Crossdressers-Haven.com

I posted the following question in my Yahoo group. After thinking about it, I thought it might draw more replies here in the forum than it would in a specific group, so I'm repeating it here. If this is the wrong area of the forum to post this, the moderator(s) are free to move it to a more appropriate section.

We're all familiar with the problems that present themselves when a wife discovers, or is told, that her husband is a crossdresser. But I don't think I've ever heard of a case where a wife (or girlfriend if that's applicable) has tried to convince her non-crossdressing S.O. to crossdress.

So, as a possible topic for discussion, and to put a different "twist" into most crossdressing situations, is anyone aware of any cases where a wife WANTED her husband to crossdress, but he refused to do so? Or possibly he DID do so after a lot of coaxing?

If you're aware of any, it would be interesting to tell the group about it.

Dixie

I haven't heard of that although my daughters are forever wanting to do my nails and braid my hair, which I tend not to like or allow, especially my nails. WHen I was younger I had similar experiences with girlfriends, again especially about nails. And my wife likes me to wear her shirts which are will look unisex on me, which is fine. All this is just expression of affection and not real "crossdressing"

Andrea

It is something I've heard of and read about on varous online sites. Some of which may be fantasy postings, but others I believe to be real.

I bet if you post the question at http://crossdressers.com/forums you'll get a few CDs telling you they started this way.

That would be an interesting relationship to say the least. I have to admit I have never heard of it. I would have to think that if that happened to a male without our CD - gene, it could toll the end of that relationship.
Virginia

Hi Dixie,

Your placement of this topic was impeccable.

Recently, I read a post about that. I can't remember where, but I mean it was very recent. The guy was into wild stuff, but he got out of the relationship when she asked him to dress up as a girl. I read it on a non TG'd board. Darn it. I'm going to toss and turn until I remember where I read that.

Until that moment I'd never heard of it though.

Beauty

I have read things about this happening before. I actually chatted with a cd that got started because a woman in her life wanted her to dress up for sex and the cd found that she liked it so much that she continued it after they broke up. I don't really remember all the details but I found it to be interesting that something like that would happen because a person wanted to or was willing to explore different avenues for sex. Though I can't personally imagine such a thing but then I guess I am just a little to prissy for that.

anna

I don't personally know of any women who asked their sweeties to dress up for real, but I'm certain it does happen. Turn-ons are turn-ons, ya know...

I do know that when we were all about 17 or 18, a bunch of us gg's did up our boyfriends in makeup and curled hair. The guys, being red-blooded American male teenagers with girls paying attention to them, sat gamely through it. I think that's really fairly common, actually.

Why would we do that? I don't know about the rest of them, but I was just getting a grip on the differences between male and female and I wondered what effect makeup and curls would make on a person - kind of checking to see if it was the blush and the lipstick that made me look like a woman, or if there was something inherently different in girl faces and boy faces.

Who knows if any of those guys went on to dress for themselves. My guy didn't, I don't think. We were married for 15 years and although I could be wrong, I have no indication that he did anything but sit gamely through that one afternoon.

-g(so)

Georgia(SO) wrote:I don't personally know of any women who asked their sweeties to dress up for real, but I'm certain it does happen...
Why would we do that? I don't know about the rest of them, but I was just getting a grip on the differences between male and female...

A very inisghtful observation--thanks for sharing!

I wonder if this isn't one of the reasons men/boys experiment with CDing--i.e., to get a grip on the differences between male and female.

Cathy

I don't know if this is the right thread for this but, at the "Pride" party that I recently attended, I met a young lady who was post-op T/G and had "evidently" decided to become a lesbian!!! I am trying to work out some way to contact her and sit down with her and see if she will talk to me! I am just sooooooooooo curious about how that came about!!!! If in fact it is a "male" thing, she must really hate men!! Most T/G's hate being a man and that is why they seek the transistion, but to transistion then to become or choose to be or perhaps, just perhaps "remain" a lesbian. That's one to really reflect on!!
Virginia

Gosh, I must not post enough on here or maybe you all think I am full of ___.


Okay so long post. I will share this with you all on here this time and then I will probably never tak about it again, because this is such a huge and personal thing to me....

