Posted: Fri Oct 01, 2004 2:17 am
Julie,
I have read so many of your posts that I feel like I know you already. I can relate so well to so many of the things you have said. Me and my wife finally split.
It was hard for me to accept that she could never enjoy her life with the embarrassment of being married to a crossdresser/transexual, but I finally realized that it is not her fault. Not any more that it is my fault what I feel.
The truth is, I really love her and because we basically raised each other, I was afraid to be without her, and in many ways I still am. I also know that I can never find who I truely am, with her. It makes me incredibly sad, but I do finally understand, and have decided not to hold it against her that she could not accept me. I am sure if she could, she would have.
I am to the point where I just want to end the pain. I want to get to where we can have a civil relationship and our kids can feel love from both of us, without feeling guilty. I know she really loves them, and I know they really love her.
I know we made those children out of love, and I will cherish that. I know she will always have a spot for me in her heart, and I hope she too can heal and find some kind of happiness that she could not have with me.
As for me? I don't really know. I have been dressed "en femme" for a couple of months now, and it really feels good. My kids, friends and public have been really accepting. My children have been particularly supportive and have noticed how much happier I am dressing how I feel. My family has not been so good.
It basically ended my relationship with my brother whom I have been so close to. He just can not accept this about me. He looked to me as a "Man's Man" and says he just can't accept me as a woman. Perhaps in time, who knows?
My older sister who was one of the ones that dresssed me as girl when I was 2-3 has totally accepted me. She came to visit me from Wyoming with her two adult children and husband. They had no problem going out to dinner with me "en femme" and they all said it was really no big deal, I seemed the same the them. In fact she was upset that I had not chosen the name they gave me at the time they dressed me "Linda" But the truth is, I totally forgot about the name.
My Brother just younger than her has accepted me, and has encouraged me to be myself, and beleives I will come out of this shining. He has extended his hand in friendship, but we have a checkered past. We owned an electrical contracting business together in the mid eighties. He became addicted to cocain and spent all he money and took the company down. It cost me a bundle.
He only got back on his feet a few years ago, after many years of not working, living with my mom. I gave him a job a couple of times and tried to encourage him, but he ended up causing me problems both times, quiting one time, and filing a grievence with the Union another time that cost my company a bundle, and really made me look bad.
It was not until last year that he apologized for the wrongs he did to me, and said he wanted to rebuild the relationship we once enjoyed. I see this as a positive developement. But we are proceeding very causiously, as he has burned me many times.
I am not sure I have any good advice, because I continually question my own decisions. I see your situation very much like mine. These are such personal decisions, and the variables vary so much, that it is impossible to say what another should do. It is obvious to me that you are a very strong person, and have an abundance of compassion, and empathy, and love. Share a little with yourself.
Julie, for some reason, just because you are an electrician, I feel an automatic kinship with you. I have seen you on other forums that you moderate, and can see you are a pillar of strength to the CD/TG/TS community. I wish you love and peace.
Love always,
Elizabeth
I have read so many of your posts that I feel like I know you already. I can relate so well to so many of the things you have said. Me and my wife finally split.
It was hard for me to accept that she could never enjoy her life with the embarrassment of being married to a crossdresser/transexual, but I finally realized that it is not her fault. Not any more that it is my fault what I feel.
The truth is, I really love her and because we basically raised each other, I was afraid to be without her, and in many ways I still am. I also know that I can never find who I truely am, with her. It makes me incredibly sad, but I do finally understand, and have decided not to hold it against her that she could not accept me. I am sure if she could, she would have.
I am to the point where I just want to end the pain. I want to get to where we can have a civil relationship and our kids can feel love from both of us, without feeling guilty. I know she really loves them, and I know they really love her.
I know we made those children out of love, and I will cherish that. I know she will always have a spot for me in her heart, and I hope she too can heal and find some kind of happiness that she could not have with me.
As for me? I don't really know. I have been dressed "en femme" for a couple of months now, and it really feels good. My kids, friends and public have been really accepting. My children have been particularly supportive and have noticed how much happier I am dressing how I feel. My family has not been so good.
It basically ended my relationship with my brother whom I have been so close to. He just can not accept this about me. He looked to me as a "Man's Man" and says he just can't accept me as a woman. Perhaps in time, who knows?
My older sister who was one of the ones that dresssed me as girl when I was 2-3 has totally accepted me. She came to visit me from Wyoming with her two adult children and husband. They had no problem going out to dinner with me "en femme" and they all said it was really no big deal, I seemed the same the them. In fact she was upset that I had not chosen the name they gave me at the time they dressed me "Linda" But the truth is, I totally forgot about the name.
My Brother just younger than her has accepted me, and has encouraged me to be myself, and beleives I will come out of this shining. He has extended his hand in friendship, but we have a checkered past. We owned an electrical contracting business together in the mid eighties. He became addicted to cocain and spent all he money and took the company down. It cost me a bundle.
He only got back on his feet a few years ago, after many years of not working, living with my mom. I gave him a job a couple of times and tried to encourage him, but he ended up causing me problems both times, quiting one time, and filing a grievence with the Union another time that cost my company a bundle, and really made me look bad.
It was not until last year that he apologized for the wrongs he did to me, and said he wanted to rebuild the relationship we once enjoyed. I see this as a positive developement. But we are proceeding very causiously, as he has burned me many times.
I am not sure I have any good advice, because I continually question my own decisions. I see your situation very much like mine. These are such personal decisions, and the variables vary so much, that it is impossible to say what another should do. It is obvious to me that you are a very strong person, and have an abundance of compassion, and empathy, and love. Share a little with yourself.
Julie, for some reason, just because you are an electrician, I feel an automatic kinship with you. I have seen you on other forums that you moderate, and can see you are a pillar of strength to the CD/TG/TS community. I wish you love and peace.
Love always,
Elizabeth