The Good, The Bad, And the Ugly? True Story-Really long
Posted: Mon Aug 16, 2004 10:37 pm
Hi girls,
I am sure it does not shock anyone here who knows me that I have mixed news.
Since I like a strong finish, we will start with the bad. The bad news is that last night my son told my wife via text message that I would not be letting him return to her boyfriends house, where she has kept in since she tried to have me arrested. It was her intention to just keep him, as a prize, in my opinion. She would not tell me where she was living, nor give me the phone number. She had him lying to me about the living arrangements. I also found it disgusting that she had my son with the man she has been having an affair with all these years.
Anyway, I told my son not to volunteer any information, but also he did not have to lie if she asked him when he was returning. She finally let me meet her in some town that she does not live, to pick him up, when he said he wanted to see me. But after reuniting with his brothers, his dogs, and me. He told his brother that he wanted to live with us. That where they were living, he was sleeping on the floor of the living room of the one bedroom apartment of my wife's boyfriend. He said he could sleep on the couch, but the house was too hot because her boyfriend would not run the air conditioning because the high cost of electricity in CA (Thanks Bush/Enron) He said there was only sandwich food to eat, and he was scared about having to go to school down there.
He finally got up his courage and told me he did not want to return there to live, but he loved his mom and still wanted to vistit her. I told him that she only had one more day to reply to my divorce suit, and if she failed to do so, I would win. Then I could make sure he could live with me. There are lots of other details that I won't go into, but he had to tell her, and she immediately called me. I told her that I had no intention of letting him return, and that had she not tried to get me arrested by lying to the cops, she would never have been able to take him, except I was handcuffed.
I knew she would come up here and try to get him, so I went and bought a new lock for the door and instructed the kids they were not to open it for her no matter what. That she was going to cry, and scream and say everyone turned on here and did not love her.
So when she called and said she was on her way, I told her not to bother, that I bought a new lock, and that tomorrow I would file the default judgement since today was her last day to serve me, and she had not. I told her that while I had asked for joint custody in the papers I served on her, I did not specify the %. Since she failed to answer and defaulted, the only evidence the judge will be seeing is mine. Since she had the affair, moved in with her boyfriend, abandoned her other children and stiffed us for over $1000 in bills that we were expecting her to pay, and now i am going to have to go to welfare to get the rent money, She was not going to have a very good standing in court if she later tries to win custody back.
So I told her she was not going to see the kids tonight no matter what. Because she has called the cops on me twice, and lied to them, I am very much afraid to be alone with her. I know that if she was able to get in physical contact with the kids, and since her name was on the lease, I would not be able to stop her from taking the kids, without getting physical, and she knew this. So that is why I forbade it.
She insisted that she just wanted to talk to me, that we had to discuss this, that she did not deserve to be punished like this. We lost phone contact(her cell phone) when she called back I told her I would meet her at the Denny's by our house, and would only meet her in a public place, so she could not make false allegations against me again. She insisted that we meet in our apartment parking lot. At this point I new her intentions were not good. She then said she could not hear me, and either hung up, or really got disconnected again. After that she would not answer, so I left a message on her phone telling her she was not going to be able to see the kids, and if that was her plan, she might as well turn around and head right back for her boyfriends house.
Twenty minutes later she called me and said she was broke down. So I agreed to go and help her. I took my oldest son, so I would have a witness in case she tried to make other allegations. When I got there, it started right up, but was running really rough, and as soon as she took off again, it sputtered and died. But it started right back up. I told her to just let it go at the speed of the idle, as we were not far from our apartment, and it would make it there.
I was right, and she was up to full speed in a matter of seconds. We arrived at the apartment I sent my son in, and told her I was not going to talk to her there, and that if she insisted I was just going into the house and locking the new lock. She insisted that she only wanted to hug them.
I had already told the kids this was going to happen, and they were not to open the door no matter what. Well she jumped out of the Blazer and ran to the door and started banging on it. My kids came to the window and told her they would not open the door. She was banging on the windows and really making a scene at 11:00 at night. She was really pressuring them when I called my olded son and told him to just take them to my bedroom where she could not imtimidate them. This worked and she finally called my oldest son and told him that while I may not have the guts to kill myself, she certainly did have the guts to kill herself. He called me and told me, and I told him to worry, she was just manipulating them. She then came to my car window and told me the same. I told her to go ahead if that is what she needed to do.
