Dressing at home has its Upsides :)

[Lorna]

Dressing at home as opposed to dressing to go out does in fact have its advantages.

1) In the comfort of your own home you can wear certain things that most likely you would be too self-conscious to wear out in public such as that tight and skimpy outfit that you won't ever let anyone see you in (I have a few of those that dont look good or fit at all but they feel great to wear nonetheless, hehe) You can dress as tacky or as gaudy or as "sluttish" as you wish and no one you see outside even has to know that you own such clothing.

Case & point: Right now I'm wearing this really low-cut black lycra 3/4 sleeve top with the word "NAUGHTY" spelled out in rhinestones across the front, this skin tight white spandex skirt, and these white 7" stiletto heels I purchased in an adult shop. (Tonight I'm playing the 'fetish' dresser role & I still enjoy doing so, even after 6 years of regular public dressing)

2) You can do your makeup as wild and crazy as you wish, you can experiment with new colors, or you can choose not to wear any makeup at all. Heck, you don't even have to shave!

3) You save money. That's a big thing for me this particular weekend as I have two upcoming birthdays next week.

I know I'm pretty much preaching to the choir (especially with those who have never been out in public) but as someone who usually goes out almost every weekend, I do have to say that staying in from time to time is quite a refreshing change.

What are some of your thoughts on this? Let's discuss!

[Joanna_S]

Hi Lorna!

I only know the advantages of dressing at home ´cause I´ve never gone out dressed as a woman. I´m not sure if I could handle the situation, it might just be too much. So far dressing at home has been enough and although my wardrobe is full I don´t have any outer garments , boots or something like that.

My idea of what is considered to be feminine in clothing is far from fashionable. I love lady like clothing , pleated skirts, decorated blouses etc. If I was to go out dressed I should get lots of new clothing. As you said, it´s so easy at home. You can dress as you like and wear exactly what you enjoy most.

Anyway meeting other crossdressers face to face is an interesting and exciting thought. Who knows what the future brings; maybe one day I have the courage to participate some CD gathering. It would be safer too because I don´t think I could ever pass as a woman. I´ve long slim legs and I´m not robust, my face isn´t very masculine either with quite small jaw but I´m too tall ( 6ft2). You could say there are female basketball players longer than me and that is definitely true. It might just be an excuse because I don´t have the guts to go out yet.

Joanna

[Beauty]

Hi Lorna,

All good points. I too love to come home after a long day and dress and just feel comfy. I've heard that women's fabrics are getting to be closer to men's fabrics these days, so I do my best to make sure it's something soft and loose fitting mostly, but I do occasionally wear something tighter than normal, but it does fit with being something I'd wear around the house.

Can I say my dressing was always so causual. No!

Beauty

[Loretta Ann]

Thank you for this topic Lorna,

It gives me an opportunity to discuss something that has being on my mind for a while now that I think would fit here.

Make up has nothing to do with being a woman. It is a mask that has been accepted by society. It serves no other purpose than to make someone look different than what they actually are. Many women do not use it, but it is a must for most cross-dressers if they aspire to pass at all.

And while it might help you look more like a woman. Other than perhaps in ones mind it does nothing to make one feel like a woman, and therefore is not necessary at home.

Yes dressing at home has it's advantages. And I can not speak of the advantages of passing because for me there are to few to make it worth the effort.

Love Darlene.

[Beauty]

Hi Darlene,

Often when SOs read here they read statements like the one you made above and often mis-read it as somewhat hostile towards women. In other words it could be read as, "Women who use make up are only wearing masks." I'm only saying this based on what I've read in a Place For Togetherness and the SO section before it went private.

So to help some of them learn when they read statements like that, can you expound on what you meant? I'm absolutely positive you didn't meant that... Ok, I thought "I hope I'm not wrong" which means I'm not absolutely positive, but I'm pretty sure that's not what you meant.

What do you mean when you say makeup is a mask and makeup has nothing to do with being a woman?

From my personal experience I have to say the scent of makeup is very pleasant and soothing. It does help my skin look even toned too (foundation). Eye makeup helps bring out certain qualities of my eyes, blush sure can make cheeks look a little more pronounced, and we all know lipstick when applied right can give lips a little life. For me it's not a mask at all. When I dress day to day I don't wear too much. If I were to go out to a club though, I'd say that would be more of a mask if I were going to go wild or something.

Just as an FYI, I agree with you and I don't think makeup means you're automatically a woman. I do know it does make me feel more feminine. I don't think the majority of women use makeup for a mask, but instead use it to enhance what they already have.

Thanks for listening. I anxiously await your response... well.. unless you're going to yell at me.

Beauty

[Absaroka]

I have to go back to something Anita said which puts a lot of what it might mean to be a woman in perspective. She commented that she will dress en femme in public in order to be perceived one way but at home will dress en drab for comfort and relaxation. Which is what a lot of women do also. To me this is fascinating because it starts to talk about gender as a social construct and how we may relate to the world somewhat differently based on gender, thus much closer to the heart of what is it to be a woman or a man.

Diedre McClosky talked about this some in Crossings. Case in point was a meeting of a cross dressing group and wives. After dinner the men sat around en femme talking while the wives did the dishes. Seeking to be more womanly she went and did the dishes, thus breaking a bunch of rules...........Personally I thought that there was too much man bashing in her book but it was about her perceptions not mine.

