Ever since I became aware of my feelings as a CD/trans person, I have actively sought out every piece of literature I could find that was related to the subject, trying to understand myself through the mirror of others' studies and writings. Today I stumbled over an article in the November 2004 issue of Marie Claire. It's a story entitled "Radical Before & Afters: Four women who've changed their bodies, faces and lives". Three of the women are one who was obese, one who was anorexic, and an African American woman who lost all her skin pigmentation to vitiligo. The fourth is a post-op MtF transsexual. Her story is eye-opening in a lot of ways.
from macho stud to pretty woman
DONNA, 45 * Growing up as a boy, there was always something different about me. I just wasn't sure what it was until I hit puberty, and I realized I wanted to grow breasts like all the other girls. But I did what any kid does when he realizes that who he is is different from what society expects him to be. I stilled my feminine urges, joined the wrestling team, and teased girls. After college, I even got married and had a son. But about five years into my marriage, my longing to express myself as a woman slowly surfaced.
I saw a therapist, who diagnosed me as being a transsexual. In 1997, I began hormone therapy, which would help me finally develop breasts (my babies!) and learn to cry.
My wife eventually found a bill for my estrogen shots. She was angry and didn't deal with it well. When my father died, leaving me some inheritance money, I was finally able to bring Donna to life. I had several procedures, including electrolysis and facial-feminization surgery (which trimmed my jawline, brows and nose and lowered my forehead). In early 2000, my wife urged me to start divorce proceedings, so it felt like a good time to take the final step in my transition: sexual reassingment surgery, which shaped my penis into a functioning vagina. After $80,000 and hundreds of stitches, the transformation was complete.
My son had a hard time with the change, but he eventually accepted me. He even lives with me now. I'm proud that he's been willing to get to know me all over again, as Donna.
People often want to know if I'm interested in men or women (for the record, I like men). Today, my greatest joys are those everyday moments - getting called ma'am, and yes, even catching a man staring at my chest. These things just reinforce what I've always known, deep down, to be true - that I'm just like any other woman.
I'm always happy to read about other people's triumphs. Stories like that one are meant to be inspiring. I don't know how far down this partifular road I'm going to travel, but it's good to be able to see what might lie at the end of the journey. I just never realized how high a price tag that kind of happiness had. $80,000!
I've probably grossed that much money over the last four years, but I've never brought more than a fraction of it home. At current rates, I'll be in my grave before I could save up that much money. Again, I don't know if that's exactly the way I'd want to go. It's just that the sticker shock is so...
The most common form of despair comes from not being who you are. - Soren Kierkegaard