Did I mention I was fully dressed while this is happening? She had never seen me dressed before, so this was a first for her.
She went to the Blazer and sat there for about 20 minutes and finally called me on my cellphone crying saying she did not know what to do. The Blazer would not start and she had to start a new job in two days, and had no money because she spent it all moving into a bigger apartment with her boyfriend. I told her to call her boyfriend, he should be here in about 2 hours. She said I didn't understand, it was not like that. I said "are you sleeping with him?" She said "yes", and I said "well it is that way, you have been having an affair with him for over three years, and now you sleep in his bed"
She continued crying and asked if I was going to make her sleep in the Blazer.
What can I say, I still love her. She promised that she would not try to take the kids, and would give me her keys if I did not trust her, but she was scared to sleep out there by herself.
Well you know me, the doormat, I agreed but started crying. I told her that I knew I was going to regret this. We were both crying and she asked me why I did not care when it mattered. I told her that I always loved her, and we embraced in a really great hug.
But i pulled away, and walked off knowing that I was going to get used again. I was still crying and called my son and told him to let her in. He came out to console me, and I told him that I was really upset that she was using the fact that I love her so much, against me. He told me it was ok, that was just how I am. He said "dad, you just can't say no, and you know if your bothers or sisters called you, you would also take those calls". I told him that I knew that, and that I would rather let her burn me than to become a person I don't like anymore.
So she came in and I let her have my bed, and went to the couch. She went and talked to the kids, and hugged them, and had a few attempts to pick fights with me, that I blew off. I told her that the following day I would file the papers, and she would get what she wanted. Her boyfriend, freedom to party, and she could blame it on me. But that was all she was getting. I was getting all the marrital property except the Blazer which is now crashed, and her personal property. She would also be getting $800 a month child support bill, and $250 a month spousal support, since she now lived with her boyfriend, and would have to declare his income. California does not allow a spouse to move in with someone and increase their standard of living to beat the system.
So I got up the next morning went to my psychiatrist, more on this later, went to the courthouse and filed my request for a default judgement. I was fully dressed for both. I returned home, and told her that I needed some money because the Blazer was low on oil, and probably water, and it was most likely not the fuel filter as I originally thought, because it started right up.
So instead she says she will have to go with me. So she is now out with me dressed. We get some oil, I then fill it with water. Let it come up to temperature, and bingo, it runs perfectly. I told her while I was putting air in the tire that now she could see for herself that no one cared I was dressed. She was in the store with me as I talked to the clerk, she also talked to the clerk. If she was embarrassed you would have never known it. But she got to see the reality, instead of all of her fears. In the end, this has to be a good thing, no matter what, since I still have kids with her.
The lack of oil and water were causing the upper cylliders and manafold to overheat, causing a bad cyllider to stop firing and stall the engine.
So once I had her truck running, she went back to being her old self, telling me she would fight me in court, and the judge was going to throw out my suit, and all that good stuff. I finally told her that I was going to the bedroom until she left, and she said she would leave. I started crying again, and told her I hated how she used the fact that I still loved her against me. I told her not to call me anymore except to discuss the children, if she had problems to call her boyfriend from now on. She asked if that meant I was not going to let her see the kids, and i said "no, when you come to get them, I will send them out, and when you bring them back, drop them off outside and send them in, I don't want to see you any more, I am not like this when you are not here" I was crying again.
She left and later called me to ask if I was ok, and I said I was ok, and that I did not want to see her again.
She later messaged me on AIM to ask again if I was ok. The funny thing is, before she left we had a short discussion on what broke up our marriage, I told her that it was her having an affair, and leaving us, She said it was because I was a crossdresser and she could not have a husband that looked better than her. I said "you think I look better than you?" And I am quite certain I had a look of bewilderment on my face. She said "yes, right now you do" I said something to the effect of "you are out of your mind". You all be the judge, this is a recent webcam shot of her. She is 47. Of course it was a shot for her boyfriend, not me. I only seen when she needed me to fix her computer.
