Crossdressers-Haven.com

I know it was my own fault. I came off of a week vacation and decided not to remove the fake nails. Well, someone noticed them or I think actually thought it was nail-polish. I was asked into my boss’s office and she rather quickly asked “Are you a cross-dresser?” I pretty much immediately affirmed that I was. We talked a little and she just warned me that since many people we deal with have problems with this sort of thing, I should not be blatant about it. She even said, “I don’t need to know what you wear underneath.” Nothing more has been said since. I think I stopped wearing pantyhose for about a week after that and have stopped wearing a bra to work.

Background on above:
I work in the office of a church (the one I attend). My boss is my Pastor, a clergy person. This is a main-line protestant denomination church. I am sure the clergy in this denomination have had training in working with gay persons and probably transgendered.

I have worked as the only full-time lay-employee. There is also a part-timer who does the books and part-time cleaning person. The pastor has praised my work often, in public, since I started working there. The job title is commonly given as “ Church Secretary” however my title is given as “Office Administrator”. This job is usually occupied by women but I understand that there are a few men in the job locally.

An opportunity missed?
My mom passed away last month (after the event described above) and so with all the funeral business, viewings at the funeral home, and funeral, I needed to dress a bit more formally than usual. My work attire is “dress” pants and usually golf or polo type shirt. I put on a button-down dress shirt (men’s) for worship. So I pulled out a sport coat and tie for the funeral activities.

My co-worker and her husband came to one of our viewings (that is where the deceased is laid out with coffin lid open and people can come and “pay their respects”. At one point she commented on how nice I looked dressed more formally and then said, “maybe we should have a dress-up day each week”, meaning like some offices have dress down day but since her normal attire is jeans, it would have to be the opposite. Then she thought for a minute about what that would mean she would have to wear and she quickly backed out of that. Later I thought maybe I should offer to switch clothing-types with her (meaning I would wear the dress and heels and she could wear the suit.

A Rant
One day my co-worker wore what could easily pass for men’s wear. Button down the front shirt, on the left of course, pants/trousers/slack that weren’t much different from men’s. All I could think of was “who’s the one cross-dressing?”
Also, there is a woman in church who often dresses in pant-suits, her hair is curly and short. Some days I’ve thought I should get a suit just like hers and wear it. I could probably do it even by shopping in a menswear store.
End of rant

Thanks anyone for listening.

Connie

Sorry to hear about your mother Connie, my condolences.

I was asked into my boss’s office and she rather quickly asked “Are you a cross-dresser?” I pretty much immediately affirmed that I was.

Good for you, being honest about it instead of denying it.

Hi Connie,

Like Donna please accept my condolences for the loss of your mom.

I do want to say it was great that you were honest!!!

Be careful and be the great person you've been and things will be ok. I'm very proud of you for the way you handled yourself!

Beauty

The order of the words makes all the difference in the world, Connie: men can wear only men's clothing; only women can wear women's clothing. Let's hope the matter is as settled as it sounds.

Yours,
Celia

Thank you all for the condolences. It was a bit of a surprise for us. Mom was in a nursing home with Alzheimer's. She passed due to pneumonia.

I've been apprehensive every time Pastor has asked me into her office the last few months just expecting THE question. Actually, I don't expect repercussions as clergy don't often go around telling things about their congregation members.

Several months ago I was wearing bras regularly. Since my shirts are rather loose, I didn't expect too many people to notice the straps. Well I wore one on the day we had choir rehearsal. The choir director was a substitute (he worked for us a few years ago) and I didn't consider the fact that often as part of our warm-up he would have us give each other a back rub. So, I know that two people must have felt my bra.

Actually, I suspect that the person who gave me up was the Assistant Pastor. He had invited me out to lunch (last minute) earlier that week and so we sat across a pizzeria table with me having artificial nails on my hands.

Again, thanks everyone!

Connie

Hi Connie,

Please accept my deepest sympathy on the loss of your mother. Mothers are special people and can never ever be replaced, I miss mine terribly.

I was having a conversation recently with some people and the crux of it was that most of us grew up in an era where womens mode of dress was in the main dresses and skirts, and even though I do frequently wear pant suits and slacks my main concentration is wearing skirts.
We were talking hypothetically about what may happen some time in the future with M/F Cd's if the trend of the last 20/30 years continues to gather pace where women tend more and more wearing to pants in the work place, socially and domestically. I'm not suggesting in any way that this lessens their femininity as I know many women who I can't remember the last time I saw them in a skirt or dress, but they still maintain all their femininity and look lovely.

If some time in the future in the Western world, it becomes the norm for it to be somewhat of a rarity for women to wear dresses and skirts, will young CD's and TG people get the same satisfaction, thrill and fulfillment from wearing womens pants and shirts as most of us do with the skirts and dresses. The contrast between mens and womens clothing would not be as dramatic if fashions were to mainly concentrate on women in pants moreso than how it is today, so also, would there be any liklihood that it would become more acceptable to the community that men then wore womens pants, than it is today with men wearing dresses?.

I wish you well and would just like to add that from what you've said you certainly handled yourself with all the honesty, dignity and aplomb anyone could wish for. Now that your boss is aware more of who you are, if given time things may work in your favour. Who we are and what we do can be quite a sensitive issue in the workplace and sometimes others need time to adjust their thinking and come to terms with seeing us in a different light to what they're used to, but if the matter is handled with subtlety over time, you may well find times where you can bring up the subject with her and talk more about it so eventually you can have more freedom with how you dress. If you're able to get her to discuss any other issues she has with it compromises can often be found which will work in your favour. It can be quite a delicate situation as you're well aware of, but often people just need time and patience to come to terms with something new. I was thinking that if she used the term 'crossdresser' to you then she's well aware of it's existence and has probably come in contact with CD's previously, but if she knows you well and has suddenly become aware of that side of you, then as experienced as she is with the intricacies of human nature and personalities, she'll need time to come to terms with you.

Kind Regards,

Sally.

Thanks Sally,

I think that by this time in her carreer, my boss/pastor has been exposed to a few persons with an alternative lifestyle. I think I am currently at the edge of comfort (for others) as far as my dressing in public. I could wear earrings in the office but think that may be too much for some. The pastor already knows, if she realizes, that I have pierced ears as she commented on crosses in my lobes around Easter. I was cleaning and she came though the area I was working in. At the time I also happened to be wearing breast forms.

The greatest concern for her and me are the other parishoners many of whom are quite concervative and oppinionated. Since I am essentially the "voice and face" of the church to many, being the first point of contact on the telephone and when they stop by the office, I do need to consider the reaction of others to how I look. No skirts or dresses with heels in the foreseeable future.

I have indirect evidence to the reaction that people around here would have by their reaction to our Assistant Pastor's wife, who, when they came a few years ago had a nose ring just recently put in.

Thanks for the comments. I'll just keep on as I have, womens panties, pantyhose, shoes, trousers (left-side zipper) and the occaisonal bra.

Connie