how does it start?

[Jada]

I was wandering how does CDing start for a boy? What is it in your head that wants to put female clothes on at a young age? Somtimes i would be like cracking my head (not really) just trying to figure out why i dress? Does anybody else feel the same way?

[Marda]

Hey Jada,
~
You're probably a bit younger than me ... but I can remember back to watching my Mom get dressed ... her body and dressing / undressing rituals in her glory and lingerie was much more fascinating and entertaining than my Dad's cotton boxer shorts routine ... "vintage" lingerie I mean - not the trashy, modern, costume garbage ...
~
It's taken most of my life, until last summer when I stumbled into this forum, to learn that I'm androgynous by Universal Design ...

I'm born with G-guy plumbing fixtures ... my "nature" is a finely tuned blend of male and female attributes ... and much about my body (skin, hair, complexion colours and textures) is more characteristically feminine than masculine ...
~
I'm solidly heterosexual ... I'm legally divorced ... were I to seek a mate, I would hope she would be as solidly satisfied with her own heterosexuality as I ...

but I would also hope that privately, between us, she would think of me as her mate and lover who wears a lot of the same kinds of clothing as she does ...

maybe my ideal mate would be androgynous with G-gal plumbing and fixtures ...

perhaps you've seen some of the beautiful G-girls in the world who wear their hair short - have soft, delicate features - lean, boyish figures - wear little if any makeup, and could pass for a very pretty guy ...

of course I'm also attracted to some very classically feminine G-girls with traditional figures and a natural eye for makeup and clothing ...

whatever she would look like, publicly, I would have no problem being, and being seen as her husband ...
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although I don't know any now, I would also think it could also be OK for my ideal mate and I to associate with other couples like us ...

if past and present are any indication, I don't seem to go out of my way to associate with straight heterosexual couples ...

I have no inclination to associate with any people of the gay persuasion ...
similarly, I don't feel at all comfortable burping and farting with the hairbelly sweathogs from work over beer down at the local peeler bar ...

having managed Ladies Wear stores, I don't wish to spend much time in the exclusive company of woman, no matter what their sexual preference ...
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For me, although I don't take the time or spend the money to dress fully femme, nor do I use makeup or a hairpiece, wearing women's underwear and lingerie / loungewear is a normal, natural, everyday thing ... I wear bras that fit reasonably well without bust forms ...

Because of the harsh cultural realities at my workplace, and the risks involved in being outed, I wear all and only G-guy clothing at my work ...
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IMHO, beware of freaks and fakes who pretend to know how to explain the CD circumstance ... it's up to you to discover and/or know for yourself what your circumstance is ... for some, it's a curse - for others, it's a gift and a blessing ...

personally, I don't respect CDs who dress primarily for sexual reasons - but for a twist of their personal kaleidoscopes, they could be wearing paper bags for kicks ...

I also have no interest in or respect for people who confuse gender identity / self - a birthright, with sexual / social issues - lifestyle choice ...

to me, the inner masculine and feminine components of androgyny are naturally spiritual *and* sexual ... the physical body is a transporter for the inner being - hence, my Mr.Spaceman designation ...

just as you could look at a NASA astronaut in their spacesuit and not know what their physical body inside looks like, so you could look at me in my "birthday" suit and not know what my inner "nature" is ...

clothing, although physical, and both tactile and visual, is but an exterior and subordinate part of the innate CD circumstance ...

it would have been OK by me for my parents to have dressed me more as a G-girl, had society at large been OK with the idea ... but society wasn't, and isn't yet OK about G-guy CDing ...

so I've gone through all kinds of crap over the issue, before finally coming to where I am now ...
~
The public sees my Mr.Spaceman and calls me by my given name ... I live in stealth mode ... it used to bother me - I used to live under heavy guilt ...

Now, I'm just fine ...

"There are 8 million stories in the Naked City .. this, has been one of them."
~

/ Marda

[DonnaT]

That question is one of those "million dollar" questions.

When we are first conceived, we certain female characteristics. Various hormonal actions bring out our male characteristics, but we still have some female characteristics.

So, I just accept the fact that genetics and the chemical/hormonal actions that occur during birth cause us to retain certain fem characteristics that are stronger in some of us than they are in others.

[Joanna_S]

I agree with Donna. There has been several tv documents about this and according to them it has been scientifically proved that the way testosterone affects the fetus during pregnancy affects your later behavior. I really have no idea where the idea of trying my mom´s clothing at the age of 13 came from. But....every day I´m so happy that I´m a crossdresser and wouldn´t change it for anything

Joanna

[Jada]

I just wanted to know cause it causes problems with my wife. I dont want to throw it all away for somthing that i cant control,

[Cathy L. Anderson]

I just wanted to know cause it causes problems with my wife. I dont want to throw it all away for somthing that i cant control,

I agree with DonnaT but would also mention social factors. All men inherit in varying degrees traits which society deems female. Prenatal factors can moderate masculinizing hormonal events in utero. These biological factors give each man a variable predisposition to TG. Then add a new random variable, family structure. When you factor all these random variables together, some boys, it seems, develop transgender tendencies.

One might add an evolutionary hypothesis which speculates that, inasmuch as trangenders are present in all cultures and times, our species benefits from having "feminine men" who diversify and broaden the available social roles.

Finally, we can add that modern Western society doesn't provide good outlets for mens' feminine sides.

So much for why we do this. As for your question above, I think that what little scientific understanding we have suggests:

1. There is a genetic component to CD/TG
2. There are reasons to think the urge comes from deep, biological causes, rather than a simple moral choice.
3. There is no shame with being CD/TG.
4. Although you can stop the behavior, nodody knows of a simple, quick and effective method to stop the *desire.*

Indeed, if there is any "cure," one might well speculate that this can only come after fully admitting the desire (not necessarily the behavior) and integrating it into the personality.

Rather than focus on the behavior (e.g., purging), would it not be better to focus on the desire and its role in your personality? If your wife wants to help you, then maybe she should get to know the part of you who has the desire. Throwing clothes out, besides being expensive and frustrating, doesn't address the real issues.


Cathy

[DonnaT]

I just wanted to know cause it causes problems with my wife. I dont want to throw it all away for somthing that i cant control,

It causes problems with many of our wives. I recommend reading all the articles at http://www.3dcom.com/couples/couples.html

http://www.marybethsanford.com/sec500/pg01.html

and

http://www.marybethsanford.com/sec500/pg06.html

You'll find the above, among other sites, mentioned in the Links section of this forum.

My wifes level of acceptance grew a bit when I explained how I was born a CDer, and that there is no cure.