Picture removed by request
I know I am prejudice, but I could not look better than her if I lost another 60 lbs, and had plastic surgery. So we had the "Bad", but I ask you to ask youself, is this the "ugly"?
But I now beleive that this basic insecurity is the real problem, and always has been. I guess us crossdressers really need women who are secure in thier own identity and sexuality, to not see us as competition. I have read in other literature, that women often think of our crossdressed identities as "the other woman". I now think in my case this is for sure true.
So? Now the "good". My kids all did really well through this crisis. I think because I told them ahead of time what to expect, and it happened almost exactly like I told them it would. So they behaved exactly the way I asked them to. I was the only crying when she left.
I went to my psychiatrist completely dressed today. As soon as I walked in she said "you look much better" " I said "I feel much better" and again put my hands out and gestured over my body and said "I have decided to be me from now on" She said she thought that was great. They called her when I was in the hospital. so we discussed that. I told her what was happening in my divorce. I told her about going out dressed with my kids. She thought I was handling that all really well. And that being honest with them about who I am, and giving them the choice to decide if they want to go out with me were all the correct things to do.
I told her that I had gone off all my meds. No antidepressants, no pain meds, no marijuana, no caffein. Healthy food, protein supplements, and exercise. While I had more pain, and less sleep, I overall seemed to have more energy, and my head was getting much clearer and my memory was getting back to normal. I told her that if I started to get depressed I did not object to going back on antidepressants, but I really wanted to be drug free since this is a life long illness.
She then said "I know that you beleive your depression is because of your fibromyalgia and smoking marijuana, but I don't. I think it is from supressing a great part of your peronality most of your life. You smoked marijauna as a coping method to dull the pain."
She then said that she was not going to set up another appointment, and that I could call her if I felt I needed to see her again, but it looked to her like I was well on my way to becoming a well adjusted person. She said she would like me to continue to see my therapist. I told her that my therapist has already told me that I did not need to come back unless I thought I needed to. She then said I was still very vulnerable, and should continue to see my therapist for a while. I told her I would.
So, as you see this story has a very happy ending. I am feeling fine again and look forward to whatever tomorrow will bring.
Love always,
Elizabeth
I am sure it does not shock anyone here who knows me that I have mixed news.
Since I like a strong finish, we will start with the bad. The bad news is that last night my son told my wife via text message that I would not be letting him return to her boyfriends house, where she has kept in since she tried to have me arrested. It was her intention to just keep him, as a prize, in my opinion. She would not tell me where she was living, nor give me the phone number. She had him lying to me about the living arrangements. I also found it disgusting that she had my son with the man she has been having an affair with all these years.
Anyway, I told my son not to volunteer any information, but also he did not have to lie if she asked him when he was returning. She finally let me meet her in some town that she does not live, to pick him up, when he said he wanted to see me. But after reuniting with his brothers, his dogs, and me. He told his brother that he wanted to live with us. That where they were living, he was sleeping on the floor of the living room of the one bedroom apartment of my wife's boyfriend. He said he could sleep on the couch, but the house was too hot because her boyfriend would not run the air conditioning because the high cost of electricity in CA (Thanks Bush/Enron) He said there was only sandwich food to eat, and he was scared about having to go to school down there.
He finally got up his courage and told me he did not want to return there to live, but he loved his mom and still wanted to vistit her. I told him that she only had one more day to reply to my divorce suit, and if she failed to do so, I would win. Then I could make sure he could live with me. There are lots of other details that I won't go into, but he had to tell her, and she immediately called me. I told her that I had no intention of letting him return, and that had she not tried to get me arrested by lying to the cops, she would never have been able to take him, except I was handcuffed.
I knew she would come up here and try to get him, so I went and bought a new lock for the door and instructed the kids they were not to open it for her no matter what. That she was going to cry, and scream and say everyone turned on here and did not love her.
So when she called and said she was on her way, I told her not to bother, that I bought a new lock, and that tomorrow I would file the default judgement since today was her last day to serve me, and she had not. I told her that while I had asked for joint custody in the papers I served on her, I did not specify the %. Since she failed to answer and defaulted, the only evidence the judge will be seeing is mine. Since she had the affair, moved in with her boyfriend, abandoned her other children and stiffed us for over $1000 in bills that we were expecting her to pay, and now i am going to have to go to welfare to get the rent money, She was not going to have a very good standing in court if she later tries to win custody back.
