I am new to this site and I have never conversed with other CD's, so forgive me if I am a bit nervous. I am 36, and have been CD'ing since I was 5. My mother caught me a few times, not in the act, but found her clothing(which was devistating). I am straight, and I married my high school sweetheart. Before we got married, I knew this was a part of me that was not going away, so I felt she needed to know. I told her, and even showed her(a little), she said she was ok with it, but didn't want to see it. We were married after 5 yrs of being togther. She immediately got pregnant and we went on to have 3 wonderful kids. In order to take care of the kids, we worked opposite shifts. I was going to school, and working full time. I worked days, she worked nights, I went to school at night while my parents watched the kids. I would come home, collect the kids, take them home, feed them, clean the house, get them bathed, etc. Once they were asleep, it was my time. I would dress, and be the femme me. My wife would call on her breaks, and her lunch and say hi, I looked forward to that. One night, after 2 yrs of marriage, she came home, and I had fallen asleep in one of her swimsuits. She freaked. We talked several nights after that incident, and she assured me she was ok with it.(we had 1 kid and she was preganant with another at this time). After that point things were, I dunno, just different. We were still married, still had fun together, but, there was a tension in the air. Then she got pregnant again.(she really wanted kids). I went to the doc and got snipped, cause I couldn't afford anymore. We did discuss it before I did it, and she agreed, but I think she still wanted more. From the time she caught me in the swimsuit, the nightmares began. I had nightmares of me being locked in a house with no doors or windows, hearing the sounds of sex. I would go to investigate and find her riding some guy, and her laughing at me. Other nightmares would be of people or animals killing me in various ways. I would ask her if she was cheating on me, she would say "No, of course not, I love you". Well after 10 yrs of marriage and 15 yrs together, she told me she was having an affair and was pregnant with the guys kid. During the breakup I asked why? She said "Because you are a cross-dressing freak that sexually sickens me"
. That cut to the bone. We got divorced. Kids were devistated, I was devistated. I tried giving it up after that, but "she" came back. I have had 4 other gf's since then, all of them I told about me. Of the 4, 2 have really hurt me with it. On went into chatrooms, telling everyone about me, and created a false yahoo profile with my pic on it in drag. She threatened to have me beat and threatened to have my family hurt, which terrified me, cause I know she would. The other, after I broke up with her, she and I remained online friends. I had a bad night one night and was drinkin and dressed. I turned my cam on and she turned hers on. We were just taking and she told me about how much she cared about me and that she had wanted to marry me. I told her that was just not possible (she had bubbles me over earlier), she got pissed and I passed out and she called the cops telling them I wanted to kill myself. They broke into my house and beat me and they were going to take me into public in drag. THANK GOD for one paramedic who said he would cut me out of the clothes. He did and got me dressed in normal male clothes before they took me away. I went for psych eval, and the doctor said "I think this was all just a big mistake". IS THIS AMERICA? Can't I have a bad night? The cops busting in, beating me, confiscating my guns, handcuffing me, taking me away for a psych eval all on the word of an evil, mad, ex gf? I am totally rambling here. There is just to much to tell, I don't know where to start. I apologize. And just for the record, I was not trying to kill myself, I don't want to die, Any responses to this are appreciated, good or bad. I just want somewhere I can talk.
you're among friends here...