Suffering in Silence

Elizabeth · Post by **Elizabeth** » Sun Nov 07, 2004 12:59 am

Hi girls,

I just wanted to start a thread for all my sisters who are suffering in silence out there. I remember coming to this site in the middle of the night, and erasing the history so no one would know that I had been here after I left. I remember being afraid to click on a link, because it would be me admitting I was a crossdresser, to the whole world.

Besides, I had seen crossdressers and transvesttites on TV, I was not like them. I was not gay. I did not have breasts. I was not interested in becoming part of a show somewhere.

I was a guy who wore girls underwear. I was a guy who used to dress up, but whose wife insisted that he not. I mean, I wasn't really a crossdresser, or a transexual, even if I did spend most of my life wanting and wishing I were a girl. I was married, and had kids, and a career. How could I be a crossdresser? or worse what if I really am a transexual?

But this site was different. There were no ads for clothing, or shoes in large sizes. No links to adult sites. In fact no advertising at all. So I got up my courage and I clicked on "New Memebers". I was really afraid, what if there were tracking cookies? What if somone, mostly my SO found out I had been here? That would be an admission.

But when I opened that first thread what I read was not at all what I was expecting. This was nothing but warm welcomes, and an effort to make new comers who had the courage to post, unlike me, feel welcome and safe. I could not beleive my ears, so to speak. This did not sound like weirdos, or sideshow acts. This sounded like caring women, telling others that they were welcome, here, and safe. And that the help and support they were looking for was here.

I was still scared. I did not read long, for fear I might get caught. But I felt compelled to return. And I did return. And I read some more. And the more I read, the more I realized that there were many here, just like me. I was not alone in the world. I could not beleive how many of us there were. People struggling with all these feelings in a world that would not accept us.

I kept returning, I could not get enough. It was like the doors to the world had been opened for me, and all of the sudden I seen the world through new eyes. I now could see possibilities that I could not see before. There were men like me, living thier lives as women. I had only dreamed of this. They dressed and went out. Then returned to thier male lives during the day, or week. There were understanding SO's who accepted thier husbands crossdressing, to different degrees.

But mostly what I seen and felt, was a lot of love. And this love made me decide to be a part of this wonderful place. There are many of you who have witnessed my entire journey so far, and others who have seen it from various points, up until now. I have made a strong effort to give back to my fellow sisters here, but I must confess that I have given far less than I have been given.

Lately I have posted things that I am ashamed of. Things so offensive that they had to be removed by the moderators. I wish to apologize to all my sisters here for that. And I wish to rededicate myself to all my fellow sisters who continue to suffer in silence, that you may come here and not read harsh words, but read the love that made me stay. Because it was this love, that saved my very life.

Love always,
Elizabeth

CJ · Post by CJ » Sun Nov 07, 2004 8:21 am

Elizabeth, your post made me cry. I'm serious.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

And, yes, to all you "silent sufferers," out there: please join us.

Love,
CJ

Love (SO) · Post by **Love (SO)** » Sun Nov 07, 2004 8:52 am

Elizabeth,

a very touching post, thank you for sharing

Terri(SO) · Post by **Terri(SO)** » Sun Nov 07, 2004 11:39 am

Yes Elizabeth, happily, this is what brought me here.

Thank you very, very much.

KathyB · Post by **KathyB** » Sun Nov 07, 2004 11:52 am

Bravo, Elizabeth!!

I'm not providing many personal details or even an introduction, because I'm currently working with a therapist (PhD), a psychiatrist (MD, MBA), and next week, an attorney (JD). I was reading something Lorna wrote recently about not having room or time for people who couldn't/wouldn't accept Lorna, and I've come to the same conclusion. My work and home lives have both been extremely

lacking over the last three years, and it's definitely time for a change. I hope to share more information with everyone, once things are moving along. All I know is, it will be difficult, and it will be quite an adjustment. But with the love and friendship that is so obvious here, I'll always have a home where I'm comfortable.

Thanks, everyone, just for being so kind.

GalicianGirl(SO) · Post by **GalicianGirl(SO)** » Sun Nov 07, 2004 12:16 pm

I am so glad that this forum has helped you!!!!

And yes you have come a long way.
You've really started to blossom!!!!

Sharon(SO)

Anita · Post by **Anita** » Sun Nov 07, 2004 2:35 pm

Thanks, Elizabeth, that is a VERY moving post. I hope that I can learn to express emotion in the way that you do, so that it moves people and inspires them.
A

SophieLawson · Post by **SophieLawson** » Sun Nov 07, 2004 5:51 pm

Elizabeth!

I can relate sooo much, thanks for such a sweet post. This place is all about happiness I think!

*hugs*

Sophie xx

Anne · Post by **Anne** » Sun Nov 07, 2004 6:15 pm

As always I wish you my best & hope I make this place a little bit better as it has helped me alot.

Hugs, Anne

Virginia · Post by **Virginia** » Sun Nov 07, 2004 10:17 pm

Ain't Elizabeth soooooo cool!!! Rock On Girl!! WE love you!!!
Virginia

Hayley · Post by **Hayley** » Mon Nov 08, 2004 3:39 am

Elizabeth,

I too feel the way you do. The Ladies here, all of them, including yourself, have helped me in ways that cannot be said easily. The hope that you all help provide is one of the greatests gifts anyone can give. It is a lifeline to those in despair. It is a shoulder to lean on in times of anguish. It is wisdom in times of doubt. And it is a friendship to last eternity.

Elizabeth, we all have watched your emotions and your journey flow like the tides. You have inspired strength, courage and determination in so many of us. We, your global sisters have watched you grow from a nervous seed to the beautiful, caring flower that blooms so bright everyday for us all. You are indeed a blessing to many of us. As are all the Ladies who offer thoughts, advice and love here.

Thank you, all of you.

Merinda · Post by **Merinda** » Mon Nov 08, 2004 5:47 am

Elizabeth,

As I said once before , you are truly an inspiration to all of us.

Loretta Ann · Post by **Loretta Ann** » Mon Nov 08, 2004 11:40 am

Elizabeth you are beautiful.

With the events of the past week behind us perhaps we can now move on as this forum begins to take on a new life.

Thanks for being part of that.

Love Darlene.

Amelie-Laveau · Post by **Amelie-Laveau** » Tue Nov 09, 2004 7:35 pm

I had just come here as a lurker, looking for a friend who just joined here. So I decided to read some threads and this one touched me.
Yes,,,i was very angry a while back,,,Yes,,,I didn't like things so much.

But this was a nice touching thread.

Amelie

Elizabeth · Post by **Elizabeth** » Tue Nov 09, 2004 8:18 pm

Hi girls,

This was a particularly embarassing post for me. It really bothers me when I act in such a way that is not consistant with my real beleifs about the person I am, and want to be. But the outpouring of love that I have received, has lessened my shame and is allowing me to heal, and move on.

Amelie,

My heart leaped with joy to see you post here again. And it makes it all worth it to me, to have to admit my worst behavior no matter how embarassing if I can make one person, like you feel like you can post here again. You have lifted me with your presence and your post. Thank you. I love you and have missed you. Welcome home!!!!

Love always,
Elizabeth