Crossdressers-Haven.com

Monsters do exist . Some in your mind and some Real. The great dragons of lore, giants of the first mark, and demons and devils of acient times. Real names from our history Stalin, Hitler, and Dahmler. Names and descriptions that will haunt us if we let them.

I submit to you now that there is a third monster, the one we see in every day life. The person at the check stand in full beard looking a little disheveled who discovers that when he starts to look a little angry or out of sorts the store will open a checkout line expressly for him. (Is it wrong to then use this skill to get things done faster?) This person man or woman simply asks not to be judged, but be accepted as a normal person in society. To have the respect of peers instead of being the one who can help every body move, or reach the things on the tallest shelf, or provide backup to the small bouncers during the bar fight.

This person must accept that they are different or die. They are ostrcized by a society that does not build anything for them at reasonable cost. They must pay extra for the larger sizes, including penalties imposed by having the larger size. IE. Poor gas miliage, more expensive clothes, Bigger beds, etc...

This tirade may sound like a pity party, however a question for you, have you ever felt like the monster? Have you been in the situation where people looked at you and looked away when you stopped to ask what might be wrong? Have you had strangers walk up and ask if they could climb you and find out how the weather is up there? Have you had small children look at you and start crying, or runaway in fear, or yell " Mommy protect me from the bad man!" Perhaps you should refain from passing judgement untill you walk a mile in my cowboy boots and a mile in my heels.

Have you ever propigated the monsters myth by reacting the same way as the rest of the populace? Being a monster have you rushed to anothers aid without worrying about the cost or consequences of your action? Do you find your self more willing to let the person help you to decide if they are a monster? has it helped change your perception of life making you more willing to do the right thing with out hesitation?

This is exposing so much anger. I did not know this upset me so. Once again I get more stuff out in the open where every body can see it, and I can understand. The pain in my shoulders and back is gone, I am very very relaxed.

Ladies I appreciate your comments. Please do not censor your comments except for language.

Once again I thank you for the freedom to express my self in an open forum. Bless You All.

Have I ever felt this way? I most certainly have.

Being African American I would always see older women clutching their purses tightly whenever I walked past. I would always be made to feel like the "monster" whenever I was walking down a dark street. I used to have to force myself to avoid walking directly behind women late at night, or in a parking lot.

There was the time when I was 19 I was walking out to my car in a parking lot outside of a supermarket. It was about 8pm and already dark out. There was a woman unlocking her car which was parked directly next to mine. Since her driver's side was facing my driver's side I had to wait for her to get into her car.

As soon as she saw me standing there, she screamed, "GET AWAY FROM ME!" and ran off.


It's not our fault people are stupid. And it is time for us to stop being so apologetic over who we are and what we cannot change. We cannot control how other people percieve us. There are some very stupid people in this society.

Yes, often.

Actually being Mr Angry often helps me get my job done. I work in a rough tough business where the workers are transitory and it is essential to make an impact quickly.

And I can get quite aggressive behind the wheel.

And I get bloody mad when the checkout clerk holds me up, or when the store is full of staff but only one checkout is open.

I have a much nicer person called Ginny inside me who comes out in my most private moments. She is very soft and forgiving.

Lorna, how about the "click" you hear from other nearby cars (people inside locking their doors) as you approach your own car in parking lots. This happens to me a lot and I often think about it happening to people of color and wonder what kind of suble message that sends.

Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Monsterrrrssss lol

Sophie xx

Hi all,

Aislin,

I can't say that that's ever happened to me. I guess, in a lot of ways, I'm one of the most ordinary-looking, WASPiest people I know (okay, so I'm French and was raised in the Catholic tradition, but that's beside the point). Some have pointed out to me that, if and when I let my beard grow out, I tend to look a bit mean. But, other than that, I've never had to deal in such a negative way with other people's issues concerning my appearance.

The thing is, I don't really behave any differently in the "real world" than I do here (or as Daniel than I do as Christina, for that matter). I'm very slow to anger and very quick to forgive, so much so that there are some who (mistakenly) believe that I'm a walking time bomb of sorts, and that tends to make them uncomfortable around me. In that sense, maybe, they'll see me as a potential ogre. Unfortunately, this all happens in their own mind, and isn't a reflection of anything I do. Some people are like that, I guess (as Lorna so eloquently stated).

Lorna,

This woman who screamed at you to get away from her deprived herself of the opportunity for a most pleasant encounter. It's her loss. Don't mourn it.

Love,
CJ

Hi Aislin--
I know a little of that experience. When I was little, I got used to trying to look tough and mean so I wouldn't be bullied. I was a very sensitive kid, and had to "protect" that.

I got so good at it that it became a way of life, though. (Think of one of Clint Eastwood's movies, as he snarls at someone.) And small children react to this, and are uncomfortable around me. I've accepted it as part of life, and work on trying to "unfreeze" my face. Since I started going out as a woman four years ago, I have experienced more acceptance in that mode. My face is not as contorted when I'm dressed, or else it doesn't seem as threatening when a tall woman looks that way. It's good to have another world to switch to, and learn from.

