Hi Girls
I have somewhat of a dilemma I have been pondering over for a while, and I would like all of your input to help me resolve it. The people from my work, and my counselor, have suggested I write a book about my life. It really has been interesting. Like I said in my "beginnings" post, I have been CD'ing since I was 5. It is a major part of my life, although I have kept it hid from most. My parents know, 6 women on my yahoo chat list know, my ex gf's know, my brother in-law knows, and my boss knows. Very few of them have seen it. Most importantly, my kids DON'T know. My counselor, and friends online think it would be very theraputic for me to write such a book, but writing this book would be the equivalent of coming out of the closet to everyone. I am scared to do that. I know this is a part of me that will never go away, and any GG that sticks with me is going to have to accept, but letting the whole world in on it is a big step. I don't know if I am ready to make that step. I wrote a lot about my life in the "beginnigs" post and I dont want to repeat it here. Since I have been divorced, my life has been a series of joy and nightmares. Thinking I have found the right one, only to find out it wasn't so. Each one I cared deeply about, and it wrenched my heart when we broke up. I will say none of them were explicitly broke up due to my CD'ing, except for my ex-wife, where she made it clear, that it turned her off enough to find another man. I have had 4 serious relationships since then, and each didn't work out for one reason or another. One woman threatened to kill me and my family, another got me arrested, Suicide attempts, Drinking, Nights at the bar, etc. Should make for some interesting reading. Several co-workers have expressed interest and said they would buy my book. I don't know, is it worth it? Aunts, uncles, cousins all knowing? Kids knowing? All co-workers knowing? I haven't started the book yet, but I am thinking about writing it for the theraputic value, and just not publishing it. The kids can publish it when I am dead, and get what money they can from it maybe. I would just like to hear all of your input to help me make a decision.
Off topic, Beauty, under another topic, thanked me for remaining civil in a post. If I come off as not being civil, I totally apologize if I don't seem civil in some of my posts. It is not my intent. I really have a deep appreciation for this place to come and talk, and even to vent. I have strong emotions at times, and need to get them out. If I have offended anyone on this board, SO's or otherwise, my deepest apologies. I think you are all wonderful people, and some of the most caring and amazingly thoughtful people I have ever met. Maybe a topic should be created, "A Place To Vent", where we can just go and get our frustrations out without offense?
I don't know what else to say. I hope I can remain and enjoy the message board here and all y'all bring to it. It is a bit of a sanctuary for me. Bless you all.
-- Laura
Should I go public by writing a book?
Moderators: KimberlyS, CathyAnn
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Laura Ashcroft
- Miss Emerald Goddess
- Posts: 153
- Joined: Mon Sep 20, 2004 8:35 pm
- Location: Montana
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CJ
- Miss Diamond Goddess
- Posts: 3562
- Joined: Sun Nov 02, 2003 11:12 pm
- Location: Montreal, Quebec, Canada
Hi all,
Laura,
Your post is fine here, considering your main concerns are the fear you feel at the thought of coming out by writing a book as well as your evaluation of writing as a therapeutic activity.
Writing is therapeutic. I highly recommend people take up "journaling." Here are a few tips, from therapist Ray Bruce.
Strange But True: Improve Your Health Through Journaling
by Ray Bruce, Ph.D. ( 5/28/98 )
You may already know that personal writing will improve your emotional health, but recent studies completed by scientists at Southern Methodist University and Ohio State University College of Medicine have proven that writing contributes directly to your physical health too.
Tests conducted by a team of clinical psychologists and immunologists demonstrated that subjects who wrote thoughtfully and emotionally about traumatic experiences achieved the following results:
- increased T-cell production;
- a drop in physician visits;
- fewer absentee days;
- generally improved physical health.
According to these studies, writing about your deepest thoughts and feelings in a personal, private notebook is a powerful tool for you to add to your healthful living tool chest.
Journaling or personal writing takes many forms. Its history is rooted as far back as the 10th Century in Japan when "Pillow Books" were used to record daily lives and thoughts. Today, the term journaling is usually used for personal writing that explores the inner world of the Self. Psychologist Ira Progoff, is generally credited with being the father of modern journaling. As a student of psychoanalyst Carl Jung, Progoff's work provided a way for individuals to explore ideas, thoughts, and dreams.