So I told her she was not going to see the kids tonight no matter what. Because she has called the cops on me twice, and lied to them, I am very much afraid to be alone with her. I know that if she was able to get in physical contact with the kids, and since her name was on the lease, I would not be able to stop her from taking the kids, without getting physical, and she knew this. So that is why I forbade it.
She insisted that she just wanted to talk to me, that we had to discuss this, that she did not deserve to be punished like this. We lost phone contact(her cell phone) when she called back I told her I would meet her at the Denny's by our house, and would only meet her in a public place, so she could not make false allegations against me again. She insisted that we meet in our apartment parking lot. At this point I new her intentions were not good. She then said she could not hear me, and either hung up, or really got disconnected again. After that she would not answer, so I left a message on her phone telling her she was not going to be able to see the kids, and if that was her plan, she might as well turn around and head right back for her boyfriends house.
Twenty minutes later she called me and said she was broke down. So I agreed to go and help her. I took my oldest son, so I would have a witness in case she tried to make other allegations. When I got there, it started right up, but was running really rough, and as soon as she took off again, it sputtered and died. But it started right back up. I told her to just let it go at the speed of the idle, as we were not far from our apartment, and it would make it there.
I was right, and she was up to full speed in a matter of seconds. We arrived at the apartment I sent my son in, and told her I was not going to talk to her there, and that if she insisted I was just going into the house and locking the new lock. She insisted that she only wanted to hug them.
I had already told the kids this was going to happen, and they were not to open the door no matter what. Well she jumped out of the Blazer and ran to the door and started banging on it. My kids came to the window and told her they would not open the door. She was banging on the windows and really making a scene at 11:00 at night. She was really pressuring them when I called my olded son and told him to just take them to my bedroom where she could not imtimidate them. This worked and she finally called my oldest son and told him that while I may not have the guts to kill myself, she certainly did have the guts to kill herself. He called me and told me, and I told him to worry, she was just manipulating them. She then came to my car window and told me the same. I told her to go ahead if that is what she needed to do.
Did I mention I was fully dressed while this is happening? She had never seen me dressed before, so this was a first for her.
She went to the Blazer and sat there for about 20 minutes and finally called me on my cellphone crying saying she did not know what to do. The Blazer would not start and she had to start a new job in two days, and had no money because she spent it all moving into a bigger apartment with her boyfriend. I told her to call her boyfriend, he should be here in about 2 hours. She said I didn't understand, it was not like that. I said "are you sleeping with him?" She said "yes", and I said "well it is that way, you have been having an affair with him for over three years, and now you sleep in his bed"
She continued crying and asked if I was going to make her sleep in the Blazer.
What can I say, I still love her. She promised that she would not try to take the kids, and would give me her keys if I did not trust her, but she was scared to sleep out there by herself.
Well you know me, the doormat, I agreed but started crying. I told her that I knew I was going to regret this. We were both crying and she asked me why I did not care when it mattered. I told her that I always loved her, and we embraced in a really great hug.
But i pulled away, and walked off knowing that I was going to get used again. I was still crying and called my son and told him to let her in. He came out to console me, and I told him that I was really upset that she was using the fact that I love her so much, against me. He told me it was ok, that was just how I am. He said "dad, you just can't say no, and you know if your bothers or sisters called you, you would also take those calls". I told him that I knew that, and that I would rather let her burn me than to become a person I don't like anymore.
So she came in and I let her have my bed, and went to the couch. She went and talked to the kids, and hugged them, and had a few attempts to pick fights with me, that I blew off. I told her that the following day I would file the papers, and she would get what she wanted. Her boyfriend, freedom to party, and she could blame it on me. But that was all she was getting. I was getting all the marrital property except the Blazer which is now crashed, and her personal property. She would also be getting $800 a month child support bill, and $250 a month spousal support, since she now lived with her boyfriend, and would have to declare his income. California does not allow a spouse to move in with someone and increase their standard of living to beat the system.
