Crossdressers-Haven.com

I think my family is catching on to my CrossDressing, last week my mom found my pair of high heel shoes in my room, i did not say anything when she questioned me about it i my family came to the conclusion that they were there when we moved in (we just moved into a Holiday home caravan)and my dad almost caught me sneaking a denim skirk into my room .

In our old place my brother found me wearing my moms bra and pants in the bathroom when i was twelve, plus my mom saw me wearing tights a few days ago.

I have a variaty of mixed feelings right now, part of me is scared that they might find out about my CDing and hate me for it, but another feeling is that if they find out they might except it and i'll be able to wear my girl clothes more often.

I do want to tell my family but i don't want them to hate me, i deside to tell my mom the truth the other day but i'm still wauiting for the right time because she's just come out of hospital (she needed an operation) so i don't want to make her too stressed.

I love my family and they love me but will they like Darla, that is the ultimae question but i fear i will never have the answer.

Hi Darla,

Most of us in your experience usually, except those who love to write fantasy stories, when in your situation have had negative outcomes. It was so negative that we actually believed we were wrong to even think of CD'ing and we left the CD'ing world behind.

You may decide if your parents come down on you really hard to do the same thing. You may weigh the love of your family and wearing certain articles of clothing and decide dressing isn't worth it. It's ok if that's your decision. If you do decide to put things away for a bit and even break off from the forum please never get down on who you are. You are a wonderful and beautiful person on the inside. If your parents don't see it now, they may soon.

Hetero non'cd'ing men usually aren't too cool with young children, teenagers, or adults who crossdress, but sometimes you can find them. It's just really rare. So if they get upset it's ok. You're going to scare them. You'll scare your father because he'll think of himself first and being ridiculed by his male friends, but soon after he'll think of your future. I'm sure he'll have the naive opinion that gay people in this world have a troubled life and never make anything of themselves. Even though you aren't gay I believe that's what he'll think. Your brother will mostly likely only think of himself if he's young too.

Your mom is your strongest hope here. She may be upset and like your dad she'll be thinking about your future. She may say mean things. My mom did, but has now accepted that one day I could be her daughter. So it's not hard to imagine that your mom could accept that instead of a shirt you wear a blouse. You'll have to be patient because you know more than them about who you are. I'm sure biblical damnation may also enter their minds too.

I'm giving you the worst case scenarios because if it's a beautiful thing then you have nothing to worry about. If I were young again and my parents found out the one thing I'd reinforce over and over was that I do like women and I'm not attracted to guys. I would have done that to combat the macho stuff with my parents so they'd focus on me wearing clothes only. It still would have taken time, but I still think it would have worked. So that's what I'd tell you to do. Men are generally such homophobes. So knocking that out of the way would be a critical path to them understanding who you are. Your mom would probably feel comfy knowing that too because I'm sure she has thought of your children to be and her grandchildren.

I just don't know what advice is right Darla. I'm afraid like you are. Not even close as afraid as you are, but I know first reactions are the wildest and most uncaring. It's hard to get through that first wave because it doesn't last a day. It could last months or ever a year. Your access to clothing and even the internet could be monitored or shut off. This is serious stuff, but if I were you, I'd still go though it. I say that only because of what I know now.

You'll be in my thoughts and prayers. We're all pulling for you and are hoping if not praying that everything works out for the best.

Beauty

Darla,
What Beauty said, it is great advise! We don't know your family, but if they (Mom and/or Dad) are open to discussing this, if you will relate this to us that they want to know more. we are sitting on a goldmine of information = internet! Studies from the greatest psychologist and psychiartrist , from Jung to Sarte. to Freud to modern day Catherine Anderson and others.
Let me quote from Satre interpretation: "We do not choose to be in this situation. But we can -and must- choose how to respond to it." "choose to respond with patience, a sense of humor, hope, and a determination to understand ourselves and the true desire." "It is to journey heroically on the path of self-discovery." "We must corageously confront our self-delusions, errors, and fears. Self-knowledge is not easy. It takes hard work. BUT, it is our absolute responsibility!"
Hang in there and we are here if we can help!
Virginia

Hi Darla..



There is never a good time to tell anyone, believe me i waited years and it got harder and harder as time went on. Unfortunatly untill you tell the individul's you will never know the reaction and then there is no way back if it goes bad, you can loose family, friends, family can split on the reaction.

But. there is the other side of it where the reaction is good, totally behind you, either way they still will love you.. even if it doesn't seem like it.

How and what are their convictions about other people?. Do they make snared remarks about race, gender, relegious belief's, you know your famiy's reactions.

There is a advert on the telly where them two blokes are dressed en femme, they are advertising a kitchen towel (can't remember the name of the product).. when you have been sitting watching that advert with your family.. how did they react?.

While i was reading your post and the replies, something popped into my head, i have no idea where it came from. Probably my s.o.h.
Go to your mum or dad and say "mum/dad i have something to tell you"... look realy serious.. then state "i'm not gay".. Sorry.. couldnt help myself but i bet it put a smile on your face

Pauline

Darla

There is every reason to believe they may be suspicious. In a close family, I don't think too much goes unnoticed. However, I do concur with the advice you have received here and that your Mom is likely your best ally should this become a big family issue.

If you can create some opportunities whereby just you and your Mom are alone so that she can casually ask/tell you if she has something on her mind. She might be more apt to do that if your Dad isn't around. I'm sure everything will be Ok in the long term but the short term may be another story. Maybe not, who knows? I hope not. But as Beauty said, the main thing is to not stop loving who you are. You have nothing to be ashamed of. Just be prepared to answer her (their) questions. Let us know how it goes. Good luck!

Stephanie

Hi Stephanie,

This post was kind of old. Darla came out to her mom and now her mom is starting to understand now. She was honest with her and it paid off in pretty big dividends.

Gracie

Hi girls,

I somehow missed this post but I just had to say something here.

Beauty,

That was one of the most awesome inspiring posts I have ever seen you write. You were honest and did not sugar coat what can and many times does happen. You were kind, compassionate, loving and gave some really sage advice. I wish I could have clarity of mind to think so practically when it is required. I tend to be more emotional in how I write, which is not always what is needed.

Well Done!!!!!!

Love always,
Elizabeth

Gracie/Beauty

As you might expect, I am still in the process of catching up on a mountain of reading. I've quickly realized there is no reason to respond to old posts but seeing as Darla only joined this forum a month ago, I didn't see that as necessarily 'old'. Sure, a lot can happen in three weeks but given that it takes some of us years to come out to someone close to us, thee weeks is no time at all. Glad to hear Darla is doing well though so thanks for the update.

Stephanie

Hi Stephanie,

I really do apologize if my post was rude or anything. It totally made sense why you responded. I just wanted to let you know that she had told her mom. You're doing fine and I really am sorry if my post read like I was being disrepectful.

Gracie

Thank you Gracie. No offence taken.

Stephanie