Here are some tips for you on how to use a journal for your health.
Most men resist personal writing until some traumatic experience, such as divorce, serious illness, a change in the job or work environment, or the death of a friend or loved one, forces them to seek extra help. Even everyday frustrations can provide topics for your writing. Journaling works every time it's used.
You don't need special tools or abilities. You can use any notebook or paper for your writing. Although there are many blank books available in stationary and book stores, notebook paper or a class notebook will work just fine. Since journaling is for your own use, spelling, handwriting, and grammar are not major concerns. The purpose of writing in the journal is for you to get your feelings and experiences down on paper. You're not writing for a grade or for review by someone else.
Writing in a journal uses simple techniques. Here are three that will get you started.
Reflective Writing:
Be an observer of your life. Write about events that are happening to you or around you, in a way that helps put them into perspective. This is especially effective when writing about life changes, job or career, relationships or illness.
Begin writing with the phrase, "It was a time when...," then let yourself describe the event in detail, use as many of your senses as possible. What were the sounds, smells, sights, feelings, etc. that were present?
Write about the event as though you were observing yourself. Use "she" and "he" rather than "I" in your sentences. Describe the activities as an outside observer. Frequently this helps give perspective to an otherwise very personal experience.
Cathartic Writing:
Write about your feelings, all of them. Put your pain, fear, anger, frustrations, and grief down on paper. Say what you want to say, need to say, on the page. The journal won't judge or criticize you. You can use it as a safe place to let out everything you feel. Sometimes you may choose to throw away your writing, or burn it as a rite of letting go of the event or feeling disrupting your life. Let your intuition lead you in your writing, and in what to do with the words once you've written them. Try it when you're feeling joy and gratitude, too.
Begin with the phrase, "Right now I feel...," then let yourself write whatever comes out. If you run out of feelings, re-read what you've just written and then write the next thing that comes to mind.
Unsent Letters:
You can write a letter in your journal to a person, place, event, or belief. The journal gives you a powerful way to express what you experience and feel about any situation. Your journal will give you a place to express your true feelings when you may not feel comfortable doing it more directly. This technique is especially helpful in dealing with death or divorce. These are situations where we may not be able to talk with the person directly. It it also a powerful way to process the emotions that come up on the job or in a relationship. How about frustrations with your kids?
Begin with a salutation, just as you would if you were writing a letter, "Dear....". Then let your pen and paper lead you. You may be surprised at the power and clarity you experience from your writing. Your journal may be just a starting place for a whole new level of communication with others.
While you are writing, or after you've written, you may feel deep emotions. They're normal and healthy. In fact, the emotional release is just what contributes to the healthy impact of journaling. If you want to do more with what you've written, share it with a friend, counselor, clergy or physician. Your writing is for your health, not for public display. Make sure that members of your household know that you're writing in your journal and that you want it to be private. You will find that others are very respectful of your writing, especially when you ask them to treat it that way.
Add journaling to your tool kit of ways to keep yourselfhealthy. Its benefits will go far beyond the pages you fill.
You know, in a way, this forum, right here, is a journal to many of us. In sharing our pains, difficulties, joys, desires, frustrations, all in a very public manner, we are, in effect, journaling. There are many, many times when I posted something in reply and was amazed to notice, for the first time it seems, that I actually thought or believed this or that. Writing--whether for an audience or for your eyes only--makes explicit half-formed thoughts, ideas, and feelings by forcing you to engage in what I call "archeology of the soul," a digging a little deeper into your own self. It's always worth the time and effort; it leads to self-knowledge.
About going public, well, just put everything in the balance. Are the risks manageable enough for you to be comfortable with this? Bosses and in-laws are one thing but if you can imagine being fine in dealing with the reactions of, say, the parents of your children's friends, for example, then I think you should consider it. I guess it also depends on how widely you intend to "broadcast" this book.
I was asked by a controversial British-Columbia writer and environmentalist if I would give her permission to write a book about the relationship between me and her daughter, an ex-GF of mine. Why? Well, I imagine because, as an openly gay grandmother (jailed at the age of 75 for blocking logging trucks), she's fascinated by the implications of her daughter's (sexual orientation not specified) twenty year friendship with a straight crossdresser (yours truly). This woman is a successful, published writer so I believe her eventual book would reach a fairly wide audience. I gave her my permission because I think she'll handle it in a sensitive manner (we both respect each other tremendously).
