"Hard Wired"... what if?

[Estefania]

Hello all.

As most of who may have read any of my previous postings may remember, I pretty much disagree on the idea that CDing in itself is "hard wired" into our brains. (Note: Not talking about CDing as part of the conduct in TS folks, or people who consider themselves as "transgendered". Please, all of those who really believe themselves that they should have been born females, or who believe they fit into some form of GID (Gender Identity Disorder), this is not really intended for you.)

Prompted by how I keep on seeing the "I was born a CD" thing again and again... I'm not sure if I have posted this question in here before or not, but anyway...

Ok, lets assume that there is incredible process in the medical field, and somebody can create a 100% accurate test... either by drawing some of your blood, or by a CAT scan, or any other mean... They can tell with 100% accuracy if your brain is actually hard wired to CD.

Sounds great? Sure, it does in a way... You get tested, and you get the medical proof that you were born to CD. That you have the "pink gene". You can now tell the world about your cding and everybody has to agree that it is really something that you were born with, and therefore you will have more acceptance from everybody. Is it wonderful?

However... I have 2 questions/scenarios...

A) You become (or are) the parent of a 5 yo boy. During a checkup, his pediatrician discovers that he is also carrier of that "pink gene". But... he has never shown any signs of being interested in girls clothes/activities. However, he is indeed hard wired for them! So, what to do? Do you allow nature to follow it's curse? Or do you talk to him, and tell them that you are getting him some girls clothes, because well, sooner or later he will be wanting to CD. Doesn't matter if he doesn't know it now (Or maybe he does? Is he already in denial?) You are going to be very supportive of your CDing. You can even help him from early on to avoid developing into a masculine guy... and maybe will be looking for estrogens for him as soon as he gets into his teens... Do I need to elaborate more into this "scenario"? Maybe not, I'm sure you get the idea.

B) You are so relieved, because now you can tell the world about your condition and "get away with it". Nobody can call you names anymore, because now they will know there is nothing you can do about the way you are. You were born with it. So, you are the first in line to get tested for the "pink gene test". They take your test, and then after a brief period of time, they hand you your results. But something is not right... you tested "negative" for the pink gene... no hard wiring to explain why you CD. You ask to be re-tested, but again, same negative results. What to do now? You are not a "hard wired brain" CD. You never were. What to do? Do you get back home and purge all of your stuff? No more wearing makeup, no more looking "pretty" for you... Really? If this was the scenario, would that mean that the test was wrong... or maybe, just maybe, that your cding doesn't have (in your case) a biological explanation?

All of the previous is, well, only food for thought.

Wheter you are one of those who is convinced that CDing is something you were born with, or somebody who just doesn't care for "scientific proof" about it, that's great. However, if you are somebody who may be struggling with it, take it easy... you don't need to have a reason for what you do, other than the basic answer to why we do anything we do...

Regards,
Gaby

[Loretta Ann]

Hi Gaby,

I have read with interest this post and another one of yours where you responded to another sister,

My first thought is that in order to put your thought across you have used hypothetical what if's. Which then brings me to the question that if you are right (and you may well be for some of us) What difference does this make?

Most of us have arrived where we are as a result of not being able to find anything else that would meet our needs as adequately as cross-dressing.

Now I understand from what I have read from you that you do not believe that fits you, but also by what I have read you seem to be in the minority.

For me I like to focus on the reason I enjoy this activity as opposed to why I am this way. Give me another way that I can obtain the same benefits and I would be willing to consider changing in a heart beat, (providing that way was more acceptable to society).

Would that not be a reasonable solution? Until something like that happens for me I will continue to cross-dress and not worry about why I am this way.

I am just wondering what you are hoping to accomplish with this thread?

Love Darlene.

[Virginia]

Gaby, I have to agree with my Sis, Darlene, uh! that is upto the point about having something to replace crossdressing! Threads like this make me go back and review Jung's Anima Theory and since we all have to believe in something, I believe I will have have another beer, and then have Virginia take me for a ride!

[Estefania]

Hello Darlene.

I have to say that my main reason to use the "What if" approach to this subject lies on the fact that even though lots of people has taken the "I was born this way" mantra, there is no proof of it, one way or the other. It is all a big "what if" in itself.

But you were really quick getting to the heart of the matter... the meat and bones of my thinking. Why did we ever start our CDing? And really, who cares? Even if we had some pre-disposition to it from birth or not, even if we were raised in a pro-feminine (do not confuse with a pro-feminist) environment, or we had a lack of a parent figure, etc, etc... why does that matter now that we are adults? We CD because we like to do it. Because it provides us with something that we like. Call it inner peace or content, call it excitement, arousal, joy or liberation. Doesn't matter. Being born with some hard wiring or not is not as important as being FREE to decide when to CD, and what to do about it.

