Dressing at home: However...

[Estefania]

Yes, I certainly agree on how dressing at home has a lot of advantages. Most have been mentioned in several earlier threads.

However, there is one thing that can happen to those who may have already started going out, even for a few times or who have been going out for years...

Dressing to stay home may lose most if not all of the appeal. True, not for everybody. For some wearing the clothes will always be thrilling and appealing. Or they will be needed in order to 'feel' a different persona. (or maybe even to be able to feel who they really are) To each, her own. It will all depend on our personal goals and motivations to CD.

Any thoughts on this?

Anyway, enjoy it.

Gaby

[Claire D]

I always dress at home. And I do not beleive that I will ever go out in public. For me dressing in the privicy of my home. The only one I have to please is myself. My SO is accepting and supportive of me being Claire. And that is the way I prefer it to be. I need to feel the feminine side of me and enjoy it. It is not just the clothing that makes the girl. But the way I feel inside when I am dressed. And now my So understands this and all is good.

Hugs and Kisses, Claire

[Danielle La Belle]

One of the things that a visitor from another planet may notice is that humans, when out and about, look at each other all the time. Humans constantly compare themselves with others to verify both their existence and the manner in which they fit into society.

We have seen other mammals do the same thing only it is usually through scent that they perform this verification process.

It is hard-wired into us as are many other traits through our DNA and then those that are strictly pre-programmed by virtue of being human.

Because of this, dressing at home can be lonely I think. At the same time, I have made it into a comfortable process where I get to experiement with light and shadow in my photgraphy hobby. But, still, it by unto itself is a somewhat lonely behavior for most social people.

There are of course those that prefer their own company and never marry for example. They live alone and seem to prefer it that way. They are not antisocial, just typically more withdrawn and internal than others that you meet. Perhaps they are not wired as the social majority. Just another difference in the spectrum of humanity.

My sister-in-law is the party personality. Always fashionably late to a party to get noticed. If not, she would move on to another party to find someone that would make over her being present. Some have this need to be recognized by others socially. Just as when we were teenagers, it is nice to walk into a room with people from our own "click," that welcome us and make us feel comfortable.

TG groups can be boring or they can be a good mixer if everyone tends to the social needs of others around them. It is when the majority are self-centered, or only communicate with those in their "click" that such a get-together proves to be less desireable.

Hugs

Danielle Marie LaBelle, Ph.D.

[Loretta Ann]

However, there is one thing that can happen to those who may have already started going out, even for a few times or who have been going out for years... Dressing to stay home may lose most if not all of the appeal.

Thank for that Danielle. I don't want that ever to happen.

Love Darlene.

[Wendy]

Dressing to stay home may lose most if not all of the appeal.

I agree with that to a certain extent.

For myself, the appeal of CDing doesn't seem to dwindle, and I have yet to set foot out in public fully dressed. I do 99.9% of my CDing in the privacy of my own home.

That being said, I do find myself being 'bored' from time to time of my clothing collection. I find I constantly have this urge to purchase new clothing to keep up the excitement of my fem side. So from that point of view, I would say that it does lose some of its appeal.

[Genifer Teal]

Dressing is different for me. I have never dressed at home. By this I mean that if I am staying home, then there is no reason for me to dress. I do try on outfits to decide what to wear next, but I don't leave them on. Sometimes I'll break in a new pair of shoes. That is all. If I get dressed it is to go out.

When I go out dressed, I love the attention I get. Life in drab is boring. Nobody notices me. I'm just average. When Genifer enters a room, I get noticed. Much of the attention I get is positive. People come and talk to me. The clothes and makeup are fun, but for me the greater fun is showing it off.

Hugs - Genifer

[Cindy Barnes]

Gaby,
Its interesting you ask about this.. I seem to be in some sort of cycle myself.
It was not that long ago I first got out and made all kinds of new friends, 3 years in September I think.
At first I was on top of the world, going out once a month or so to different events. Planning what to take, buying new outfits for a trip , it was just all so exciting !
I basicly lost the desire to dress at home other than stuff I call normal while in drab.. may have gone 6 months without breaking out my makeup bag and getting fixed up while home. It just seemed anticlimatic ??
Now its hard to believe I havnt been out since last July I think, even had to miss SCC unexpectedly !
No real reason for the lapse, we have Southern Bell events several times a month here in Atlanta, but I just have not made the effort to get to any of them.
I guess my point is that for some reason now I have been happy dressing at home and just being domestic. Still buying clothes all the time too :-) It helps that I can dress how I like most weekends as its just my wife and I here.
We are planning a girls night out in Tennessee at the end of the month hopefuly, so not given up on going out, but I dont think that original excitement will be there..
Hope thats not too confusing *S*
Cindy

[Beauty]

Hi Gaby,

Great point!

Yes. Once I'd gone out a number of times. I'd driven from Mass to VA dressed, gone out to support meetings dressed, and even gone out on Halloween dressed, dressing at home was not as much fun at all. I was overdressing for the occasion. God please bless our wives through this phase. The patience they must show and understanding is just amazing. I'd get dressed up really nice and then just do about nothing.

When I dress now I don't get dressed up (heels, hose, makeup to the nines, perfume) ever. If I do I feel like my home becomes a cell. Before I never felt that way, but after I got out into the real world dressing at home became very, "ho hum". When I dress at home now, I dress the same way any gal who comes home and unwinds would dress. I do take a shower and put on very light makeup. I apply a bit of foundation (no facial hair helps there), hardly ever do I apply any eyeliner, I use a little facial powder (love the smell), and maybe I'll do eyeshadow (not heavy eye shadow), no mascara, no lip liner, and I apply it with a lipstick brush. The lipstick usually goes away like almost immediately. I don't ever re-apply the makeup. That's it for the night. I put on something comfy and hair. I love poofy socks! Then I just hang out.