Writing, of course, is cathartic. Going public, "coming out," is even more so, despite the risks. Phrased another way, your question, Laura, looks like this: Do I want to take a chance on being myself, if being myself includes letting others know who I truly am so that I can relate to them on a more authentic basis? If so, do it; if not, then don't.
Whatever you choose to do, I wish you luck and success.
Love,
CJ
Laura,
Your post is fine here, considering your main concerns are the fear you feel at the thought of coming out by writing a book as well as your evaluation of writing as a therapeutic activity.
Writing is therapeutic. I highly recommend people take up "journaling." Here are a few tips, from therapist Ray Bruce.
Strange But True: Improve Your Health Through Journaling
by Ray Bruce, Ph.D. ( 5/28/98 )
You may already know that personal writing will improve your emotional health, but recent studies completed by scientists at Southern Methodist University and Ohio State University College of Medicine have proven that writing contributes directly to your physical health too.
Tests conducted by a team of clinical psychologists and immunologists demonstrated that subjects who wrote thoughtfully and emotionally about traumatic experiences achieved the following results:
- increased T-cell production;
- a drop in physician visits;
- fewer absentee days;
- generally improved physical health.
According to these studies, writing about your deepest thoughts and feelings in a personal, private notebook is a powerful tool for you to add to your healthful living tool chest.
Journaling or personal writing takes many forms. Its history is rooted as far back as the 10th Century in Japan when "Pillow Books" were used to record daily lives and thoughts. Today, the term journaling is usually used for personal writing that explores the inner world of the Self. Psychologist Ira Progoff, is generally credited with being the father of modern journaling. As a student of psychoanalyst Carl Jung, Progoff's work provided a way for individuals to explore ideas, thoughts, and dreams.
Here are some tips for you on how to use a journal for your health.
Most men resist personal writing until some traumatic experience, such as divorce, serious illness, a change in the job or work environment, or the death of a friend or loved one, forces them to seek extra help. Even everyday frustrations can provide topics for your writing. Journaling works every time it's used.
You don't need special tools or abilities. You can use any notebook or paper for your writing. Although there are many blank books available in stationary and book stores, notebook paper or a class notebook will work just fine. Since journaling is for your own use, spelling, handwriting, and grammar are not major concerns. The purpose of writing in the journal is for you to get your feelings and experiences down on paper. You're not writing for a grade or for review by someone else.
Writing in a journal uses simple techniques. Here are three that will get you started.
Reflective Writing:
Be an observer of your life. Write about events that are happening to you or around you, in a way that helps put them into perspective. This is especially effective when writing about life changes, job or career, relationships or illness.
Begin writing with the phrase, "It was a time when...," then let yourself describe the event in detail, use as many of your senses as possible. What were the sounds, smells, sights, feelings, etc. that were present?
Write about the event as though you were observing yourself. Use "she" and "he" rather than "I" in your sentences. Describe the activities as an outside observer. Frequently this helps give perspective to an otherwise very personal experience.
Cathartic Writing:
Write about your feelings, all of them. Put your pain, fear, anger, frustrations, and grief down on paper. Say what you want to say, need to say, on the page. The journal won't judge or criticize you. You can use it as a safe place to let out everything you feel. Sometimes you may choose to throw away your writing, or burn it as a rite of letting go of the event or feeling disrupting your life. Let your intuition lead you in your writing, and in what to do with the words once you've written them. Try it when you're feeling joy and gratitude, too.
Begin with the phrase, "Right now I feel...," then let yourself write whatever comes out. If you run out of feelings, re-read what you've just written and then write the next thing that comes to mind.
Unsent Letters:
You can write a letter in your journal to a person, place, event, or belief. The journal gives you a powerful way to express what you experience and feel about any situation. Your journal will give you a place to express your true feelings when you may not feel comfortable doing it more directly. This technique is especially helpful in dealing with death or divorce. These are situations where we may not be able to talk with the person directly. It it also a powerful way to process the emotions that come up on the job or in a relationship. How about frustrations with your kids?
