Crossdressers-Haven.com

Hi girls,

Last week I was informed that the manager of the apartments I live in wanted to speak with me. I also found out that she had mentioned that people were "frightened" of me, now that I openly dress "en femme".

I called her and asked her what was up? But she said she had a family emergency and could not talk to me until the following day. I asked her what it was in regard to, and she said she would talk to me in person. I insisted, and she told me she would not discuss it on the phone.

I had been very worried about this. This is a very family oriented apartment complex with 92 apartments, and a third of them three bedroom, and a third of them two bedroom. I was particularly concerned because I knew that she had mentioned crossdressing, and people being afraid of me.

I researched California law and quickly found out that California's Fair Housing law prohibits discrimination on the basis of
"Gender, or Perceived Gender". I set out the next morning to talk to her.

I dressed very nicely, in my best skirt, and my prettiest blouse. And got my makeup perfect. I figured if I was to be condemed, I might as well look as good as I could, doing it.

When I entered the office she was talking to one of her employees. We are on a first name basis, and she told me to sit down, she would be right with me.

A few moments later she finished with her employee and came over to the desk I was sitting at, and stood in front of her chair. We have always had a good relationship, and I considered us to be on a "friendly" basis. She knew me to be a very candid and forthright person, and respected that.

She suddenly got a big smile on her face and said "You have changed?" I told her that I had. I went on to tell her that a lot of soul searching had gone into the decision as well as a lot of therapy. She told me that she totally respected that, and was glad that I had chosen a path to make me happy.

I told her I was not gay, or bisexual(Not that there is anything wrong with that). I told her I have known since I was a kid that I was trangendered. She told me that several tenants had asked her about me, and she didn't know what to say, because she had no information. She went on to tell me that she told all of them that I had a right to live my life as I see fit, and not to harrass me, and not to let thier children harass me.

She then told me that if anyone gave me any crap at all, to tell her right away, and she would take care of it. I told her that I knew it was shocking, and perhaps the best thing would be to give everyone some time to get used to it. I told her she was welcome to share the information I shared with her about being transgendered, and that I just wanted peaceful coexistance. I told her about the girl bringing me the dress, and that all of my kids friends in the buildings already knew. I went on to tell her that really I had been treated really well, and was really not too worried about it.

She again told me that if anyone harrassed me to let her know right away, that I had a right to live in peace and not be harrassed.

I just can't tell you how uplifting this was. And best of all, my kids got to hear the story and it was uplifting to them also.

I just want to add another notch in the bedpost of acceptance, and just have to say. "How can anyone accept us? If we don't ask them to?" If we don't demand it? Yes, I was scared. But I was willing to be kicked out, to be who I am.

So far in this "coming out", none of my fears have been realized. In fact acceptance has been almost universal. I later ran into the woman who gave me the red dress in the Laundry room. Her friend introduced herself, and had a fit over me. Said I looked "So cute". I was in a black dress just above the knee. She came over and said she loved my earrings and fondled them in her fingers, and how I did my eyes. She went on to say how she loved my pastel purple nail poilish, she lifted my hand closer to her eyes and inspected them closely and was suprised what a good job I had done on them.

She went on to say that she would like to be my freind, and perhaps drink some coffee sometime. She also said she would love to "make me up". I don't look at this as a romantic encounter, but more of a chance to get some GG friends. It was a friendly exchange. Much like three women would do in a laundry room.

So? in the end, I now really feel welcome in my apartment, and now I am not worried that sometime I may get kicked out because of being transgendered. And if that were not enough, I am making new friends as my real self, for the very first time. It feels great.

If I were not so sad about the other things happening in my life, it would be perfect. But at least I have something to feel good about.

Love always,
Elizabeth

OHH MY GOD Elizabeth, you are sooo lucky

That's cool, I was a lil worried to start with but it's all good That women who gave you the red dress seems cool, you have a GG friend to do your makeup wahooooooooo lol This is just really cool, I guess it's cos you have fully accepted it that people can see your so happy and I guess that is beaming off you

*big hug* You'll have to get this lady in red lol to take some photos as well On a side note, just like you I have found that people don't care at all, I told my Doctor yesterday about my dressing and she too was cool with it, thanked me for sharing it with her and so I have another friend now who knows.

Elizabeth, have you told many blokes? I don't think I could tell any blokes about my dressing but I feel so much more comfy telling females

Your gonna have to see this women in red soon and tell us about it

Sophie xx

Yay for you Elizabeth!!!!!



(Check your PM!)

WOW! Elizabeth ,

I dont know of any of us that have come so far as yourself , when your out of the battle-zone you seem to reach incredible hights.

You are truly an inspiration

Elizabeth, honey, that brought a tear to my eye. How wonderful for you! It shows what I've always heard, "If you can't accept yourself for who you are, how do you expect anyone else to accept you?"

You are truly a pioneer and I have gained some personal strength from your story.

Thank you,
Julie

Hi Elizabeth--
That is SO inspiring to read. Like you, none of my fears have been realized around coming out, and I've had four years of experiencing people's reactions. That's not to say that everyone is comfortable around me, but there are no extreme behaviors, name-calling, and so forth.