Okay, first time I realized that I could possibly see a guy I like dress up as a girl came freely. One of my first boyfriends Jessie had a part in a school play and for the last scene he had to dress as a girl. Dont ask me the name of the play, my mind and energy were completely focused on how can I talk him into staying dressed this way! As soon as it ended I rushed backstage and tried despertly to see if he would stay 'in costume' for the after party. He was not going to do it and then in a total twist asked me if I was into girls. Needless to say I was angry and worried he might tell someone or just dump me. I insisted I was just trying to have fun and that was the last ever spoken about the incident. He actually wound up moving middle of the school year (we were in 10h grade) and I was heartbroken for a while. (on a totally different side note, I tracked him down like 10 yrs ago becase I was single again and well he was very special. I found out he was gay and had a long term boyfriend and he apologized about being such a difficult boyfriend. which consdiering his hidden feelings I can understand.)

Anyway.... Same school year, .. New boyfriend John W. He was really odd and I thought we would date a while as he seemed to really like me. He was going away for a week for the spring break. I was more worried he would cheat on me and I wanted to make sure I gave him something to remember me by. I gave him a pair of my panties and a fav. t-shirt. he promised to wear both items at bedtime which I found very exciting! When he came back for the first day of school and we finally had a few moments alone we went into the washrooms the tennis teams used (so they were genearlly vacant) and he showed me he was wearing my panties. I was beyond happy and actually quized him on how he liked them and would he consider wearing others of mine. He seemed open to this but of course this realtionship was doomed. A few days later a girl at school (an easy one!)confessed to me she had kissed him at the beach on spring break and she wanted to know how serious I was because she wanted to date him. Of course we broke up and I never got to pursue any other clothing options with him.

Okay this is the sad one...Next school yr I started dating this guy Shad. He was my true first love The way we felt about each other was something I can barely even describe in mere words. well i'll get straight to the cd angle. The last day of school before we get out for spring break he and I were at my house. My mom and dad were not home and really I used to go home alot for lunch as we lived really close to school so it was not a big deal for me to do this. It started innocent enough, he was a bit jealous about (in his words) me looking too sexy that day. I had on this lame mock turtleneck thing and green shorts. He said he wanted me to wear something less sexy when we went back to school. So I asked him to pick something out of my closet and out of no where I said I would wear what ever he picked on one condition that I see him wear it first. So he choose this black top I had that had roses on it and black shorts. And even funnier he actually wanted to see me in his clothes, not much exciting there just a sufer logo tshirt and blue jean shorts as well. Well he stayed in my bedroom and put on my stuff and I put his on in the hall way. I remember we opened the door when we were clothed again and seeing him wear my stuff just seemed to rush everything in my head. All my wants. we made out like mad on my bed and I totally remember asking him if he liked what we did and he said yes and then I asked if maybe we could do this again but more. And he said he would like that and well that is the end. Because the next day he died. I don't want to go into the details of that as it was one of the hardest things I have ever gone through.

Needless to say becuase I was so catholic at the time I was sure that him dying was my fault and god had punished me for being this deviant person who liked what I like.

I could tell about 20 other good expereinces of me trying to get the person I was with into girls clothes but I don't know if anyone even wants to hear about that....

okay.. well
hugs
kathy in canada

Kathy I am sorry about your friend dying.

To me the idea of a grilfriend or wife wanting me to wear her panties as a sign of affection and loyalty while she is away sounds really sweet. I would do it in a second unless........

Unless I thought she was doing this out of fear, out of a way of blackmailing me into loyalty (if he is wearing my panties he will be too embarrassed to get undressed with someone else) To me possessiveness is an incredible turn off. But someone saying wear them, feel nice and think of me when you feel nice is just very touching.

Here is another thing that happened once. An old girlfriend gave my wife some sexy lingerie. It came up that if she wore them while we made love was I also in some way being intimate with the ex at the same time? In our case we didn't really care and we would give her reports on how my wife had enjoyed them. But that is just us.

Andrea

Hi Kathy,

I know you're older now and don't blame yourself, but I am sorry you ever thought that and had to endure such a heartbreak. The moment you gave your friend was probably one of the best moments of his life. He was blessed to have a day like that before he went back home.

I think you're the best kind of people in our world. You're the kind of person who accepts people for who they are and you are open about what you like and don't like. You encourage others who are not comfy with themselves to break out of their shell and you even offer to help them in real life. You are very rare and incredibly special. I can try to say this many ways, but here's my best shot. I value your advice, wisdom, candor and honesty. You are a marvel and muse to many of us and I'm so happy that you found the true love of your life with your hubby and family. You deserve only the best.

Beauty

Hi Andrea,

Thanks for your kind thoughts. I know that although it was a very long time ago, there will always be a place in my heart for him and our short realtionship and just overall the love he had for me and the love I had for him.

