Hi all,
I'll admit that I hesitated before posting a topic that deals with religion; people are passionate about their spiritual beliefs and will go to great lengths to defend them, just as they do their political beliefs. I figured that the fine folks on this board respect and value each other's views enough for this not to stir up controversy and that we could explore this facet of our being in a spirit of community and self-understanding. I'm quite relieved to see that this seems to be the case. Thanks to all of you who posted.
Here's my own take on the matter. I always try to adopt a sympathetic stance regarding a person's spiritual and religious beliefs, meaning I try to see and understand those beliefs from the believer's own perspective (without necessarily sharing that same faith). It makes my own world much richer when I manage to see how people consider themselves linked to the realm of things spiritual--through their own eyes. This requires dialogue. Dialogue fosters understanding and growth. I'm glad you're willing to participate.
Although I don't belong to any particular church (or don't subscribe to the beliefs of any particular faith, for that matter), I do feel a spiritual kinship with the life around me, in the sense that I feel "connected" to the earth below me and the sky above me, as well as to the people, animals, and all the other living things of whose world I am a part. For many, this kind of connection
is religious. But not for me. That it
is so to others is fine by me, though. I respect that.
My crossdressing has been a powerful source of guilt and shame for most of my life. As I grew up, my sense of myself as a deviant "monster," as someone who was psychologically, emotionally, and spiritually deformed, was a tremendous weight to bear. Not because of anything written in the various holy scriptures of the world (although there are stipulations against CDing in some of them), nor because of any judiciary implications (although, again, there are, throughout the world, many laws against CDing). No, the load was heavy because of the way people, not words, affected me. I knew, from a
very young age, that what I did, you just don't do. It was an affront to my family, an affront to my culture, an affront to nature, an affront to God (the word "abomination" so much stayed in my mind when I was young that I kept seeing myself in the "abominable snowman" whenever I read tales about him--I was frightening to others, I couldn't believe it!). This perceived opprobrium coloured my sense of myself as a person worthy--or, rather, unworthy--of other people's respect and love. Or of God's love, for that matter. Hence my turning away from religion.
I've since softened up a bit, moving from atheism to an agnosticism coupled to a softcore regard for Buddhism's more philosophical and psychological elements. Traditional Western faiths are ethics-based (how should I live in the world?) whereas traditional Eastern faiths are more metaphysics-oriented (how is the world--myself included--made?). For myself, I think I need to consider a mixture of both (with, admittedly, a little bit of none at all).
I now see my sense of connection to life as a way of loving the divine unseen. St-Augustine once said, "Love God, and do what you will." I take this to mean: Have a regard for what matters to your soul, your spirit, your deepest self, and nothing you are or do will be in opposition to that. In my book, this includes the expression of my own gender variance. I'm not any less worthy of God's (or anyone else's) love for it.
The 19th-century Indian saint, Ramakrishna, is alleged to have said, "The winds of God's grace are always blowing; it is for us to raise our sails." I raise my sails by striving to be who I am. And I am moved.
Again, thanks to all for posting here (and for putting up with this rather "windy" post
). Religious beliefs (along with politics and sexuality) are so close to our deepest concerns that we often find it difficult to talk about them. But I think we must, if we're to better learn who we, and those around us, truly are.
Peace,
Christina