In the very beginning, there was some laughter, and it seemed to be more of a nervous shock reaction than it was ridicule. And we have to remember that if we seem at all aggressive, it can set up fear in people.

Sometimes I get uneasy around "out there" drag queens when I'm endrab, and it surprises me to see this reaction. When I'm dressed, I don't experience this uncomfortableness, no matter how bitchy the DQs are behaving. The fact that we have little in common with drag queens is not something the general public is going to know. They just see someone who is different from anyone else they've ever seen, in many cases.

They hold their breath, waiting to see how this person behaves. When I smile and say "hi," I can see and feel their relief a lot of times. "Oh, this person isn't out of control or manic or..." whatever else they might worry about when they see a CD.

Kudos to your apartment manager!
Anita

Once again Elizabeth, you have a life to envy. Congratulations

Sophie,

My best friend is a "bloke", which I presume means "male". And my sons best friend's dad is male, my brothers are male. Yes, women are less threatened by this. I do think many men, especially the "alpha male" are scared by this, like "could this happen to me?" I mean let's face it, men don't want anyone to know where their imagination has taken them, so it can be frightening and threatening to men.

All I can say is that a big smile seems to disarm most people male or female. When people see that you are ok with yourself, it makes it easier for them to be ok with it. If you look nervous and scared, they will feel this. Fortunately for me, it makes me so happy to be out and dressed, it's hard not to smile. And when I get the occasional "look" I don't hide in shame and look away, I just smile bigger and make them look away.

I truly am not ashamed or embarrassed about who I am now. The only exception to this is court. I do wear a man's suit when I am in court, because I don't want to challenge the sensibilities of a judge who really does have the power to change my life. I would not want a judge to think I was "mocking" the court. However, If I had a letter from my psychiatrist saying I am transexual, I might feel differently, but lacking that, it is just too big of a risk. I do wear women's clothes when I am in the courthouse just to file papers and do not have to appear before a judge.

I also don't dress "en femme" when I go to my children's schools. This is strictly because they have asked me not to. When and if they feel comfortable with it, I will also be comfortable with it.

Love always,
Elizabeth

That is one of the biggest realizations that I had. When I first started Cding at home, I read a lot of websites and I came across the best advise that I have seen (other than don't worry about looking like a man in a dress because that is what you are. Just wear what makes you feel good) "There is a time and place for everything". When my closet was opened, I wanted to out myself to the world and let them deal with it but then I thought about my wife and daughter. I know that my wife has been very understanding and has given me so much letting me dress at home but if she does not want to go out with me dressed, then I don't. I know that, when the time comes, I will not take my daughter to school while I was dressed.

I think that someone should come up with a "common" list of things all CD'ers go through (if they have not already). For example, getting over the guilt of dressing, realizing that there is a time and place for everything, and one of the most importiant, realizing that you are not alone.

I am making new friends as my real self, for the very first time. It feels great.
If I were not so sad about the other things happening in my life, it would be perfect. But at least I have something to feel good about.

Elizabeth,

What is happening, and needs to happen here is that you are leaving a un-fulfilling, destructive, and un-satisfactory life for a more rewarding life. And that needs to include the elimination of some people, (from your life). Where you are going they can not follow, they can not be a part of your new found freedom. And that is their lose, you need to let them go. If you are unable to do that you will not be able to reach your full potential, of who you really are.

Any lose or sadness you feel should eventually be due the understanding that these folks are stuck, and as long as this remains the situation, are condemned to live an unhappy life.

Rejoice Sis. Kick up your heels Celebrate your new found freedom.

Oh Elizabeth, I am so happy for you. {{{{}}}}

Anne

Elizabeth, What a suspenseful post, Wow!!!! I was pulling for you with the little purse and recorder , Yeah will get em.... Then to hear that she was there to help protect you and your family. What a time it must of been , I bet you wanted to jump up and hug her. This is the coolest yet, you are our pioneer, pushing to the limits and we'll have to follow you. Good for you and your kids, congratulations on another milestone in you new life. WOW!!!!! I am in amazement again, about you. You handle things so well. .....your friend,........ Kristen

Hi Elizabeth,

I am so jealous of the life you have made for yourself. I go out sometimes en femme but not to the point that anyone knows who I am or relates the two of us. I am always concerned about the reaction that would have on the rest of my life. As I said, I am jealous because I don't have the guts myself.

I am truly happy for you and hope you continue to tell us of your exploits.

What can I say girl!!??? To see where you were, the trials and tribulations you have endured and where you are now = God, I am so proud of you!!!!Now I want you to ease up for a while as I am just about all cried out - tears of joy mind you,

EVERYONE MEET ELIZABETH - OUR RESIDENT OAK TREE!!!

Love ya,
Virginia

Elizabeth, Elizabeth, Elizabeth,

YOU SO ROCK!!! OMG!! That is just so wonderful.

I also like how you decided to manage other parts of your life. It shows you are using wisdom. BRAVO! What I mean is how you show up to school and how you show up to court.

BRAAAAVO!!!! I agree with everyone who has thrown accolades at how impressive, brave, outstanding, and awesome you are!

What a dream it is to have you here.

YAY US!!! Ooops.. Selfish moment!

Beauty