Anita wrote:Since I started going out as a woman four years ago, I have experienced more acceptance in that mode. My face is not as contorted when I'm dressed, or else it doesn't seem as threatening when a tall woman looks that way. It's good to have another world to switch to, and learn from.

Hi Anita,

I totally agree. I for one like that fact that that I'm less "threatening" to folks when I'm out dressed. They see a nice young black woman, but when out en drab, there are still those ignorant few who say BLACK + MALE = CRIMINAL.

CJ wrote: Lorna,

This woman who screamed at you to get away from her deprived herself of the opportunity for a most pleasant encounter. It's her loss. Don't mourn it. from.

Hi CJ,

Thanks hon!! But mourn THAT idiot? No way!! LOL...

That woman who screamed was one of those older, rich, sheltered-her-whole-life, "prissy" types. Perhaps I shouldn't make assumptions either, but it was her behavior (not her appearance) that gave me that impression. I won't ever judge a person based on his/her appearance. But their behavior is another story.

Alexandra wrote:Lorna, how about the "click" you hear from other nearby cars (people inside locking their doors) as you approach your own car in parking lots. This happens to me a lot and I often think about it happening to people of color and wonder what kind of suble message that sends.

Oh I've had that happen too...

Totally feel like a monster. I doesn't matter how you look when you're a person of color. If you look hispanic, middle eastern, indian, or a person of color american you get everything that shows fear.

In NYC I'd walk on the street (against traffic) because of the holding purses stuff. I would not ever get in an elevator alone with a white person. I try never to be on the same aisle with a white woman alone in a grocery store. I shop as early as possible to be away from white folks because of their fears. When I go shopping I ask my wife to come with me to look at something because there's a white woman by something I want to see. White women now scare me when they are alone as much I scare them I guess. The scary part is I'm not kidding. I completely shy away from them in public.

If I have on a suit or if I'm dressed en femme, no problems at all. If I'm in jeans, nice slacks, or if I had facial hair (which I don't have anymore) it was like I was Herman Munster. Now I view them as the girl in the Exorcist.

The locking of doors thing happened for the first time when I was like 15. I did it all the time when I was a young kid though, so that one is actually smart, not discrimination. It should have been locked before I got there.

The sad part about it is the fearful give power to those who have none.

So maybe I should use it as a picker upper. When I feel low I could just go out amongst the populous and walk. I could pretend like I'm the Lone Ranger. Most people fear me, but I assure in my mind, that my color is on the side of the law.

Great topic Lorna!

Beauty

Excellent thread. What an eye opener this has been for me; though I guess I really shouldn't be surprised that such bigotry still exists.

I'm Welsh but live in England. I'm lucky enough to have the same skin colour as the (thankfully few) idiots, it's only when they hear my accent that I get any comments. (Sheep jokes, always the same old sheep jokes! Don't these fools have any originality?) Still, it's all very tame compared to what some of you have to suffer.

Thanks girls!

Mandy (from wild west Wales, where the men are men and the sheep are nervous )

Mandy,

In the states you would need to be from Montana to get those kind of jokes. (Mostly from Idahoans).

Lorna,

I may have presupposed your reaction, but was caught in my own trail of tears. I know those sounds from later in life, I know folks moved to the other side of the street. It used to make me laugh when the doors locked while walking by.

I apologize if I have caused you undo pain and agony. I want you to know this:


By sharing your pain you have lessened mine. You have reached across the miles and touched me. I have broad shoulders as well, and if you ever need to lean on them they are yours.

Peace and Love

the worst I've had to bear is remarks about being goth, but I just give some verbal back.

Amanda Louise wrote:Excellent thread. What an eye opener this has been for me; though I guess I really shouldn't be surprised that such bigotry still exists.

I'm Welsh but live in England. I'm lucky enough to have the same skin colour as the (thankfully few) idiots, it's only when they hear my accent that I get any comments. (Sheep jokes, always the same old sheep jokes! Don't these fools have any originality?) Still, it's all very tame compared to what some of you have to suffer.

Thanks girls!

Mandy (from wild west Wales, where the men are men and the sheep are nervous )

It's OK Mandy, I promise I won't mention the welly boots............ OOPS!!

Hi Girls,

Lorna I can't imagine what it would be like for people like you to have to grow up in a world like that. But at the same time I can not imagine what it is like to grow up with the kind of fear that woman had who ran away screaming.

In my opinion she is less fortunate than you. She is in her own self imposed prison, to which she holds the key and does not know it.

That kind of person is unable to be a part of something like this forum is, where there is so much love and support, and as a result is not as rich as she might like to think she is.

And that kind of a person has nothing to offer that I would find attractive.