Now, the chuckle on all of this is that I might have it somehow easy to claim that I was "born with it". From physical aspects to psychological aspects of my personality, I could build a rather strong case... But I do believe that the greatest gift to mankind is our freedom of choice. Those who somehow blindly express their "need" to CD based on how they (believe) have it "hard wired" into their brain are pretty much resigning to their own freedom.

I'm glad that you can get past the "I was born to..." phase, into a much more fulfilling approach to your own CDing.

You ask: "I am just wondering what you are hoping to accomplish with this thread?"

Well, nothing much. But maybe just offering some different perspective to those who may still be struggling trying to understand who they are and why they do what they do. More often than not, they will run into people provide them with all the answers... even though those may not be the right answers for them. "You were born that way." "You can't do anything about it." "Everybody else has to accept that or else they are not worth it", etc, etc.

Yes, I do agree that it pretty much be that way for some. There are those "Sons of DES", or those whose CDing is only a way to be in tune between their own perceived (female) gender and the way they look in the outside. But I just don't believe that is the case for ALL crossdressers. That's all.

Love,
Gaby

[Loretta Ann]

Hi Gaby,

Thanks for explaining where you are coming from. We are on the same page.

Love Darlene.

[Virginia]

Gaby, a contunuation of the theme. Why do "we" "struggle" with this "gift?" Again I use the analogy of a plane of existence from straight to gay/lesbian there are not doubt many variations on this plane not just the two extremes. You are right that some of my sisters, for them crossdressing is simply a sexual alternative and they will never proceed beyond that, and there is nothing wrong with that it is simply their path. Some of us seek to "take advantage" of this gift in using the feminine personna not only to make us feel good, but to extend that feeling to those that we come into contact with dressed or not. It (generally) makes us a better human being! Socio-economic structures considered, some who develped this "gift" at an early age have struggled with it all their lives and some were able to repress it or to supress it some till they die, yet others of us have simply set it free and I can only speak for myself, but I am so much the better for it. No one will convience me that I was not born this way (hard-wired) if you will. How one accepts this "gift" is that person's option in life.
Love,
Virginia

[Loretta Ann]

No one will convience me that I was not born this way (hard-wired)

I don't think anyone here is attempting to do that honey.

Why is that important to you Sis? What difference does it make?

Love Darlene.

[Virginia]

Hey, Sis,
I guess in my sometimes feeble attempt to justify it - not so much to me as I have accepted it and you know I have and you also know that I love what Virginia has done for me. I do not wish to revisit a previous thread about SO's and their acceptance or rejection. Sorry, lost my train of thought----- OH, it is just the fact that to me it is such a blessing and a positive influence on me I just have trouble (and still don't understand) my wife's total rejection of me for this? Why after 27 years I can not even make a dent in her rejection of me for having this gift? I'm sorry I just can not let it go that easy. I know all the arguements that we are responsible for our own happiness, etc., etc., but I just can't understand her total rejection and even to compound it that she has never seen Virginia or wants to. Sorry, my problem I will deal with it!
Virginia

[Loretta Ann]

Hey Sis.

Thanks for explaining where you are coming from and what is hurting you so very deeply.

It is very hard stuff to deal with, You appear to be miles ahead of your wife in the area of understanding this issue. And likely the hardest part for you will have to be needing to understand that her attitude is not your problem, and the really tough part of being able to let go of that.

Following is something that arrived in my inbox (I guess I am becoming famous for sharing these things here) I hope it will help?

Love Darlene.

=======

There was a comedy sketch I saw on television some time ago.
It involved a psychiatrist and patient.

The patient talked about all of his problems, how he was afraid
of heights and worried about losing his job and on and on.

The psychiatrist just took notes, nodded his head and listened
for the entire session. After the patient finished saying all
that he was battling against, the psychiatrist spoke.

He began to explain that his methodology is a little
untraditional in the field, but he has had great success with
his method and has written books that are well respected. Even
though he was charging $150 an hour, he said his formula and
analysis really just consisted of two words, just

"Stop It."

The patient went on to explain, "But I am fearful of heights."
The psychiatrist responded, "That's why I'm telling you to just
stop it." Each thing the patient mentioned the psychiatrist had
that one simple solution.

"Stop It."

I know that was just a parody and many of the problems of life
are a lot more complicated than that, but many things in life
are that simple.

Simple is not the same as easy.

It is just a matter of making up the mind and determining the
will strong enough to just stop it.

With some bad habits you can read all the books in the world and
get all sorts of counsel, but when it comes down to the end
result, you are going to have to just stop it.

If you want to lose weight, sooner or later after all of the
diet plans have worn off, some fattening foods you just have to
stop eating.

If you want to make better use of your time, there are some time
wasters you just have to stop doing.

If you want to save more money, there are some material items
you just have to stop buying.

The opposite is also true when procrastinating from establishing
good habits. Like Nike's motto you must "Just Do It."

