Ladies' Rooms

[Grace]

I’ve noticed several of you have mentioned using the Ladies’ Room while out en femme. I have done so on a number of occasions as well. My thinking was, “I’ve gotta go, I pass, I’m harmless, and the toilets are in private stalls, so I’m not violating anyone’s privacy.”

Recently, I mentioned this to my SO, and she advised me against it, pointing out two things:

1. It may be against the law. (Does anyone know if this is true?)
2. There is a possible ugly scenario that could result in injury: imagine some redneck male waiting outside the ladies’ room for his wife to come out, sees you coming out and reads you, and becomes enraged that you would encroach on his wife’s space. Following standard redneck protocol, he beats you up.

At this point, I am more reluctant to use the ladies’ facilities than I used to be. Any other opinions, insights or comments?

Grace

[Stef]

Hi Grace,

In my opinion you would be apt to run into an ugly situation by looking like a woman using the men's room. If someone had questions regarding your gender you erase all doubts by using the men's room and possibly invite trouble your way.

Hugs,
Stef

[Anita]

Hi Grace--
I'd have to agree with Stef. It seems like more problems can come up using the men's room.

There is more on this in a thread I started some months back. Unfortunately, I'm not able to paste anything into a reply (some issue with my version of AOL, I suppose.) So, no hyperlink.

The thread is titled, "I gathered up my courage," and it's under "Fun things to do while CDing." (The title is not referring to going into woman's restrooms, althought it's appropriate!)

There was some discussion of laws, "family" restrooms, and deciding which one to use and why.
Anita

[Virginia]

Hey Grace,
First the "law" varies state to state. Most of the "girls" that I know use the ladies room, but they are very "quiet' about it. Go in, find a stall and need I say FEET FORWARD!!!!" do your business, fix yourself in the stall and leave. So not apply makeup or other feminine things that draw attention. Basically get in and get out - don't visit, talk etc. As for the "red-neck" outside probably will never happen. And yes if you have a concern hold it but I would recommend like my sisters said stay out of the boys room! Sometimes it takes pre-planning like if you were going to a movie I would not recommend you drink a lot before you go or even during th film - if you are concerned about bathroom ediquette.
Virginia

[DonnaT]

Current state law does not prohibit nor permit anyone from using a restroom of choice in Oregon, however there may be city ordinances prohibiting such use.

A couple of years ago, Mayor Jim Torrey of Eugene OR threatened to veto a package of revisions to the city's human rights code if it included a guarantee of "reasonable accommodations" for transgendered people in buildings open to the public.

The mayor cited concerns about privacy and the potential cost of making accommodations to restrooms, locker rooms and showers. He also said he received a flood of mail from concerned residents about men dressed as women using women's bathrooms.

Based on national projections, the city estimates that at least 100 transgendered people live in Eugene.

Last year the city coucel again brought up the issue of protection, and there was less opposition to it. It has not been passed yet.

Note that a number of places have unisex bathrooms or family bathrooms that can be used by families with young children - as well as senior citizens, people with disabilities and transgendered people.

So you may want to scout out such bathrooms, and when the urge to go arises, use them.

Other than that, if using the ladies room, then do so quickly and get out.

Last year, the University of Oregon changed its equal opportunity statement to reflect that the university will not discriminate in education or employment on the basis of "gender identity" or "gender expression" - in addition to the previous categories of race, color, sex, national origin, age, religion, marital status, disability, veteran status or sexual orientation.

There had been complaints from transgendered students and students with nontraditional expressions of gender - women with short hair or men with long hair, for example - who said they had been challenged (harrassed) for using the "wrong" restroom.

One woman with short hair reported being pulled out of a bathroom by her backpack, by a female assailant who perceived her to be male.

Also, application forms for UO student housing now ask students to list their gender, rather than check a box marked "M" or "F."

A total of 68 governmental jurisdictions, including four states, have laws that specifically prohibit discrimination on the basis of gender identity. In Oregon, that includes two counties and four cities - with Bend joining the fold this past July.

State laws: California, Minnesota, New Mexico, Rhode Island

Laws in Oregon: Bend (passed in 2004), Lake Oswego (2003), Salem (2002), Multnomah County (2001), Portland (2000), Benton County (1990).

[RikkiOfLA]

A good idea is to contact a crossdresser support group in your area and ask them about local policies about restrooms.

I regularly use the women's restroom everywhere I go. And I have "gone" in 3 North American countries, big cities, small towns, rural areas, including very conservative places, public transit, government offices etc. Never had any problems.

[Sally]

I've used the Ladies for many years all over the country and never encountered a problem, entering, whilst in there or when leaving.

In my life, the only problems I ever encountered in Rest Rooms were back in the times when I used The Mens in male mode, this taught me never to allow my son as a child to go unescorted into a male rest room, it's unfortunate but it's a fact of life all over the world. The 'Womens' is the safer otpion IMHO.

Kind Regards.

Sally.