I can tell you it's not thrilling really, but it just feels good to be me.

Great thread Gaby!

Beauty

[Jabbela]

Thanks Beauty for pointing me to this thread.

I am cding in closet almost all the time. Maybe more out in the future.
But as I am switching to male mode almost every evening, there might also be a decline - but not for the pleasure of being en-femme. As I dress for comfort, I also do so en-femme, so I wear casuals and mostly do not even apply make-up. So the decline is, that I do not dress-up for the opera (for example) and then stay at home - as women would also not do.

[Cathy L. Anderson]

Dressing to stay home may lose most if not all of the appeal.

Underneath this, potentially escaping attention, is an important question: Why is loss of appeal a problem?

Does this imply that dressing has become an indispensible means of giving meaning and enjoyment to life?

Perhaps if dressing loses some of its appeal, one will discover other and better ways to obtain meaning and enjoyment.

Cathy

[Estefania]

Hi Cathy.

Ah, but I really didn't say that it was a problem! It is just the way it happened to me, and well... that's ok.

True, at times I think that it would be nice if I could get the same thrill/joy, whatever you call it, that I used to get just by dressing at home for an hour or whatever available time. But that's just not the case anymore.

However, the wonderful upside of it, is that it has allowed me to focus my energy in better things. Call it some sort of liberation... Not having to be there waiting until everybody leaves the house so I can have my "fix", etc. Also, it certainly makes my life a lot easier, with my wife not being accepting of my cding.

Beauty, I'm glad that you, Cindy, Genifer and others can relate to the feeling of "ho hum" you mentioned. ~ Specially you, Genifer. Your feelings are somehow close to mine in that regard.

It may be that my cding got to a socializing stage, in which being accepted by the world either as a woman (in a good day) or "just" as a guy in a dress became more the goal and the dressing in itself became more the mean to get there. No socializing... no "need" to dress. Who knows?

Gaby

[Genifer Teal]

Genifer and others can relate to the feeling of "ho hum" you mentioned.

Gabbi, you are right. I just want to be clear that dressing at home never had an appeal for me. It did not have a chance to diminish after I'd been out.

Hugs - Genifer

[Lorna]

Hello ladies,

Now if I were to choose between going out versus staying in - I go out!! However some of us don't always have that choice and have the make the best of our situation.

Basically, time is a factor in terms of whether to go out or stay in. Dressing to go out requires much more time than dressing at home, and therein lies the problem with those of us who are tied down with other obligations. (work, family, etc)

For example I work weekends, and going out on a Friday or Saturday night is simply NOT an option when I have to be at work early Saturday or Sunday morning.

I'll get one day off during the week, which is often used up running personal errands; hence I won't have the time required to dress fully and then go out. So I'll opt to stay in for the evening, dress at home, and make the best of my situation. So for me, dressing at home beats not dressing at all. Besides, there's very little to do on a Monday night when you're stuck with say, a Tuesday off, and all your friends are working.

[Anne]

Editor's note: All people are different - generalizations to any individual don't apply (standard stats warning for people )

It appears to be a curve. Like this


NOW - you can assign CD traits to any stage - Goiung For It may be clubbing. It might be that flash point with the spouse at home.

And the length of each phase may vary

Food for thought, Anne

PS One of the scariest things in my life was hearing this joke: "What is the difference between a CD and a TS? 6 months" While off base in some ways, time is irrelevant, you think about how many CDs must not only face the idea of CDing to a Happy Level - they have to work out if the Happy Level actually means going TS which means the "Going For It" level is really SRS.....................................

[Anita]

I like this thread, Gaby.

I went through CD "evolution" in a rush, since I had never owned any clothes of my own until I made the decision to go out. So I bought the clothes in one week, and went out the next. For the first few months, I did dress at home as well as "out," because it was all new to me and I was getting used to it. I was thrilled to meet this new woman; it was amazing to me, to see a transformation that I had never dreamed was possible.

I was going out a lot in that first year, since I had a drag act that was thriving at the time. I got to "know" my female self really well, because I watched how she related to other people. The novelty of it began to wear off. I've compared it to any new relationship. The infatuation drops off, and a new, more steady kind of life begins.

My home dressing dropped off to almost nothing. I don't find female clothing more comfortable--even women seem more comfortable in jeans and a t-shirt, and wearing a "female" version of these didn't do anything for me. I know that for some of us, the female version of these clothes does have an appeal. I just feel like a guy in unisex clothes, so there's not much point in having them around.

I also can't concentrate as well in female mode, if I'm home alone. If I have a specific task that's related to my dressing, like getting ready to play out, then I'm focused. But doing a bank statement while dressed? It just doesn't work very well for me.

Bottom line is that other people reinforce my femme self much better than I do, and so I tend to want to take "her" out where she will have an impact, both on me, and on others. I'm like Gennifer in that way, if I understand her correctly.

Yet in male mode I don't need other people to reflect back at me at all. I can play guitar by myself for hours, and enjoy it very much, while I know other guitarists who only want to play with other people. So it's a curious thing to watch.

One other note: I do bring some of Anita's traits into my male life; higher voice, more gestures, and so on. So whether I dress or not, she's "there." In this way, my transsexual tendencies are coming out. But it's kind of funny that I don't care to reinforce this by dressing at home.