What does this have to do with the makeup issue? That gender is about something far deeper than appearance. I remember reading about some woman talking about going on a safari and wearing makeup in the wilderness. People told her this was silly and her response was that if it made her feel good about herself then she should do it and not feel ashamed of being a woman. On the other hand the idea that she needed to look "pretty" to feel good about herself is a curse that a lot of women are saddled with and I think that has something to do with the whole makeup as mask issue.

Sorry to get so heavy here. I quite enjoyed Lorna's topic and agree with her completely about dressing at home. I enjoy looking at myself in the mirror when I dress but have to admit to get everything actually pulled together ( just getting clothes that are long enough for me at 6"-3" is a challenge) would be a lot of work and if I was to go out en femme I would probably get real lazy real fast and do the same blue jeans and tee shirt thing I do as a guy

Hugs and no disrespect to anyone

Andrea

[Anne]

Good topic Lorna

When I was at the point of trying to get my wife to accept, I rounded out my lingerie with clothing that would be feminine casual, skirts, & jumpers(US jumpers, not sweaters ). While not getting the acceptance I still keep that in mind as far as how every day life so to speak might be like.

But a few items are more for "dress-up" without thought of going out. I found a mauve long prom type dress recently & got shoes to match. I've got leather pants & a pleather skirt. Such items could go out some day on Halloween or a ball but most likely satisfy my desire to try different looks, to give the person within a change to see what it would be like without societies criticism.

I was thinking that it might be cool in a sci-fi way if people all of a sudden didn't care what other people wore. But then I realize that people not caring would mean there would be little need to dress differently as no one would care (hope that makes sense). I a way, when in an outfit, don't we think that in some situation, someone would care what we chose & put together, to say "that looks great"?

But yes, home is always safe, place to try & a place to dream.

Anne

[Loretta Ann]

Beauty,

Often when SOs read here they read statements like the one you made above and often mis-read it as somewhat hostile towards women. In other words it could be read as, "Women who use make up are only wearing masks."

Hi Sweetie, It is my experience that those who think negatively, will do that without any encouragement from me. Therefore those who wish to read more into what I wrote than is there are free to do that. I do not feel responsible for them doing that.
However having said that it is one of the reasons my posts are usually short and to to the point. I don't like to leave a lot of room for that kind of thing.

What I do with what, I choose to read into what others write is my responsibility to myself. It can control my thoughts and feelings, or I can choose to let it go. The only way that I have found that I can be free from that influence is to take the position that I am free to be who I am. And that needs to include that in order to be secure with being who I am I need to get to a place where my security is not dependent on what others think, write, say or do.

I see being offended by what others say as a control issue. IE, needing to control others, the world, etcetera so that I can be happy. Quite frankly I don't have a long enough time left on this earth to accomplish that. So I have searched for and found other ways to enjoy life while I am here.

As for your particular question:

What do you mean when you say makeup is a mask and makeup has nothing to do with being a woman?

I simply mean One was ether born male or female and from there assume the role of man or woman, every thing else that comes along with that particular package are add ons. And it is mankind that has decided who will add on to what.

As for what make up does for you personally? I thought I covered that with my statement that: Other than perhaps in ones mind it does nothing to make one feel like a woman, and therefore is not necessary at home.

Make up is a lot like paint it covers up it hides, and it preserves. I suppose one could rightly call that enhancement.

I hope this addresses any issue you might have with my post. And hon, when I yell I will use capital letters which I very rarely have a need to do. If it is not a life or death issue it is not worth the effort.

Love Darlene.

[Merinda]

excellent thread Lorna ,

It is an unwritten rule that everytime you go out to a social gathering that you wear something different each time , this becomes expensive and can be a last minute headache trying to find suitable clothing in a hurry.

If I dress at home I can mix & match and not bother using make up unless I'm doing photo's.

[Jadeanne]

Hi all,

I dress only at home and I'm satisfied at this level.

The only physical change I have made was to remove my beard and moustache almost 2 1/2 years ago.

I like trying lots of kinds of femme clothing, and lean toward 50s/60s retro, old fashioned formal, and some other fantasy things that are not oriented toward wearing in public.

I might wear a femme outfit this Halloween and hand out treats at home.

I might consider attending a large CD multiday gathering far from home.

This is my personal view.

Jadeanne

[Connie]

I agree with you Lorna that dressing just to stay in is great! I tend to come home from work and almost immediately change from pants/shirt into something more femme, such as skirt and top or blouse, rarely do I put on jeans ( yech!)

Going out takes some planning to try to "fit-in" Actually, I think it took me a half hour to find something to wear to the grocery store. Of course it's more of my lack of wardrobe than anything else.

When staying in I can wear as short a skirt as I own or a formal gown if I so choose.

Connie.

[Cathy L. Anderson]

Dressing at home as opposed to dressing to go out does in fact have its advantages...What are some of your thoughts on this? Let's discuss!

Like Dorothy eventually realized, "there's no place like home!"

Cathy

[Daniel]

This is why I'm staying private. I mainly like to wear stuff that would be considered slutty if not indecent. Often, I'm in lingerie! I especially like to be partly clothed.