctors tomorrow So I am just so like scared tonight worrying myself silly.

My Sister and Mum don't think I should go back to work but I'm not sure. I don't feel ready to go back but as I've been off for 6 weeks now I am starting to wonder when I will feel ready to go back

Anyways... I'm gonna tell the Dr I am really scared about going back and see what she says. I'm also gonna ask about counseling so I'll see what happens, hopefully I'll feel better tomorrow but having just smashed a big mirror by mistake that has got me all worried as well now lol

arghhhhhhhhhhh

Sophie xx

Hi Sophie
~
Doctor Marda prescribes
1) Brisk walk approx 2km
2) Classical (opera?) or *Early Elton John* music ...
3) Hot Bath with lottsa *Big* Perfumey Bubbles ...
4) Hot tea with a dab of honey
5) Slow, Deep "diaphragmatic" breathing
~
If you have to *Scream* ... try doing it into a pillow :-)
~
Love / Marda