Just drifting back in after a long time away...

[Allena]

I wasn't here much before, but I want to come back.

I originally posted as Allena, then Allen. I'll stay Allen for a while until some new name comes to me that sounds/feels right.

It's been interesting for me to read my old posts, and then to read some of the posts of others since I left.

I've only read a few, relatively speaking, but the recent ones by Shannon trouble me.
I'm so sorry to any of the couples/individuals going through another cycle of pain.
Wish I could help.

To all of you who I sold/gave my fem materials to when I left...
I WANT IT ALL BAAACK!!

Just kidding

I promise to NEVER purge again...unless I'm getting a new wardrobe.

I thought I had myself convinced that my crossdressing was ACTUALLY only about my love of skirts! Sound familiar to anyone?

My daughter and wife got me a Utilikilt for Father's Day and we were one big happy family (We still are pretty much, but my wife really wanted my crossdressing to be over and the skirt thing to be on the passing side also).

Basically, I wound up having long periods between dressing up.
I really DO like skirts! And I've made myself a couple.
I also purchased a couple, 'just because they don't really make men's skirts yet!'.

What a farce!

So, here I am back with a small but growing wardrobe.
I'm more confident about this whole issue though.
I've been to several stores shopping and not been terrified in the process.
I'm seeing another counselor (female) to help with the 'baggage' the lady who diagnosed me with Adult ADD (second time in my life) said I had to get rid of.
It's SO much easier to purge the closet though...

I sat down with my wife and had a good discussion about things, among which was the fact that I am now accepting that crossdressing is a part of me whether I ever understand it or not.
She is less shocked than the first time I told her a couple of years ago...has it REALLY been that long!?

I have not told our daughter yet, who is now 11y.o. (I re-read the old post about wanting to tell her when she was 10. Is Mr. Ridge still around?).

I'm slowly getting the skirt wearing out in public more. I only wear my Utilikilt around my hometown, but I wear my wrapskirt and others when I go to the neighboring towns.
This has been feeling really good.
If I can remain focused on this current movement of mine, I think I will finally see success in my life! Success with liking myself that is!

Which brings me back to Shannon.
I do not know Sharon or Shannon except for their posts here.
I doubt I will ever meet them/you (if either of you are reading this).
Both Shannon and Sharon have WAY more experience with the CD issue and marriage, but each marriage is as different as the individuals in them.

I truly hope you all can work things out in an amicable way. I know there are so many of the members here who feel they have established some kind of relationship with you two even if it's one of just being grateful that you both were kind enough people to give us a home here.

I don't know exactly where I'm going with this, I wasn't sure I would post anything like this upon my return.

Well...without rambling on too much more...I hope for the best for you both.

I'm glad to see Beauty, Kay(SO) and the others still posting here.
There have been times when I've wondered, "Can I dare hope that if I met these beautiful people face-to-face, that they would be just as wonderful as the people they are on my screen? ".
In my heart, I have to say that the answer to that question is a resounding...YES!

I'd like to thank every one of you...Shannon, Sharon, Beauty, Kay(SO), Curly, CJ, Amber(SO), and all the rest for helping me, back when I first came here.
Whether you know it or not, this place and you people kept my spirits high, brought me understanding about myself and others, and carried me through a very difficult period in my life, and my wife's life.
Although she has never visited this place, she did indeed benefit if only indirectly, from your words of encouragement, caring and truthfulness.

I'm not sure how active I'll be here, but I will be back to learn, share and grow as much as I can.

[Loretta Ann]

Hi Allen,

Welcome back. The Shannon Sharon stuff is getting a bit old here, but it nice of you to comment. You sound so much more open now than what I remember of you. I look forward to reading more from you as you are able to contribute.

Love Darlene.

[Beauty]

Good morning Allen,

I've got news for you. I'm pretty sure you are our official first openly purged and came back to us member. I hope you wear that as a badge of honor and not a badge of shame. There isn't anyway at all you should feel shame for loving yourself enough to try and make sure this wasn't some "thing" that you just do. I purged myself and more than once I might add. The only shame comes when you have to pay for the same outfit again. It's so important that people understand that calling it quits isn't all it's cracked up to be and posts like this and ones saying good bye are equal in their importance.

Your post about what you've been doing and the agreements you had with your wife were really refreshing. One of the biggest things we like to promote here is honesty with your spouse. Bravo to you for being honest and open with her. It takes a very brave and honorable person to be honest with their SO. It's one of the hardest things anyone will ever have to do as a married or committed CD'r. We know we have a behavior we don't understand and that isn't socially acceptable or the norm. I think you're brave and honorable because you were honest.

If you have a chance we have a person who stopped in for a bit to tell us what it was like to be a teenager who found out that her father was dressing. Unlike your situation this person never told her wife or children.

There are lots of wonderful people here to thank for who I am today. You can add yourself to that list. Everyone here makes me who I am. Even those who don't like me very much.

If Kay and I ever had the fortune of meeting you face to face, well I can pretty much assure you that a great personality like Kay's would be the exact same, but me? Oh.. I turn. I'm as evil as they get in person. Sorry, I had to have some fun. I'm kidding. I hope I would be the same person I am, but if your perception was, "What a jerk!" Then I'd know I've got more work to do on my public self.

I wish you the best and I'm very glad you came back!

Beauty

[DonnaT]

Allen.

Looking forward to getting to know you. Good to hear that your self acceptance is improving

If you are going to tell your daughter, the sooner the better. When she gets to her teen years, if she's anything like other teenage girls, she'll finder it harder to accept.

I wanted to tell my daughter, but my wife wouldn't let me, so I've deferred to her for the time being. If I was worried about her finding out on her own, then I'd tell her now. I have told my son, but he already knew from the info on my computer. He lives at home but she doesn't.

[Allena]

Thanks for the welcome.

Darlene, I won't belabor the issue anymore. Thanks for the heads-up!

Beauty, aside from being very prolific, you are a true shining star around here. Sorry, you don't qualify for the "Jerk" award this time.

I did see the posts from the lady who found out about her father's CDing after she got older. I remember her coming here to ask questions and she got some really good answers.

I'm not sure this is the same person you mentioned. If not, I'll search for the one you're thinking of.

btw, like many here, I've purged on what seems to be an annual basis throughout my life. The recent one through the sale board here was at least productive in that I was able to pass on some good items to someone who I'm sure put them to good use.

DonnaT, I believe I read a post by you concerning telling your kid.
I have decided to wait until my daughter is well past her tumultuous teen years. We continue to have very open and frank discusions in our home about a myriad of topics. I hope this will allow me to ease the issue of my crossdressing into our family life without upsetting our daughter too much when it happens.

Take care everyone.
I'll be back!

[Anita]

Nice to see you again, Allen! I remember that you were interested in my grocery shopping post, and we traded some replies there.

I wrote on the thread about telling your daughter, I'm sure. That is one aspect of crossdressing that I have not made peace with. I hope that you can find a good solution for yourself, on that issue.

[CJ]

Hi all,

Hey Allen! Welcome back! It's good to see alumni pop in once in a while. By the way, Beauty, I think the honour of a "post-purge return" goes to Ms. Kyra... not trying to steal your thunder, here, Allen! I'm just glad that you appear to be coming to terms with the beauty and mystery of your own self.

Regardless of how often (or seldom) you post, I'll be looking forward to reading what you write. I always thought of you as a creative person--your book exchange idea was great, even though it didn't really fly (::whispering:: I think we're dealing with a bunch of TV addicts here, Allen ). Anyway, catch you soon.

Love,
CJ