Begin with a salutation, just as you would if you were writing a letter, "Dear....". Then let your pen and paper lead you. You may be surprised at the power and clarity you experience from your writing. Your journal may be just a starting place for a whole new level of communication with others.
While you are writing, or after you've written, you may feel deep emotions. They're normal and healthy. In fact, the emotional release is just what contributes to the healthy impact of journaling. If you want to do more with what you've written, share it with a friend, counselor, clergy or physician. Your writing is for your health, not for public display. Make sure that members of your household know that you're writing in your journal and that you want it to be private. You will find that others are very respectful of your writing, especially when you ask them to treat it that way.
Add journaling to your tool kit of ways to keep yourselfhealthy. Its benefits will go far beyond the pages you fill.
You know, in a way, this forum, right here, is a journal to many of us. In sharing our pains, difficulties, joys, desires, frustrations, all in a very public manner, we are, in effect, journaling. There are many, many times when I posted something in reply and was amazed to notice, for the first time it seems, that I actually thought or believed this or that. Writing--whether for an audience or for your eyes only--makes explicit half-formed thoughts, ideas, and feelings by forcing you to engage in what I call "archeology of the soul," a digging a little deeper into your own self. It's always worth the time and effort; it leads to self-knowledge.
About going public, well, just put everything in the balance. Are the risks manageable enough for you to be comfortable with this? Bosses and in-laws are one thing but if you can imagine being fine in dealing with the reactions of, say, the parents of your children's friends, for example, then I think you should consider it. I guess it also depends on how widely you intend to "broadcast" this book.
I was asked by a controversial British-Columbia writer and environmentalist if I would give her permission to write a book about the relationship between me and her daughter, an ex-GF of mine. Why? Well, I imagine because, as an openly gay grandmother (jailed at the age of 75 for blocking logging trucks), she's fascinated by the implications of her daughter's (sexual orientation not specified) twenty year friendship with a straight crossdresser (yours truly). This woman is a successful, published writer so I believe her eventual book would reach a fairly wide audience. I gave her my permission because I think she'll handle it in a sensitive manner (we both respect each other tremendously).
Writing, of course, is cathartic. Going public, "coming out," is even more so, despite the risks. Phrased another way, your question, Laura, looks like this: Do I want to take a chance on being myself, if being myself includes letting others know who I truly am so that I can relate to them on a more authentic basis? If so, do it; if not, then don't.
Whatever you choose to do, I wish you luck and success.
Love,
CJ
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DonnaT
- Miss Great Goddess
- Posts: 8222
- Joined: Fri Sep 17, 2004 11:04 am
- Location: No. Virginia
The idea is a good one. I don't see a problem with your kids, etc. Why would they read a bood written by "Laura Ashcroft" describing her life? The same for co-workers not in the know. Usually, folks will read the Preface before buying the book, and as long as it describes what the reader is in for, most not in the lifestyle would probably not buy it.
Plus you don't have to use your real name in the pages, if it really worries you.
Plus you don't have to use your real name in the pages, if it really worries you.
DonnaT
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Jassmine(SO)
- Miss Golden Goddess
- Posts: 626
- Joined: Wed Jun 30, 2004 10:13 am
- Location: Irving
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Virginia
- Goddess of the Universe
- Posts: 5543
- Joined: Tue Feb 24, 2004 4:06 pm
- Location: Strange Magic Hill
I agree with CJ, writing can be theraputic and I hate to be a downer, but the writng is one aspect - good!!! Getting a book published?! Well that is an entirely different animal! MOst publishers will look at the potential of how many copies will be sold, they care not for the content! Our universe is relatively small and even if what 60%, 70% of us bought the book - probably would not make the NYT Best Seller List. BUT Go for it You don't want to be 10 years down the road and say God! If I had only.........."
You get one shot at this veil of tears - tear it a new one!!!!
Go Girl!!!
Virginia
You get one shot at this veil of tears - tear it a new one!!!!
Go Girl!!!
Virginia
First star to the right, then straight on 'till mornin!
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Alexandra
- Miss Ruby Goddess
- Posts: 1149
- Joined: Thu Aug 14, 2003 8:27 pm
- Location: In Monolith We Trust