Now about that nasty word blackmail ....it is so odd because in all my time wanting to see my boyfriends dressed up in my clothes the last thing on my mind was blackmail. It is funny I distincly remember being more worried that when we broke up they would say what a wacko "I" was for wanting to do that. The first time I was point blankly asked was when I was in my 20's and had stared to date cd's. It was only then that guys actually starting questioning my 'motive'.

You have to understand I did not know really what a 'crossdresser' was till I was roughly 22 yrs old. Up until then I knew that the only reasons guys dressed as girls was for drag (gay guys), transexuals, and I knew that on the rare occasion that straight guys did dress as girls it was for entertainment...the idea of personal enjoyment...did not even seem tangible. A hetrosexual guy dressing as a girl because he wanted to or liked to was not even something I dare dreamed exsisted. I literally thought back then the only way I will ever see a guy dressed in girl clothes that is to ask. You would have knocked me over with a feather if you had told me in high school that there was actually straight guys who did this.

So, every time in my life that I had tried to get a guy to dress up for me was literally for my own pleasure. The concept of blackmail or spite or embarassment or anything like that was not even something that ever crossed my mind.

I did learn one valuable lesson that almost every guy who I asked was never into it, never enjoyed it, usually would make fun of me for wanting it, and try to actually use it as a way to get things they wanted from me by doing it(cd) for me. That is when I pretty much completely stopped dating non-crossdressing guys. Feeling like a pervert, having my sexuality questioned, and basically always begging and pleading were not the way I wanted to spend my next 50 yrs!

hugs
kathy in canada

Andrea wrote:Kathy I am sorry about your friend dying.

To me the idea of a grilfriend or wife wanting me to wear her panties as a sign of affection and loyalty while she is away sounds really sweet. I would do it in a second unless........

Unless I thought she was doing this out of fear, out of a way of blackmailing me into loyalty (if he is wearing my panties he will be too embarrassed to get undressed with someone else) To me possessiveness is an incredible turn off. But someone saying wear them, feel nice and think of me when you feel nice is just very touching.

Here is another thing that happened once. An old girlfriend gave my wife some sexy lingerie. It came up that if she wore them while we made love was I also in some way being intimate with the ex at the same time? In our case we didn't really care and we would give her reports on how my wife had enjoyed them. But that is just us.

Andrea

thanks beauty! yes you are correct, I did stop blaming myself and of course once I realized what I wanted and what all this meant it was a HUGE burden off my shoulders. But I did carry alot of unpleasant feelings about what me and him did and the outcome for about 5 yrs. So much so that (like many will recognize) when I married my first husband I never even told him about what I wanted. I feared unleashing God's anger again and literally tried my damnest to not watch any movies with these themes even sold off or gave away all my *gorgeous* posters of guys in bands in make up just so I would not be reminded of it. I had the most amazing posters of Robert Smith (of the Cure) and the guys in Depeche Mode, and one of Adam Ant which I wish I still had!

Finding the net and actually educating myself about all this was truly for me a blessing and hope and basically a release from all that negative stuff I had pinned on myself.

It is really odd though that when on the few occasions I have actually shared all this with others, my story, alot of people literally think I am full of crap! To be honest I wish it was a tall tale, because I wish I had never had to go through all those bad times. Those less than happy memories have made me who I am but I wish there could have been a better way to get from there to here!

BUT...that was then and now life is truly a dream come true.

hugs
kathy in canada

Beauty wrote:Hi Kathy,

I know you're older now and don't blame yourself, but I am sorry you ever thought that and had to endure such a heartbreak. The moment you gave your friend was probably one of the best moments of his life. He was blessed to have a day like that before he went back home.

I think you're the best kind of people in our world. You're the kind of person who accepts people for who they are and you are open about what you like and don't like. You encourage others who are not comfy with themselves to break out of their shell and you even offer to help them in real life. You are very rare and incredibly special. I can try to say this many ways, but here's my best shot. I value your advice, wisdom, candor and honesty. You are a marvel and muse to many of us and I'm so happy that you found the true love of your life with your hubby and family. You deserve only the best.

Beauty

Now that is an interesting turn-guys trying to blackmail their girlfriend about the guy crossdressing. I guess it goes to show that the right combination of arrogance combined with the blackmailer percieving the right amount of self doubt in the target are the key ingredients rather than the action itself.
I had a couple of girlfriends who were insanely insecure and jealous. So that is where I was coming from with the blackmail thing. My wife now, as you can see from my last post, is very different, which is why I married her and not them, among many other reasons.

Thanks for all you siad on this topic.

Andrea