So I got up the next morning went to my psychiatrist, more on this later, went to the courthouse and filed my request for a default judgement. I was fully dressed for both. I returned home, and told her that I needed some money because the Blazer was low on oil, and probably water, and it was most likely not the fuel filter as I originally thought, because it started right up.
So instead she says she will have to go with me. So she is now out with me dressed. We get some oil, I then fill it with water. Let it come up to temperature, and bingo, it runs perfectly. I told her while I was putting air in the tire that now she could see for herself that no one cared I was dressed. She was in the store with me as I talked to the clerk, she also talked to the clerk. If she was embarrassed you would have never known it. But she got to see the reality, instead of all of her fears. In the end, this has to be a good thing, no matter what, since I still have kids with her.
The lack of oil and water were causing the upper cylliders and manafold to overheat, causing a bad cyllider to stop firing and stall the engine.
So once I had her truck running, she went back to being her old self, telling me she would fight me in court, and the judge was going to throw out my suit, and all that good stuff. I finally told her that I was going to the bedroom until she left, and she said she would leave. I started crying again, and told her I hated how she used the fact that I still loved her against me. I told her not to call me anymore except to discuss the children, if she had problems to call her boyfriend from now on. She asked if that meant I was not going to let her see the kids, and i said "no, when you come to get them, I will send them out, and when you bring them back, drop them off outside and send them in, I don't want to see you any more, I am not like this when you are not here" I was crying again.
She left and later called me to ask if I was ok, and I said I was ok, and that I did not want to see her again.
She later messaged me on AIM to ask again if I was ok. The funny thing is, before she left we had a short discussion on what broke up our marriage, I told her that it was her having an affair, and leaving us, She said it was because I was a crossdresser and she could not have a husband that looked better than her. I said "you think I look better than you?" And I am quite certain I had a look of bewilderment on my face. She said "yes, right now you do" I said something to the effect of "you are out of your mind". You all be the judge, this is a recent webcam shot of her. She is 47. Of course it was a shot for her boyfriend, not me. I only seen when she needed me to fix her computer.
Picture removed by request
I know I am prejudice, but I could not look better than her if I lost another 60 lbs, and had plastic surgery. So we had the "Bad", but I ask you to ask youself, is this the "ugly"?
But I now beleive that this basic insecurity is the real problem, and always has been. I guess us crossdressers really need women who are secure in thier own identity and sexuality, to not see us as competition. I have read in other literature, that women often think of our crossdressed identities as "the other woman". I now think in my case this is for sure true.
So? Now the "good". My kids all did really well through this crisis. I think because I told them ahead of time what to expect, and it happened almost exactly like I told them it would. So they behaved exactly the way I asked them to. I was the only crying when she left.
I went to my psychiatrist completely dressed today. As soon as I walked in she said "you look much better" " I said "I feel much better" and again put my hands out and gestured over my body and said "I have decided to be me from now on" She said she thought that was great. They called her when I was in the hospital. so we discussed that. I told her what was happening in my divorce. I told her about going out dressed with my kids. She thought I was handling that all really well. And that being honest with them about who I am, and giving them the choice to decide if they want to go out with me were all the correct things to do.
I told her that I had gone off all my meds. No antidepressants, no pain meds, no marijuana, no caffein. Healthy food, protein supplements, and exercise. While I had more pain, and less sleep, I overall seemed to have more energy, and my head was getting much clearer and my memory was getting back to normal. I told her that if I started to get depressed I did not object to going back on antidepressants, but I really wanted to be drug free since this is a life long illness.
She then said "I know that you beleive your depression is because of your fibromyalgia and smoking marijuana, but I don't. I think it is from supressing a great part of your peronality most of your life. You smoked marijauna as a coping method to dull the pain."
She then said that she was not going to set up another appointment, and that I could call her if I felt I needed to see her again, but it looked to her like I was well on my way to becoming a well adjusted person. She said she would like me to continue to see my therapist. I told her that my therapist has already told me that I did not need to come back unless I thought I needed to. She then said I was still very vulnerable, and should continue to see my therapist for a while. I told her I would.
So, as you see this story has a very happy ending. I am feeling fine again and look forward to whatever tomorrow will bring.
Love always,
Elizabeth
uh huh 