And this counsel didn't cost you $150 per hour.

[Virginia]

Thanks, Sis, but as you are aware, sometimes it is easier said than done.
I think I have my act together, but you live with a woman for 27 years and you seem to develop a fondness for her . Knowing her mental condition and that her parents are in their early 80's and she is basically living with them. She is under more stress than I think my crossdressing should create.
Thanks for caring honey!
Virginia

[Absaroka]

I think that this is an interesting topic. I can't presume to answer for anyone else. But for me, I don't know if there is anything originally hardwired in me. It certainly has stayed there for a long time-over 4/5ths of my life.


Personally I think that the whole nature nurture dichotomy is a false one. I think that there are many things we may have a natural predisposition for the nurture brings out but without the environmental push they might not happen.

As for my personal life and how I feel about myself, the question is interesting but not important.

Don't think for a moment that proof that this was ingrained in our genes would make it any more acceptable. More likely it would be taken as proof of some natural inadequacy. Better sterilize those crossdressers before they pass their bad genes on and pollute society with them........What will make us more acceptable in society is further spiritual growth in society, accepting that we are as God allowed us to be regardless of how this happened and who are we to question that.

Good topic Gaby


Hugs
Andrea

[Aeryn]

This is an interesting thread since I have used the term "hardwired" on several occassions.

Hardwired is the best way for me to state it. There is something in me that is innate. Call it a genetic predispostion, a birth defect, a chemical imbalance, or whatever, but this is the way I am. I know it was not a choice I made. I may choose or choose not to engage in a behavior (dressing) but I do not choose to have feelings around dressing. I can attempt to control the thoughts, but they had to orginate from somewhere. I don't choose to have them, they just happen. Sometimes they are dormant an sometimes they are in the forefront.

Is that being hardwired? I don't know, but that is the best way for me to describe it.

aeryn

[Cathy L. Anderson]

I think "genetic predisposition" is a better term here than "hardwired." With humans, little, if anything, is hardwired in the sense that our behavior is absolutely biologically determnined.

Demosthenes was born with a severe speech impediment. Through self-discipline he trained himself to be the greatest of orators. Tyrone "Mugsy" Bogues, only 5'2", played in the NBA. Amputees run marathons. The list goes on. This is what we value and respect in others.

Nature created thousands of species that are completely determined by their genes--and only one, us, that isn't.

We CD because we like to do it. Because it provides us with something that we like.

Yes. And whatever it is that makes us seek and enjoy that feeling, or those feelings, *that* is the genetic predisposition (if there is one). But, and I think Gaby makes this point, what we actually seek is the *feeling*. The concept/definition/idea of "crossdressing" comes after the fact.

[Beauty]

Hi Gaby,

I'd say I was hard-wired, but I'm doing things that change me more than just wearing the clothing of females, so I can't really say I fit in the description as you outlined in your opening post.

If I were only a CD'r though and not someone who has done more I think I would tell my child (in your scenarios) that he did have the pink gene, but it didn't mean that he was a woman and so if he experienced any feelings that didn't feel to male, that this would explain it. I would also explain the difference between gender variances and sexual variances. Then I'd probably let him be.

If I then went and found out I didn't have the pink gene, yes I'd feel denied. I'd know I was born this way and had tried over and over to make sure I could live without this part of my life. So I'd be happy for those who had a variant of the pink gene and I'd also accept that there would one day be a discovery of a purple gene that fit me. Even if I was no longer breathing when it happened.

Great question and great thread (like others have said).

I'm so glad you're a member because of your intellect and your thought provoking threads and responses. You're one of our stars here. Thank you for shining your wisdom so brightly.

Beauty

[Violet]

First off, I would start out with heavy suspicions of the efficacy any such test and the motives of the people developing it. There isn't even a biologically-based test for homosexuality yet. ANd a damn good thing too, I would hate to hand people a way to 'weed out' the gay/TS/whatever babies before birth. I probably wouldn't even want to have it done. I'm a crossdresser. If my son were CD, I would know when he decided he wanted to dress up like a girl like daddy does. Why on earth would I need a 'test' to determine something so simple and obvious?

This really rather misses the point, I think. The point is to frame CD (or homosexuality or kink etc.) as a fact, rather than a choice. If it's a choice, the morality of it becomes a matter of public debate and possibly of public action. If it's a fact, then everyone can just deal with it and stop treating us like criminals and 'sinners' for being what we are. Whether it's a genetic, psychological, biochemical, or spiritual anomaly is unimportant. The simple reality is that CD fulfills a need in us which cannot be met any other way, a need which hurts nobody and cannot be 'cured'. Science has at least brought us to that point, of knowing that deciding between boy and girl clothes is not like deciding between chocolate and caramel on your sundae. While science certainly has more to say about what we are, that which we already know about what we are now needs social application.