I'm CDing... backward?

Eien · Post by **Eien** » Tue Apr 05, 2005 5:01 pm

Well, I think it's about time I said this to someone, and here at least it seems like I can ramble on and hopefully not confuse too many people. I won't bother with past histories or current specifics or any of that baggage, I guess I'd just like to hear what you have to say.

I know I've been dealing with some sort of transgernderist feelings for a while, and with my head screwed on straight I can honestly say while I'm not 100% comfortable being male, being female wouldn't solve anything. Looking at my feelings objectivly it's pretty obvious that I have a fairly androgeonous self image. I don't have a bloke side and a femme side, I just don't fit into either camp. I like being male a lot of the time, just not 'manly'.

The thing is, after reading posts from people here I seem to be approaching crossdressing in a rather atypical way. I don't have any desire to be pretty or effeminate, and I don't get a kick out of wearing female clothes. It's fun in the right circumstances (of which there have been only two so far), but I know I won't be able to pass for female from the front in any way shape or form, so if I do ever go out dressed again I'm not going to try and pass as long as I look reasonable for a guy in a skirt. Eddie Izzard can do it pretty well, and I think that might be at least mildly achievable for me.

What does drive it however is having padding under a bra. For some reason my head seems stuck on that, and I have seriously been thinking about getting a bra of my own (I wore a freinds' on those few occasions)and some proper forms. I have no wardrobe, and no real desire to create one, but I'm after tits? Actually, thinking about it now it's strange that my sister cottoned onto that when I told her (and greatly cofused her) about my gender identity problems a while back, but it took me longer to see it in this light. Perhaps it's also part of my thing of finding concepts and ideas attractive as opposed to tangable things.

Okay, I'm done. Congratulations to anyone who managed to wade through all that. This is one long ramble. Are there any others here who have the same mindset about crossdressing? If so how has it/is it ending up for you? Did it escalate or peeter out and under what circumstances do you actually go out properly dressed up? I'm just curious, and would like some information on what might be in store for me, being the planner that I am. I'd like to know what to prepare people for, if I ever actually need to and if I ever do bite the bullet.

Post by **DonnaT** » Tue Apr 05, 2005 6:31 pm

Welcome aboard Eien.

Wading through your post,

I am of the understanding that your desire to crossdress is mainly in the form of wearing a bra, a padded or stuffed bra. And that wearing men's clothes while wearing only the bra would satisfy your urges to CD.

Did I get that right?

Also, you wouldn't mind appearing in public in a skirt or dress, looking like a man, but would prefer to wear a bra while doing so.

Yes, there are a number of guys that do that, or have the same feelings. there are some that just want to wear panties, or just pantyhose, and even some that simply want to be able to wear a dress or skirt without all the feminine fluff, even sporting a beard.

Here's a couple of definitions for you:

Gender bender Anyone crossing the gender line who does not care about appearing 'convincing'.

Genderfuck Deliberately sending mixed messages about one's sex, usually through dress (e.g., wearing a skirt and a beard).

Eien · Post by **Eien** » Tue Apr 05, 2005 8:16 pm

Heh, yes that's it in a nutshell. Most of the drive to act more feminine in public (the walk etc.) would be to put other people more at ease, considering what I would be wearing. And I would be perfectly happy to do that, and there's the interest to see how well I could do it. I've certainly put on more masculine airs for situations before.

I'm assuming that the 'genderfuck' is generally not something this community thinks too highly of? I guiltily admit that I did that the first time I dressed up, which was also going out, and on reflection it was probably one of the stupid things I did. Aside from one girl who seemed intreaged all night I doubt it did us any favours, especially myself. After the little to drink before going out it seemed to make sense in terms of making some kind of social statement! If it's the faux pas that I think it could well be then I take the oppertunity to apologise. If not, then feel free to have a giggle at the fool that I can be sometimes.

Post by **DonnaT** » Tue Apr 05, 2005 11:04 pm

I don't think of it as a faux pas. Everyone has the right to express themselves, within the confines of the law, as they desire. If you're comfortable in a dress, while sporting a beard, then be comfortable. If you feel embarassment, then don't do it. IMHO.

Eien · Post by **Eien** » Wed Apr 06, 2005 11:50 am

Thanks Donna.

I've taken it as one of those 'live and learn' experiances.

Anne · Post by **Anne** » Wed Apr 06, 2005 5:20 pm

There is a general flavor to this all: "Do what you are comfortable doing"

I encourage you - if you'd like to get your own bra, please do so. You'll find that almost all shops worldwide will not mind a paying customer. Look at some websites if you don't know about styles, etc. and check sizing charts to get o the ballpark. You'll want to decide how big of breasts you would like - a sports type bra can go from zero to large but some other styles will bulge funny without something and will generally take one size of form.

When it comes to forms, read this faq http://www.blooberry.com/bformfaq/ - it has been around years and is written by a CDer.

Jump in a bit and let us know how it goes. Anne

Eien · Post by **Eien** » Wed Apr 06, 2005 6:59 pm

Thank you Anne. I actually have that faq saved, and it has been very helpful. Right now it's a case of needing courage, oppertunity and of course money! Disposable income isn't easy to come by right now, and I have to put paying back a debt to my parents first.

I hadn't actually thought about a sports bra. Wouldn't they be less supportive, or even sightly risky in terms of keeping position, if the forms weren't attached? There's no way I can afford attachable ones, at least not as things stand at the moment, unless I get some tape as well.

Absaroka · Post by **Absaroka** » Thu Apr 07, 2005 8:37 am

All I use is knee highs filled with birdseed but I find the sports bras work just fine and seem to fit me a lot better

Andrea

Anne · Post by **Anne** » Thu Apr 07, 2005 5:19 pm

Wal-Mart has some decent sport bras for about $6-7. Without forms, it just hugs your chest - if you get a thin flat one (not spegetti strap) then it will hide under a shirt.

If you get an old pair of pantyhose you can cut off the feet, fill with bird seed and there you go.

Eien · Post by **Eien** » Fri Apr 08, 2005 5:46 pm

Hmm, another possability to add then. No Wal-marts here, they haven't arrived in britain yet as far as I know, but it shouldn't be to hard to find an alternative.

Looking over the breasts thread ( http://crossdressers-haven.com/forums/v ... c&start=15 ) I did like the ballon/syrup idea.

Chances are I'll sit on my hands though. Being the type to obcess, making my own will only make me want the forms more! The good thing is there is always the option, if something comes up to scupper my saving plans.

Anne · Post by **Anne** » Sat Apr 09, 2005 7:11 am

ebay.co.uk maybe?

http://cgi.ebay.co.uk/ws/eBayISAPI.dll? ... 65763&rd=1

If you were to go into a shop in any larger city in the UK I'm sure they wouldn't think twice about you buying a bra. Long ago in London I did it, very nervous at first