[DeeDee]

interesting topic, since i just asked a few girls in my group about it...Virginia is right..just do it and get out. Of course, if you must.... you should use the womans room....wearing a dress in the mens room is almost a sentence of....well..you know. Depends where you are, of course. I would be extremely cautious and scared using a womens room in a public, family type place. Genarally...i would say hold it..and avoid filling the bladder to start with:) Sometimes easier said than done.
The laws difer with states..I believe in Fla its not a problem, but still not something to flaunt.

[DeeDee]

interesting topic, since i just asked a few girls in my group about it...Virginia is right..just do it and get out. Of course, if you must.... you should use the womans room....wearing a dress in the mens room is almost a sentence of....well..you know. Depends where you are, of course. I would be extremely cautious and scared using a womens room in a public, family type place. Genarally...i would say hold it..and avoid filling the bladder to start with:) Sometimes easier said than done.
The laws difer with states..I believe in Fla its not a problem, but still not something to flaunt.

[Wendy]

Where I live, I don't think it is against the law that a man using a woman's washroom. But there are social etiquettes forbidding males from using a woman's washroom.

I figure if you can pass for a female, use the female washroom. Like others have stated, just go in, do your busines (feet facing forward !), wash your hands, and get out. If you act normal and don't behave wierd no one will even notice you.

On the other hand, if you walk into the guy's washroom dressed as a passable female, the scene may not be in your favour. A guy believing you are a female may try to hit on you, and finding out your a guy may have a negative consequence.

[Merinda]

I 've walked into a toilet block and wondered where the urinal is , then I realize OOOPPS ! I'm in the ladies ( as a man ) .
It doesn't really worry me , Women in this country will blatently barge into the mens if there is a mile long queue in theirs.

[Elizabeth]

Hi girls,

I checked the California statutes and can find nothing prohibiting the use of the ladies restroom. However the myriad of localities in the greater Los Angeles area makes it difficult to know where it might be illegal.

I have been struggling with this issue for quite a while and have either limited my outings to how long I could hold it. Or I have found several places that have unisex restrooms and have used them.

However tonight I was in a "Tommy's", fast food hamburger chain, on my way home from picking my son up and I just could not hold it. I was fully dressed as usual, Black dress, makeup. It was going to be another hour before we got home. It was kinds of a tough neighborhood in the San Fernando Valley and I did not feel safe using the men's restroom. What it really came down to was, what was more frightening, going into a men's restroom where there would be young men in thier early twenties and late teens or someone seeing me going in or out of the women's restroom.

I figured the mens restroom gauranteed a confrontation, while the women's was only a risk of a confrontation. So I chose the women's. I went with no trouble. A male employee seen me going in and said nothing, and also said nothing when I came out. I have to admit, it was a huge relief. In more ways than one.

I think now that I have confronted this, I will feel more comfortable using the women's restroom in the future.

Love always,
Elizabeth

[RikkiOfLA]

Hi Elizabeth,

In Los Angeles County, the Sheriff suggests you use the restroom you are dressed for. If you're dressed femme, use the Ladies'.

The purpose for this is to decrease the number of attacks in the bathroom. We're safer in the women's restroom.

So you made the choice recommended by law enforcement.

In California, the old laws against using the wrong bathroom have been taken off the books in the wake of what happened a few years ago. A woman sent her grandson (eight years old I believe) into the men's room at a deserted beach restroom. He never returned. Eventually, someone went in and found his body, murdered and mutilated!

Another benefit: If you're out with your girlfriend (or any lady friend), the two of you can go "powder your nose" together. This is even safer. You can keep an eye out for each other in the "loo". Once you both get used to it, it's a nice gesture, actually.

Even more convenient is sharing a fitting room when trying on clothes. We always try to grab the big handicapped one. It usually has extra seating, and more hooks. We can try things on in there in complete privacy. We don't have to go out into the store in things that don't fit so well, just to get the other's opinion. We like that.

We've even been known to be necking back there in a deserted store!

[RikkiOfLA]

Hi Elizabeth,

In Los Angeles County, the Sheriff suggests you use the restroom you are dressed for. If you're dressed femme, use the Ladies'.

The purpose for this is to decrease the number of attacks in the bathroom. We're safer in the women's restroom.

So you made the choice recommended by law enforcement.

In California, the old laws against using the wrong bathroom have been taken off the books in the wake of what happened a few years ago. A woman sent her grandson (eight years old I believe) into the men's room at a deserted beach restroom. He never returned. Eventually, someone went in and found his body, murdered and mutilated!

Another benefit: If you're out with your girlfriend (or any lady friend), the two of you can go "powder your nose" together. This is even safer. You can keep an eye out for each other in the "loo". Once you both get used to it, it's a nice gesture, actually.

Even more convenient is sharing a fitting room when trying on clothes. We always try to grab the big handicapped one. It usually has extra seating, and more hooks. We can try things on in there in complete privacy. We don't have to go out into the store in things that don't fit so well, just to get the other's opinion. We like that.

We've even been known to be necking back there in a deserted store!

[Alexandra]

well over a year ago we had a lengthly thread or two on this. I believe most people agreed that if things were to go "wrong" in a restroom (a confrontation with someone over your choice in restroom usage) it would be FAR safer to be in the women's room than the men's room.